Wednesday, August 6, 2014

News Cycle

obama, obama jokes, kerry, bicycle, bike, vacation, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, political, conservative, pink

Hope n' Change believes that the cartoon above illustrates the only conceivable reason that John Kerry put himself in the position of being photographed looking like a world-class dweeb at a time when it's critical to be projecting an image of American strength in the world.

We're not sure if Secretary Kerry's bike is an official "Hello Kitty" model, because every time we look closely at the picture our eyes fill with tears for our once-great nation. But perched atop the powderpuff pink girl's bike he couldn't look like more of a giant twinkie if he was shrinkwrapped in cellophane and had a rich creme filling.

And frankly, looking at the picture, we're not entirely sure if there's even a seat on that freaking bike, or if he just has a pole jammed up his butt (a condition he's grown accustomed to after most of his recent negotiation efforts).

The picture was snapped in Nantucket, and it's only with tremendous self-restraint that we're not turning that sentence into the beginning of an obscene limerick.

The photo, while compelling, may have broken too early to still command the news cycle on Saturday when Biking Barry heads off to Martha's Vineyard for two weeks of golfing, eating ice cream, wearing mom jeans, and generally mincing around while the world burns.

Vladimir Putin could not be reached for comment because, according to an official spokesperson, "he is laughing so hard he cannot breathe."

42 comments:

Anonymous said...

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket
His daughter named Nan
Ran off with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket
(clean version)

Duke Mantee said...

There once was a man from Nantucket.
Who rode a girls bike and said f*ck it.
He rode it all day.
I think he was gay.
I believe that's him over there trying to tuck it.

Geoff King said...

Open-toed sandals and no helmet? Now there's a man who likes to live on the edge if I ever saw one. Perhaps he is trying to relive how he got his first Purple Heart in Vietnam when he moronically gave himself a boo-boo:
http://www.militarycorruption.com/kerry4.htm

Anonymous said...

Not even Teresa would ride that bike.

TrickyRicky said...

@Anonymous-she would have a tough time riding any bike in a straitjacket.

Jim Hlavac said...

Kerry tried to be a man in Nantucket,
A "twinkie" he's not, just trust it,
nor is he a man with a plan
perhaps up canal is it rammed,
he's shark chum, just chuck it.

Queso Grande said...

Why you silly little proles!! Why, simply everyone in Lovey and my social circle knows this is the very essence of Mahtha's Vinyahd sartorial resplendency......casual, yet screams of 'wardrobe consultant'.
I just know this twit and his people discussed AND APPROVED OF his outfit!
It shows one is one of the common folk, without ever having to, you know actually be near one.
It's easy to acheive...first, assist your gal pal in ridding herself of her wealthy conservative Ketchup heir husband.........

Jim Hlavac said...

You know, I know "Twinkies."
"Twinkies" are friends of mine.
John Kerry is no "Twinkie"*
(* young gay man, yep)

I think perhaps he's more an eclair ... same cream-filled mush, but, well, more French -- and in black-face if one goes for chocolate frosting. Sort of an Oreo for dweebs, really. Just like Fettucini Alfredo is Mac-n-Cheese for adults.

Fun and frolic aside - the man is just dangerous.

Cat Whisperer said...

John Kerry’s attempt to reduce his carbon footprint ironically caused the North Pole to melt from all of the CO2 produced from the laughing.

John the Econ said...

So what's so wrong with a grown man and leader of state riding a pink bicycle?

The problem, so the progs and multi-culti crowd sez, is that y-all are so "19th Century" in your mindset. 21st-century thinking says that we solve our problems by communication and compromise, versus the 19th-century approach of just doing and taking what you want until someone else stops you.

The problem is that the world is now being re-taken over by the 19th-century thinkers, while our leaders whine, take absurdly expensive vacations, and ride pink bicycles.

Geoff King said...

At least it is not a picture of him lying naked in a coffin at his Skull and Bones Initiation:
http://www.texemarrs.com/092004/hail_kerry_hail_satan.htm

Cheney's Magic Johnson said...

All I can say is, that between his bungling in the Middle East and now riding pink lady-bikes in that vast progressive toilet-bowl called Taxachussetts, Kerry's chances for a Nobel are really looking up, dontcha think? The Nobel committee has handed them out for a LOT less.

Bruce Bleu said...

Oh HELL yes, I can see Vladimir Puketin riding a pussy bike like OUR heads of state do!
OK, what 2 things are: like a giant metrosexual pansy AND a frozen character from a '60's TV show?... a LURCH-CYCLE!

Vicar said...

I cry for my grandson when I think of the country he will inherit. This country will go so far downhill that at some point we will be conquered by a company of Guatemalen Reserve Postal Police. But not after the libs get a law passed permitting people to marry their pets.

Judi King said...

A picture is worth a thousand words.!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sparky @ My Thoughts Exactly said...

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who placed his manhood in a bucket,
He rode a pink bike,
Oh, what a sight!
Now all the world can do is duck it.*
*(When it hits the fan, that is. Ok, I know I was straining ...)
Excellent commentary and cartoon as usual Stilton. I'm beginning to feel like we're all trapped in some kind of freakish cartoon that has no end. I'd laugh if it was funny. I just pray that November will bring better results from all elections planned.

REM1875 said...

Any father who has daughter or grandfather with grand daughter has been in this or close to this position..... no daughters? no children? no grandkids? Ahhhh never mind.

REM1875 said...

Any father who has daughter or grandfather with grand daughter has been in this or close to this position..... no daughters? no children? no grandkids? Ahhhh never mind.

REM1875 said...

Finally something to replace that stupid image of him in that suit that made him look like a giant easter bunny at nasa.

REM1875 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PRY said...

omg...tears in my eyes that's so funny! Thanks, Stilt, and everyone else too!

queso del culo said...

I have noticed in the past the EXTREMELY heart-warming interest that the HnC commenters have on the burning issue of the millennia, meaning "racism" of course, so I offer you this.

BTW, I should note that I disagree with Mr. Hlavac - Kerry is in fact a "twinkie" as are all "progressives" for they offer only vapid, empty, sickeningly-sweetened nothingness when their lips flap. What that has to do with with young gay males, I have no idea. In fact, I am now totally confused.

But that was racist of me.

Geoff King said...

Putin was photographed riding shirtless on a horse in rugged terrain. Kerry was photographed riding a girl's bicycle in a parking lot. Is it any wonder the USA has become the laughing stock of the planet?

Geoff King said...

And, by the way, the Barackinator's previous photo of him riding a bicycle with his "special" helmet on only mskes me think of James Belushi's line in "Real Men", with John Ritter. He said " Nice helmet! I remember the first time I was shot out of a cannon!".

Jim Hlavac said...

@queso -- the word in the gayborhood for "young gay man between 18-25" is "Twinkie" - that's the word -- so, I did a play on the Lloyd Bensten-Dan Quayle bit ...

Then I segued to "eclair" because "eclairs" are "twinkies" for grown ups ... clear now? I hope.

Geoff King said...

Actually Jim, I believe the word you are referring to is "twink", not " twinkie". Googling both yields a homosexual definition for the former and a snack food definition for the latter.

queso del culo said...

Mr. Hlavac, I was of course being facetious. And I am ALWAYS confused. It makes for great denial. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

But my description of "progressives" was accurate - whether they are twinkles, susie-q's, hostess cupcakes or what have you. Vapid criminals ...

BTW, did y'all see that Elizabeth Warren supports the Ex-Im bank? Little miss Occupy Wall Street, I'm not rich?

And then there is this about our lovely guest of honor today.

For extra credit (and I bet Geoff gets this one), does anyone know what "queso del culo" means? Yes, a description of this administration but that is beside the point.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

As a note of clarification, I'll point out that my description of Kerry as a twinkie had nothing to do with sexual preference, but rather the soft and squishy nature of spongecake and the esthetic preferences of a little girl.

queso del culo said...

Ha! I won J. Hlavac! I am not confused after all! Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah! Snoopy Dance!

Ahem ...

Alfred E. Newman said...

OK - so forget all of that. What I want to know is where were all of these teachers when I was kid? I feel ripped.

Bruce Bleu said...

"What-me-worry" guy,
THOSE teachers were victims of child sexual abuse by adult authority figures when you were a kid. Truth be known, I am convinced that people who are THAT obese have been sexually abused as a child. (Plus the "having no pants" in the general area to put back on is a clear OMG moment!)
Good thing we have "affirmative action" or teachers like that and certain presidents wouldn't have a snowballs chance in Hell to get a job.

David in SoCal said...

The president will be golfing in Nantucket.
If there's Liberal 'shaft' there, he will suck it.
He'll say with a grin,
As he wipes off his chin:
"If The Constitution was a 'c@&*' (female genitalia), I would 'f&%@' it" (have sex with it)

Anonymous said...

Kerry went bicycle ridin'
To draw press while Obama went hidin'
He rode it up ramps,
Raced BMX champs,
Then took it swimming with Biden.

Judi King said...

People, love all your limericks!

Geoff King said...

Yet another example of how this administration has lost the world's respect for the president and our nation in general:
http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2014/08/russian-activists-shine-obama-fellating-banana-light-show-on-us-embassy-in-moscow-video/

Froaderick Barbarossa said...

Hey remember all that talk about impeachment that the good doctor unleashed a couple of cycles ago? Well, it is actually the "pink team" that is obsessed with it. Those infantile progressives on their lovely little bikes.

BTW, the Doctor is joking but I do believe that Obama would ask Lurch to distract the press with such a stunt. The press is that stupid and so is the general public. In a foul mood this morning ...

BTW, David in SoCal - please fix your limerick. Obama does in fact think the Constitution is "female genitalia" based on the way he is treating it ("have sex with it", in your polite parlance).

Alfred E. Newman said...

Mr. Bleu,

You are thinking "Neuman". I always worry.

I did not have Adobe Flash enabled - Ewww. She is a biggie but back then, I probably wasn't too picky either.

As for "adult authority" figures, I suspect she was missing those - my theory. You may be right for all I know. But we are going into the toilet, and she is a symptom, like so many others. If they are all "victims", I missed the "party". But I am quickly going to the side that, yes, I am a victim too (I have a lot to complain about). We are all victims. We are indeed a nation, a world, of victims. I will be starting a new religion to that effect shortly and will become rich. And if not, then I was a victim again because the scheme should work.

And, John Kerry is a victim too. He rides lady-bikes. And this administration probably suffers from abuse from "adult authority figures" like Soros. My theory.

WMD said...

Sorry, you're all wrong, it's clear to me that Ms. Kerry is on her way to Sturgis.

queso del culo said...

WMD - HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You win the prize today! I would love to be at Sturgis when SoS Twinkie arrives like that. Fun, fun, fun til her daddy takes the T-Bird away.

Rosie Palms said...

No, it wasn't Martha's Vineyard, Doctor; it was Obama's Monster Ball that Lurch was trying to deflect the media attention from.

And doesn't he look cute doing it?

Buck O'Fama said...

John Kerry was biking Nantucket, when he took of the seat and said f*ck it, he said with a grin as his tires did spin, it’s like dealing with Putin while truckin.

REM1875 said...

WMD Bravo, you win. After all he does have a knucklehead mounted on that bike.