Monday, December 26, 2011

News Hound



With our nation's economic and foreign policies in crisis, Barack Obama decided it was time to step forward and give Americans tough, honest answers...to the dumbest questions which Barbara Walters could come up with.

In a much-publicized interview "event," Barack and Michelle Obama sat with alleged journalist Walters and fielded questions which sounded like they'd be asked by an unwelcome and insufficiently medicated seat mate on a public bus.

"If you were a superhero," Babs asked while listening to the voices in her head, "What would your superpower be?"

Showing the quick, out-of-the-box thinking that he is famous for, the president said "I'd like to be able to fly." Which, when you think about it, isn't really a superpower which would do anyone else any good, but could get him to the golf course faster.

Babs then consulted her 3x5 cards to see what other questions were of earthshaking importance, and asked Michelle Obama "If you died and could come back as anyone, who would it be?"

With her many years of expensive university training, extensive world travels, and a solid grasp of history, Michelle was quick to come up with the answer: "I would want to be Bo (the Whitehouse dog), because he has got a great life."

How that great life is different in any way from the one the pampered first lady already enjoys is a bit unclear, other than Bo gets to poop in the rose garden without anyone making a big deal about it.

Walters then turned her manic gaze on the president and asked him the same question. Would he choose to return from the grave as a great economist? A brilliant, life-saving surgeon? A spiritual leader?

Nope, he wanted to come back as Bo, too - because "people do love Bo." Ouch.

The interview continued, seemingly endlessly, but nothing of any substance was ever discussed. Still, Americans did come away with clearer insights about why journalism, the economy, foreign policy, and the Whitehouse have all gone to the dogs.

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23 comments:

Proof said...

Both Barry and Michelle aspire to be dogs?? That would explain a lot of the company they've kept over the years! (Wright, Ayers, Rezko, etc.)

Expat said...

Barbara Walter's relevance to anything meaningful in this country dried up years ago

CenTexTim said...

At least we have a shot (sorry, that should be a chance) at getting rid of obama come next Nov. Unfortunately, we're stuck with Baba Wawa and what passes for journalism in this country for much longer than that.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

@Expat: Amen - the same can be said for pretty much every talking head on television and those in print.

@Stilton: What incredible intestinal fortitude you must have to have been able to endure such a thing. I can't stand even bear the sound of Øbama's voice - mere milliseconds of exposure bring intense nausea and cramping. Each word sounds like the voices of thousands of liberties crying out in terror only to be suddenly silenced...

To the Øbamas: no need for the coming back part - most of us think you're dogs already.

Stan da Man said...

Yeah, comin' back as a DOG, take THAT Bitches!

Because 'dog' is 'god' spelled backwards, and many already consider him to be the anti-Christ?

Isn't Baba the one who used to ask people what kind of tree they were? Or was that some OTHER useless interviewer?
I guess it could have been worse - it could have been Joy(less) Behar, or Whoopie (the cushion) asking the questions - their voices grate at least as badly as his...

Jim Hlavac said...

They want to come back as THEIR dog? Not a seeing eye-dog? Not a fire-fighter's dog? Not an elder-companion dog? Not a useful critter like oh, a sheepherding dog? Egad, nothing but a pampered pooch with no point to existence but eat and sleep? They really do despise work, don't they?

Nor would they wish to come back as oh, Marie Curie, or a new Salk or Einstein, or some other worthy man or women of note -- but a dog? A creature, however fine, but one that is taken care of by someone else while lounging around? Are they serious? Say it ain't so!

As for flying, that's quite easy -- there are these things called "planes" -- the man already flies -- to fundraisers far and wide. Are they really just that vapid? Oh, just send the darn thing to a kennel and cage it for the rest of its natural life, or chain it to a fence so it causes no grief to passerby, with a muzzle.

Though, the big question, then, for me -- is which wants to be the front half and which is the back? A lesser question is -- were the questions pre-submitted prior to the interview so they would be prepared. Good thing there's spiked eggnog left over; I'll need it.

John the Econ said...

@Stilton, I can't believe you watched that. It's time that you'll never be able to get back.

Barbara Walters is just another tragedy of the leftist gender feminist movement. In the '70's, she was the first female journalist to be taken seriously; quite a breakthrough of the time. She was smart and well respected. By the '90s, she had devolved into a joke. I recall her gigglefest interviewing Monica Lewinsky after the "Blue Dress", and thought "How embarrassing"; the world's first respected female journalist has fallen to this, and all to cover up for a Democrat by turning it all into a big joke. Sad.

Of course, then she became infamous for that daily liberal hen-fest, "The View", for which I believe exposure to actively kills brain cells.

So that she'd now serve up such hard-hitting questions as "What animal would you come back as" to the supposed leader to the free world is hardly a surprise. But don't worry. I am quite certain that the questions she will be asking the next POTUS will be far more hard hitting.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Proof- This also explains why Obama's term seems like it's measured in dog years; one year of Obama is like seven years of anyone else.

@Expat- Barbara Walters is bad news (literally) on many levels. And I can't help but think there will be a special circle of hell reserved for most of the cast members of "The View" (and it will be the circle of hell that the other circles complain about).

@CenTexTim- First we have to vote Obama out of office. Only then can we devote time to finding the coffin filled with Trannsylvanian soil where Barbara sleeps in the daytime.

@Emmentaler- It's not so much intestinal fortitude on my part as a sense of duty. But I've got to admit that Barry, Barbara, and Michelle in a single grouping is really testing my limits.

@Stan da Man- Barbara Walters is, indeed, infamous for asking celebs what kind of tree they would be. Which actually was the set up for a previous HnC Cartoon; when Obama was asked the question, he said that his mother had been an Ash tree, and his father had been a Beech tree- which therefore made him a "half-Ash son of a Beech."

@Jim Hlavac- Although I don't want to give too much weight to an obviously stupid question from Walters, I really was surprised that the answers were all about how the Obamas could live in spoiled physical comfort with no responsibilities, instead of reflecting in any way an instinct to serve, or even interact with, other human beings.

And I'm hoping that the Obamas were not given the questions first (surely no great risk with Barbara as the interviewer) as it would be even more depressing to think that their scripted answers are that shallow and self-serving.

@John the Econ- Walters has become a joke, but not enough people are laughing. And while I believe she'd be capable of asking tough questions of the next POTUS (if they were written on her cards in oversized print), I hope she's not given the opportunity. Perhaps she could revive Art Linkletter's old show "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" and interview toddlers; she wouldn't have to change a single question she's asked a Democrat or celebrity in the last 20 years.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Good GAWD how can they ALL be so Effing STUPID?
I mean, it's like they fookin' PRACTICE, or something! Yeesh!

Doc - Northern Nevada said...

Seems like most of the folks commenting today missed the basic thing the Obumers were saying with the answer for both of them wanting to come back as a dog!

IT IS A MAJOR SOCIAL STEP UPWARDS for them!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Pete(Detroit)- They are stupid. And it makes me miss Christopher Hitchens all the more, because I just know his answer would have blown me out of my shoes and been thought-provoking. I didn't agree with Hitchens on everything, but really admired his wit and courage. His death is one of the big losses of 2011.

@Doc - Northern Nevada- Not only would coming back as dogs be a major social step upwards for them, but it would also be much easier on their lower backs while licking themselves.

JustaJeepGuy said...

"If you died and could come back as anyone..." and neither of the oh-so-wonderful twits could say something like, "Any newborn American child, with unlimited potential ahead of it."

Of course, a newborn child has no history either, much like Barack Hussein...

Doc - Northern Nevada said...

@JustaJeepGuy ... and much more of BHO and they won't have a future either ... as it is, they don't have much of one right now! I am very pleased that both of my adult children not only have decent jobs, and logical minds, but enough skill sets to survive IF and when "the el toro poo poo hits the oscillating air movement device."

Emmentaler Limburger said...

Øbama's as dogs: Think about it. A lapdogs's life is the epitome of the socialists' utopia. They contribute nothing, except an occasional bark, a lick in the face, a waggy tail - nothing of any value; nothing that produces anything of value. And someone is is expected to care for them. That's what they lay awake dreaming about every day! Of COURSE they want to come back as a dog. And what better pampered pooch than their own? That jet-setting dog that is rushed yonder and fro for Øbama's photo-ops...

@JustaJeepGuy: And, of course, Øbama would not want to roll the dice and take a chance of being born human in HIS world view. I have to give him credit in at least realizing that a puppy has a better shot at life from conception than a human these days - mostly thanks to his efforts and those of his ilk.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@JustaJeepGuy- In fairness, neither of them thinks that a newborn American child does have unlimited potential ahead. In fact, Barack is working quite hard to prevent it.

@Doc-Northern Nevada- You get the gold star today for "best euphemistic description of a scatalogical certainty."

@Emmentaler- Exactly! They didn't want to just be dogs, they wanted to be BO. They wanted the Whitehouse, the staff, the pampering, the publicity, and the taxpayers picking up the tab without any of that troubling responsibility or accountability. It really is pretty jaw-dropping.

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

How terribly proud the media must be to know they've hitched their wagons to this pair of mental midgets. In Michelle's case it is unkind of me to mention that her "conversion" to dog would not be a step up or down the evolutionary ladder, but rather sideways.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Stilt - LOVED the 'Lower Back' comment..

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Angry Hoosier Dad- Considering that Michelle's best known accomplishment is digging in the garden, such a conversion really does seem like a lateral move.

@Pete(Detroit)- Well, I'm passionate about good back health.

Mike Porter said...

One can only hope that if they do get their wish, Karma finds them a place in a densely populated part of North Korea.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Mike Porter- "Don't like the Obamas? Then just eat the rice."

Pete(Detroit) said...

What do you call a North Korean w/ a dog?
Lucky.
Two dogs?
Rich
Three dogs?
A rancher

A Korean family moved into the neighborhood, and just a few days later the enterprising teenager was seen going around house to house -
"Parron me, may I wok your dog?"

True Story - Buddy of mine finished a very nice meal at a Korean restaurant, and was very complimentary. Waiter brings out chef, much smiling and bowing all around. Chef noticed he hadn't had any desert, asked if he had tried "dahg"
No, my friend insisted, he didn't want any dog, he was quite full, thank you.
Well, they insisted, and brought out a cup of yoghurt pudding, called "dahg" that was apparently quite good...

SC said...

If the O's do come back as pooches, it would be fitting if Michael Vick is their master.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@SC- Almost exactly one year ago (12/30/10) I ran a cartoon about Obama offering praise for Michael Vick getting a "second chance" on the playing field. That being the case, I think your suggestion that the Obamas get a "second chance" as dogs in Vick's care is pure genius (and perfect justice).