A growing number of economists are coming to the conclusion that America's unemployment woes are due to the fact that Barack Obama has no idea where jobs actually come from. To face this accusation head on, the president used his weekly speech to address the situation and prove, once and for all, that he has no idea where jobs actually come from.
Specifically, Mr. Obama said that the way to spur private sector job growth was by having the government put more taxpayer money into education programs to ensure "that every worker has the necessary skills for the job they're applying for."
In other words, the president doesn't think that businesses or market demand create new jobs, he thinks job applicants create new jobs. Which should come as a considerable shock to the 30 million or so unemployed or underemployed Americans whose countless job applications haven't created doodly-squat.
But while the evidence points strongly to Barack Obama being a complete idiot, Hope n' Change feels compelled to offer an alternate explanation out of journalistic fairness and a sincere desire to decrease our odds of being audited.
We think it's likely that the president knows he's spouting logically incongruous nonsense, but his ideology keeps him from admitting the one and only thing that the government can actually do to increase private sector job creation: reduce taxes and burdensome regulations, and let capitalism create jobs as it's always done in the past...when allowed to.-
Apparently "cause and effect" was not a required course at Harvard.
Feeling that it's his patriotic duty, a California salvage diver is launching an expedition to find and photograph the rotting crab-nibbled corpse of Osama bin Laden in order to prove to himself and the world that the Al Qaeda leader is, quite literally, sleeping with the fishes.
Bill Warren is renting a ship and a remote-controlled submarine at a cost of $400,000 because he feels that the Obama administration should have released the death photos, the way previous administrations have released postmortem photos of Billy the Kid and John Dillinger.
Unfortunately, mentioning "John Dillinger" brings to mind a potential flaw in Mr. Warren's plan, especially in these media-happy days of Anthony's Weiner. It seems that the most famous death photo of John Dillinger suggests that he was enjoying being dead (to put it mildly) and gave rise to subsequent rumors that the Smithsonian Museum put Dillinger's Dingus in a jar of formaldehyde. Which, now that we think of it, might also solve Anthony Weiner's problem.
But what will Bill Warren do if he finds Osama's corpse in a similar condition? Will he be unable to show the world his photos? Or if he does show them, will we have to hear Barbara Walters emit more lip-smacking "nom, nom, nom" sounds about Osama's brine-soaked willy?
Rather than run this appalling risk, we think Barack Obama should finally release the death photos of Osama bin Laden and be done with it...instead of flashing the pictures to just a few "close friends," Anthony Weiner style, in hopes of impressing them with his manhood.-
True fact: Dillinger died thinking of Barbara Walters.-
Originally published March 23, 2009
This character gets my vote for "least likely to ever have her own newspaper strip."Update June 12, 2011The reason today's cartoon has returned is that bleak news from Wall Street has also returned - with a vengeance. The Dow lost money for the sixth consecutive week, making it the worst run since the bad ol' days of 2002.
The reason for the dropping stock prices is all too clear: there is a growing feeling among investors (and, in fact, all sentient beings) that America's economic recovery isn't slowing - it's nonexistent.
Even more troubling to investors is the realization that Barack Obama and his Democrat cohorts aren't going to get serious about reducing debt...meaning it makes more sense to pull your dollars out of the doomed stock market and buy something (anything!) with them before those dollars become useless scrap paper.
Maybe our little fly deserves her own cartoon strip after all.
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