Monday, August 22, 2016

Cash Dash

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Bill Clinton has announced that the Clinton Family Foundation will stop taking suspicious contributions (which is pretty much ALL of their contributions) if Hillary wins the White House so there can be no question of money improperly influencing her actions as president.

Which, oddly, seems to be a flat out admission that such money has been capable of improperly influencing her actions as Secretary of State - evidence of which is both widespread and of complete disinterest to the DOJ.

Frankly, we think this proclamation is really the Clinton's sleazy way of soliciting a quick influx of funds in the waning days of the election campaign. And it strikes us as odd that the Clinton Foundation would stop accepting contributions if their records - so far unrevealed - really showed that they were spending their money on helping orphans with aids in Africa. Which brings us to...

FROM THE VAULT: PARSE-imonious (5/16/15)

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Following revelations that the non-profit, tax-free Clinton Foundation only spends about 10% of its huge and quite possibly illegal donations on actually helping the sick and poor, a raspy-voiced Bill Clinton declared, "I don’t think there’s anything sinister in trying to get wealthy people in countries that are seriously involved in development to spend their money wisely in a way that helps poor people and lifts them up."

Of course, the "poor people" in question were apparently the "dead broke" Clintons, since only a thin trickle of funds actually makes it to those who are starving and disease-ridden. The rest is spent by the Clinton Foundation on offices, salaries, luxury travel and accommodations, gifts, perks and benefits, email demolition experts, and probably hookers.

"There is no doubt in my mind that we have never done anything knowingly inappropriate in terms of taking money to influence any kind of American government policy," the seemingly syphilitic, impeached ex-president said in an interview on NBC's "Today" show. "That just hasn't happened."

 But let's parse what Bill just did (or didn't) say...

"There is no doubt in my mind" = All that follows is just my personal opinion, not a statement of fact.

"that we"
= All that follows depends on the definition of "we." The entire Clinton Foundation acting unanimously? Bill and Hillary acting in tandem? Bill and whomever else he was thinking about while speaking?

"have never done anything knowingly inappropriate"
= Although they may have avoided "knowing" by having their accounting team handle it. Or they avoided "knowing" by not looking at the governing laws. Meanwhile, "inappropriate" does not exclude actions which were "illegal" or "prohibited" - it's simply a subjective opinion about what Bill and Hillary believed to be appropriate.

"in terms of taking money" = They might have taken stocks, bonds, gold, property, or other items of inconceivable value - but not money per se.

"to influence"
= Of course, it's not "influence" if you simply deliver what the buyer wanted. The Clintons might have taken the money from foreign players "to change," "to cancel," "to re-evaluate," "to ignore," or "to rewrite" policy.

"any kind"
= If the payoff was to influence policy of a specific kind, it wasn't just any kind.

"of American government policy" = And what, specifically, is "American government policy?" Rules drawn up by the president? Congress? The Secretary of State herself? Current policy? Past policy?  Moreover, the accusation is that the donations may have been intended to buy future access to the Clintons, to deal with situations which are not yet "American government policies."

"That just hasn't happened"
= If the word "just" is understood to mean "just now, this instant," everything Bill has just denied may have been happening for years, but not in the 10 seconds prior to his making this statement. Additionally, "happened" could be defined as events which occurred without intent or direction - meaning if the Clintons did every vile trick they're accused of with full intent, none of it "just happened."

In other words, the Clintons can tell the technical truth all day long and still be the biggest liars on the planet. So rather than listen to Bill's words, we're once again paying attention to the finger he's angrily wagging at us.

Last time, it smelled like Monica. This time, it smells like it's been in the cookie jar.

28 comments:

Mike aka Proof said...

The November deadline is like a Summer clearance sale...

S. B. Sweeney said...

Brilliant. Brilliant expose of treachery.

Dr. Strangelove said...

The Clintons give a whole new meaning to the phrase "stinking rich."

L.C.Clower said...

When did we quit calling it influence peddling?

Jim Irre said...

A summer clearance sale if she wins, or they're going to need lots more cash to keep up their extravagant life-style if she loses. Because if she loses she certainly won't be in government in any administration.

Judi King said...

Your parsing of bill is absolutely brilliant. Just shows that words mean things.

Bobo the Hobo said...

Excellent post, Stilt! However, I believe your deadline of 7 November is off by just a hair because if Hillary! is elected, she would not be sworn-in until 20 January 2017, which leaves 74 days during which they could suck up more cash like a Hoover.

jlw said...

i think that most people are misinterpreting the statement that the Clinton Foundation won't take anymore "foreign contributions". they mean US Dollars only from now on. patriotic you know.

Fred Ciampi said...

And of course when the hill.... loses, the foreign entities will stop 'donating' because they fully know that it's only buying influence and nothing else.

Gleason Long said...

Stilt, this is absolutely BRILLIANT!! Thank You!! I have sincerely looked forward to your extremely humorous edification/simplification of the bizzzzaaaar bullsh!t stream that has become our gubment under these A$$hat Clowns. Spot On!

Geoff King said...

Found this interestingly-named site which documents the enormous list of criminal offenses perpetrated by the Clintons:
http://www.clintonmemoriallibrary.com/clinton-crime-family-exposed/

John the Econ said...

Oh, I'm not worried for the Clintons. I have little doubt that they've already got a even more shadowy money laundering op already up and running.

In the meantime, have you identified a certified Clinton bundler to get your cash donation in before the election? Your financial and personal well-being may well depend on it.

I have a lot of Progressive friends who used to repeatedly post with outrage those various articles about which charities are scams for spending more than 10% on overhead. They've become rather quiet on that subject lately. And should Hillary win, I to have a lot of fun with that meme. Remember Alinsky Rule #4: “Make the enemy live up to its own book of rules.”

Parsing what Bill said: Well done, as usual @Stilton. You're a pro at that. Unfortunately, there are just too many people who either have forgotten the 8 previous years of the Clinton parsing olympics, were too dense to understand it, or were too young to be aware of them.

I can't imagine any other candidate that could run for anything beyond dog catcher with the baggage of the Clinton Foundation. The fact that Hillary remains viable on the tails of this obvious money laundering operation demonstrates exactly how corrupt the Democratic party really is.

Walter1694cir said...

That poor Monica! Slick Willy hasn't washed that finger or hand since....

After this post, I must call Life Flight! Dying from laughter is some serious shit!!!

GWashington said...

Pretty sure the new Civil War will start right after the media tells us on November 9th how amazing it is that Hillary won, even though no one believes it.

Colby Muenster said...

Well said, Dr. Jarlsberg!

"... knowingly inappropriate..." This coming from people who have no problem with murder, lying to their constituents, stealing china and silverware from the White House, sharia law, mutilating young girls, and blowing buildings full of people up with airplanes. The Clintons have a whole different "inappropriateness" scale than us normal people.

REM1875 said...

For those of you too young to remember the reign of slick willie jeff and his co-president there is a lot of real reasons that these old people get upset at the thought of another co-presidency.
Having to fight the same war again is a lot like Iraq.

REM1875 said...

However the klintoon crime....ahhh..... I mean.... family global initiative/or foundation Canada or Ireland or Belize or........ will be open for influence peddling.....ahhh...... I mean.....contributions for charitable works in dozens of other currencies.

Shelly said...

It came out through Huma's emails that the crown prince of Bahrain had to pony up $32 million to the Clinton Global Initiative (that globe being the Clinton's pockets) just to get an audience with her majesty. I really wish I knew what the goods are they are holding over the members of the DOJ, IRS, etc. Nothing they do earns them criminal charges even though much lesser crimes have folks sitting in the pokey now. And Democrats could not care less. When I think of the daily dumps they did on Bush for nothing, it makes me sick. I want these grifters to be held accountable. The only outlet we have is to vote in Trump and show them the door. I hated the Bill Clinton presidency but this one would be 100 times worse. I can't even think about it.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers-Great comments above, though not a lot that I need to respond to because, remarkably, we all seem to be in agreement that the Clintons are scoundrels and thieves. Plus, I got distracted today when my big screen TV went "kablooey" and died. I now have to decide whether to repair it, replace it, or take it as a hint from a wise and merciful higher power that I should just stop watching the dang news and instead spend more time doing deep breathing exercises and listening to New Age music.

REM1875 said...

Anybody got any idea how much the klintoon crime syndicate has given or loan the flood victims yet?
Wait let me rephrase that as all of us have and idea of how much they have given, let me ask if anyone knows how much they have swindled the flood victims out of?

Emmentaler Limburger said...

That Billie has to get up and give such a speech is pretty telling. I guess the handlers couldn't get Shillary to say all of those things with a straight face...

Rod said...

@Stilt: Sorry about the TV; maybe it sustained a little too much NBC during the Olympics? Mine survived but I was pretty active with the remote to help it along.

John the Econ said...

What would our forefathers have thought if they could have seen today's news?

Jimmy Kimmel Has Hillary Clinton Open Jar Of Pickles To Demonstrate Her State Of Health

Well, there ya go. The famous "Jar of Pickles" test. I hear the marines are now using it to qualify the maggots...

Justice Department Says Poor Can't Be Held When They Can't Afford Bail

There's a head-scratcher. Think Eric Holder was "extreme"? Loretta Lynch seems to be trying to outdo him.

Another front on the Progressive "War on the Middle Class". So the "poor" can no longer be threatened with jail because their poor. The "rich" aren't threatened with jail because their rich. So the only people left threatened by jail will be what's left of the middle class, who will be made to put up what little surplus wealth they have, or be stuck in the slammer.

German asylum seekers refuse to work insisting 'We are Merkel's GUESTS'

"ASYLUM seekers in Germany are refusing to undertake work to counteract boredom - using Chancellor Angela Merkel’s generous hospitality as an excuse."

They have so many better things to do with their time, like sitting on their asses and planning jihad...

The "New Normal": FBI Investigating Possible ISIS-Inspired Knife Attack in Virginia"

"On Saturday, Farooqui allegedly injured a man and woman at an apartment complex in Roanoke, yelling "Allahu akbar" as he attacked them with a knife... Authorities believe he may have been trying to behead the male victim, who was likely picked at random, ABC News was told."

This kind of thing used to be something that only happened in far-away places, and although shocking it was still far away and we could just shake our heads. Now it's a near-daily occurrence in Europe. And now it's starting to happen here. Soon it's going to be like a shooting on the south side of Chicago. Nobody will notice anymore, unless it's a celebrity as either the beheader or beheadee...

This'll solve the problem: Venezuela's Latest Response to Food Shortages: Ban Lines Outside Bakeries

After all, if there's no line, then there's no shortage, right? And if you starve to death, then you won't be starving anymore. Another win-win for socialism!

And finally, back to election 2016:

Will someone please tell me what Trump's position today is on the wall, "climate change" or the "minimum wage"? And then please explain to me what his position will be next week, or why I should believe any of them any more than I can believe any of Hillary's positions.

John the Econ said...

And finally, my most depressing news of the day: These are the "Libertarians"?!?!?!?

Gary Johnson Backs CO2 ‘Fee’ To Fight Global Warming

Libertarian VP pick slams guns: Handguns “even worse than” AR-15s

WTF! What the hell is the list bit "libertarian" about these guys? Pro-carbon-tax and anti-gun? Geeze Gary, the pot really has f-ed up your brain! You're in the wrong party, dude!

So we've got a Democrat running as a Republican.
We've got a Fascist running as a Democrat.
And we've got a couple more Democrats running as Libertarians.

Maybe I'll just vote for Jill Stein. Makes about as much sense as anything I've posted above. Off for the bottle...

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@REM1875- If only the flood victims would have had the foresight to grease the Clintons' palms in the past, maybe they could get a fraction of their money back now. Or more likely not.

@Emmentaler Limburger- Bill can make almost any lie sound reasonably good. He's got an avuncular charm which is undeniable (and unforgivable).

@Rod- I didn't see any of the Olympics. I'm all for America winning medals, but I just didn't care enough to watch.

@John the Econ- Wow, what a great rundown of stories that are funny but shouldn't be. Or maybe they're not funny at all, but I have hysteria.

John the Econ said...

Another example of why we've had it with Republicans:

Lawmaker wants Cajun Navy, other volunteers to get training, pay fee

"The Good Samaritans who rescued hundreds, maybe thousands of people during the Great Flood of 2016 not happy after a state lawmaker announced that he wants government regulations on future actions by the citizen heroes... Republican State Senator Jonathan Perry of the Vermillion, Lafayette area, is working on legislation that could require training, certificates and a permit fee to allow these Good Samaritans to get past law enforcement into devastated areas."

A "Republican" proposed this? So now I literally have to pay a tax for the privilege of helping out my neighbors during an all-out emergency? Gee, I'd really like to save you from your imminent drowning, but the state says I'm neither trained, licensed, or paid up on my "rescuer fees" in order to help. Please tread water for a week or two until a officially certified rescue agency can get around to helping you...

Will some candidate somewhere please stand up against this insanity? My default fallback isn't viable anymore now that they're too busy whining about carbon emissions and handguns. I need somebody!!!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John the Econ- That ludicrous proposal came from a Republican?! Well, screw me. The fat lady has sung. When the government prohibits helping our neighbors in times of emergency, it's time for a lot less (expletive) government.

Okay, I understand wanting to be able to tell the good guys from the looters - but this bureaucrat is prioritizing stuff (loot) over people who need help. Insanity.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry; Cajuns won't tolerate this BS. They are some of the most generous and helpful people we have.