Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Just Like Clockwork

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, state of the union, 2015, SOTU, Clockwork Orange
No, we didn't watch the State of the Union Address last night.  We didn't watch it for the same reason we didn't shove meth-crazed porcupines up our poop chute: because it would be an unbelievably stupid and painful thing to do.

According to media expectations (and how could those be wrong?), Obama's speech would outline his new, even more offensive Offensive - demanding higher taxes on the evil rich (and, oh yeah, the marginally evil middle class) in order to give away more "free" stuff to the freaking rabble, illegal immigrants, and the Muslim brotherhood.

Still, here at Hope n' Change we have a solemn journalistic duty to be fair and balanced about the president's plans for the nation, which is why we asked our new liberal correspondent to give her reactions to the State of the Union Address...

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, lefty lucy, community college, einstein

Indeed they can't, Lucy! And the fact that Barack Obama is delivering the State of the Union Address proves it.

BONUS: 2014 Cartoon Awards Announced by!

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, right reasons, best cartoons 2014


Joseph ET said...

Congratulations Dr. Jarlsberg for your win. We did our part of trying to get you to the number one slot by voting early and often. We don’t know why it failed, seems to work for the Democrats. BTW love the Lefty Lucy addition.

Geoff King said...

Gratz on the Cartoon Awards! Love the Lefty Lucy addition, but after Googling it I found there is a band by that name and they have copyrighted it. Hope that is not a problem.
As for the SOTU, I had far more important and entertaining things to watch, such as seeing how long I could track the movement of a single blade on my ceiling fan at low speed, and observing my dog having an extremely physical dream in which all four legs were moving and sleep barking was involved. Is he chasing or being chased? I will, no doubt, read up on Øvomit's latest lies and outrageous promises as tomorrow wears on. Until then, I will just agree with the Libertarian Party Vice Chair's response to Sir Teleprompter:’s-state-of-the-union-address

Fred Ciampi said...

I didn't watch the state of the union talkey talkey because the last time I watched our fearless leader on the nice new wide screen television my couch caught fire. I will, however, look all over the internet (which fearless leader is going to improve for us) for commentary; and everyone knows that if it is on the internet, it's true. Yay! I do understand that he will wave his magic wand (in his case, a magic pen) and make community college free, just like in Denmark. Speaking of which, nobody seems to understand that all the free stuff in Denmark comes with one of the highest tax rates in the solar system. Like Margaret 'Iron Lady' Thatcher said, "pretty soon you run out of other peoples' money". Hmmmm... So, off to the internet for all the news and information that's fit to eat.

Judi King said...

LOVE Lefty Lucy! Too bad she's so real. Congratulations on 4th and 6th. The straight line one is still my favorite.

REM1875 said...

Well done, accolades richly deserved.
If your gonna get swatted, droned and audited you may as well get the well deserved praise and recognition for it.

TrickyRicky said...

Stilton, congrats on the awards. In my humble opinion you have at least 2 or 3 award winners every week.

Regarding your new correspondent, how did you woo her away from her job as a State Department spokeswoman?

Judi King said...

I, of course, couldn't watch the SOB's SOTU last night but got enough of it on Megyn Kelly at 11:00 and this morning's news to know I didn't miss anything. My first impression of the clips I saw was ... this is an angry man. I feel he wants to punish America for rejecting his failed policies so will arrogantly reject any real change.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Joseph ET- It was actually a bit harder to register to vote for your favorite cartoons than it is to register to vote for POTUS. We live in a funny old world...

@Geoff King- There is indeed a band (and for that matter a stripper) called "Lefty Lucy" and they seem to have an obsession with posting the copyright symbol on their web page - but actual copyright law is on my side and I'm entitled to use the name. And plan to!

Regarding the SOTU, I actually broke down and watched quite a bit of it. Well, I listened while playing a videogame - to quote one of my favorite films, "Man does not behold the face of the Gorgon and live."

I heard Barry talk about the great economy, how wonderfully things are going in Afghanistan, his new initiative to cure cancer and other diseases, why our nation's security rests on the wholehearted embrace of gays, lesbians, transgenders, and bisexuals, the necessity to show respect to Islam, and "climate change" as the biggest, baddest, most importantest challenge that anyone has faced ever.

Then my projectile vomiting started, and this morning I woke up face down on the rug.

@Fred Ciampi- The "free community college" idea is bad on so many levels that I'm not going to go deeply into it here.

My alternative: make community college classes available online for anybody who wants to take them, then have a GED-style exam (closely monitored to prevent fraud) to certify students who complete the courses.

This would cost a tiny fraction of what Barry is proposing, and would eliminate financial incentive for community colleges to inflate grades.

@Judy King- Glad you like Lucy! I'm still fiddling with details of the look of the cartoon, but I think it's likely we'll be seeing more of her soon.

@REM1875- Someday my epitaph will be "He Stood Up In The Foxhole."

@TrickyRicky- She does remind me of the new breed of High School students in high-ranking government positions.

@Judi King- Barry has always been a seething clenched-sphincter of anger and resentment. Revenge is all he's ever wanted.

Mike Porter said...

Fred Ciampi: No need to scour the internet for that SOTU thingy - simply google 'German porn' - I have it on good authority (yeah, that would be South Park) that some of those Krauts are into explicit videos of assholes excreting endless streams of feces.

Stilton: Congratulations, though I would think that somewhere above 4th place is a much more appropriate fit. As to your community college solution; the problem here is that it makes sense, and will thus not be up for consideration anytime soon. As a GED guy myself, I must say that the hardest part of the final exam was that it consisted of five tests, and for some reason I was allowed to take only one per week. I found this to be a frustrating microcosm of the very high school experience I was attempting to circumvent. Of course, stupid me - I later realized that public school was merely intended to teach students how to put up with endless streams of banal bureaucratic bullshit without blowing a gasket, and now find myself ill prepared for adulthood in modern America. Oh well.

Dodger Blues said...

Whoa! Little distracted this morning. Lefty Lucy is HOTTTTTTTT!

Hey, Doc is she single? You know what sexual appetites these millennials have - if I give you my number, will pass it along to her?

Tell her I have really big feet. How do I know? because everyone says I have a really big mouth and my foot is always in it....

That will turn her on to no end! I am SOOOOO in like Flint.

John the Econ said...

I think "Lefty Lucy" should be a daily.

Didn't watch the SOTU. Mrs. Econ thought it'd be a better idea to go to the gym and exercise our bodies instead of exorcising our brains. I think she was right. It's sitting on the DVR, but odds are I'll hit the delete key instead of watching. Seems there were no surprises because as predicted, the whole point was to play Santa Claus and to antagonize the GOP. Seems he's discovered his veto pen. Whatever. Don't know why he needs Congress to shut down Gitmo, since he's releasing all the thugs back into the wild anyway.

As for the "community college" proposal: Again, all Progressives can do is propose more of the same as a solution to problems they themselves are responsible for. Today, too many 4-year college grads are less competent than high school grads of generations ago. Over the last generation, we haven't even converted our universities into decent remediation for our failed primary and secondary schools. Thanks to easy money borrowed by students, universities have found it more profitable to teach schlock and invent worthless degrees than to deliver a quality product. As a result, we now have millions of degreed people who are still unemployable and are sitting there with over a trillion dollars of student loan debt.

The logical solution would be to remediate our primary and secondary school system and remove the financial incentive for universities to be worthless diploma mills. But nobody will touch that. The federally-funded education bubble gives universities no incentive to change, since they get paid either way with absolutely no consequences for spewing out a mediocre product. So instead, the President offers to pay for 2 years of community college to make up for the crappy job our high schools are doing. This makes no sense, unless the goal is to buy off the status quo.

John the Econ said...

"Lefty Lucy" is hot, but only until she opens her mouth.

CenTexTim said...

Congrats on the recognition, Stilt. Well deserved and long overdue.

Colby Muenster said...

When I was in college, my roommate and I used to watch Lawrence Welk on TV with the sound turned off, and play Led Zeppelin or Black Sabbath records. It could be quite amusing (especially after you smoked a doob). So last night, I watched O'Liar accompanied by an old Cheech and Chong tape.

Actually, I didn't do that, but thought about it. Instead, I watched Dragnet reruns on Netflix. If Joe Friday told O'Liar "Just the facts, sir, just the facts..." BO would be speechless.

@Mike Porter,
If I was forced to watch either the German porn you speak of, or President Selfie blather on about how effing great his ideas are, the choice is clear.

John the Econ said...

Okay, here's one surprise from last night I didn't see coming: Obama's proposed tax on 529 college savings plans.

Oh, that he's going after other people's money is hardly a surprise, but that he choose 529s.

He probably feels good about this because I am sure there are a lot of 1%-ers with huge 529s out there who could cash-flow their kids college in a blink without needing the help of a tax friendly savings scheme. But this proposal is going to punish far more middle class families that it is 1%-ers. Basically, he wants to punish families that save for the benefit of those who do not.

If this scheme were to be implemented, it would basically render 529 plans pointless. People would either save via other post-tax vehicles, or not save at all. This is all good with Progressives, because some people shouldn't have more than others anyway, and zapping personal savings and making them dependent on government programs instead a great way to achieve that. It is, in fact, a Progressive goal.

But that isn't what concerns me the most. The left's idea of seizing parts of people's supposedly "sheltered" plans has been simmering for decades. It offends many leftists deeply that there are people who instead of consuming, have saved and invested and now have large nest eggs sitting in these accounts not doing the kinds of things they think should be done. And they want access to that money.

So the only surprise to me is that Obama decided to go for 529s first, since they are mainly middle-class. It's only now, after 6 years of Obama that the Progressives feel comfortable enough to openly speak of their plans targeting these kinds of savings. So for 529's, it will be under the noble guise of paying for other people's college. After that barrier is broken, how long will it be before they transparently target your HSA to pay for other people's health care, or your 401K or IRAs to pay for other people's retirement?

Not long I suspect. Watch Liz Taxagewea Warren to expound on this any day, to out-Progressive Obama on this.

Many mistakenly thought that 2012 was a referendum on whether we wanted to be a social democracy. That wasn't the case. It looks like 2016 will be the referendum, and how proposals like this are received will determine how aggressive and transparent the left will be pursuing that agenda.

PRY said...

You deserve the awards...consistent great stuff here!

And, you have CAPTURED the millenial spirit with Lefty Lucy, my friend!

Any one of us could have written a detailed outline of his 'State of the Utopia' speech! Ever notice how cock-sure people are when they are lying?

One more thought...spiritually speaking, what he and others are supposedly planning is so, well, human in its effort! Human effort apart from spiritual energy never accomplishes much. Utopia is in a supernatural realm, not in Obama's or anyone else's here on earth! And Utopia perfection is what he is proposing...knowing most of America is just dumb enough to believe it could happen!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Mike Porter- Online college courses already exist, many for free. Pretty much anyone with a computer or iDevice can access "iTunes University" for free. Essentially the only thing which would need funding is the testing system - which could be quite inexpensive to set up assuming that the morons behind were kept away from the process.

But as you say, the problem is that my idea makes sense and - oh yeah - doesn't redistribute wealth or give special concessions to any "victimized" groups.

@Dodger Blues- I'm sure Lucy would find it really, really hurtful that you're objectifying her. Although it is nice of you to pay for her birth control.

@John the Econ- Excellent dissection of the community college idiocy. As you point out, maybe we should make existing educational institutions meaningful again. Although in this age of endless Progressive social tampering, I have my doubts that it's possible anymore.

@CenTexTim- Recognition by conservatives, I like. Recognition by drones, not so much.

@Colby Muenster- I think I'd like to play the audio of the SOTU while watching a video loop of Francis the Talking Mule.

And speaking of Obama and excrement porn, I combined them in this cartoon back in 2013.

By the way, if you don't immediately recognize the video reference in the cartoon, I'd advise you NOT to look it up. There are some things you can't unsee.

Geoff King said...

Speaking on behalf of my friend Righty Tighty, we feel that Lefty Lucy should advance her clueless Millenial persona by incorporating trendy tattoos and body piercings where God never intended humans to have holes.

Joseph ET said...

@John the Econ
I think that the reason that Obama's proposed tax on 529 college savings plans is because fewer people would be affected thus less push-back. And he would claim this is just a tax on the rich. But beware that the democrats have been eying our 401ks and IRAs at least since 2010. I recall one democrat from Oregon saying they could take our 401ks and IRAs and then guarantee our Social Security payments for as long as we need. Well, it went something like that. Here is one version; Senate Hearing: Seizure of 401k Accounts May Be Reality Soon from October 11, 2010. I wouldn’t count on them forgetting this concept. They just need to find a way to do the seizures without causing Riots and such nonsense.

Bruce Bleu said...

I thought that a football player said it was NORMAN Einstein, but... tomato - tomahto.

John the Econ said...

You are absolutely right, @Joseph ET. The 529s are a relatively easy target because they're talking about 12 million participants and barely a quarter-trillion dollars in assets.

Once they set that precedent, I'd expect the next target to be HSA accounts in the name of paying for other people's health care. There are a lot of people who max out their HSAs, and then remain healthy and not spend the money. Totally not fair, so they'll seize those.

The left has had their eyes on the holy grail of the trillions of dollars in 401Ks and IRAs for decades now. The idea of taxing these accounts was openly discussed during the early Clinton years. These sort of trial balloons could be credited as part of the reason the Democrats lost total control of Congress in 1994 for the first time in generations.

My prediction is that they won't openly seize 401Ks or IRAs (at first, anyway) but will instead change Social Security into a means-tested welfare program so that you will not be able to collect your "lock box" (chortle) benefits if you have any assets in any retirement accounts.

Of course, this will be economically devastating, mainly because those of modest means will do the math and discover that there will be absolutely no point in saving or investing, if the standard of living they could expect from living off savings would be no different that the standard of living they could expect from living off Social Security. Ironically, this will only increase the divide between "rich" and "poor", the very thing that the left says they want to avoid.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Geoff King- Actually the idea of Lucy getting tattoos and piercings is probably worth exploring. In a professional way, of course.

@Joseph ET- I have no doubt that the government will be coming for assets in the not too distant future. Despite what the left would have you believe, there just aren't enough evil rich people to take money from.

@Bruce Bleu- Norman Einstein was the brother who never amounted to much. He's best know for his declaration: "E = 1 Scrabble point."

@John the Econ- I think your predictions are right on the nose. I'm one of those middle-class saps who has gone without my entire life in order to put money into a savings account, a retirement account, an HSA, and so on. What I consider to be responsible independence will be characterized as "hoarding" by the Socialists.

Means-testing will come first; it will cut government expenses while punishing those who resisted becoming leeches.

Hopefully it won't happen in the next two years. But I wouldn't bet against it happening within ten.

Larry Walker, Jr. said...

You're the man. You keep me laughing constantly. I drop by this site frequently.

JustaJeepGuy said...

@Bruce Bleu and @Stilt,

I recall reading that the aforementioned football player actually did know someone who was quite intelligent who was actually named Norman Einstein. Of course, that Einstein wasn't the one whom the speaker wanted to name, it was just the name he remembered right then.