Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Respected, Inspected and Rejected

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In an address to 75 visiting members of the Young Southeast Asian Leaders Initiative (Slogan: "We'll be your bosses before we're old enough to shave"), Barack Obama made the hilarious claim that his policies have returned the United States to the status of "most respected country on Earth."

"People don't remember," the president explained to our youthful future overlords, "when I came into office, the United States in world opinion ranked below China, barely above Russia." And now, of course, we're considered ranker than either of them.


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In news that will surely warm the hearts of terrorists everywhere, an internal investigation by the Transportation Security Administration found that neither boob-squeezing, nut-prodding, child-groping, nor gajillion-dollar "we can see you naked!" X-ray technology is worth a tinker's damn when it comes to actually keeping aircraft safe.

Special agents posing as terrorists were able to waltz through security (which should have been a dead giveaway when no other passengers were ballroom dancing) with weapons and bombs 95% of the time.  

The acting head of the TSA has now been "reassigned" instead of being fired, because a bureaucrat with even a 5% success rate is apparently just too good to let get away. In the meanwhile, Homeland Security director Jeh Johnson grudgingly admits that "the numbers in these reports never look good out of context."

The context, Mr. Johnson, is freaking 9-11. Not to mention the Lockerbie Bomber, the Shoe Bomber, the Underwear Bomber, and now every other bomber who knows he can bring down a plane.


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On a sad note for those of us in the conservative comedy game, Democracy for America and are wrapping up their "Run Warren Run" campaign to draft Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth "Cherokee Cheekbones" Warren for a White House bid.

"We really thought she was what Washington needed," said a campaign spokesperson. "Someone who didn't speak with a forked tongue, someone who could smoke the peace pipe with enemies and, of course, someone who could show the nation how to use every part of the buffalo. Plus, we were hoping for a lot more casinos."

The campaign ran low on funds after fun-loving political opponents started putting her expensive "Run Warren Run" bumper stickers on the front of their cars, and enthusiasm ran low when it became clear that Warren simply wasn't ready to make a run.

"Apparently she's been seeing a psychiatrist for stress," the spokesperson continued in hushed tones, "because of severe sleep-related issues. Some nights she dreams she's a teepee, and other nights she dreams she's a wigwam. According to the doctor, she's two tents."


Proof said...

The US may be the most respected country in the sense of one of my favorite cartoons:
Two cowboys are watching a third one walk down the center of the street.
"There goes the fastest gun in the West. Who's the fathead carrying it?"

Joseph ET said...

It’s clear that Obama is hearing voices which is a common symptom of severe mental illnesses such as schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is a disability under the ADA.

The 25th Amendment concerns presidential disability, or what to do with the presidency if the President cannot perform the duties of the president.

drjim said...

Joseph, I agree he's deranged, but do we really wat Uncle Joe Biden running the place?

And Stilt......when you going to do a piece on the $26 MILLION the Clinton's Swedish "charity" was able to "raise"?

Bobo the Hobo said...

A three-fer? You have been a busy boy, Stilt! Our country would be better served if the president would just fire the entire magilla a'la PATCO and just hire El Al screeners. I know I would feel safer about flying.

REM1875 said...

Ot: I always learn something from H-n-C, A few days ago doc mention Rumer Willis in a post and after hours of careful research I know what she looks like but still dont have a clue who she is or even care but I sure don't count it as time wasted. Thanks doc!

Geoff King said...

Wow. Can Øbonzo truly be that delusional? Just who is it that he thinks now respects us more? Our greatest allies that he has turned his back on? The Iraqi people who he threw to the dogs? The Iranians or Cubans who he basically surrendered to?
Perhaps he was referring to the illegals, drug cartels, gangs, and future terrorists that can now waltz right into our country and be welcomed with open arms by this joke administration.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Proof- That joke is on the nose. I don't think Cowboy Barry could pull that gun from the holster with both hands.

@Joseph ET- And keep in mind what Barry said after the last election regarding those who didn't even bother to vote: "I hear you." Yeah, he's certifiable.

@drjim- It seems like if I did a cartoon on every new Clinton scandal or announced Republican candidate I'd never get to any other news. I'm amazed and frustrated that the thick layer of corruption enveloping the Clintons makes no difference whatsoever to the mainstream media and the Left.

@Bobo the Hobo- The TSA is essentially Kabuki theater to convince Americans of an untruth: that we can effectively stop terror before it happens. Although I'd really like to see what kind of system the Israelis could put together for us (assuming they're still willing to talk to us).

@REM1875- Rumer is the daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. Talk about good genes.

@Geoff King- He's clearly using "respected" in a way that no one else would. Our enemies laugh at us and advance on every front. Our allies are now making new alliances because we've turned our backs on them. Our promises mean less than nothing to friend or foe. His claim is so demonstrably preposterous that I couldn't even bring myself to expound on it in my commentary - it's just laughable.

Juanita the Icon said...

Ha! I beat the John!

So, those Euro-thugs laughing at out Commissar! Si, se puede puta!

He no worse. Laugh, putas!

pdwalker said...

"Two tents"?


I think there is a special place in hell for punsters.

CenTexTim said...

re: the failure of the draft “Fauxcahontas” Warren movement - they weren't going anywhere because they couldn't get their Injun running...

Shelly said...

Also worth mentioning on the Obama delusion scale is his statement that he is the closest thing to a Jewish president we have ever had. I'm still bewildered how in the name of all things holy this jerk got reelected.

oldgraymary said...

Stilt, always loved "Fauxcahontas" but am still laughing at "Cherokee Cheeks"! Thank you and thanks to CenTexTim for another good laugh.

John the Econ said...

Yeah, I'm sure that Putin & Merkel got a really good chuckle out of that one.

If there's a single trait of arrogant, supposedly over-educated geniuses like Obama protected by decades of phony self-esteem building, it's that it's not possible for one who already know it all to learn anything new. But it looks like Obama has learned one new thing, and from all people, the Clintons; Have no shame. Only someone who is truly shameless can say something so absurd, and expect anyone to not regard it as a complete joke.

Let's see: Russia is reconstructing the Soviet Union. China is building extra-territorial military bases is the South China Sea. And JayVee team ISIS is proceeding with their takeover of the Middle East unabated. Allies like Japan and South Korea are considering going nuclear because it's become clear that when push-comes-to-shove, we won't have their backs beyond filing a "strongly worded letter" at the UN. The list goes on. Is this seriously the "reset" Obama had planned? It's certainly not the hope-n-changers were expecting.

TSA: Anyone who expected more from the TSA is a boob. At best, the TSA is "security theater" intended to make the naive within the travelling public believe that there's actually something the government can do to keep them safe from motivated terrorists. At worst, the TSA is an evil plan to get the populace used to having their privacy, and most personal spaces routinely violated by government agents. After all, once you get used to government agents routinely probing your genitals, having them routinely go through your phone, Internet, bank, and other personal records doesn't seem as such an extreme violation of your privacy anymore.

Giving up on Fauxcahontas: Unlike Hillary, Liz Warren is just smart enough to know when to quit. Hillary still believes that she can survive the coming tsunami of attacks against her rank hypocrisy and general unlikedness. Liz doesn't have that confidence, and certainly doesn't have the coalition of rich-and-powerful that Hillary & Obama has, or the resources of a corrupt multi-billion-dollar pay-for-play foundation working on her behalf. I think Liz knows she's already got a good gig and is comfortable where she his, and is looking forward to the rest of her career as a Senate lifer where the pay and influence is good, and you never have to be held accountable for anything like a failing President does. (see above)

Daddy Dave said...

Glad to see you finish up today with one of my "Oh Dad ..." groaners!

Colby Muenster said...

Great hat trick, Stilton!

When I heard O'Liar spew his "most respected country on Earth" statement, a question immediately popped into my head (well... it popped into my head just after I snorted coffee out my nose). Who took this supposed popularity poll, and who participated in it? I know for a fact that there is an abundance of young Europeans who adore O'Dickweed and think his policies are the best in the world. My Swedish niece is one of them.

Truth is, there was no "How popular is America" poll; O'Compulsive made it up, just like every other lie that passes through his teeth every time his lips are moving.

Geoff King said...

And now for the good news: Even the lastest published poll from the Øbama-worshipping Communist News Network admits that more people dislike Der Führer than those that are braindead enough to believe that he is heading our country in the correct direction:

Rod said...

Not trusting it to history, this nutcake POTUS is starting now to try to use the last 20 months of his time in office to construct his legacy. That's a litte early and pretty desperate. Sorry kid; it doesn't work that way.

Have we ever had a President that felt they needed to do that? Is that part of his job description? He's becoming certifiable but the Rhinos will probably conclude he's impeachable about 3 months after Barry's last term expires. What ridiculous situations. And keep up the good work Stilt.

txGreg said...

Darn, too bad about the complete collapse of the non-existent Warren Presidential Campaign. I was looking forward to intense debates as to whether she should be known as "Fauxcahontas" or "Lieawatha."

PRY said...

Yeh, that one about America's respect being at an all-time high was just BEGGING for a cartoon! Plus, it's good you are so prolific with the many news stories coming at you daily! Way to go!

PRY said...

And, as Obama might say..."oy vey!"!!!

Anonymous said...

He's just true to form. Y'all know how libiots love to redefine words. If you can't ear it, make it up. Viola!, insta cred.

Joseph ET said...

Most Security is just theater to keep honest people honest. If a bad guy wanted in my home he likely would just kick in a door or window hoping I wasn’t home to shoot him. A couple of years back a disgruntled postal worker simply shot a worker in the parking lot, took their RFID badge and let himself into the building. He could have just as easily shot the glass out of the door and walked in. To enter the employee parking lot one has to place their RFID badge in front of a reader then a large cyclone fence gate rolls open then closes. There is time in the cycle to get about ten cars through there. When an eighteen wheeler comes in you could walk 50 or more people in behind it.
Last year some folks shot up a power sub-station near San Jose, California. No one knows who did it, but the authorities said it appears they knew what parts to hit. On January. 8, 1981 I was driving to Colorado with a planned stop in Salt Lake City Utah for fuel and overnight. Couldn’t purchase fuel because the power was out to four states.
The cause was a main transmission line went down and it took about four hours to repair.

We have tens of thousands of places that could be easily be hit causing death, injury and other damages. Think about railroad bridges, freeway bridges, major electrical power transmission lines, water reservoirs, food sources, places we work, study, shop and play.

Without becoming a police state we are very vulnerable. We’ve been lucky so far as the terrorist that have tried have been inept. Let’s hope they stay that way.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Juanita the Icon- Interesting article, but I think history will eventually show Barry to be the Worst President Ever. Assuming history itself survives...

@pdwalker- I figured this was my last chance to use the joke.

@CenTexTim- I wish I'd said that!

@Shelly- "Delusional" is absolutely the right word when Barry is claiming to be the "closest thing to a Jewish president" we've ever had. Seriously, I think he's off-the-charts nuts in some significant ways.

@oldgraymary- And let's don't forget "Princess Running Gag." I'm still dumbfounded how many liberals treat minority status and affirmative action as the highest of holy virtues, but don't give a rat's rear end about Warren's abuse of both for her own personal gain.

@John the Econ- Great additional point about the psychological conditioning we've all gone through owing to airport searches. Seriously, when I have to take off my shoes, remove my belt, and turn over my phone and wallet (i.e. wealth, identity, and communication), I feel like it's a short jump to a delousing and a ride in a boxcar.

You make excellent observations on Barry and Warren, too.

@Daddy Dave- It's hard to go wrong with the classics.

@Colby Muenster- I'm sure that there were a lot of people all around the world who disliked the United States, but like it more under Barry. Because it's weaker, less involved on the world stage, more socialistic, more concerned about the climate, etc. But none of that translates into "respect" from the only players who really mean anything: enemies and allies.

@Geoff King- I'm always pleased to see Barry's poll numbers sink, but always distressed that so many people think (and will always think) he's the second coming.

@Rod- I think all presidents care about their legacy, but not many spend their time yapping about it in public. Not to be offensive, but I see this as ego-masturbation.

@txGreg- Not to mention the posters saying "Yes We Canoe."

@PRY- Truth be told, when I first heard Barry's "most respected" quote I thought it was from an old story rather than a fresh one. Turns out I was mistaking it for his quote from some weeks ago about having made the world a safer place. The man is certifiable.

@Anonymous- I think Barry only read into the Bible as far as "In the beginning was the Word, and the the Word was with God, and the Word was God" - at which point he thought, "Hey, I can use words. I must be God!" I think he believes that whatever he says becomes reality.

@Joseph ET- We've got good people doing their best to keep this country safe, but I think we've been very, very lucky. Our country is very vulnerable - and how could it be anything else with the freedoms we all enjoy? I think it's inevitable that we'll have more small scale attacks in the near future - but what I really worry about is the infrastructure attacks which could happen to the power grid or water supplies. I don't think we're currently doing remotely enough to protect those assets.

John the Econ said...

More of the silly things he says:

Obama’s boast: ‘I am the closest thing to a Jew that has ever sat’ in the Oval Office

And I guess it's true that Bill Clinton was the closest thing to a black man than has ever sat in the Oval Office.

Wait, I thought they swore this was not the case!

IRS finally admits illegals can get back taxes under Obama amnesty

Guess we were lied to on that too.

And like a broken record, I have to go off again on one of the biggest scams (after "Climate Change") that has been screwing the "middle class" for the near exclusive benefit of bankers and Wall Street for almost a decade now, and will continue to do so until the next crash:

I.M.F. Urges Fed to Delay Raising Interest Rates

As I've been saying almost from the beginning, every time it's suggested that it's time that the Federal Reserve stop screwing savers and raise interest rates, there will always be a reason not to. This time, it's from the IMF. If you are wondering why the mega-rich are able to bid up rare art to record levels or are building half-billion dollar spec homes, the trillions of dollars of money sloshing around created by near-zero interest rates are why. The Obama era has been great for those people.

Joseph ET said...

A former co-worker sent me this link that shows What the Middle East thinks of Obama. This YouTube video should be seen by all Americans.
is where original unedited clip was taken from. They do invaluable work in detailing and reporting on the media in the Middle East.

pdwalker said...



I'm pretty sure there is room for another.