In a tight 5-4 decision which has set the Arts & Crafts world reeling, the Supreme Court has reaffirmed the 1st Amendment of the Constitution, which states "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." In this case, that translates to the fact that Obamacare can not force the owners of religion-centric family-owned businesses such as Hobby Lobby to pay for drugs intended to kill the unborn.
Noted sexual athlete Ruth Bader Ginsburg was on the losing side of the argument, and strongly voiced her opinion that corporations do not have religious rights or a collective "conscience" which requires adherence to a moral code. Rather, she believes, corporations are simply heartless, soulless, blood sucking collections of purely self-interested people, much like the Democratic party.
Obsessive high-office stalker Hillary Clinton also called the Court's ruling "deeply disturbing" and a "really bad slippery slope", perhaps not realizing the decision was based on a 1993 piece of law called the Religious Freedom Restoration Act which was put in place by her husband Bill Clinton. Who, ironically, is also deeply disturbed and familiar with slippery things.
While pretending to be outraged by the Supreme Court ruling, Barack Obama and other Leftists are secretly doing backflips (which was, coincidentally, the only method of post-coital birth control available to women until the 1960's) because it gives fresh life to their threadbare "War on Women" meme just in time for the midterms.
But in truth, rather than being a brutal act of war against womankind, the ruling is barely an inconvenience for anyone at all. Over 99% of businesses will not be affected by the decision. And at Hobby Lobby, female employees will still have 16 contraceptives included (as always) in their health plans - with only pregnancy-ending abortifacients excluded.
Which is why Ruth Bader Ginburg is basically making up preposterous hypotheticals to attack the majority ruling. "It bears note," groused the disturbingly bird-like Justice while pecking at a pile of seed corn, "that the cost of an IUD is nearly equivalent to a month's full-time pay for workers earning the minimum wage." Which might be meaningful if Hobby Lobby had any employees working for minimum wage - but they don't.
And on a side note, how many women really want to use a form of birth control which is said to have been invented by Arab camel traders who jammed small rocks into the wahooties (also an Arab word) of female camels to keep them from getting pregnant? And wouldn't it have made more sense to teach camels to simply dry hump?
Just kidding - if Sandra Fluke couldn't learn to do it, then camels probably can't either.
In summary, the Supreme Court ruling does no damage to women whatsoever, reaffirms freedom of religious expression and, not incidentally, tells Barack Obama once again that his executive powers are actually even more limited than his understanding of the Constitution.