Thursday, March 31, 2011

Well Well Well



To address Americans' concerns about the soaring price of gasoline, Barack Obama has outlined an ambitious new program to reduce imports of foreign oil by one third in the next ten years using a combined strategy of imaginary technologies, burning tax dollars, and Hey! Look over there!

Owing to time constraints, the alleged president didn't mention his role in banning oil and natural gas drilling in America's continental shelf, how he imposed a long and seemingly pointless moratorium on deep water drilling following the BP disaster (after he'd previously given the Deepwater Horizon platform a safety award), closed millions of acres of American land to gas and oil exploration, and had appointed an Energy Secretary who said that he'd like to see the price of American gasoline rise to much-higher European levels.

But Mr. Obama did outline some of his ideas for greater energy independence, including stepping up the use of nuclear reactors (which are now heavily discounted from Japan!), greater reliance on bio-fuels like corn and grass (currently used to power entire herds of cows) and, most importantly, solar power generators which will be attached directly to Mr. Obama's many mirrors and produce more electricity than the Hoover Dam.

Unfortunately, not many people are buying Mr. Obama's "running on empty" rhetoric. It seems like his magic is ebbing away...even though, when it comes to an energy policy, he's still practicing wishcraft.

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18 comments:

robert said...

C'mon Stilt, he's just doing what soros told him to do. Ve moost deestrooy Ameeeriicaaa!

robert said...

(Is he the third Gabor sister)?

Jim Hlavac said...

Obama's plan is brilliant! Let's use up the rest of the world's oil while we keep ours safely underground, and then when there's no more left anywhere else, we'll be sitting pretty. Obama's even going to push it along by burning away some of Libya's oil too; just burn it away to hasten the day to our complete control over the world's oil. Why, we'll be the New Arabia of Oil! We'll be OPEC writ really big. We'll have it all! Once everyone else is sucked dry, we'll have ours ready to go for, and that will save and create jobs down the line, and preserve our superpower status. Right? That is the plan, isn't it?

robert said...

@ Jim, that idea is fiendishly clever!! Why didn't the rest of us see it?

Suzy said...

Jim, all except the 10-15 years it takes to build the oil wells and all that!!!!

Isn't it kinda hypocritical that our land is too "precious" to use for drilling oil...so we'll just let someone ELSE mess up THEIR land? I mean, kinda reminds me of my dad who won't put his credit card number online....so he'll ask ME to use mine for him. hahaha.

As far as corn...as if food prices aren't high enough! The more grains we use for fuel and whatever else, the higher prices we're going to pay to feed our families with whatever is leftover to make food out of...

Pete(Detroit) said...

Suzy - nto to mention all the starving people in Central / South America relying on corn as a staple - and with price jumping from $1.50 / bushel to $4.50 (just to pull numbers out of my, er, thin air)they can't afford to eat anymore..

And don't EVEN get me started on the gross inefficiencies of making alcohol from corn to use as fuel..

Jim said...

What a brilliant mind at work! He so carefully thinks these things out, and presents his solution in a timely manner after golfing or going on vacation. And then solves the crises. So far he totally fixed the economy, ended the Deep Water Horizon crisis, overthrew the regime in Iraq and brought all of our troops home, ended unemployment, eliminated the deficit...etc,
What a brilliant leader.
And all that Sarah Palin could think of was to drill for oil, lower the cost of oil, eliminate the need for foreign oil, stabilize the economy, balance the budget and bring back honesty and morality to the government. How dumb!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Readers- And topping off the fun, I'm now reading that the gummint is considering giving a taxpayer-funded gift of $7500 to people who buy one of Obama's beloved electric cars. Because as we all know, electric cars use magic electricity... not the kind the rest of us use that is produced with coal and (D'oh!) oil.

John the Econ said...

This is just another fine example of how the progressives are simply unable to either be coherent on their energy agenda, or come clean on their real energy goals.

On one hand, they openly praise how European citizens are forced to pay $6 to $8 (or more) per gallon, and fantasize about all of the alternative energy boondoggles they could finance with that tax revenue while discouraging driving. (Never mind that most of the revenue collected by the Europeans from fuel taxes doesn't go to "alternative energy", but goes to pay for their bankrupt welfare states)

On the other hand when gas gets near $4, they cry crocodile tears and talk about what they're going to do to prevent a condition that they've been fighting unceasingly for the last 30 years to create!

Which is it, guys? You simply cannot have it both ways!

@Jim Hlavac suggested that Obama's plan is to hoard all our oil and use up everyone else's first. Actually Jim, I wouldn't credit Obama with that. I believe that has been our national security plan for the last 40 years! It actually makes a lot of sense. If you think the middle east is unstable now, wait until the day their oil runs out and western petro-dollars are no longer available to feed a region that produces nothing other than political and religious discontent...

Cookie said...

I'd love to make a comment, but I can't see so well--I'm crying tears of sorrow for this great nation of ours.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Cookie- The good news is that tears, when used in combination with tiny little hydroelectric turbines, are an entirely renewable resource until 2012!

Suzy said...

I read today they are coming up with Ipods that can run using the electricity coming from our heart beating.

With this Obama admins, too bad we can't run our CARS on what our hearts are having to do lately....

Mike said...

The man--and his plan--are simply buffoons.

Cookie said...

2012 can't come too soon! May God bless us with a strong,truly honorable and conservative candidate to help this nation get back on track!

Colby_Muenster said...

"I came,
I saw,
I danced around the real problem like Mr. Bojangles, and blew smoke up everybody's ass!"

Robert,
We demand that you immediately apologize to the Gabor sisters! President Gumby is nothing like them. Oh, hell, I just insulted Gumby. Sorry.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Colby_Muenster- I believe that your quote, in the original latin, was "Veni, Vidi, Vichyssoise."

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

President Turdboy has been very clear about his desire to see gas prices rise precipitously, just not too quickly and definitely without his fingerprints all over it. That's the media's job; wiping off those fingerprints. Personally, I don't think there's enough Windex on the planet for that cleaning job.

Doc - N. Nevada said...

I am thinking seriously about gathering what few sheckels the gummint has let me keep ... and buying stock in Lysol AND Windex! Come 1/2013 ... there is going to be a LOT of cleaning and disinfecting needed in this country!