Friday, February 13, 2015

Grey Expectations

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, isis, terror, fifty shades of grey, abu ghraib

This week, Barack Obama asked Congress for additional military authorization to degrade ISIS but, as in the case of "Fifty Shades of Grey," it's not entirely sure yet who's actually going to get a spanking.

For those who may not know (i.e., conservatives) "Fifty Shades of Grey" is a film based on a best-selling erotic novel in which women are shamed, punished, shackled, spanked, and tortured - and they freaking love it. As do the millions of randy readers and progressives who claimed to be outraged by the far less degrading mischief at Abu Ghraib.

But returning to the president's "Fifty Shades of Fail" strategy, his request for new military powers  contains some odd language which practically sounds like he's begging to have his hands tied (or handcuffed, if that's closer to his fetish). Specifically, he wants Congress to sign off on statutory language which "does not authorize the use of the United States Armed Forces in enduring offensive ground combat operations." Wow, take that ISIS!

But he also wants language stating that "the use of military force shall terminate (in three years) unless reauthorized." In other words,  our kinky commander-in-chief is up for a little playful pain, suffering, and masochism but only if he can first establish a "safe word" which will get him out when he's had enough.

As if all of this wasn't depressing enough, the president (in a recently televised interview) is still describing ISIS as a bunch of non-Islamic "violent zealots" killing "random folks."

Clearly, B. Hussein enjoys wearing a blindfold - but Hope n' Change would never ever ever suggest that it's because he gets an erotic thrill out of it.

Although, it might help explain how he was able to father children.

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, fifty shades of grey

BONUS: Calendar Girl

lefty lucy, liberal, progressive, political, humor, cartoon, stilton jarlsberg, conservative, clueless, young, red hair, green glasses, cute, democrat, black history month, friday the 13th, racism
Damn those Gregorians!

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Duck And Coverage

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, msnbc, harris-perry, holder, duck, deliverance
The day Holder found out what "Lean Forward" actually means.
Things took a decidedly weird turn this week when alleged news network MSNBC's Melissa "Super Absorbency" Harris-Perry interviewed Attorney General Eric "Real Purty Mouth" Holder and asked him to quack like a duck.

The bizarre request was predicated by Ms. Harris-Perry's revelation that she and her imaginary fans have nicknamed Holder "The Duck." Which made sense to Hope n' Change since we assumed it was her way of crediting the outgoing Attorney General with helping the Obama Administration "duck" Benghazi, Fast & Furious, Illegal Immigration, the IRS scandals and more.

But noOOooo. The reason he's called "The Duck" is because, in Holder's words, "for an African-American guy, the thing was to be cool, you know? You gotta be cool." So he always tries to present a calm demeanor on the surface, but "those little duck feet are just moving as fast as they can underneath!"

Frankly, this is an image which we'd really rather not have in our heads, because we now also visualize Holder gobbling soaking wet bread crusts and cluelessly squirting diarrhea as he waddles aimlessly around the Department of Justice. Although in fairness, we were imaging those things long before we heard of this whole "duck" business.

In the interest of trying to find something - anything - nice to say about this idiocy, we'll concede that Ms. Harris-Perry is every bit as good a journalist as Mr. Holder has been an Attorney General.

We just wish that both of them would hurry up and get the flock out of here.

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, brian williams, lie, french quarter, holder

BREAKING UPDATE: Brian Williams has officially been suspended from NBC without pay for six months. In the interim, another liar will take his place on the NBC Might Be News.

BONUS: Check out Lefty Lucy's understated reaction to the news about Jon Stewart leaving the Daily Show.

Monday, February 9, 2015

Now And Zen

lefty lucy, liberal, progressive, political, humor, cartoon, stilton jarlsberg, conservative, clueless, young, red hair, green glasses, cute, democrat, history, meditation, obama jokes

We're keeping things short and simple today (hey, it is Monday after all), but can't help speculating that young Barack "Christianity and Western Civilization have always sucked" Obama must have treated history class the same way. At least, when he wasn't out in the parking lot getting high with his "Choom Gang" buddies...

BONUS: SPOT SHOT

All of the political brouhaha surrounding measles and vaccines reminded us of this old cartoon from our good friend and eternal victim Johnny Optimism...

johnny optimism, medical, humor, sick, jokes, boy, wheelchair, doctors, hospital, stilton jarlsberg, measles, vaccines, vaccinations, german