On Tuesday night, Barack Hussein Obama will deliver what we sincerely hope will be his last State of the Union speech. And since the state of our union currently sucks, and the president can't point to a single policy success in the past three years other than his claim of taking a break in his golf game to personally kill Osama bin Laden, he's decided to focus his remarks on our glorious potential future.
In a preview of his speech sent to political allies, the president made it clear that the thrust of his speech will unsurprisingly be the same as his campaign theme: "War On Wealth."
Just kidding (barely). No, Obama is going to be proposing aggressive new initiatives to create a new Fair America in which "everybody gets a fair shot, everybody does their fair share, and everybody plays by the same rules."
In other words, we'll all soon be able to go golfing every weekend, take taxpayer-paid vacations in Hawaii and Martha's Vineyard, skip work for days at a time, and enjoy pick-up basketball games while we're supposed to be busy at our desks.
No, wait - those are still just Obama's rules.
But his speech also declared, "We can fight for where I think we need to go: building an economy that works for everyone, not just a wealthy few."
Despite adopting Occupy Wall Street's message for his State of the Union speech, it's not yet known if the Democrats attending the Joint Session will form a drum circle to emphasize the president's talking points...mostly because it's so hard to beat a drum if your hands are in someone else's pockets.
Among the other talking points the president has previewed for his speech:
• More products stamped "Made in America" (although the MLK monument, the president's "Darth Obama" tour bus, and taxpayer-funded electric cars built in Finland won't be among them).
• More American Energy - unless it has to be dug from a mine, pumped from a well, requires construction of a nuclear reactor, or if the production or transportation of that energy might "spoil the view" or discourage a caribou, snail darter, or environmentalist from having sex.
• Education and Skills for American Workers - Because for some reason that no one can figure out, the kids currently coming out of schools controlled by the nation's highly-paid teacher's unions don't know their asses from elbows.
But Obama has saved his biggest, and potentially most frightening, initiative for last:
•A Return to American Values - which he defines as "Fairness for all...Responsibility from all." And if that phrase doesn't chill your blood, let's try it in German: "Gerechtigkeit für alle, die Verantwortung von allen!" Doesn't that sound more natural? Especially if delivered in a spit-flecked shout from behind a podium?
A lot of very bad things can happen when scared and distressed people are told by a charismatic leader that their suffering is entirely the fault of oppression by "the wealthy few" and that the time has come to fight and make them pay.
That's something important for all of us to keep in mind during Tuesday night's speech as Democrats leap from their seats, cheering and clapping, in celebration of their new Führer of Fair.
Welcome to Fair America. Hang on to your wallet.