Friday, March 28, 2014

Attack of the Living Deadline

obama, obama jokes, obamacare, health care, deadline, sibelius, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, coffee couple, conservative, tea party

As if Daylight Saving Time wasn't annoying enough, Barack Obama has just decreed that the nation must now observe Political Ass-Saving Time. On April 15, all Americans will be required to turn their calendars back to March 31 (helpful homeowner tip: this is also a good time to change the batteries in your smoke & mirror detectors!)

The reason for this bizarre development is, of course, Obamacare. Only days ago, HHS Secretary Kathleen Sibelius swore that there was no way in Heaven or Hell that the signup deadline for Obamacare would be extended past the March 31 cutoff or, and we quote, "with God as my witness may I be struck dead by lightning and spend eternity pushing the entire three ton Obamacare bill up a slippery slope of burning excrement while my liver is eaten by buzzards!"

(Side note: A full-color print of the scene she described will soon be available nationwide at Hobby Lobby stores.)

Which is why the March 31 cutoff has not been extended, but people now have until April 15 to meet the March 31 cutoff in a few very, very, very rare circumstances. For instance, if they found the Healthcare.gov website to be an impossible-to-use train wreck. In other words, everybody gets the non-extension extension! Hooray!

All of this is being done to try desperately to get at least a few more people enrolled to help disguise the utter disaster that Obamacare has been to date. How big a disaster, you ask? Try this: after all of the pain, confusion, bleeding of dollars, and disruption of real human lives and healthcare, 98% of the nation's uninsured remain uninsured. Even on its final flight, Malaysian 370 was going in the right direction more than 2% of the time.

Unlike Flight 370, however, we have experts who can tell us exactly what went wrong with the Obamacare signup and its primary goal of enrolling healthy young 20-somethings (or, as Michelle Obama calls them, "knuckleheads.")

The difficulty, according to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, is that "people are not educated about the Internet." Which is rather an odd thing to say about a generation that posts tweets, texts, Facebook messages, and Instagram pictures about their every thought, meal, and bowel movement.

Perhaps Harry will propose massively-expensive legislation to have union-certified teachers instruct the nation's 28-year-olds about this "Internet" thing and, as long as they're in a classroom, provide additional instruction introducing them to the newfangled wonders of electric lighting and indoor plumbing.

He can skip teaching them how to use a calendar, though. Because now that the president has declared calendars to be "living documents," actual dates don't mean a damn thing.

obama, obama jokes, obamacare, health care, deadline, sibelius, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, coffee couple, conservative, tea party, pope, saint, reid

13 comments:

Geoff King said...

Sorry Harry, lack of knowledge of the internet is not the problem. If anything, it is the opposite. Online horror stories of identity theft, loss of coverage, and doubling rates associated with Ă˜bamacare - coupled with people's inborn tendency to procrastinate is why sign ups are so low. By granting yet another unconstitutional extension, the entire mess has entered the realm of fantasy tales. I now believe there will be several more delays ahead until, inevitably, the whole debacle is finally ended with a complete repeal.

The Digital Hairshirt said...

His Holiness schooled him!

http://digihairshirt.blogspot.com/2014/03/the-subtlety-in-popes-meeting-with.html

Bruce Bleu said...

Stilton,
There are just TOO many benchmarks of genius in this days post. What adult beverages were you imbibing... I gotta get me some of that!
Regarding the introductory e-mail comment, "in today's commentary we cut the Dems so many new a**holes that when they pass gas it will sound like a bagpipe concert.", what's the difference between onions and bagpipes? Nobody cries when you cut up bagpipes!
Remember when Hairy Palms said how the world was going to end if we didn't have lamontocare, and how Nancy Pegrossi lauded the necessity to the point that "reading what the hell the bill says doesn't matter, if we don't pass this kidney stone IMMEDIATELY we will ALL DIE in the next 45 minutes"? I just can't get beyond the thought "if it was SO damned crucial that we HAVE this abortion, why in the "bootie-hole coitus-ing" HELL must it be DELAYED until Hell's meteorologist broadcasts wearing a PARKA"!?
George Bush's "tax-cut" was going to usher in the end of civilization during the campaign, but "HAD TO BE EXTENDED TO 'HELP THE ECONOMY' after the 'ni**er-rigged' election numerous times"!
I bought a stuffed dog at a garage sale that I named "lamont". I'm going to stop typing now and go kick its ass around my half-acre estate!

Jim Hlavac said...

Your picture of Pope and Dope sent my mind a-reeling -- for funny, it was Medieval and Renaissance popes, several times, that adjusted the calendar to wipe out days and entire weeks -- Diocletian, Gregory, Julian -- a few lesser upstarts -- and many a learned scholar like Alcuin, Roger Bacon and Bernard of Clairvoix -- all worked at harmonizing the calendric reality of what the peasants saw in the fields under the sun -- and what the pope, king and jester declared as the time to tithe.

The last time this happened, I believe in 1732, Washington's birthday moved 2 weeks ... and the peasants in many places rose up in revolt. Now we move the calendar two weeks in Washington!

The Russians never got with the program, of course, so they still celebrate Christmas on January 6th instead of in December. That led to a war or two.

And geez, here we are again. The pope and King(ish) Obama, the Jester Harry and even a crazed Russian too -- Yeesh -- history does repeat.

Chuck Ef said...

Code word for today: Sisyphus.

Does anyone else feel that way? The good doctor's first cartoon would seem to suggest a way out for poor Sisy.

The picture with the Pope reminds me that we are dealing with a weak sister as our president, one for which this article
http://www.livescience.com/44380-small-nuclear-war-could-trigger-catastrophic-cooling.html
and this article
http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702303779504579465830294243784?mg=reno64-wsj&url=http%3A%2F%2Fonline.wsj.com%2Farticle%2FSB10001424052702303779504579465830294243784.html
go together.

A nuclear fiasco is a helluva lot more important thing to worry about than Global Warming (note that I used caps to assuage our lefty readers) with the Unicorn Prince in power and Vlad The Impaler waiting for his chocolates. Pope notwithstanding....

Reiuxcat said...

What is interestingly contradictory is that one day the delay, sorry, the postponement of March 31st is announced and then the next day they claim to have met the goal of signing up 6 million to Obamacare.

So it goes, it seems. Now if they'd only tell us how many had insurance to begin with and how many have actually paid.

Yeah, I know, only if it benefits His O'liness and the libs.

graylady said...

@ The Digital Hairshirt
You (and the Pope) nailed it. "O" looks like a naughty schoolboy in front of the Principal's desk! I love the fact that the clock is facing the Pope, sublty stating that HIS time is more important than the Prez's.

John the Econ said...

Well, now that the ObamaCare "enrollment period" has now been extended out to 6 months, it looks like another one of my predictions is going to come true; the elimination of the "enrollment period" altogether. This is because we all know that even by April 15th, that ObamaCare is not going to be anywhere near the enrollment numbers they need in order to claim "success".

And keep in mind that "enrollment" is not the same as actually being insured, as that only happens after the checks are written, mailed, deposited, and cleared. Not surprisingly, Sebelius and the Obama Administration can't (or won't) tell us how many people have actually enrolled and paid.

So I fully expect the April 15th deadline to get extended as well, eventually all the way to October for next year's enrollment period.

Get it yet? If you can enroll for health insurance at any time, then why bother at all until you actually need it? I'd be happy to forgo paying my 4-figure monthly premium and pay a couple hundred dollars in penalties. It would be like getting a $10,000 raise! If I get diagnosed with cancer tomorrow, by tomorrow night I'll just sign up for the platinum plan then.

Of course, that's contingent on if it's logistically possible to do so. I got a call from a good friend in California yesterday, who was trying to sign up on the "Covered California" web site. He had just e-mailed me all of the error messages the site was spiting back at him after crashing as he tried to sign up before the latest deadline, hoping I could give him a good reason why that was happening and guidance as to how to proceed. Needless to say, there was little useful advice I could give him beyond keeping a copy of the screen shot, and claiming "hardship" when filing his taxes next year. To hear Obama now tell it, he won't even have to pay the penalty tax!

Or perhaps he should go find a navigator and claim to be an illegal alien. Appearently, they'll be happy to sign him up right away.

http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2014/02/14/Obamacare-Enrolling-Illegals-in-California

PRY said...

By this time next year, I don't believe any of us will even RECOGNIZE the UnaffordableCareAct as it is now. Partly, because it may not even EXIST, as the KING might have decreed by then that he is relieving all the chaos by instituting full govt-run 'healthcare', death panels and all!

Remember, by then the mid-term elections will be over and done!

John the Econ said...

And @PRY, you are probably right.

And more productive Americans will then be able to take Nancy Pelosi's advice, and become artists or spend more time with family. That will mostly leave only those Americans with outstanding student loans as the only ones with incentive to work anymore as the ones the rest of us can live off of.

Nana Colorado said...

Oooh...I know it's a stretch, because I believe the timing is a bit off, Biblical scholars, but this looks like a precursor to the Anti-Christ and the False Prophet. I do like the Pope & Dope moniker, however. Both entities (and their predecessors) in their own time, have used the Pen and the "Phone" to do what they want; they've decided that like Mr. Orwell noted - all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others. They will do what they like to do what they want, and too bad for the rest of us. Well, sorry - not a believer in either of their systems. Christian yes, Catholic no. Friend of Liberty, yes - Liberal, no. Obamacare, that "lost" Malaysian plane, the economy, whatever - all a ruse. Keep your eyes on Jerusalem, friends...that's where the real fire will blaze!

George in Houtx said...

does Harry Reid know something he ain't talking about? he says Obama should be nominated for sainthood. if I'm not mistaken, I think that only comes AFTER the person has achieved room temperature.

PRY said...

I'm completely with you, NanaColorado. I do not believe BO is the antichrist, but he definitely IS a picture of him...and there have been many glimpses of the antichrist down through history, evil, self-serving power-hungry people causing the suffering of multitudes. A believer in the God of creation will take this in the postitive way, as the Word of God tells us...these things all come about so that the GLORY and POWER of the the Lord may be seen. I invite anyone who cares to read Ezekiel chapters 38 and 39 for a complete rundown of the end-time agenda God has revealed to us through his letter to the church.