Friday, July 22, 2011

Head Games

The same mainstream media which has never shown any interest in Barack Hussein Obama's sealed medical records (which would include information about his childhood in an area filled with third world tropical diseases, his later use of illegal recreational drugs and, perhaps, the name of his home planet) has suddenly become obsessed with Michelle Bachmann's...headaches.

Like 10% of the population, Ms. Bachmann occasionally has severe migraine headaches, which she successfully treats with medications. In general, migraine sufferers are perfectly able to hold down jobs - even high stress jobs - and function without problem.

But the Whitehouse, the media, and even Tim Pawlenty (who should be ashamed of himself) have thrown up their hands and proclaimed that even occasional headaches should knock someone out of the running for a job in which at
any time, any day, the president must be able to respond instantly to an invitation to go golfing for a few hours.

Seriously, we're now measuring the amount of time Barack (No Medical Records) Obama spends on the golf course in
weeks...and we're worried about Michelle Bachman occasionally needing an excedrin and a cool washrag?!

But more to the point, if "pain" is the main issue here then
Hope n' Change thinks we should look at the bigger picture and vote for the candidate who inflicts the least pain on the American people. Frankly, since Barack Obama took office, we don't even know what it's like to NOT have a migraine headache. The nausea, the vomiting, the brain lava, the blood squirting from the eyes, the skin making ripping sounds as it stretches ever-tighter over a skull that's swelling like a Jiffy-Pop pan...

Ow! Ow! Ow! It's happening again! I need to go sit in a dark room and listen to Ronald Reagan speeches! ARGHHHHH!!!!!

(10 minutes later)

Okay, I'm back. It's funny how much less time it takes to get over a headache than play a round of golf. Now what was I saying? Oh yes...

I'm personally not worried about Ms. Bachmann's migraines...and frankly, I don't want to hear the subject brought up again by anyone in the media until they've demanded, and seen, Barack Obama's medical records. If health is going to be an issue in this presidential race, then it needs to be an issue that every candidate must address.

And until that time, all of this talk of
headaches is just one more media-invented pain in the ass.

Migraine "triggers" include Trillion dollar deficits, political payoffs,
soaring unemployment,"Domestic" terrorist warnings, Obamacare,
highspeed railroad boondoggles, "green jobs," and socialism.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Separate But Unequal

Showing a previously unknown talent for stand-up comedy, Barack Hussein Obama has declared that there is no need for a balanced budget amendment, because "we don't need a constitutional amendment to do our jobs...and to make sure that the government is living within its means and making responsible choices. "


No, seriously, that's what he said...even though the government hasn't done anything remotely like balancing the budget for eons, and the president himself is claiming that unless an economic miracle occurs in Washington, the skies will soon fill with locusts, rivers will run red with blood, and the four horsemen of the Apocalypse will start making phonecalls to us during dinner and our favorite television shows to try to force us to pay our overdue national bills.

But still, Mr. Obama doesn't think we need any actual laws to force politicians to do what they haven't done. Even though the stupid citizenry needs laws to force us to buy health insurance, and the right kind of light bulbs, and low-flow "flush 'em twice" toilets, and on and on and on...

Mr. Obama has promised to veto any balanced budget legislation which comes his way. But...if he truly believes that the Washington insiders will balance the budget out of their innate sense of responsibility and national duty, then why would it matter if there was also a balanced budget amendment? Obviously, it wouldn't.

No, Barack Obama is against a balanced budget amendment for the simple reason that he's against a balanced budget. Because insane overspending is the easiest way for him to pave the way for the "emergency" redistribution of wealth.

Which is exactly the "Change" he wanted for this country all along.


Monday, July 18, 2011

Obama Lama Ding Dong

After telling the American people on Friday that our nation faces fiscal "Armageddon" in a handful of days unless immediate action is taken, Barack Obama cancelled everything on his presidential schedule (and possibly a golf game) to hold a high-level weekend meeting with... um... the Dalai Lama.

Despite protests from China about the meeting, the ever-courageous Barack Obama expressed his concern about Tibetans'
human rights, basic human values, and religious freedom...then sternly warned China that US policy does not support Tibetan independence, so "please forget about the whole meeting, we didn't mean anything by it. Seriously, the only thing I care about less than independence is Tibet."

Okay, he didn't say that
out loud...but any president who is preparing to throw Social Security recipients and Medicare patients to the wolves isn't likely to give a hoot in hell about a bunch of abused mountain-dwelling bald-headed monks in saffron robes who have neither oil reserves nor taxable incomes.

Following this dramatically pointless meeting, Barack Obama began feverish preparations for another week of debt-ceiling negotiations in which he is expected to reiterate his conviction that
"we must raise taxes on the evil rich RIGHT NOW la la la la la la la la I can't hear you la la la la la...!"

Because unlike human rights, fiscal Armageddon can't wait.