Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Running on Empties - Pupdate 2015

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, penny, pupdate
Hope n' Change has received no compensation from Black Velvet for this endorsement. Damn it.
When better than the dog days of summer to report on, um, the dog days of summer? Which is why we're sharing this update on Penny (the official dog of Hope n' Change) and her favorite game. We've tried lots of toys, but her absolute favorite is an empty (and thoroughly rinsed) whiskey bottle with one marble dropped inside. We shake it tantalizingly, pitch it across the yard (the spout has a nice "German hand grenade" feel) and Penny fetches it. Or rather, she grabs it and brings it close enough for us to wrestle it away from her bared fangs - carefully counting our fingers afterward.

Frankly, it seems ironic that nothing makes her happier than an empty whiskey bottle, while few things make us sadder. Still, considering the unrelentingly negative nature of the news and Penny's delight with empties, it seems like we've struck the perfect symbiosis.

Penny will turn two in a couple of months and, despite the fact that she sometimes barks and chews the corner of our desk during critical editorial sessions, she's an ongoing joy to the Jarlsberg family.

AND SPEAKING OF DOGS...
What do you think - is it time to put Bark Obama and Joe Bitem back into the rotation?

BONUS: HERE'S LOOKING ATCHOO
Great Expectorations

27 comments:

Mike aka Proof said...

Black Velvet? I would have expected something like Maker's Bark...

Joseph ET said...

Our last dog was a female Samoyed. She was lovey, friendly and well behaved (most of the time) hair making machine. She was the ONLY dog I’ve known that would not fetch. When you throw a ball or something, she would run to it and stand there looking at you. I always thought she was thinking, “okay I found it, now what?” She was about six months old when we got her. Well behaved, but didn’t seem to know anything. The master bedroom was upstairs, we had to teach her how to go up and down them. To teach her about the stairs, Mrs. ET stood at the top and I put her on the stairs about half way up and then I stood at the bottom. We called her and she went up of course. Later, she came down to me and no issues with stairs after that.
We will always miss her.

TMay said...

Regarding your Bark Obama cartoon of Aug 26, 2015, unfortunately, I just read an article about Obama's plans to split Jerusalem.

TrickyRicky said...

Black Velvet Matters...I love it!

Fred Ciampi said...

Well, now I'll have to go to the gubbermint controlled alcoholic beverage emporium and purchase some Black Velvet. I will be sure to inform the clerk that Black Velvet is endorsed by Penny Jarlsberg the Wonder Doggie. What a refreshing break from reality. After consumption of said project I shall be sure to fight my little over caffeinated critter for the empty. And, I'll be sure NOT to think of Bark Obamma ET AL.......

Geoff King said...

I have always liked BV. It is both one of the smoothest and least expensive sipping whiskeys around. I have even converted a few friends into preferring it over the far more harsh and expensive Jack Daniels. Last week, this proved to be a mistake as I went to purchase a pint of the stuff only to find that the local store was completely sold out.

Manfred said...

Excellent post - especially on National Dog Day!

Anonymous said...

Whiskey in a plastic bottle? Is that like wine in a cardboard box? (Shudder)

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Mike aka Proof- Or maybe Jack Spaniels?

@Joseph ET- Our previous dog, Maggie, was a pregnant stray who we think was kept in someone's backyard and never allowed in the house (which is criminal in Texas summers). The only way we could initially get her to enter the house was with a trail of hot dog bites which she nibbled one by one while looking around to see if she was going to get swatted. Happily, she quickly settled in...and took over (grin).

@TMay- Barry is no friend of Israel, and is especially keen on punishing Netanyahu for his "interference" in the Iran deal.

@TrickyRicky- I really should print a t-shirt...

@Fred Ciampi- The only problem is that Penny now looks at a full bottle and starts doing her frenetic "let's go play, let's go play!" dance.

@Geoff King- I'm a cheapskate, which is how I discovered Black Velvet. But compared to most cheap rotgut, it's actually quite drinkable (especially with water). Oddly, I actually prefer the regular to the "aged for a little while" upgrade. Highly recommended for the value-oriented prepper who doesn't want the Apocalypse to interfere with Happy Hour.

@Manfred- I had no idea was National Dog Day (but it is)! Speaking of which, your name reminds me of Mighty Manfred the Wonder Dog (who belonged to Tom Terrific).

roger said...

I liked your post today, our resident chewer will be 2 years old at Christmas (can I say Christmas?). She barks a lot and when I lift up her jowls she has a Joe Biden grin, but my wife says she's a lot smarter than Joe Biden. Well OK I guess she's just average.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous- Not only do I buy whiskey in a plastic bottle, I buy Corbett Canyon chardonnay in a box. When I'm eventually forced to live under a bridge, I don't want to have expensive habits.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@roger- I think most dogs are smarter than Biden. As are most of the items you find in the produce section of a grocery.

posstockhoarder said...

Have you ever tried Johnny Walker Bark?

Glad your pooch is a happy one. And keep the Joe Bidet stuff coming!

John the Econ said...

"The only way we could initially get her to enter the house was with a trail of hot dog bites which she nibbled one by one while looking around to see if she was going to get swatted. Happily, she quickly settled in...and took over (grin)."

That's how Mrs. Econ got me.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@posstockhoarder- If Biden really does run, I'll have to make Joe Bitem a regular character around here.

@John the Econ- You know, a person with a dirty mind could kind of read that the wrong way... (grin)

Colby Muenster said...

Can't wait to see your canine versions of Trump or Shrillery.

Sortahwitte said...

I've already staked out my modern, comfortable, campsite under the I-35 bridge. It has a 24 inch sewer pipe hanging from the bridge deck. Even when it's 10 degrees or so, it is very toasty under there.

David in SoCal said...

Econ John: You are such a romantic! 10's of thousands comedians out of work, and you entertain us for free.....Love it!

Stilton: Does the sound of Penny gnawing on 'her' bottle sound like 'scrunch-scrunch'?

Bruce Bleu said...

Okay, Stilton... I KNOW this is a joke. There is NO "EFFIN" way that "effin" Shrillary would use "hell" in this "effin" context!
Now, the jury is "effin" out on what "effin" word the former "effin" first bitch would "effin" use, but I'm "effin" CERTAIN it's not the one you selected.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Colby Muenster- I'm kind of looking forward to that myself.

@Sortahwitte- Hey, I-35 isn't far from here! I can bring you a housewarming roadkill!

@David in SoCal- Definitely a scrunch-scrunch. A given bottle is good for maybe two days before it needs to be replaced. Which means I have to supplement her toys with non-Whiskey bottles frequently. Even I can't keep up with that pace.

@Bruce Blue- I think that other 4-letter word would be funnier, but I try not to go there too often. In print.

John the Econ said...

@David in SoCal, I'm all about "economic disruption".

Other Nooze:

Barack Obama calls opponents of Iran deal 'the crazies'

The people who think that trusting the "death to America" Iranians to inspect their own facilities and then report back on the state of the lack of their bomb research think those who oppose this deal are "the crazies"? That's crazy.

After making the comment, he then left to go attend another "climate change" conference, which, as we all know, is the real threat to global security instead of homicidal religious fanatics with billions of dollars and nuclear weapons.

But we are "the crazies".

Speaking of "crazy":

‘RACE WAR’: MANIFESTO RELEASED OF VIRGINIA MURDERER

A disgruntled, black, gay, former reporter with a history of behavioral problems ambushes former co-workers on live TV. In his wake, he posts video of the murders and leaves a manifesto referring to mass murderer 20150617.

After scanning social media this morning, I saw no mention of how we need a "dialog on race" or "sexuality" from the usual sources. Instead, I saw Obama blaming it on the gun. In fact, the incident is being investigated by the ATF, not the DOJ. No "hate crime" here. Move along please...

Earl Allison said...

Such a cute puppolito :) My boxer loves to play, but like her namesake, need to watch those big paws (and her gorilla-skull, solid bone!) when they are waving about, but she's great fun.

Enjoy your canine companion!

Colby Muenster said...

@Earl Allison,

No doubt the moonbats are feeling really conflicted over the horrible murder in Roanoke. It was a black man shooting two white people, so the gun HAD to be to blame, right? Never mind that the guy was a freaking self centered lunatic nutjob. His blackness and gayness had nothing to do with it; color and sexual preference are only relevant when it a WHITE person shooting a BLACK person.

But, now that I thought about it for a bit, I now believe the rainbow flag did it. Or maybe it was a rainbow flag with "Black Lives Matter" written on it?

Fred Ciampi said...

What saddens me personally the most is that was the morning news that we watch (we live close to Roanoke) and she was the sweetest young personality one could ask for. And she and the cameraman were both engaged (to separate fianc├ęs).

What angers me is where the hell is Sharpton and all the other race baiters and why hasn't Louis Farrakhan and his ilk been indicted for inciting to murder for calling for the killing of whites?

John the Econ said...

Listening to President celebrate 10 years of government incompetence in New Orleans. He's already blamed the disaster on "climate change" and the Bush Administration. No mention that municipal and state government was run exclusively by corrupt and incompetent Democrats, many of which are now in prison. Millions of dollars that were supposed to build and maintain levies instead went to build infrastructure for floating casinos. They were literally gambling on their future, and lost.

Oh, and if "climate change" is the inevitable crisis he says it is, then why did the government allow and spend billions of dollars to rebuild homes that are already literally below sea level? Last time I checked several years ago, the Federal government had spent well over half-a-million dollars per house restoring those neighborhoods where the previous homes could be bought for 5-figures. We would have been much better off condemning the whole area and handing out everyone a $200,000 check to go away. Everyone would have been better off.

Rod said...

@John the Econ just above. Hear! Hear! You are absolutely correct, sir.. and so far only one of the many ten-year anniversary observances & commentors are talking about it, with the soft-pedaled exception of Mayor Landreau this morning on TV.

Sergio said...

Cue Bobby Vinton: "She drank black velvet, wo wo wo"