Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Colonel of Truth

The Whitehouse delivered good news to Colonel Muammar Gadhafi yesterday when, in attempting to explain Barack Obama's increasingly confusing goals in Libya (currently believed to be "we're staying until Duke wins") a spokesman said that the American mission is now to "install a democratic system"...which sounds just a teeny bit more ambitious than a no-fly zone.

But the reason this is good news for Gadhafi is because if he just follows Obama's model of "democracy," he won't really have to change very much to be in compliance!

Free elections? No problem...especially when you can have armed hooligans at the polling places (and make sure they're not prosecuted) and a "wink-wink, nudge-nudge" voter registration system.

Bipartisanship? The same kind that Obama used in ramming through healthcare...and adding secret funding language to disempower future legislators? Well, that should be easy.

Election results not in your favor? Again, not an issue - just have your minority representatives ride camels to the nearest Oasis to cool their heels, then have a judge declare that the majority party can't legally make a move without them!

With conditions this easy to meet, we assume that Colonel Gadhafi will be striking a deal with America's alleged president any day now. Before anyone thinks to really raise the stakes and demand not just democracy...but freedom.



Louis la Vache said...

Excellent summary, Stilt!

Jim Hlavac said...

You know what blows my mind: Is that Obama, the DoD and the Secretary of State, and NATO and the EU all claimed they didn't have a plan to deal with Gaddaphi (Oh they can't even agree on how to spell his name, so why not?) It'll take "weeks" to establish a no-fly zone? Are they serious? A backward country's military can't be destroyed in a day or two? How big could it be? And they have no plan to remove Khadafi? Or to step in and help those poor folks, no plan? Nothing? They're winging it? Between golf and dinner? We keep a fleet in the Mediterrenean with more fire power than Libya could ever possess -- and we have no plan? What did any of these people think was going to happen?

Don't they have a copy of "Dictators for Dummies"? I think I have a dog-eared copy of "When dictators go bad" lying around -- perhaps I should send it to them.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Jim - or "so you want to be an evil genius..."

Stilt - you forgot re-voting, and the graveyards to help ensure the elections run your way. Not to mention leaving the voting machines stacked in the lobby of the building where they were used, completely unsecured (yeah, I'm talking about YOU, Harry Reid!)

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

I truly believe that Obama's narcissism created a world, in his mind, where dictators and thugs around the globe loved and revered him as a "citizen of the world", for his genetic multiculturalness and for apologizing for (and "correcting") the many grave sins of America. The shear power of his personality would cause them to bend to his will like a cattail in a gentle breeze and once they understood his message they would smile and nod in agreement. Thus is the power of a demigod.
Reality is a bitch when she slaps you upside the head.

Chuck said...

And according to NBC this morning, Obama cut his South-America trip short by “a couple hours” to "deal with the crisis in Libya." Halleluiah! Now that he has a couple hours to deal with it, we are saved!
/sarc off

Never mind that he probably cut the trip short because of anti-Obama protests and security concerns and the fact that it was getting harder and harder for the media to not catch a protest in their camera lens. The media is still in full campaign mode, showing only positive pictures of their chosen-one.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Jim Hlavac- Reading this morning's news headlines makes it clear that it's too late for the Dummies book: the wheels are coming off the alleged "coalition," because nobody knows what they're doing, nobody knows who's in charge, and nobody wants to be left holding the bag when the music stops. Proving the only thing that's worse than a committee is a multi-national committee with weapons.

@Angry Hoosier Dad - Clearly, Obama believed his own press, and thought the world would lay down its arms and pray in his direction five times a day.

@Chuck- It sounds like the only item cut from Obama's South American fantasy tour was a visit to some Mayan ruins. No doubt because it would have made bad press (with the world going to hell) for pictures to run with the alleged prez staring thoughtfully at a stack of rocks, with a headline of: "Obama Amidst the Ruins."

John the Econ said...

I think Obama is slowly learning that you can't simply vote "present" when it comes to being "commander in chief".

robert said...

Stilt, "Obama Amidst the Ruins" That is beautiful man. You have a great knack for capturing a moment or concept and just creating a satiric, hilarious comment and attaching it to the moment. Good God I wish I could do that. Are you a stand-up comic by any chance?

Jim Hlavac said...

@Stilt. I wonder too if he didn't finally learn what happened to those who picked the losing ball team down in Maya land?

Colby_Muenster said...

Obama's nuts....
One is the size of a mustard seed, and the other is just a little bitty thing.

Dr. Jarlsberg,
Awesome as usual! If only Obama's departure from the White House could be as quick as your wit....

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John the Econ- "Present" isn't enough for Commander in Chief. Especially when he wasn't "present," but instead decided to visit South America...what with Mayan ruins being so much more important than committing our troops to war.

@Robert- Thanks for the nice remarks! In fact, there was a little stand-up comedy in my distant past. But these days I'm trying to stand up for things that are more important.