Monday, July 25, 2016

Now It's Getting In Tents

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, democrat, convention, hillary, bernie, freak show
Abandon hope all ye who enter here.
Hurry, hurry - step right up! The big DNC Freak Show is about to begin! For four days and four days only, you'll see human oddities, nature's mistakes, and performers who mystify, terrify, and refuse to testify! They're all alive and all inside! (Don't push, kid, there's room for everyone!)

For the price of one small vote (additional donations happily accepted, foreign currency welcome), you'll see the entire cavalcade of curiosities waiting for you just inside the heavily-guarded doors of the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia!

SEE: The Human Pincushion, Bernie Sanders, 
as he is jabbed and needled repeatedly by supposedly impartial members of the DNC!

SEE: The Bearded Lady, Michelle Obama, 
who has been her husband's beard for decades!

SEE: The Tattooed Woman, Lena Dunham, 
who will delight you with her tales of false rape accusations 
and true descriptions of sexually violating her baby sister!

SEE: The Human Skeleton, Bill "End-stage Syphilis" Clinton!

SEE: The Amazing Sword Swallower
(We don't know her name because she 
just ducked into a back room with Bill Clinton.)

SEE: The Brainless Woman who votes with her vagina!

But wait! That's only the beginning of the amazing marvels waiting to transport you into a four year progressive wonderland of terrors and delights!

SEE: Snail Boy, Barack Obama, 
as he presides over the slowest economic recovery in history 
and struggles to get out the words "radical Islamic terror!"

SEE: The mother of Gentle Giant Michael Brown
who shares the story of the gargantuan attempted cop-killer 
who transformed into a liberal martyr right before our eyes!

SEE: The Pickled Punks 
Is there really one born every minute? Not anymore, thanks to your tax dollars!
Planned Parenthood's Cecile Richards presents the Kermit Gosnell collection of
babies in brine, feet in formaldehyde, and juveniles in jars!

SEE: Magistrate The Magician
A conjurist in black robes who will take Antonin Scalia's seat 
and make Constitutional amendments vanish!

SEE: The Unwilling Fire Eater, Ambassador Chris Stevens! 
(Please, no video recording!)

SEE: The star of the show, Serpentina the Snake Woman, Hillary Clinton, 
as she slithers out of one scandal after another!

Mothers bring your daughters! Fathers bring your sons! You'll be stunned! You'll be shocked! Your world will be rocked! So hurry, hurry, hurry! See the land of the freaks and the home of the brazen! The big show is starting NOW!


Sortahwitte said...

Sorry, I'm gonna sit this one out. I have my collection of dvd's, including Serenity, Firefly, Dr. Strangelove, Full Metal Jacket, We Were Soldiers, Second Hand Lions, Victory At Sea, and even one forbidden vhs of Song of the South. I will make popcorn which I will consume with bourbon and coke slushes. See you on the other side.

FlyBoy said...

Hey, Stilt- You forgot the "leather-faced lady" aka Debbie "Blabbermouth" Schultz; Oh, wait a minute, she's been dis-invited amid accusations of favoritism for the Hildebeast!

It's gonna' be a bit hard for us "Great Unwashed" to get into this freak-show, as the DNC had an EIGHT-FOOT HIGH CHAIN LINK FENCE put up around the convention center!

Meanwhile, the Philly cops' union is purportedly furious that Clinton has invited the families of police shootings to speak, while completely ignoring the families of the slain Officers from the past few weeks.

I think I'll pass on the whole shebang, and let my favorite Radio Talk Show Host winnow out all of the usual crap that spews forth from the Dems pie-holes.

JC said...

Good work on the patter.

pdwalker said...

nailed it.

Jim Irre said...

Sorry, it ISN'T worth the price of admission. I'm gonna ignore this one just like I ignored last week's debacle. I can't do politics anymore unless there's a dose of conservative comedy involved.

I'm really sick of it all. I'll count on your alcohlic wit to try and make me giggle once or twice. Good luck!

Rod said...

I hope Trump has made a great, great deal to buy Bernie's change-of-heart endorsement. Watch for that on Thursday night. But mostly I'm passing on this circus. Well OK, I WOULD tune in to watch 'em shoot Debbie out of a cannon at Hillary. That would be much better than their usual old train wrecks.

Bobo the Hobo said...

Stilt, I want to be you when I grow up.

Dr. Strangelove said...

I wish people would show a little more respect for the First Wookie.

Applemask said...

t's going to have to go some to beat last week's one.

chef621 said...

Sung to the tune of "Too Fat Polka"

I don't want her, you can have her, she lies to much for me,
lies to much for me, lies to much for me.
Oh, I don't want her you can have her, she lies to much for me,
lies to much, lies to much, lies to much for me!

TrickyRicky said...

Nice illustration Stilton, very creepy indeed. I keep thinking I will wake up from this nightmare. This isn't real, it's an insane Fellini-directed story by Kafka or Stephen King. Oh well, I always figured if I went to hell in a bucket it would be my own doing, not collective insanity sucking me down the drain with everyone else.

Fred Ciampi said...

Well, I was just going to swill some moonshine and watch all of my Clint Eastwood movies but I think I'll go and see The Donald in Roanoke instead. I will send in my report tomorrow.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Sortahwitte- Good movies, good snacks, good strategy.

@FlyBoy- I think the giant fence around the convention center speaks volumes about the Dems' hypocrisy. And if you're scared enough to put up an 8 foot fence, it seems like a questionable time to insult the cops who you hope to protect you.

@JC- I'm a genuine devotee of the old 10-in-1 freak shows, back before political correctness put them out of business. I have recordings of carnival talkers (not "barkers") and pleasant memories from half a century ago of seeing the "freaks" who I simply considered celebrities. And far more respectable than those taking the stage this week in Philadelphia.

@pdwalker- Thanks. I genuinely wanted to figure out a way to add calliope music, but it was just going to be too difficult. Hopefully, everyone imagined it anyway.

@Jim Irre- I'm increasingly of the same mind; politics just isn't fun to watch anymore (if it ever was).

@Rod- Trump should be making solid arguments to appeal to the Bernie voters right now. The degree to which the whole Democratic primary has been shown to be completely rigged is jaw-dropping, even for those of us who suspected as much all along. And wow, it would be yuuuuuuuge if Bernie threw his support to Trump.

@Bobo the Hobo- This "growing up" thing you speak of - I'm afraid I've never done it.

@Dr. Strangelove- Indeed, people are sometimes unfair to Michelle. But she can light up a whole room just by leaving it.

@Applemask- I think the Dems have assembled the considerable firepower necessary to top last week's wackiness. Oh sure, the Right sometimes flirts with craziness, but the Left has perfected it.

@chef621- I love it! Let me round up some tuba players and I'll meet you at the convention center!

@TrickyRicky- I agree. If we look in our national rear view mirror, we're going to see Rod Serling standing next to the fork in the road our country shouldn't have taken. We're in strange, surreal times - and yes, there's more of a scent of brimstone than cotton candy in the air.

@Fred Ciampi- I'll look forward to your report from the front while I keep my eye on the affront in Philadelphia.

David in SoCal said...

Stilty: You get TWO gold stars on your calendar for today's 'toon and talker's points....'Reverend!'

Bobo-n-Dr. J: May we NEVER grow grow up and act our current age; SALUD!

Found the soundtrack to today's post:

Rod: If they were going to shoot Issaman-Shultz out of a cannon, Screamery would have the point of impact targeted in her crotch, with Debbie landing face-first.......

"Debbie Carpet Munches Hillary" is the name of my new band.

jlw said...

calliope music

Rad2243 said...

Absolutely Brilliant.....think I might have to enlarge and frame...maybe you should and collect the proceeds....old time circus poster....

Walter1694cir said...

I be goin to fillydellfayah so I be ables to see all dem freaky folks. My EBT and Snap card gets me in. Da main purpuss is to git enuff hands to pic cotton...being itll start comin in reel soon.

Stilt, keep the fire hot on this bunch of ne'er de wells. It's open season and whenever hunting, hunt over a baited field...of watermelons!

Racially intended? Yup!

Emmentaler Limburger said...

I wonder how they'll top the booing of God extravaganza from 2016? Perhaps wrap up with a jen-you-wine black mass?

John the Econ said...

Indeed. Every 4 years, the left and their media cohort predict the drama and violence to be expected at the GOP conventions. The worst they got was Melania Trump's lame speech and a bunch of hate groups throwing pee at each other. Even with countless "open carry" advocates openly carrying, not a shot was fired. Once again, the Progressive narrative implodes.

Today starts the real freak show:

Bernie: The recent Wikileaks dump of DNC email (with more to come) reveals what the smarter here have known all along; that Hillary's coronation was rigged from the start, and that allowing Bernie to run got way out of control to the point where the ironically named Democratic Party had to act, and did. If I was one of Bernie's kids, I'd be pissed and even more cynical. Some will retaliate by voting for Trump, or some other candidate. Some will make themselves seen in Philadelphia. Should be fun.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz is out for orchestrating it all, but don't fret for her. She's already secured employment with Hillary.

Lena Dunham: Today, representing the peak of Progressive cultural evolution, and hypocrisy. The left will go apoplectic over Trump's treatment of women, but will celebrate a tattooed pornographer pervert who cheerfully writes of imaginary rapes and sexually violating her baby sister? What's not to love? I don't know who's more psychologically damaged; Lena Dunham herself, or the throng of people who think she's brilliant, or even those who think she's worthy as a spokeshole. In fact, she's a walking icon of why the Muslims legitimately hate us.

Brainless Vagina Voters: I'm embarrassed to say that I actually know some of these. I've actually encountered conversations where these women couldn't care less about Hillary's transparent corruption or ineptitude, but only care that they believe that she will make sure that they can continue to get abortions on demand. (And some of these are lesbians, go figure!) As I've said here before, if the GOP really wanted to destroy both abortion and the Democratic party, they'd come out for free abortion on demand. It may be the only way left to stop Idiocracy.

Michael Brown: Let's make America great for America's thugs? BTW, catch this one? Seems that a building owner isn't happy with the fictional account of Michael Brown's martyrdom, and are using an obscure federal law to prevent it's removal.

I am disappointed that I don't see any Islamic refugees on the schedule. It would have been interesting to see them up on the stage with Lena, the Vagina Voters, and the other freaks. Perhaps it's because the whole refugee thing is suffering a bit of an image problem at the moment. Or perhaps it's because Muslims know better than to be in the same room with these crackpots.

What we will actually be seeing starting tonight is the progression of the Progressive's War on the Middle Class. Everything on this stage is at war with America's core values, and wealth. My only hope is that there are enough sane and not-bought-off citizens left to vote for the alternatives come November.

jlw said...

@ Emmentaler Limburger

the booing of God was in 2012. i'm sure that's what you meant

John the Econ said...

Now listening hedge fund billionaire, Clinton supporter and enviro-fascist Tom Steyer nail the above by saying the purpose of a convention is for the party to explain to the public what they are about, and then to "Come together behind the ideals of the Democratic Party and push forward."

Seriously. The freak show above is what they're about, what they're selling, and what they're "pushing" for. And they say voting for Trump is insane?

Shelly said...

Oh, Stilt, thank you so much for today's post. I needed just that to take my mind off this year's dismal election. And thanks to you for watching this week's nightmare as I cannot bear to do so. I'm afraid if I watch, I might have a head bobbing, eye rolling seizure like Hillary did. If you haven't seen it, it's worth a Google. I'm hoping she has another one when Trump slices and dices her at the debates. Her docs better up the anti-seizure medication. Ah, Debbie, so happy to see her face off the TV forever. She is one of the most vile human beings ever. Of course, she got a job with the Hillary campaign. She was working for it anyway and this just cuts out the middleman. Thank you WikiLeaks for exposing what we already knew but were poo pooed for saying so. And please please have the emails Hillary so desperately wanted to hide showing the corruption between her State Dept. and the Clinton Crime/Money Laundering Syndicate but wait until October please.

graylady said...

Sorry, that wasn't a seizure, just an exaggerated bobble headed movement. Proving that HRC is as empty headed as any other bobbleheaded politician.

Jack said...

Waste of time just like the RNC. Crop of turds to the left and to the right. How about a viable Libertarian who can manage to get on the ballot in all 50 states? That one may bear consideration.

Doug said...

Right on Mr. Stilton!

Historian said...


I would vote for a Libertarian P/VP slate of candidates if the Libertarian Party had nominated one. Neither Johnson nor Weld especially seem to understand the ZAP, the essence of Libertarianism. What to do, what to do? I confess, sometimes SMOD seems like the only answer.

Regards, Historian

Grumpy Curmudgeon said...

Twilight Zone Dedux:

“You are about to enter another dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between cunning and deception, between light and Machiavellian evil, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his debauchery. You’ve just crossed over into the Hillary Zone…

Submitted for your approval…Imagine if you will….it is the 25th of July, 2016, and you are attending the pro forma coronation of Future Queen Hillary.

Reason has been vanquished. Plagues and pestilence reign in the nation, for it is truly a time of woes, the end of times. Debbie the Unclean has called the huddled masses to order and the Queen Presumptive marches to the dais.

Egads… amongst the squeals of the adoring, besotted, and unwashed masses, cries ring out - bands of evil gnomes garbed in the dark blue of the Bern-Bots are swooping down, applying manacles, and perp walking the Queen Presumptive off to the Bowels of Wiki_Justice where lurks Bern The Inflamer.

Horrors!!!! The wretched humanity wails “Who will save us????”

Stay Tuned….

John the Econ said...

Decided to watch the train wreck last night, and noted a couple of interesting things.

Comedienne Sarah Silverman: Why is the Democratic Party so overwhelmingly represented by comedians? She is forced to go off-script, and tells Bernie's kids that they're "being ridiculous". Really? A comedian solely known for being irreverent lecturing others on proper public decorum?

Sarah, aren't the Bernie millennials your core audience? Are you now just another shill for the corrupt establishment you've spent a career supposedly ridiculing? Unless you're gunning for a moderator job on PMSNBC, I'd say your career trajectory just took another downward turn. But I don't think I'm telling her anything she doesn't already know.

Paul Simon: Oh Paul. That was painful to both see and hear.

Guffaw of the night: Elizabeth Warren saying "We believe we must get big money out of politics and root out corruption." Seriously. With a straight face.

Apparently she believes that the best way to put out a house fire is to lob more gasoline and matches at the problem.

Colby Muenster said...

I should probably suck it up and watch the Philadelphia "Bash America Festival," but I can't bear it. Yup, plenty of hypocrisy and propaganda went on at the RNC, but the progressive crowd at the DNC makes the RNC look like a fly speck on the wall.

I chose instead to attend the Trump rally in Winston-Salem last night. Yes, these types of events are intended to pump people up, and I went there knowing that, but now I am a total convert. I heard nothing that disturbed me in the least, and heard a shitload that made me cheer. All speakers were excellent, but Pastor Mark Burns lit it up, as did Trump.

I've blathered here before about voting Libertarian. Yes, it's a noble way to not vote establishment, but folks, we simply can NOT afford even one more liberal Supreme Court Justice!

Geoff King said...

It is quite possible that Gary Johnson will pull more votes from Clinton than from Trump, mainly from the disillusioned Millenial Sander's supporters.
Johnson will be on the ballot in all 50 states, and is only 3 or 4% from being included in the debates. Therefore, voting for Trump because he is not Clinton and is the lesser of two evils, is not nescessarily a valid argument and could do more harm than good in the long run.

John the Econ said...

Again, I have to ask: What makes anyone think that Trump's picks are going to be any better than Hillary's?

Beyond much (but certainly not all) his rhetoric over the last 16 months, what makes anyone thing that he's the least bit "conservative", much less a Constitutionalist? All we have is his word, and his words aren't all that more believable that's Hillary's. All he's got over Hillary is that he's not constantly one step ahead of any criminal indictments.

Beyond that, it's all hot air.

Did any of you catch any of Ivanka Trump's speech last week? It would have fit in nicely in last night's Democratic Convention speeches.

As I've said before, if your are limiting yourselves to the two major parties, your choice consists of one Democrat vs one fascist. And Trump is the Democrat.

Colby Muenster said...

OK... Trump MAY pick liberal judges. Hillary WILL pick liberal judges. Gary Johnson wont pick jusges at all.

John the Econ said...

Will she? Consider this:

Lifetime "public servants" Bill & Hillary are now personally worth in the neighborhood of $200-million. Where did the bulk of that money come from? People who want to totally dismantle capitalism? Hardly. It came largely from very rich people and corporate interests that would not necessarily fare well should the court become dominated by justices pre-disposed to rule against things like rich people, Citizen's United or property rights. I think it's entire likely that we'd actually get less-liberal justices over whatever Trump may do, which nobody actually can guess. Trump probably doesn't even know.

Over the last year, Hillary was forced to go to the hard left because the Sanders phenomenon got totally out of control. (So out of control, that it now appears that even Sanders can no longer control it) But if there's anything we do know for certain about Hillary, it's that absolutely nothing that comes out of her mouth can be taken at face value, ever. Her benefactors know this. She's the establishment's candidate for a reason; she'll be the most predictable. And that predictability will be that she'll govern far less to the left than she says she will today.

An aside: Tonight, Bill Clinton will be the highlight speaker on "A Lifetime Of Fighting For Children And Families" night. Can't make that up. It's also when we'll get the parade of dead-thug moms.

The war on the middle class on parade.

David in SoCal said...

So, listening (while holding back my gag reflex) to Slick Willie talk about Screamery and all her accomplishments at the DNC Concoction; you'd swear she is the reincarnation of Mother Theresa. As I listen to Stain Boy talk about their glorious marriage/political life in Arkansas, I wonder why he's not telling us about all the many southern belles he was slamming (like a cheap screen door in a tornado) in a sleazy hotel room while Arkansas State Troopers are standing guard.(as told to me by Mrs. SoCal's relatives from down yonder) My flat screen now has a protrusion from his growing nose, all the way from Philly.

Pete (Detroit) said...

I found it amusing / appalling that she was phoning in her speech by satellite...
Most important day in the life of this historically selected woman, and che can't be effing bothered to show the hell UP?
The contempt for the common person, it burns, it Berns!!!

as for "politicians for life" - I wish!
Here in MY district, it's multi-generational... Debbie Dingle took over the position of Federal Reprehensitive from her much older husband, who had been in office since the Edsel debuted, and HE took over from HIS father...
Just disgusting...

Pete (Detroit) said...

David - you're sure it was his nose?

also, Stilt - "snail boy" - I'm reminded of the famous line "can a man not like both oysters and snails" (Spartacus, I believe? Some "Movie about gladiators" at any rate, as referenced in Airplane...)
Gzve me an honest chuckle, it did...

David in SoCal said...

Detroit Pete: Positive it was his nose, it came straight out. His wiener would have had a 'left hook' to it. Like you, I too hadda Whiskey Tango Foxtrot moment when she cackled her acceptance. Just more of the same cold hearted, insincere, uncaring, ungrateful bitch that she is.

John the Econ said...

I didn't (couldn't) watch last night. What? She wasn't even there for her acceptance? Lame, but not a surprise. She didn't want to risk a live-tv uprising from the Bernie people. This way, the boos could be muted. I'm willing to bet that wasn't on TV.

John the Econ said...

Oh, and as for our conversation above on just how "conservative" Trump is, or will be, do consider this:

Abandons Last Vestiges Of Conservatism, Promises A Considerable Hike In Minimum Wage

The billionaire businessman said he would use the federal wage as a base and encourage states to implement their own minimum wage that is higher than the $10 figure. But he also said some states need higher wages while others do not.

"If you take New York, it's very expensive to live in New York," Trump said.

The entire reason the GOP is imploding is because it had completely abandoned the free market principles that Reagan fought for, and having done so had become little more than a mere opposition party to the big government Democrats. So instead of implementing socialism immediately, they'd tolerate socialism, but just at a slower rate. So instead of a $15 or $20 minimum wage, Trump's GOP will settle for a $10.

As I've said here many times before, the major parties are offering us a fascist and a Democrat. Of the two, Trump is the Democrat.

The only difference between Trump and nominal Democratss is that Trump has stripped the PC out of being a Democrat. Beyond that, he embodies very little of what we'd consider traditional conservative values. Sorry.

David in SoCal said...

Juan el Econ: Never apologize for pointing out the truth, as you do SO well. It'll sure be interesting to see what really transpires should former Democrat Trumpeter Trump gets the nod. We already know what we'll get with the Wicked Witch of Lost E-mails. This will be quite possibly the grandest 'lesser of two evils' Presidential Election in my 62 years for sure.
God help us.

Spurwing Plover said...

Becuase we ordinary birds dare not mingle with those pompious peafowl least we contaminate their purity with our unclean feathers these dems are arogant and stupid