Hard on the heels of Hillary Clinton claiming to be "dead broke" after leaving the White House, Joe Biden has announced that he has neither a savings account nor any investments to provide for his own needs after leaving office.
It's unclear whether he will have to engage in demeaning hourly labor like Hillary (although $200,000 an hour for giving speeches isn't bad) or if he will perhaps receive a multi-million dollar advance for authoring a memoir of his non-accomplishments in office. ("Biden My Time").
It's something of a mystery why Joe Biden is against putting money in banks ("I heard they keep sperm in 'em," he might whisper with a suspiciously cocked eyebrow). However, his dislike of the stock market was well documented when he announced during his re-election campaign that Wall Street wants to put black people "back in chains." Even the ones who are clean and articulate.
Still, the penniless Biden is unworried about his eventual retirement, saying that he has a "great pension." But one would assume that the Clintons got an even better pension, and those poor bastards claim to be sleeping under bridges and living off of rainwater and bread crusts.
Maybe that's why Joe Biden is forced to cobble together odd little dabs of money here and there, like the $100,000 he's charging Secret Service Agents to rent space at his Delaware property in order to protect him. (Side note: wouldn't it be cheaper for taxpayers if Uncle Joe would just take his own advice and fire a shotgun into the sky when feeling threatened?)
But Hope n' Change isn't too concerned about Joe Biden's financial future. As has been the case for over 40 years, he'll continue to have pocket money as long as there are taxpayers with pockets.
Hard Choices: Ripple or Thunderbird?