Friday, March 22, 2013

Sticky Situation

obama, obama jokes, israel, palestine, canada, secret service, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, beaver, maple syrup

Barack Hussein Obama kicked open the door for Mideast peace yesterday by sharing his insight that the relationship between Israelis and Palestinians is almost exactly the same as the relationship between Americans and Canadians.

Granted, the Canadians haven't sworn to wipe America off the face of the Earth, nor do they constantly barrage our cities with rockets and mortar rounds, or send suicide bombers to blow the hell out of innocents in public places. But other than that, those Canadians are really hateful bastards.

And yet, after centuries of bloodshed and warfare between our two nations, Barack Obama has finally managed to negotiate an uneasy peace with those snowbound, French-speaking assholes by recognizing their divine right to have their own nation-state separate from the United States, as well as the religious freedom to say "aboot" when the sons of bitches clearly mean "about."

And so too, according to the president, the Palestinians and Israelis can come to a meaningful peace by following our example and, perhaps, fielding hockey teams.

Or then again, maybe the Palestinians and Israelis can achieve a real peacemaking victory simply by finding just one thing that both sides can agree on.

We think "Barack Obama is a complete effing idiot" would be a really good start.

obama, obama jokes, israel, palestine, canada, secret service, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, beaver, maple syrup, napolitano, terrorists
So, you know, you should watch for anything that's like syrup-titious, eh?


The Doktor said...

Just when you think that this blithering idiot cannot POSSIBLY say anything more asinine than the other 3921 OTHER stupid-ass things that he has uttered, he comes up with yet another "winner" in the "Most Clueless Asshat of the Left" competition.

Thank GOD Canada will not tip over the continent when Americans move there in droves and escape to the relative sanity of THEIR Socialist society.

SusieBee said...

Way to go, Barry - and I didn't think it was possible to insult Canada and Israel in the same breath . Better get ready for another Nobel Peace Pride announcement.

TrickyRicky said...

I knew from the start (when he was in the senate) that he was an evil, anti-American, socialist SOB. That being said, he really is an effing moron too. If only the media fluffers would do their job and report this crap to the bread-and-circuses crowd, even they might begin to wonder...who is this creep that keeps giving in me "free" shit.

Grecnfx said...

O Bama!
Our home and native land!

Just think about that when our glorious leader is at hockey game.

Colby said...

I just knew it! We need to keep an eye on those murderous cutthroat bastards. ... and all 17 Provinces, I might add. Why, one time I was at a restaurant in Atlanta (a long way from Canada), and some suspicious looking guy wearing flannel asked the waitress for MALT VINEGAR with his fries! They're everywhere, I tell you. Anybody ever see The Red Green Show? Total propaganda!

Emmentaler Limburger said...

@Grecnfx: O Bamanation actually fits the cadence - and our condition - better.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@The Doktor- You would think that Obama had already reached the bottom of the Stupid Barrel, but apparently it has unknowable depths. Even so, this pronouncement left me stunned.

@SusieBee- Barry hates Canada because of its nickname "The Great WHITE North." Clearly, they're racists on top of all their other failings.

@TrickyRicky- It's not like Obama used to be a competent politician and good American, and then "evolved" into his present monstrous form. Nope, he's always sucked long and hard and been quite transparent about hating America as it was founded.

Unfortunately, I don't have much faith in the voters these days, even if they were informed. I think a lot of voters would happily endorse Auschwitz-style camps in America as long as the government kept their "free shit" flowing.

Seriously, I'd be interested in this poll question being asked: "Are you in favor of Obama's plan to give every American $10,000 a year and lock up all the troublemakers?" I'll bet the answers would be terrifyingly enlightening.

@Grecnfx- I appreciate the musical imagery. Hard to picture Barry at a hockey game, though. He'd be confused why everyone was chasing a skeet instead of blasting away at it with a shotgun.

@Colby- Many Canadians can actually pass for Americans and go undetected in a crowd...until, tragically, it's too late and there's maple syrup everywhere. And don't let him fool you: Red Green is Canada's Yassir Arafat. Who can forget his terrifying motto: "If the 72 Canadian virgins don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy."

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Emmentaler- Okay, everybody meet at my house for choir practice and we'll get this anthem worked out while drinking Labatt's.

GregMan said...

I live just across the border from those vicious maple-syrup-guzzling bastards and we have to put up with a constant rain of Tim Horton donuts and coffee being fired at us.

And don't get me started on their tasty beer!

Thank Allah we have such a magnificent president as the mighty Obambi to protect us from the hockey-playing Canadian hordes!

David said...

I'm in Florida. The place is crawling with them this time of year.Should we kick them all out of the country can we still keep their bacon?

Earl Allison said...

I for one welcome our new Canadian squirrel overlords.

Poor Barky, every time I think he can't possibly demonstrate himself to be any stupider, he tunnels just a little bit deeper.

I swear, between him and Choo-Choo Biden, I wonder if you even get two working brain cells out of the mix.

Say it with me;

Weapons. Grade. Stupidity.

Jim Hlavac said...

Ah, you missed the subtly -- Obama was referring to the Palestines in America -- cities named Palestine are found in WV, TX, AR, IN, IL, OH & AL. It is these that Obama thinks are like Canada, not that other place with a sworn desire to obliterate Israel.

He craftily confused the issue in the hope that the murderous Palestine would be renamed "Obamaland" -- since it's so close to "Ulama" (the call to prayer, I believe.)

Other than this minor thing, the man is an idiotic creep and a danger to peace.

Cookie said...

You know, my niece spent 18 months living in Canada and I was terrified each and every day that she was there. Then when she sent me some ultra warm Canadian mittens with that darn maple leaf insignia, I was afraid of putting them on for fear they would explode the first time I threw a snowball!
SJ--you really outdid yourself on this one. I always laugh, but this one had me rolling on the floor! It's good I wasn't eating or drinking anything as I read it. Could have been bad. Thanks for your awesome insight and delightful sense of humor!

John the Econ said...

It's so clear now. Canada is the threat we should be concerned about. Now I understand why there are more drones deployed across the Canadian border than the Mexican one, and why my friends and relatives in Washington, Idaho, Montana and the Dakotas are so better armed than I.

Just think how many White House tours were cancelled to finance this idiocy.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

It's become clear to me: to Ă˜bama, the movie Canadian Bacon was not a fictional farce: it was a documentary.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@GregMan- Those like you who live in America's northern settlements and face the greatest danger deserve our praise and admiration.

@David- Trying to deport all of them at once is probably not feasible, especially until the roads going North are cleared of snow for the season.

@Earl Allison- OHhhh, a Canadian sympathizer, huh?! Well, it's a free country.

And yes - "weapons grade stupidity" is what Barry and Biden have put on parade.

@Jim Hlavac- Maybe Barry should round up all of our domestic Palestines and give them their own state. And yes, I think calling it "Obamaland" would be a good idea.

@Cookie- Please thank your niece for her service in that godforsaken, ice-caked, moose-infested hellhole on our northern border. Those of us who stand on the sidelines can only be humbly grateful for her courage.

@John the Econ- The Canadian border is clearly the dangerous one, because Canadians are sneaking in here to create trouble. Seriously, everyone knows why Mexicans come in illegally- to take low-paying jobs and cast the occasional presidential vote. But when was the last time you saw a truckload of lawnmowers with a Canadian crew? Where are the Canucks behind the counters of fast food restaurants? They're not here to work - they're here to work us over!

@Emmentaler Limburger- On the same shelf as Idiocracy.

Anonymous said...

OK, but does Obama know how Canada got it's name? I think not, you betcha!

John the Econ said...

Actually @Stilton, there actually is a Canadian "invasion" of sorts; Canadians who aren't willing to wait 6 months of more for vital medical care who cross the border to buy it here with cash.

This invasion is an affront to Progressivism on several fronts; It's proof of the shortcomings of Canada's much celebrated "single payer" health system, and it's representative of citizens taking responsibility for their own well-being with their own resources.

So in that context, it's easy to see why citizens approaching us from the north are seen as a far larger threat to Washington than the invaders from the south.

JustaJeepGuy said...

I'm saddened by the fact that all the GOOD Canadians--like John Candy--seem to have died. I would have counted Robert Goulet, but I believe he was born in Massachusetts or someplace like that. Peter Jennings doesn't count as he was a MSM news guy. Who's left?

Emmentaler Limburger said...

@JustAJeepGuy: And don't leave out Dudley Do-Right!

I regularly and forced to spend years on the wrong side of that border by my employers. But I'm sneaky: aside for a persistent taste for gravy on my fries, and an occasional "Eh!", I've escaped each time unscathed - but the horror! The HORROR!

I need a "coffee"....

PRY said...

I want to thank your blog and faithful readers who can still sit thru a 'news' report on O's latest un-American ridiculousness. I would have never known that he actually compared Americans and Canadians...WTF???

Really, I get ill lately when O speaks, anyone from Congress also, even GOP, when they talk about how they are going to turn things around next year and in 2016. They don't have a clue. Gotta take a break from the BS occasionally.

I wonder...are the Canadian people just as far off-base as the morons who put the Community Organizer back into the White House?

Sparky Hudson said...

Thanks Stilton for the hearty chuckle! I laughed so hard that I'm glad I wasn't eating or drinking anything. That would have been a disaster for the computer.
On a side note, I strangely now have a craving for pancakes ...

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous- How did Canada get its name? (Although I do know how to spell it: C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?)

@John the Econ- Well, I knew blood was involved somehow.

@JustaJeepGuy- The Barenaked Ladies are still good Canadians.

@Emmentaler Limburger- I know it's difficult for those who've been to Canada to talk about it, even years later. And I understand your need for "coffee," but please don't let it get out of control. Or you'll spill some.

@PRY- When I see a story like this one, I have to share it here. Otherwise, I'd sit on my roof and howl.

And frankly, I don't think Canadians can be as awful as the people who put Barry in office, or else they'd all be here already, elbowing their way into the free government buffet.

@Sparky Hudson- A craving for pancakes? How waffle!

Anonymous said...

You know I ran a survey in Canada and only found 23 virgins and they were near the Artic circle. But eh I found some nice topless cantalopes in the frozen food section eh.

Now I'm looking on google to find out how they make those damn maple syrup IED's Hell I may never get my car clean till spring now.