Monday, April 11, 2016

Paradise Loused

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, hillary, original sin, adam and eve
Also in the news, the FBI versus Apple. Coincidence? We think not.
In a wide-ranging interview with Fox News, Barack Obama acknowledged that people are "properly outraged at (the) ineptitude of the government" and political corruption - but argued that our system is the best possible "given that we are human and given original sin."

That's right - the unholy mess that is Washington can trace its tangled and deceitful roots all the way back to the Garden of Eden and a wanton indiscretion with a Winesap. But if we accept the premise that hopelessly convoluted bureaucracy, wild overspending, inept foreign policy, divisive rhetoric, and crony capitalism are all due to original sin, then solving these problems is clearly out of human hands and calls for divine intervention.

Which, in fact, is what Barry thinks he's been doing in God-like fashion for the past seven years. Although in fairness, anyone who spent 20 years in Jeremiah Wright's spittle-flying America-hating church is going to come out pretty hazy on both theology and scripture.

During the same interview, the Reverend Obama declared that there would be no political interference with the investigation into Hillary Clinton's screamingly obvious violations of every conceivable American security policy and general criminality (seemingly unaware of the blatant politicization inherent in his presidential declaration that she's done nothing wrong).

“I guarantee that there is no political influence in any investigation conducted by the Justice Department, or the FBI," Barry said while trying his best not to snort-laugh. "Not just in this case, but in any case. Full stop. Period. Guaranteed. Full stop."

Which is pretty much the same guarantee he made after previously saying "...and if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor!"

The lying snake.

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, hillary, original sin, adam and eve, johnny appleseed, apple, biden

24 comments:

Joseph ET said...

Stilton you nailed it again. We know that the more he uses the words ‘Period or Guaranteed’ the bigger the lie. If it should ever be shown that he lied, he will just spin it. And what is the punishment for lying in Washington? None, Period, Guaranteed!

TrickyRicky said...

How typical. Unable to take blame for anything, anything at all. The ravenous beast that is Washington is not the politicians' and bureaucrats' fault, it's all out of their hands. What a freaking crock. Meanwhile the average serf spends more each year on taxes than on food, clothing and housing combined.

http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/americans-spend-more-on-taxes-than-food-clothing-housing-combined/article/2587799

Judi King said...

Soooo the snake is preaching to us about original sin. As Christians know, Jesus saves us from ALL sin, if we believe, but what would the godless dic know about that. I say, nice try dic but you're not fooling anyone.

Anonymous said...

Stilton, you watched so we don't have to. You should get a medal.

chef621 said...


NEW WORD FOR THE DAY (sorry, the worm in the apple made me do it)

ELECTILE DYSFUNCTION: the inability to become
aroused over any of the choices for President, put
forth by either party in the 2016 election year.

Cat Whisperer said...

If thou art a criminal, in the country illegally, or a foreign power hostile to the United States, then through Obama (PBUH) shall thou knowest forgiveness. Witnesseth his many acts of pardoning or commuting the sentences of coke dealers for their original sin and numerous subsequent sins. Yea, even a Clinton may be miraculously cleansed of culpability for her crimes though the grace of Obama (PBUH)!

Geoff King said...

Just for the record, the Bible never says that the forbidden fruit was an apple. It merely was the "Fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil".
It just as easily could have been a kumquat or a kiwi. More likely is that it was a fruit which no longer exists since there seems to be little recognition of the difference between good and evil these days.

Bruce Bleu said...

For lamont to infer anything about the Garden of Eden makes me wonder how the story would change if the "original sin" characters were Adam and Chewbacca.
Joseph ET, If lamont's lips are moving, he's LYING!
Cat Whisperer, I never heard of lauding "lord lamont" with the comment "Puke Be Upon Him". Well played.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Joseph ET- I'm surprised he didn't throw in that there's not "a scintilla of evidence" of wrongdoing on Hillary's part.

@TrickyRicky- I'm sending my check to the IRS today and it's way bigger than my combined total of food, clothing, and housing. Of course, if my liquor budget had been included the results would be different.

@Judi King- I think the president is a snake, which explains his name: Barack Hissing Obama.

@Anonymous- I don't know if I need a medal or a muzzle; I shouted at the TV the whole time.

@chef621- I think the only people not suffering from electile dysfunction are Trump's supporters. But of course, they're powered by MIAGRA-vation. (Wow, that came so close to being a respectable joke without actually getting there...)

@Cat Whisperer- We should all worship Obama. He lied for our sins.

@GeoffKing- I went with the apple because it's a commonly agreed upon cultural symbol even if not scripturally accurate. But believe me, given my druthers for the purposes of humor, I'd way prefer that it was a kumquat.

@Bruce Bleu- I'm surprised Michelle hasn't suggested that paradise originally consisted of "the garden of healthy eatin'."

Alfonso Bedoya said...

Winesap-lovers should be fuming! Has Pope Obama EVER told the truth?

Sortahwitte said...

Note to goober: you are crazy. Crazier than a shithouse rat.

John the Econ said...

Well, that's a new one. They're all incompetent managers of our resources because of "original sin". And that's a justification for running our lives. So citizen, just sit back and take it because this is the best they have to offer.

Here's another example of why I couldn't go into journalism, because when hearing incredible answers to questions like that, my only possible response would have to be "Seriously?".

Sorry Mr. President. Free market capitalism is the only system that competes with "original sin" as opposed to being a client of it. Under your system, the sinners are only rewarded for their sins. (Hillary Clinton being a fine example) We're still waiting for the heads to roll the the IRS, EPA, State Department, and all the other agencies that have been caught "sinning" under your leadership. Under free markets, "sinners" who cannot deliver the goods go out of business to be replaced by those that can.

As for there being no "political bias" in the handling of inevitable President Hillary Clinton, we already know that's a lie because after roughly 40 years of these kind of shenanigans, the Clintons still have not faced formal criminal charges for anything. Under Obama's paradigm, that streak is the only thing that "guaranteed".

NVRick said...

@John the Econ
"Under free markets, "sinners" who cannot deliver the goods go out of business to be replaced by those that can."
BetaMax and HD-DVD being two examples of marketplace laws of supply and demand. In those cases, the supply was there, but the demand--not so much. Kind of like Obamacare. But unlike Obamacare, the SCOTUS didn't say we would be "taxed" if we didn't buy them.

John the Econ said...

@NVRick, speaking of ObamaCare:

ObamaCare Will Cost $136 Bil More, Cover Fewer People Than We Thought, CBO Says

"...ObamaCare is now slated to spend $1.94 trillion over the next decade, and yet still leave one in 10 Americans without insurance.

Got that? Obama and the Democrats told us that just had to have ObamaCare because roughly 10% of Americans didn't have access to health insurance. And yet after a decade and literally trillions of dollars spent, 10% of Americans will still be without insurance!

The only difference I can see is that now, those without insurance will mostly be in the middle class.

That, my friends, is a SIN.

Rod said...

I'm thankful that other, stronger, people still listen to the Son of a Bitch and through them it's possible to hear what he's up to... when I want to.

Shelly said...

@Rod, I agree. Reading his words is bad enough, but actually hearing him speak and watching him lie and spin are activities I have divested myself of. He disgusts me.

James Daily said...

It is impossible for a Muslim to lie to an infidel. So, he ain't lyin'.

Judi King said...

muslims CAN lie to anyone they want.....it's part of their cult's "holy" book.

Rod said...

The Lie-ee is usually the best judge about liars; lairs lie to themselves as well.
We can keep this simple: Lying becomes a habit when liars get away with it and when media broadcasts it. Soap in the mouth as a kid and other consequences like standing with their nose in the corner need to make a big comeback, but that's probably child abuse now. Lie to me; I'm done with you; & that goes for Obama & Clinton big-time. They're skilled professionals at it. Since their religion condones lying, I might start at being suspicious about Islamist as well, until personally demonstrated otherwise. That's not bias; it's good sense. Don't like it? Go pound sand or change your book. Lying is an entry-level reason to not vote for people no matter one's left-center-right leaning. We don't really need get to get into everything these incumbents have screwed up; but it's out there as well for people who tolerate liars better. Democrats really need to wake up. In other ways so do Republicans.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Alfonso Bedoya- I think Obama told the truth once when he said that he bowled like someone from the Special Olympics.

@Sortahwitte- Your comment reminds us that brevity is the soul of accuracy.

@John the Econ- I agree that we need more journalists who are willing to respond "are you effing kidding me?!" when Obama says nonsense like this. I'm pretty sure that when Jesus hung on the cross, He didn't turn his eyes skyward and say "Forgive Hillary, Father, for she knew not what she was doing when she set up a private server to hide her dirty deals and influence peddling."

And the notion that there's "no political bias" in any investigations by the DOJ is preposterous. Fast & Furious, Lois Lerner, and Black Panthers threatening voters spring to mind. How about the arrest of the "Benghazi video" maker, or the recent DOJ raid on the home of the guy who did the Planned Parenthood videos? Please...

@NVRick- Capitalism (and specifically competition) really does take the "sin" out of the system for the most part. It's hard to abuse a customer when the guy next door will sell him the same product or service for less.

@John the Econ- "Costs More, Delivers Less" would be a great slogan for Obamacare. Just like we warned for years and years here. Dammit.

@Rod- It's pretty much physically painful to listen to the man.

@Shelly- You're right that reading the words is bad enough, but you really need to hear his sneering, unctuous delivery to really savor his sheer awfulness.

@James Daily & Judi King- I forget the term, but Judi's right that there's a specific Islamic term for lying to infidels. It's condoned and encouraged.

@Rod- I completely agree. One who lies is a liar, and even their subsequent truths should be doubted. And I also agree that Obama is so self-obsessed that he no longer knows or cares when he's lying. Like the Pope, he has divine infallibility - so whatever he says, no matter how ridiculous, must be true.

John the Econ said...

So I finally saw some of the Obama interview in question. The incredulous thing was that right after Obama says he can't comment on the investigation, he proceeds to comment on it. No interference here.

And as far as for Hillary having done an "outstanding" job as Secretary of State: It makes one wonder what a "disastrous" job would have looked like.

Pete (Detroit) said...

Stilt, the word you're looking for is (forgive spelling) I think Taqqya, the principle of telling the infidel what they want to hear so you can get close enough to stick the knife in.

Obummer was lying about "being all like Special Olympics in there" too - as proved when the reigning SO Bowling champion (who carries like a 266 average, and has had a few perfect games) offered to come by and coach him. Proving that not only was he a better athlete, but a better human as well.
Press, natch, said nothing.
Imagine if W had said something like that?

(ok, not the guy I remember being interviewed, but in trope...)
http://www.tmz.com/2009/03/20/special-olympics-champ-to-barack-bring-it-on/

Joseph ET said...

What Does Islam Teach About Deception, Lying and Taqiyya

Anonymous said...

Original Sin is why we have the Ten Commandments - which Obama and his friends don't seem to respect.