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Despite the fact that Barack Obama has been swimming, sunning, surfing, going to movies, and making "shave ice" runs in Hawaii, the mainstream media is growing concerned that he may not be sufficiently "recharging his batteries" because it's so very, very exhausting for him to think deep thoughts about airline security and "lone wolf" terrorists.
"We will not rest until we find all who were involved and hold them accountable," the president declared from the golf course, adding: "And I'm also looking for Nicole Simpson's real killer."
"The system works!"
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To improve the efficacy of airport security screenings (so, uh, they work) officials are calling for the installation of the newest (and most expensive) high-tech scanners which see through clothing and create detailed images of naked passengers.
Despite ACLU protests that this will inconvenience terrorists and violate the privacy rights of the ugliest and lumpiest liberals, we support the use of the scanners. Although in some extraordinary cases, we sort of see their point...
Beloved journalist Helen Thomas
volunteers to try new scanner technology.
ACLU quickly files multiple lawsuits, screams, and rubs sand in its eyes.
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Best wishes to everyone for the New Year! A fresh start, a new beginning, and (along about November) real Hope for Change!
And please...continue to send your prayers, hopes, thoughts, messages of support, and/or good vibes to Rush Limbaugh as he recovers in a Honolulu Hospital. Hurry back, Rush - we love and need you, now more than ever!
UPDATE: Rush has been released from the hospital, and is apparently in good health. Tests indicate no heart damage. He's going to rest for a few days, then return to the golden EIB microphone sometime this week. We couldn't ask for the new year to start off with better news than this!
