Happy New...uh...No Post!

@Readers- We'll be posting "2015: The Year in Review" later this morning. Time simply got away from us on Thursday before we could put things to bed (as we say in the journalistic trade) - and there are social obligations to be observed on New Year's Eve.

Specifically, at midnight the plan is to quaff our glasses of champagne, bang pan lids, shoot fireworks, and honk car horns while shrieking "It's your last year in the Oval Office, Barry!"  Expletives may additionally be ad-libbed.

Some call it celebrating, others call it an invitation to a drone strike. Either way, hangover allowing, we'll finish up our work on the 2015 retrospective and have it posted here soon!

In the meanwhile, HAPPY NEW YEAR!  -Stilton

Squeeze Player

And don't neglect the paperwork afterwards.

In a final effort to suck the last iota of optimism out of Americans as the new year approaches, Barack Obama has declared that he intends to spend the next 12 months "squeezing every ounce of change" out of our country.

As verbs go, "squeezing" is at once unappealing and even threatening - calling to mind things like squeezing blood from a stone (or taxpayer) or applying crushing pressure to forceps in a federally-funded Planned Parenthood clinic. By its very nature, squeezing suggests a goal to which there will be resistance...and a bad outcome for that which is being squeezed.

To date, the president hasn't announced the specifics of what he intends to squeeze, preferring to make it "a surprise" much like the kind received by those who opened their door to the Boston Strangler.

But it's a safe bet that some of his choke holds will be applied to causes known to be close to his cold, withered, community-organizing heart. Like increasing the flood of immigrants (only a sprinkling of whom want to commit mass murder), stifling business and the economy to combat "climate change," making more Americans dependent on entitlements (and voting for the right party) to survive, and the further destruction of our healthcare system.

And because he is seemingly tireless, in the midst of all this chaotic change he'll also manage to squeeze in another 52 rounds of golf.

Don't laugh - in this picture, you're Curly.

Haappy Holidaays!

Your taax dollaars aat work.

As a surefire cure for the post-Christmas blues, if Kwanzaa didn't exist it would have to be invented. Which, come to think of it, it was. In 1966, by a professor of African Studies in (surprise!) California. The 7-day holiday begins on December 26th which, by long tradition, is the day that a lot of candy and gifts are marked down to half-price.

Unlike other year-end holidays, there is no religious or historic significance to Kwanzaa. Rather it is a celebration of African heritage, ethnicity and, judging by the "seven principles," the flagrant overuse of vowels.

While some might feel that a week-long holiday devoted exclusively to race is insensitive and exclusionary, keep in mind that there is precedent in the white community, which celebrates a months-long holiday called "Nascar."

And whatever your complexion, Kwanzaa can be a time of warmth and nostalgia, filled with wonderful holiday traditions and memories. Hearing Bing Crosby sing Nguzo Saba, watching "How the Grinch Stole Odu Ifa," or just settling in with a cup of hot cocoa to watch Jimmy Stewart in the classic "It's a Wonderful Walimwengu."

All of this and more is surely happening right now in Hawaii ("The Least Christmas-y State") as America's first family celebrates the holiday by spending millions of dollars on golf, parties, trips to the beach, golf, dining in 5-star restaurants, golf, shopping, playing "pin the tail on the Secret Service agent," golf, and the solemn traditional lighting of the seven Kwanzaa candles (which, by executive order, can now be replaced with Swisher Sweet cigars in honor of Saint Michael Brown).

Enjoy your holiday, Mr. president! And, from the bottom of our hearts, don't hurry back.

The traditional "Haands Up, Don't Shoot" candle holder.