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(Honolulu, HI) Tragedy was narrowly averted yesterday after an 8.8 magnitude earthquake in Chile sent a mile-high wall of water hurtling toward Hawaii at speeds of over 500 mph.
With destruction of the entire state a virtual certainty, Hawaiian government officials finally authorized the release of Barack Obama's birth certificate. When the document was held aloft as the towering tsunami raced toward the beach, brilliant light shone and thunder exploded. Astoundingly the water stopped in its tracks and, for reasons still unexplained, turned around and headed for Kenya.
Following the miracle, a pod of dolphins carried the birth certificate out to sea and disappeared beneath the most beautiful rainbow anyone has ever seen.
-New York Times