Monday, August 25, 2014

Sects Expert

obama, obama jokes, bill clinton, is is, isis, conservative, political, humor, hope n' change, cartoon, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg
As the brave NSA employees who are tasked with listening to the hidden microphones in the Jarlsberg mansion could tell you, the political repartee flies fast and furious around here (albeit without our sending weapons to murderous Mexican drug cartels).

Much like Nick and Nora Charles (if they had tourette's), the Jarlsbergs trade witty quips about current events each evening, heartily chortling while trying not to spill drinks on our dinner jackets and sequined taffeta evening gowns.

And so it was that Mrs. Jarlsberg came up with the delightful joke above which notes the symmetry between ISIS and Bill Clinton's infamous "is is," which we hastily scribbled down on an embroidered cocktail napkin.

Because seriously, if we can't try to laugh about impending Jihaddi armageddon and American presidents who were a total disgrace to their office, then the terrorists have won.

BONUS: Sects and the City

obama, obama jokes, chicago, terror, isis, conservative, political, humor, hope n' change, cartoon, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg

Of course, despite Bill Clinton's tasteless joke above, ISIS is a very real threat - a "cancer" in the words of Barack Hussein Obama. And he should know - he's the guy who stood around with his thumb up his ass for years watching it grow and metastasize.

Still, Hope n' Change finds it odd that ISIS would single out Chicago as a potential target for terrorism, because dozens of people are brutally murdered there every week and nobody seems to give a flying fart in the wind. (Note to potential victims: if you want your death to get publicity post mortem, make sure there are stolen Swisher Sweets on your body!)

Moreover, it's not like there are any special targets of opportunity in Obama's old home town which would personally affect him.

The Reverend Jeremiah Wright's church? Barry doesn't even remember his 20 years of attendance. Bill Ayres' house and bomb-making garage? Barry claims he barely knows the man. Obama's own mansion? Hey, Barry's old pal Tony Rezko would be more than happy to slide some illicit money under the table (yet again) to pay for any damages done by the suicide-vest crowd.

So perhaps ISIS should rethink where they'll attack if they really want B. Hussein to feel the pain. We suggest that they consider a golf course.


Proof said...

"Isis is is"?
Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!

Bruce Bleu said...

The steaming pile of BS about lamont being in Jeremiah Wrong's church for 20 YEARS and not remembering him say ANYTHING controversial?! If lamont DIDN'T hear any of that negro-supremacy whitey hating CRAP that was preached for ALL THAT TIME it means ALL that stuff did NOT go into his conscious mind where it could be evaluated, but went straight to his SUB-conscious where it became part of his world-view and where 80% of people's responses emanate from! Part of the issue might ALSO be that as EMPTY as lamont's head is the echo might have made it difficult for lamont to understand what was being said!

Anonymous said...

Well they may not remember him in the churches he attended for 20 years but they certainly remember him in the Turkish bath houses he definitely did NOT frequent for the years he was in Chicago. But who knows, maybe "Bath House Barry", as he was definitely not known affectionately as in certain circles, might be affected by the loss of some of his favorite hangouts all over the city. Especially those he attended faithfully and dutifully whole screaming "oh God, oh Christ" repeatedly.

TrickyRicky said...

Carl Spackler an ISIS operative? Who knew?

Geoff King said...

I wish the powers that be would settle on one name for the Jihadi enemies that they trained and armed. Once we finally got used to the CIA trained "Al Qaeda" name with it's alien q not followed by a u, they became the "freedom fighters" in Syria. After Øbama gave them lots of weapons and they still failed to overthrow Assad, they magically became "ISIS". Now they are also called just "IS". According to Øbama, who doesn't want us to know that the second IS in ISIS stands for Iraq and Syria - the two countries in the Middle East that his screwed up policies are the most visible - it should now be called "ISIL". Before long we may be forced to ally with Assad to fight them, but I am sure they will have yet another name by then so we won't realize that they are the same monsters our government built to begin with.

Frankie said...

If we're going to use movie references, I eerily feel like Jimmy Stewart in Rear Window. Curiously watching the goings on while being ham strung by my gov't which has become a worthless wheelchair. H&C cartoons is a welcome painkiller though....

Anonymous said...


Excellent analogy! One of my all-time favorite movies (after Vertigo) and so, so to the point of all the hideousness these days.

Jim Hlavac said...

Alas, there really is no solution to this problem -- except, and I dare say Joe Biden had one half-way good idea (I doubt he thought it out): redraw the maps ... the lines there are the product of Lord Balfour's drunken pen with a Frenchman (Poincarre?) after WWI -- when they thought they'd divide the Ottoman empire amongst themselves.

The Kurds are not Arabs -- they speak an Indo-European language. While Muslim, they are rational, not head-choppers. There's oh, 20 million of them - and they straddle "syria" "iran" and "turkey" and if we pry some provinces of these three, and put them with "iraq's" Kurds - then a rational ethnic country. And a greatly weakened 3 others. Which would not be a bad thing.

Divide the Sunni from the Shiite - -they will not get along, and we cannot solve their Schism over the 11th Imam, Ali, son-in-law of Mohammed, who was killed near Basra in like 780 AD ... not our circus.

Iran is several peoples too -- The Baluchis in the Southeast long for a Baluchistan with Southwest "pakistan" (another fake place). Perhaps India and Afghanistan would like a truncated Pakistan. The Sinds might like their own land too.

Let the "palestinians" have the rump of "syria."

Well, it's more complex of course. But these "nations" are barely 100 years old and are Euroweenie lines ... not "nations."

But to arm any side in this (other than the Kurds) is really dumb. And to just continue to bomb there won't work except as a source of "well, that'll teach them."

Anyway, that's the short version of what really should go on there. Not that it'll happen soon -- but that's the solution.

(Stilt, I'm sorry, but I will not be able to get you out of sequined taffeta evening gown for sometime, :) )

CenTexTim said...

Stilt, you're on top of your game today. And kudos to Mrs.Stilt for the "ISIS is is" line. Now if she could just do graphics... ☺

Anonymous said...

ISIS is is?

Oy - I will no longer be wearing sequined taffeta evening gowns in the privacy of my own home. Was that TMI?

You can tell the missus that she has ruined my whole day. "Grin", to quote a famous philosopher.

Anonymous said...

Oh BTW, do you think ISIS is is will take requests? Yeah, no one will notice Chicago but there are many parts of the country that could use some urban renewal too.

Just saying.

[NSA- this is called humor.]

Burner said...

Stilton, did you give your dog a middle name, like, Asta?

Anonymous said...

And speaking of Chicago, there is this.

I still can't get over the totally lame choice of Swisher Sweets to get killed over. What a gem of a fellow.

And speaking of Clinton, cigars, and lame,there is this. No Monica is not involved.

Ya think Monica is available for some "massage therapy"? OK, so I have no taste in women. So what. A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke! Yeah, sexist but Groucho is the man! That was racist huh?

Anonymous said...

Lovely. The Moron In Chief is off golfing and whooping it up and letting these murderous cretins across the border.

Hey speaking of which, this isn't news - the Mexicans have always been tough on THEIR southern border.

Bruce Bleu said...

Hey Unanimous, uh lamontimous, Anonymous...
Speaking of cigars, to quote Sigmund Fraud (sic), "Eef you dohn LIGHT it, you arrrrrrre a latent homozzzzexual! UND I dohn vet ze bed anymore, und my muzzah unt I shtopped havink zex VEEKS ago, zo I am az normal az appel zstrudel!"

Anonymous said...

Bruce ... um, what?

And so the Golfer-In-Chief has his priorities. A big thug has done more for the world than Margaret Thatcher. Natch. Of course, Fox News lies ... natch.

And did y'all see that the IRS, lo! and behold!, has found Lois Lerner's emails? A miracle, no?

TrickyRicky - I think Spackler missed those emails. Not much of an operative.

Geoff King said...

Wow, I just read about Lerner's emails. Supposedly the gov backs up everything in case D.C. gets nuked or something, so her emails are on file in some secure location. Those in the IRS who swore that they were lost forever, besides committing perjury, are now saying it would be too hard to try and retrieve them. Does anybody really believe that?
It would not surprise me at all if that secure location has a terrible "accidental explosion" or is the target of a "terrorist attack" in the next day or two, since those emails will almost certainly lead right back to the White House and implicate the Criminal in Chief.

Anonymous said...

Geoff! Carl Spackler is ON it!

Yes sir!

"I'm alright
Nobody worry 'bout me
Why you got to gimme a fight
Can't you just let it be"

Wahoo said...

Everything our Golfer-In-Chief knows about desert warfare he learned tearing up the sandtraps with his sand wedge at Andrews and Bolling AFBs.

Judi King said...

ISIS, ISIL, IS??? Whatever! I say shoot them all and let allah sort them out.

Anonymous said...

Great Commenters @HnC - I give you Leviathan!

Article 1.

Article 2.

Was reading a Cato Report that the NSA now collects ALL signals. Hence the massive data storage facility in Utah.

Leviathan is here. He is watching. And he wants your submission. Watch your collective asses.

And turn Carl Spackler LOOSE!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Great comments above. I haven't been able to take part much what with the missus and I solving murders and cavorting with colorful gangsters with Damon Runyonesque names. And yes, Penny's middle name is "Asta."

Meanwhile it's interesting to be watching Dems tumbling to the fact that Barry has allowed ISIS/ISIL to get way out of control and suddenly turning hawkish. Maybe they're getting a little skittish about their longterm support of "pull every soldier out of everywhere" and "let's leave our border wide open" and how it might pay off in the near future with a 9/11 style event.

And I'm just getting caught up on the Lois Lerner nonsense. "Yes, we backed up her email, but did it in a way that's so expensive to retrieve that it's entirely useless." If this were any organization other than the government, I'd find that hard to believe.


Geoff King said...

So, if a government computer crashes, that agency will be out of business because the backups would be too expensive to retrieve. Evidently they must be using an old IBM 702 punchcard system programmed in Fortran for data storage, otherwise, with anything newer, retrieval would be as simple as a global search for: IRS/Lerner/email. I am sure I could find them with only my smartphone if I knew the password.

Anonymous said...


FORTRAN?! FORTRAN!? Man, you are old. Hey remember when you could "fix" programming errors simply by repunching the card? You watched, nose firmly planted on window, while they loaded your box of cards and lights flickered and paper was spewed forth with all of your error messages as steam bellowed from the roof of the "computer building". The good old days.

I would dearly love a "sunset" law on all bureaucracies and bureaucrats. You loose your job every year and have to reapply. Loose emails, you're not rehired. Silly me. And no, I do not also believe in unicorns. We elected one and it is not turning out so good.

But lest we forget, this same sort of bureaucratic tendencies happen in the private world too. It's how shareholders get ripped off. And it's how the psychotic corporate lizards rise to the top.

Also do not forget that the horrors going on at the NSA are in fact bureaucratic in nature, turf building, budget building, resume building. That it fosters the government's power grab is merely a side-effect, though one that will kill the patient.

This is why I truly believe in an Omnibus Carl Spackler, roaming the country, and blowing up gophers of all sorts. Including bureaucrats.

Geoff King said...

Just to add insult to obstruction of justice, the IRS also now says they wiped and destroyed Lerner's Blackberry phone - after the inquiry had begun:
Had any of these people been Rupublicans, they would no doubt already be on their way to making little rocks out of big ones.

A Mindful Webworker said...

I once did a cartoon involving "Rock, Scissors, Paper," before the invention of Scissors & Paper. Since then, I've seen a similar cartoon twice, and corresponded with one of the two other cartoonists. They weren't rip-offs. And that's not even "Great minds think alike." More like "Desperate for dailies hit on similar obvious gags."

And so it is with "Is Is." I'm tracking this one.

I'll give Mrs Jarlsberg points for best original-context use so far. (Hat tip to her. My own Mrs has provided me some great punch lines, too.)

But an Aug 24 headline on American Thinker beat you by a day. (But that one hardly counts, because the usage was divorced from the phrase's Clintonian ancestry - and the article itself.)

However (puffs out chest), I commented on Ace of Spades Aug 23, 7:48am, and repeated the joke at 8:53am:

Barry the O: It depends on what the meaning of IS is.


C'mon, I've had that in my head for DAYS, and I finally find a place to hang it and nobody notices. I would haz a sad if I cared.

Maybe nobody got it. Let me explain. See, ...

Commenter Lou Grant was the only response I got, after the 2nd time:

"MWW that Is Is thing is pretty good. I'm I'm surprised it it has not not come up sooner."

Just keeping track to see if I reallllly got first use on it. I'll bet, somewhere on the web, there's someone who beat you, AT, and me to it.

Anonymous said...

Kinda bitter, there, MWW?

Anonymous said...

Stilt, you made me spew vodka and tonic all over my keyboard. Before I could recover from the first installment, here came the second; for a minute there I thought I had swallowed my tongue (turned out to be an ice cube).
Ms. Jarlsberg gets the hilarity award; her putting those words in Big Bill's mouth (see what I did there?) are all-time classic!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@A Mindful Webworker- Hey, points for getting there first! I can honestly say that neither Mrs. J nor myself had encountered the "ISIS is is" line anywhere else, but I'm not surprised that it was out there.

Those of us who regularly labor in the vineyards of topical humor are likely to pounce on only a handful of stories, and many variations on a punchline are likely to occur without anyone swiping from anyone else.

Then again, there are also some cartoonists out there who are infamous for swiping gags...

A Mindful Webworker said...

Anonymous: Bitter? Um, no; either I di'n't write goodly, or you misread me. The multiple appearances of a gag are all just an extra level of funny to me. I used to collect copies of daily comics when they'd hit the same joke on the same day, apparently without looking at each others' homework. :)

As Stilton said, it's just hitting on similar themes, and this is just hunting in the same pastures.

I should add, amateurs like me may luck out and bag an occasional quail. Stilton brings down the turkeys every day.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@AMW- Right you are, and I think "hunting in the same pastures" puts it very well.