Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Rob the Rich

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, dick van dyke, bernie sanders, twiloites, walnuts

Although Hope n' Change usually turns a deaf ear to celebrity political endorsements, we have to give serious consideration to beloved centenarian Dick Van Dyke's endorsement of the marginally-younger Bernie Sanders.

"Bernie has lit a fire," said Van Dyke, while cracking open walnuts and staring fixedly at their strange, glowing contents. "He's caught the eye and minds of young people. We've got to put him in the White House." And perhaps get him a nice bowler hat.

Asked if he's joking about the endorsement, an unusually sober Van Dyke admitted to reporters that "I seem to have lost my sense of humor" about politics, and the only thing keeping him from giving Bernie two thumbs up is the fact that both of his thumbs are, oddly, missing.

BONUS: UNDOCUMENTED BLOODSUCKERS 

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, zika, virus, mosquitoes, bats
Not, according to Bill Clinton, that there's anything wrong with a little head.
Health professionals are now in full crisis mode trying to figure out how to keep mosquitoes carrying the Zika virus from crossing our southern borders and infecting the people that American mosquitoes won't infect.

While not yet proven, the Zika virus is thought to raise the possibility that fetuses exposed while in utero (latin for "never visited Planned Parenthood") may be born with microcephaly and, tragically, have a heightened lifelong risk of becoming a Democrat.

While Hope n' Change appreciates the efforts of the medical community to thwart this medical scourge, we're just a little confused about the Obama administration's seemingly oxymoronic decision to actually encourage other pestilence-spreading invaders to enter our country.

Specifically, immigrants with HIV and/or interesting, burning, itching, dripping and oozing STDs  will now be welcomed with open (albeit latex gloved) arms. This new policy finally makes tangible the hallowed words of poet Emma Lazurus as they are inscribed on the Statue of Liberty:

Give me your tired, your poor
Your huddled masses who burn when they pee
The wretched refugees with their streaming sores
Send these, the sexually diseased to me
O what the hell, we can always use more


By the way, until the evil pharmaceutical industry is able to cobble together a Zika vaccine, Hope n' Change would seriously like to encourage individuals and communities to get serious about erecting bat habitats instead of importing refugees with bad habits.

23 comments:

Mike aka Proof said...

Only one thing to say about the Dick Van Dyke endorsement:
Ohhhhhhh, Rob!

Joseph ET said...

It has always amazed me that Dick Van Dyke and numerous multimillionaire celebrities seem to think that rest of us should live under socialism or communism. I’ll be waiting for any of them to lead by example by cashing in ALL of their assets including their multi-million dollar homes, go down to the Watts area of Los Angeles and hand out all the cash. Hypocrite much?

We already know that BHO wants to overload and overwhelm this country. Might as well include the Healthcare system too. It will be easier to let people die off if there isn’t enough healthcare to go around, therefore one must set priorities and provide for those that are productive. That leaves out the disabled and the old folks.

Fred Ciampi said...

And, I too have yet to see any of the Hollywood ultra liberals offer to make available living quarters for all of the refugees that they seem to feel that the rest of us should provide for. Based on the amount of square feet that we hard working conservatives live in (well, those hard working conservatives, I'm retired) Dicky and all the rest can provide for approximately 48.27335 refugees each ... approximately. And they all have swimming pools and green lawns. So there!

REM1875 said...

Many at 90 are sharp as a tack, my dad a WWII combat Marine who served on Okinawa is one. But there are some younger that dick who have senile or presenile (younger burnie voters) dementia. It's best to humor them, be kind and respectful to them, show them love- BUT don't take their damned political advice.
I chalk dick up as a vanishing breed of fdr democrats who onced roamed in great herds, but have done more than enough damage to last.
And next on std's: are we talking about burny or berny? I think but not sure as I have not as of yet been infected by either, that there may be a difference, but I'm not sure. I heard that one leaves you with a wallet and the other doesn't?

TrickyRicky said...

Stilton, bat habitats? Really? Get with the program, which is chopping up bats by the score each and every day with heavily subsidized "green energy" cuisinarts.

Geoff King said...

I am sure that if Trump is elected president he will build a mile-high mosquito net on our southern border and make Brasil pay for it.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Mike aka Proof- You know, it's impossible for me to read the words "Ohhhhhh, Rob!" and not hear them in Mary Tyler Moore's voice.

@Joseph ET- I have long theorized that wealthy celebrities may lean liberal because they know, in their heart of hearts, that they've done nothing which really justifies their insane levels of remuneration and therefore think that the game is rigged for everyone, and wealth really can be produced by magic (assuming that magic is getting a 15% agent's commission).

But as you say, none of them give their wealth away or open their homes to the rabble. Instead, they live in luxury while suggesting that other people's wealth be redistributed.

@Fred Ciampi- The Hollywood liberals you speak of do invite immigrants to their palatial homes with the green lawns and swimming pools. But of course, they all have to leave again once the house is clean, the lawn has been mowed, and the pool is skimmed.

@REM1875- Let us not go a word further without a salute to your Dad, and thanking him for his service! How great that he is still with you (and us)!

Regarding Dick Van Dyke, I don't know if we can write off his opinion due to age, wealth, the Hollywood environment, or pressure from his 46-year-younger wife. But I can't help but still love the guy. The Dick Van Dyke Show is one of my "go to" streaming programs that I use to escape to simpler times of greater moral clarity.

On the topic of STD's, Bernie does seem like one - spreading like wildfire amongst the young and irresponsible.

@TrickyRicky- Yes, the Giant Windmills of Death take a toll on anything that flies in their path. But I'm absolutely serious that we should be making an effort to increase bat populations to help control the increasing number of mosquito-borne illnesses. It would be inexpensive to do so, ecologically sound, and (bonus!) make nights awesome.

@Geoff King- Well, that's the buzz anyway.

Titan Mk6B said...

Uhny Uftz.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Titan Mk6B- You just made me very happy.

John the Econ said...

Another old, rich white guy for Bernie. Whatever.

Speaking of, is anyone generating a list of celebutwits swearing to leave the country should Donald Trump become President? I'm still waiting for anyone on my list of people who promised to leave after GWB won his 2nd term. I'd argue that such a list presents a sound argument as to why one should vote for Trump, except that rich leftists never seem to follow through on the threat, especially when they see what rich leftists get to pay in taxes elsewhere, what what they get back for their taxes.

"I have long theorized that wealthy celebrities may lean liberal because they know, in their heart of hearts, that they've done nothing which really justifies their insane levels of remuneration and therefore think that the game is rigged for everyone, and wealth really can be produced by magic (assuming that magic is getting a 15% agent's commission).

But as you say, none of them give their wealth away or open their homes to the rabble. Instead, they live in luxury while suggesting that other people's wealth be redistributed."


I think it's more than theory. That phenomenon also applies to those who believe that "You didn't build that", like our current President and privileged populist politicians like Elizabeth Warren who got "special" treatment on their ways to the top.

"The Hollywood liberals you speak of do invite immigrants to their palatial homes with the green lawns and swimming pools. But of course, they all have to leave again once the house is clean, the lawn has been mowed, and the pool is skimmed." That one wins you the "Belly Laugh of the Day" award.

Zika: The real news is that it turns out that Zika is transmitted just as efficiently by sexual contact as it is by mosquito. So considering our open-borders immigration non-policy, keeping the mosquitoes out of the country isn't really our biggest problem.

I've often wondered if part of the Progressive agenda is not for the socialization of disease just as it's for the socialization of wealth in the name of "fairness". After all, it's just not fair that people who chose to live healthier lifestyles also enjoy healthier lives.

Mal said...

It's as if Dick now has "the gift and the ability to say things that, uh... seem vague but are in reality meaningless."

Anonymous said...

Would Zika be another lasting legacy of Rachel Carson? Libs, geeze! regards, Alemaster

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John the Econ- That fact that Zika can be sexually transmitted not only means that it will be warmly accepted while incubating in immigrants with other interesting and/or deadly sexual afflictions, it also means that it will soon be a "protected" virus deserving of parties, fundraisers, ribbons, and pride rallies.

If widespread enough, eventually no group of people will be considered to "look like America" unless one of them has a noggin the size (and approximate use) of a Sunkist orange.

@Mal- Exactly! Which makes it odd that he's not actually running for office himself. Although I do seem to recall a two-parter episode in which Rob ran for City Council in New Rochelle.

@Anonymous- I'll bet that today's environmental crybabies don't even know who Rachel Carson was, or the indescribable (albeit unintentional) damage she did. And mind you, I'm a VERY pro-environment guy, so I'm really only singling out those who believe that hugging trees is more important than understanding ecosystems and using science.

And again I'll say: BATS! We need more BATS! Here's a lovely bat house on Amazon for just $33! If you buy one, you'll not only be helping to protect your family and community, but you'll also get the reputation as being "that guy who raises bats." Who says you need to be a millionaire to be considered eccentric?

Dan said...

If you like bats, and happen to be around Austin during the proper season (I think I was back there in August the year I was able to see them), the Congress Avenue bridge over Town Lake (now Lady Bird Lake or some silliness) has a tremendous population of bats. Folks come from all over just to watch them sally forth just at nightfall. Quite an experience.

Lracgoessouth said...

Could someone explain this? I've been drinking heavily since Obama took office.

Robert Tatro said...

I don't need a bat house. People have been saying I have bats in my belfry for years. See I just saved $33 which I'm sure the penile Bernie will take away from me if he becomes President.

Judi King said...

Darn!!! Now I have to quit watching "The Dick Van Dyke show" and " Diagnosis Murder", two of my favorite retro shows. These libtards need to put their money where their mouth is.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Dan- I've not seen the bats in Austin but am very familiar with them and would like to visit the Congress Avenue bridge sometime. I'm told that every evening, there's also a huge cloud of bats which emerges from somewhere under stately Wayne manor.

@Lracgoessouth- You and me both.

@Robert Tatro- Still, isn't it nice to enjoy a mosquito-free belfry?

@Judi King- Nope, you don't have to stop watching or enjoying Dick Van Dyke in anything. He's making a poor choice of candidate, but unlike the Dixie Chicks he didn't go out of his way to insult anyone. And if you watch the Dick Van Dyke Show you'll see that it celebrates what were commonly recognized at the time as moral virtues: marriage, responsibility, honest, public-mindedness, neighborliness, respect for others, and more.

Dick is still on my "good guy" list.

Friedrich Hayek said...

This is what Team Trump/Sanders/VJinton are doing to the US.

Go TEAM FASCIST!

porkyspen said...

"...in utero (latin for "never visited Planned Parenthood")"

That was awesome, well done!

Dan said...

Re: Bats. Don't know about Wayne Manor, but I always kinda figured the population between 11th and 15th streets up congress avenue was full of bats. Ahh. Texas. Best legislature money can buy.

Rod said...

@Dan: A comparison of our state congress with that of Texas could be interesting. I've lived in both places. Always a few good ones; but taken as a whole: Dumb as stumps. We get severe winter weather here and I drove past the Capitol on the way to work. Many in their suits didn't have enough sense to wear a proper winter coat outside. Or maybe they didn't trust the others not to steal it off the rack.

Bruce Bleu said...

Because I understand the great value of Pulitikul Kerrecktniss I will be careful. I think someone was confused about "Penis Van Lesbian"... his IQ is 90, not his age. Bernme Sanders... REALLY? Hey, Penis... remember how your ilk went apoplectic when a "fossil" named Ronald Reagan ran for President at the age of 69? Remember the concern that he was the "walking dead" because he was so old? Remember how RR had to joke about Abe Lincoln personally TELLING him something to take the "edge" off his age? Well, Bernme Sanders will be 75 in November 2016, and he ALREADY looks/sounds/smells older than King Tut!