The Queef Heard Round The World

50 Shades of Who Gives a Damn.

On the first full day of Donald Trump's administration, millions of women gathered in cities around the world to deliver the message, powerfully and unequivocally, that we dodged a real bullet by not electing a vagina-owner as President.

Oh sure, that wasn't the message they meant to send - but what the hell else is anyone (male or female) with more than a spoonful of brains supposed to think? The angry protesters donned "pussy hats" and vagina costumes to prove they're not just sex objects and should be taken seriously.  Which, frankly, we find hard to do when a glowering woman has turned her face into a clitoris.

Purportedly, the massive marches were about women finally and firmly demanding their rights, including non-discrimination, protection from sexual assault, equal pay for equal work, access to abortion on demand, the right to vote, the right to go to school, the right to sit in the front of the bus, and the right to be served at Woolworth's lunch counters.

Of course, all of these things are already mandated by law, but attempts to inform the protesters of this were decried as blatantly sexist "man-splaining." And the real point isn't that women lack rights, but they feel like they lack rights...and feelings always outweigh facts among those high on estrogen.

Celebrity speakers were in abundance at the Washington march, with alleged-actress Ashley Judd proclaiming herself to be a "nasty girl" and babbling about Donald Trump's wet dreams (honest), and Madonna following up on her previous promise to blow any man who voted for Hillary with a new admission that she wants to blow up the White House.  A sentiment which drew a standing ovulation from the enthusiastic crowd.

Disclaimer time: Hope n' Change supports equal rights for women without reservation. No woman should suffer from discrimination or actual sexual harassment. If a man "grabs her by the pussy" he should face criminal charges. If he talks about grabbing women by the pussy, even "just among the boys," he should be considered an asshole and pariah.

These are serious matters which, unfortunately, have now been trivialized by activists who failed to elect their chosen candidate and are now having a huge public hissy fit simply because they can in a country which already affords them the freedom and rights to do so.

To those women who filled the streets, Hope n' Change acknowledges that you have been heard.

But maybe next time, consider having something to say.

BONUS: SECRET CERVIX PROJECTION

He may have something there.

A Barry Special Day

Hope n' Change can't blame our coffee drinking friends for indulging in a bit of nostalgia on this very special day - something we'll be doing more of here next week as we tie up loose ends.

But today is about celebration. Celebrating the inauguration of a new President, who brings promise of a more hopeful (albeit no less colorful) future. Celebrating what is almost certainly the worst day of Hillary Clinton's life...which we hope will translate into many godawful days for Bill Clinton during his remaining STD-ridden years.

But mostly we're celebrating the fact that Barack Hussein Obama (aka Barry Soetoro) is no longer president, agitator-in-chief, and most prolific and profligate vacation-taker in the world. He has been an almost unendurable blight and curse on our nation, and will no doubt continue to be - albeit (finally!) as a private citizen.

We'll have a lot more to say next Monday after we've had a chance to reflect on this incredible and long-awaited day. But for now, we'd like to express our sentiments in a way that words simply can't handle. Which is why Hope n' Change is proud to present...

VIDEO: THE OBAMA LEGACY DISPOSAL TEAM



Best wishes, hugs, and hearty handshakes to all Hope n' Change readers on this glorious occasion - and please join us in drinking a toast to a new day of real hope for change!

Forgive Is Forgot

In lieu of flowers, send angry tweets and unfriend people on Facebook.

The cartoon above, created decades ago by Stilton's father, seems particularly apt at this volatile moment in time. On Friday, Donald Trump will be inaugurated as President of the United States with an historically low approval rating and rabid, foam-dribbling opposition from those on the Left.

Congressman John Lewis, among 40 or so other elected Democratic plantation owners, will be skipping the inauguration to protest John Podesta's inability to understand that "password" is not a secure password. Entertainers are running for cover rather than have their names (and careers, if any) forever associated with the Inaugural festivities. New York mayor Bill de Blasio will even spend Inauguration Day taking part in a protest staged at Trump's NY City International Hotel, linking arms with liberal chowderheads like Alec Baldwin and Michael "Are you going to finish that pie?" Moore.

And this is all before Trump's first day in office.

In the past, Inauguration Day was a celebration of the American Way as much as the simple transfer of power to a new President. A time for people of all political persuasions to come together, however briefly, to give the new guy a chance. A honeymoon period which the Right has always granted the Left, even when unqualified radical community organizers with vaguely terrorist-sounding names are sworn into office solely on the basis of being "clean" and having perfectly creased pants.

But not this time. It seems there are indelible battle lines drawn already and the zeitgeist is about to hit the fan with a loud and foul-smelling splat.

On Friday, Hope n' Change predicts we'll see the official kick-off of a four year (at least) culture war unlike anything which has come before. A clash not predicated on policies or even reality, but rather on ideology and blind emotion. The coasts versus flyover country, and the over-educated versus the overlooked. We would metaphorically suggest that it will be like previous manifestations of the Left on meth, only we're not at all sure that they weren't already on meth.

Editorially speaking, this would be the perfect spot for us to insert solemn words intended to heal our national rifts and call for unity, tolerance, and mutual understanding. But, and we can't emphasize this point strongly enough, screw that.

Whether they like it or not, it is these same strident Leftists who bear the responsibility for Donald Trump's election. For that reason alone, they should try to just shut the hell up for a little while and reflect on the fact that the "monster" to which they so stridently object is of their own creation.

AND ONE MORE THING...

Tweets we wish were real.

BREAKING NEWS: CUTTING SENTENCES
 

We'll admit we're a little confused. Obama has recently been telling us that our entire system of democracy has been undermined by the theft of secrets which ended up on Wikileaks.  Which is why it's so puzzling that Barry has just commuted the 35-year espionage sentence of Private Bradley Manning (now "Chelsea Manning" through the politically popular miracle of gender reassignment) for the theft of secrets which ended up on Wikileaks.

Rather than struggle to ascertain the president's baffling reasoning in making this anti-security decision, Hope n' Change is instead going with Occam's Razor: we think he did it because he's an asshole.