Friday, September 4, 2015
Yes, today is my birthday and I'd like to thank all of you for the wonderful gift you're giving me. Specifically, allowing me to ignore the news today (which is frankly miserable) so I can just enjoy myself and get an early start emptying another fetchable bottle for Penny (the Official Dog of Hope n' Change).
As office parties go, today's hasn't been particularly raucous. A catered lunch (well, a visit to Wendy's with the lovely Mrs. Jarlsberg and a very good friend who picked up the tab), a smattering of humorous memes from friends online ("In dog years, you're dead!"), heartfelt greetings in the mail (a birthday card from a local medical facility, an invitation to a retirement seminar, and still no damn check from the Koch brothers), followed by the opening of gifts.
And by "gifts," I mean two items I ordered from Amazon which arrived today. The first was an 8-camera security system with which to monitor the black vans, helicopters, and drones which constantly circle the Hope n' Change office tower. The other was a 48-pack of Ultra Strong Charmin bathroom tissue, which may not seem like a great birthday gift - but if the grid suddenly goes down and our society collapses into Mad Max anarchy, I get the last laugh. Or at least the ability to not walk around looking like I just climbed off a wide horse.
Hope n' Change will return to business as usual on Monday, provided the whole place doesn't go up in flames when so many birthday candles get lit.
BONUS 1: TAKING A PLEDGE
BONUS 2: TAKING A PEAK