Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Braindrops

obama, obama jokes, brain initiative, joe biden, stilton jarlsberg, hope n' change, hope and change, conservative

Showing his traditional flair for unintendedly ironic comedy, Barack Obama has announced the creation of the presidential "Brain Initiative," a $100 million project to map the human brain and find cures for devastating illnesses like Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, Epilepsy, and Conservatism.

Modestly declaring himself to be the "Scientist-in-Chief," Mr. Obama suggests that the research project will "grow our economy, create new jobs, and reignite a rising, thriving middle class by investing in one of our core strengths, and that’s American innovation" - a fantasy scenario which helps explain why he's failed so miserably at being "Economist-in-Chief."

Mr. Brainypants then pointed out that "we still haven’t unlocked the mystery of the three pounds of matter that sits between our ears," which in his case is undeniably true - although we could probably unlock more of that particular mystery if his college and medical records were unsealed.

Still, Hope n' Change has nothing against basic science research - and $100 million is only about enough to pay for a really good vacation for the first family.

Besides, once the brain has been mapped, it raises the possibility of creating "mental GPS units" for the hopelessly clueless. These "mental GPS units" would be small wireless devices which, like their automotive cousins, could tell people where they are, where they should be going, and give constant instructions about which way they should turn.

Although now that we think of it, the brain-challenged already have those devices. They're called Obamaphones.

obama, obama jokes, brain initiative, joe biden, stilton jarlsberg, hope n' change, hope and change, conservative



18 comments:

Velcro said...

Danger! Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!

TrickyRicky said...

Scientist in Chief indeed. In the proud tradition of James Hansen.

KingKey said...

Hmmm... Personally, I believe "Sphincter-in-Chief" would be more appropriate...

Emmentaler Limburger said...

You just can't stay away, can you?! ;o) Hope all is improving for you and yours, my friend! In my prayers.

Per "scientists" in WDC, remember that that august group, that palladium of our freedoms have already succumbed to such higher-than-common-man-can-understand concepts as "Global Warming" because they saw an opportune photo of a polar bear stranded on a drifting ice-flow, and took it to be evidence. Recall that these same intellectual masterminds have determined that it is far better to fill landfills with toxic mercury from CFL lamps that cost 5x as much as incandescent lamps and last about 1/2 as long when used as most families and individuals who don't leave their lights on 2x7 use them, than to allow the ignorant masses to choose for themselves and send mere glass, tungsten and brass to those landfills. Cluck, cluck.

No - I expect little from this "brain mapping". Particularly since, mistaking their anatomy for the norm, they've already secured $100 million worth of time from The American Board of Colon and Rectal Surgery for cartography services...

Anonymous said...

The O machine has now turned its eye to face Ben Carson, the most eeeeevil man to leave the reservation.

Colby said...

What a great way to start hump day! A fresh and FUNNY HnC post, and it's a Duesey. But... perhaps a tad inaccurate. I think slojo already had the precedure in the second 'toon. Thanks so much for brightening my day, Stilton, and I pray all is at least semi under control in your private life.

I wanna know who's getting the cash to this "mapping." Likely somebody that chipped in some sizeable campaign cash. Maybe it was a real scientist Edward Nigma? How many Republicans, Conservatives, and Libertarians will be making the ultimate sacrifice to accomplish the task. Is this part of the drone program? Like... blow 'em up, then cut their brain apart?

Can anybody say, "distract and divide?" Yeah, brain mapping is the most important thing the Pres. should be worrying about.

American Cowboy said...

And of course after brain "mapping" they will always use it solely for altruistic reasons. Never would they use it for something like controlling who will get medical care. Never would there be any chance that it would be used to change the thought process of American citizens who think for themselves, are self-reliant, and believe in the United States Constitution. Perhaps the drones that will be built will not all be mechanical?

Pete D said...

Well, I suppose it's more useful than
"programs to fund a space ship to another solar system, funds for advancements in beef jerky from France, and $6 billion for research to find out what lessons about democracy and decision-making can be learned—from fish!"

http://cnsnews.com/blog/alan-caruba/obscene-government-waste

Realistically, this seems like decent research to fund, and certainly is cheap enough, but holey CRAP can we PLEASE start cutting something, ANYTHING teh heck OUT?!?!?! Not just 'freezes' or cuts to growth, but real elimination of stupid crap?

Dick said...

Great post, thanks. I hope all is well with you and yours.
BTW guys, $100 Million is not cheap. It is an enormous amount of money. Only compared to the other spending is it "smaller", but certainly not small.

Jim Hlavac said...

Amazing, to get a brain one must always go to Oz, and see the man behind the curtain. There's a movie about this, with courage and heart, witches, flying monkeys, the whole shebang. Toto too, and a rainbow! Oh, it's very emblematic of our times, even if the yellow bricks are made of the wealth of the munchkins. Though, one must pass through Kansas with all the bitter clingers, but, well, Dorothy made it, I'm sure the president can too, if he doesn't fall asleep in the field.

But you're right Stilt, basic research is one thing -- but the whole list of benefits is mush, of course, and it's not like they haven't been looking in the brain for decades; I myself feel quite studied, I assure you. But, who knows what we'll find -- from my interaction with many brains, I'd predict not much.

Meanwhile, what on earth are you doing posting stuff? You're beginning to sound like the president, "I'm on a working vacation." Or, is it just so easy that it hardly takes time at all, almost like clicking heels? Hmm.

CenTexTim said...

Brain mapping? Already been done - here and here.

Obama Failed America said...

Secretary of State John Kerry on Tuesday enthusiastically welcomed an overwhelming U.N. General Assembly vote in favor of a global conventional arms trade treaty, but many of his former colleagues in the U.S. Senate – which will have to ratify the treaty – are leery.

The U.S. joined 153 other nations voting in favor of the arms trade treaty (ATT), ending almost a decade of negotiations. Three countries – Iran, Syria and North Korea – opposed it while another 23 countries abstained, among them Russia and China, both major arms exporters.

Kerry in a statement welcoming the “historic outcome” of the talks described the ATT as “strong, effective and implementable,” saying that the treaty “can strengthen global security while protecting the sovereign right of states to conduct legitimate arms trade.”

Sparky Hudson said...

You'd think there was something more important for the Dear Loser to worry about. Like, say, the economy, war, etc. etc. Obama HATES America. That much is evident even without a 'brain mapping'. He keeps trying desperately to crash our country. Plus I smell a rat with this. I'll bet the money goes to Unions or some other Obama supporters.
#ObamaFAIL

graylady said...

Money to map brains........ from the same gov't who spent millions to research snails humping.

Pete(Detroit) said...

greylady, iirc it was SLUGS, ie HOMELESS snails...
In any event, I suspect it's a similar process, the poor buggers being more or less hermaphroditic, both male and engaging in a 'penis duel' until one is penetrated and goes female.
Kind of a different spin on "Love's Bitch", eh?

really enraged said...

Thanks! I've always maintained that some of my uber lib in laws - and in fact most libs of my acquaintance - get free memory chip implants courtesy of the DNC. They are incapable of communicating anything but the latest cant and buzzwords one hears from the DNC and their wholly owned subsidiaries

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Great comments all, and I'm sorry for not being able to respond to them individually. Happily, at this point HnC has a good brain trust going whether I'm very actively participating or not.

To be entirely truthful, I'm all for the funding of the brain-mapping project and other research which will help deal with serious medical conditions. It is, for a change, a good use of money. But I do loathe having our jackass president try to take credit for it, or suggest that such medical research is likely to revitalize the middle class and create jobs.

And the $100 million is just seed capital - it's going to cost much, much more to do this research. But if it can help with treatment of Alzheimer's, Parkinsons, and effing Epilepsy, then I hope that the program is aggressive, well-funded, and more successful than anything else B. Hussein has tried to associate himself with.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the Obama Gang just wants to know the best place to put their embedded chips for normal brains for the oncoming mark of the chip.
--www.trutherator.wordpress.com