Monday, January 19, 2015
Today is Martin Luther King Jr Day. And what better way to celebrate the progress of Dr. King's magnificent vision than to take note of the fact that in today's America, "racism" is defined as failing to give enough statuettes to black millionaires in Hollywood.
At least, that's the opinion of Reverend Al "Taxes Is For White Folks" Sharpton, who has somehow become the ludicrous heir apparent to Dr. King's legacy. Following the announcement of this year's Oscar nominations, Reverend Al called an emergency meeting of his Diversity Task Force to address the fact that there were no black actors or directors nominated for top awards.
"In the time of Ferguson," Sharpton said while squinting into his word-a-day dictionary, "that is incongruous!"
Fortunately, the Diversity Task Force came up with a brilliant idea and announced that the always-diverse Black Entertainment Television network will now host the all-black Hollywood "Sharpie Awards."
There will be awards for "Best Blacktor" and "Best Blacktress," as well as awards for "Best Denzel Washington Movie," "Best Movie With Tyler Perry In A Housedress," "Best Movie That Oprah Had Any Damn Thing To Do With," and the "Samuel Fucking Jackson Lifetime Achievement Award" which, it is rumored, will be posthumously awarded to Ferguson's own Michael Brown for his non-moving performance in "Hands Up, Don't Shoot."
Currently, neither the Reverend Sharpton nor his Diversity Task Force has announced plans for a Martin Luther King "Content Of Character" award.