Friday, November 6, 2015

Sonny with a Chance of Showers

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, transgender, shower
Maybe so, but we doubt that he's 99 and 99/100ths percent pure.
Quietly weeping mourners braved dark clouds and chill winds yesterday to attend the graveside services for Common Sense, which finally passed away this week after a long, painful, and ultimately hopeless battle with Liberalism.

The final blow was thought to be the Department of Education's ruling that a transgendered student who self-identifies as female but was born male, and still has male genitalia, must be allowed to shower with the girls on the school soccer team.

To the school's credit, they had previously done everything possible to accommodate "the girl with something extra," including providing a privacy curtain for shower time. But that still wasn't acceptable to the student - who is apparently either an asshole or a bitch, depending on whether you believe gender is genetic or simply a choice.

Which is why the Department of Education conducted a taxpayer-funded two-year investigation into what should be done (and the Dems are whining about the length of the Benghazi hearings?!) before determining that the student was being discriminated against "on the basis of sex." Because, no doubt, they didn't want to say "on the basis of having a skin flute."

"All students deserve the opportunity to participate equally in school programs and activities - this is a basic civil right," said Assistant US Secretary Catherine Lhamon, adding "including showering with nubile young athletic women, their skin delightfully flushed from their exertions, and watching the sinuous streams of water course sensuously over their firm young breasts before racing down, down, down to disappear into the heady tangled forests surrounding their teammates' forbidden love grottos."

Okay, she didn't say that last part word for word, but we're pretty sure it was implied.

Hope n' Change isn't against reasonable accomodation of transgendered people, but that word "reasonable" needs to be emphasized. With a Louisville Slugger, if necessary. Which should also be the case when dealing with other ludicrously clear cases in which "self-identifying" doesn't make something true. And we don't just mean Rachel Dolezal's "blackness," Elizabeth Warren's claim to be "Native American," Ahmed's timed detonator that identifies as a "clock," or B. Hussein's transparently ridiculous assertion that he self-identifies as a Christian.

For instance, a 12 year old who "identifies" as an adult shouldn't get to buy booze. A 25 year old who "identifies" as a senior citizen shouldn't be able to collect Social Security payments.  An 11 year old girl who "identifies" as a grown woman shouldn't be able to be a consensual sex partner for a pederast. Yet in our society, it seems increasingly likely that any and all of these things could come to pass.

If Common Sense was still with us, we think it would present us with an elegantly simple solution to the problems above: the requirement of a "No Dicks" sign outside girls shower rooms, and perhaps an identical one to tell the dicks in Washington to start solving problems instead of inventing them.

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, gun, white house, self-identify, transgender
Don't look directly at his gun, Barry. That would be insensitive.

30 comments:

Geoff King said...

Identifying as something you're not used to be called schizophrenia and warranted heavy medication and perhaps a rubber room. If it is now a socially acceptable delusion, I hereby claim that I identify as CEO of Google and demand my yacht and Lear Jet.

Colby Muenster said...

I really miss Common Sense, and I hope it is just taking a break and not dead. I think people in general are close to the breaking point on all of this PC caca del toro. I know folks in my neck of the woods are fed the hell up.

That being said, ANY parents of the girl's soccer team that have not immediately yanked their daughters from this school are part of the problem.

Wouldn't it be ironic if the girls in that shower beat the living crap out of this little turd, and sent him running home crying to mommy? That's what would have happened when I was a kid.

Fred Ciampi said...

Oh goodie, I'm going to start today self-identifying with all those things I have always wanted to be. Geoff already claims CEO status. Leeme see; I think I'll start as Hugh Hefner and then move on to other arenas if I live through the Hef thing. I mean, the possibilities are endless. I can see the end of civilization as we know it just before the horizon. I think for now I will self-identify as a moonshiner. Oh, the humanity.

Fred Ciampi said...

And anudder thing, today's Johnny Optimism ironically tells where our once great country is headed.

Anonymous said...

Under Obama, boys are just girls with penises.

Ed G. Mann said...

Perhaps Hope n' Change can enlighten us how this individual intends to have his DNA altered to conform with his/her new identity?

Anonymous said...

Enough said about the subject... While I always enjoy your postings, your writing style in this piece is a pleasure to read. The opening paragraph is a word smith's work of art. Thank you for a great start to my day.

American Cowboy said...

Anonymous said...
Under Obama, boys are just girls with penises.

That's hilarious, I see what you did there.

Seriously though, while I know what people mean when they use the term Common Sense I remember what an older man born in the last decade of the nineteenth century used to say when he was still alive. "There is nothing common about sense." The truth of that statement is even more obvious these days I believe.

Mike said...

I was a white male when I was in the Army and achieved my veteran status.
Now that I am applying for my SBA loan and government work, I identify as a black woman.
That should get my company to the top of the list:
Veteran owned
Minority owned
Female owned
I'd be lying if I said I was handicapped or whatever the PC term is today.

Bruce Bleu said...

Wow, I didn't know Lefty Loosey had a SON!
Colby M, if they DID beat the crap out of Percy Perve, there would be nothing LEFT to run home, (plus it would be reported as a lesbian hate crime).
Now ME... at the same age, (with raging male "whore"-mones) and in the same situation I would identify as a TAMPON, and demand "access". In lamont-o-world, how unreasonable is THAT?

Sandy Link said...

Don't drop the soap, man. This is so sick! I am glad my kids are grown, but worry about my grandchildren. God help us.

Anonymous said...

XX & XY Bathrooms and Locker Rooms. Problem solved with Science.

John the Econ said...

Actually, I think common sense "passed away" the day this country elected President a dopehead no-experience community organizer with a completely mysterious background and promoted by communists and former terrorists. But that's just my opinion.

Speaking of looking into interesting backgrounds, I see the media is now scouring Ben Carson's supposedly mis-spent youth. Welcome back, mainstream media! Interesting to see you back into the vetting business again.

As to the Department of Re-Education dictate that a sexually confused by now be allowed to shower with the girls, who could have imagined this happening a mere 6 years ago? Even Hillary is jumping into the issue, by taking shots at the shy Texans who apparently aren't comfortable with men leaking and lurking in women's rest rooms and showers.

So again I ask, just who is it that is conducting this "war on women" I keep hearing about?

As I've said before, organized "feminism" in America jumped the shark when the alphabets rallied behind the most misogynist President in history, Bill "you might want to put some ice on that" Clinton. After that implosion that repelled the vast majority of apolitical heterosexual women, the movement went underground where what was left of it was taken over by the radical homosexuals festering in academia where one could actually make a living at it. Over time, academia infected the civil servant class and here we are, with the inmates now making and imposing public policy.

Hope n' Change isn't against reasonable accomodation of transgendered people, but that word "reasonable" needs to be emphasized. Unfortunately, the idea of "reasonable" jumped the shark long ago, along with the feminist movement. It's tough to be "reasonable" with people who's jobs depend upon constantly expanding the barriers of what is "reasonable". The beauty of post-modernism for Progressives is that all of reality is subjective. So how does one establish what is "reasonable" in an environment where aging male athletes can decide that they're 30-something female fashion models, middle-class whites can establish careers as blacks, or unquestionably WASP US Senators can declare themselves as "native Americans"? "Reasonable" simply equates to whatever the Progressive thinks it should be. Anyone who disagrees is either sexist, racist, homophobic, or suffering from "white privilege".

Question: Is anyone aware of any transgendered women trying to get access to the boy's locker room? Just curious.

Sortahwitte said...

We have spoken here before about short barreled pistols and long reach backhoes.
Apply often and liberally. snort snort. get it? liberally?

I'm having a tall mug of hot tea with a shot of Jack and returning to bed. Night all.

Amy H said...

I identify as a very rich woman. Where's my money? I expect the likes of Buffet, Gates, etc to send me 10 Mil each to accomodate my self-identity. When can I expect the money?

CenTexTim said...

What the hell ... why not just let anyone use whichever shower they want to. In fact, let's just build one unisex shower/locker room/restroom. That'll cut down on the controversy and confusion, and save money.

Seriously, if my daughter was forced to shower with some 'person' with dangling guy bits, there would be a quick operation to get him/her/it's plumbing to match the rest of the girls.

I wouldn't even charge obamacare for it.

Now I'm gonna follow Sortawitte and pour an additive into my coffee...

Judi King said...

Hey, maybe this kid is just an adolescent with an over active libido which makes him pretty damn smart. Just a thought. Ha Ha

John the Econ said...

@Geoff King, as CEO of Google, you warrant much more than a mere LearJet.

@Colby Muenster, as the arc of the pendulum swing gets larger and larger, it seems to spend less time in the "common sense" zone near the bottom. Ironically, those on the other extreme end of the arc have few doubts as to how to deal with these kinds of issues.

@Anonymous, there's no room for "science" in debates with Progressives, especially once the issue has been deemed "settled".

Speaking of, this just in:

Obama Rejects Construction of Keystone XL Oil Pipeline

Not a surprise. They've been sitting on this "shovel ready" project for 7 years. And with the COP21 spoils conference coming up this month, Obama needed a feather in his cap as a carbon offset to the shale boom that absolutely nobody outside of ordinary consumers is happy about. It didn't "serve the national interest", according to Obama, because as we all know, Progressives have little use for energy and jobs produced by the private sector. (They'd much rather waste taxpayer money on multi-billion dollar boondoggles that actually spew more carbon than they save)

Trans-Canada asked the other day to withdraw the project to wait out the election next year, after which they could expect a far more favorable outcome.

But fear not carbon crybabies. If Canada can't sell their tar sand oil to us, they have another very willing buyer: China. And we all know just how concerned the Chinese are about carbon emissions, much less simple air pollution.

Pete (Detroit) said...

I fully agree that locker rooms be segregated into dicks / no dicks. Period. Either that, or full unisex, in which case I'd fear for the safety of the ladies...
Rest rooms I'm a little more flexible on - I really doubt that a F>M TG would want to be peeping at the boy bits, and a late stage M>F TG would certainly cause a scene in the Men's... but how to stop just the cross dressers? Many places have "family" bathrooms so men can escort young daughters (or Moms sons) perhaps more of that would suffice, for Potty Parity... Which was a HUGE issue in Houston BITD - some women's group sued (and won) based on there being more men's facilities than ladies at the Astrodome.
So they closed 1/2 the men's.
Yup, like that...

Rod said...

@Colby: Yes, let the girls take care of the situation. They play soccer... should be able to kick this guy down so his 'nads will hurt for years. Shower later.
OH, And no one saw a thing; he must have slipped on the soap.

Joseph ET said...

What if the real girls just stand around pointing and laughing at the transgendered student while he’s naked in the shower?
What if the real girls take their shower after they get home or their own hotel rooms if on the road?
What if the real girls refuse to play on any team with a transgendered student on it?

Anonymous said...

Identifying as a bar of soap or a tampon? Now that's just silly. On the other hand, it would seem not only "reasonable" (at least under the new, improved definition) for someone to claim not one, but two status points by self-identifying not just as any woman, but as a lesbian. Let the bureaucrats in the great asylum on the Potomac chew on that one.

Michael Beaty said...

"who is apparently either an asshole or a bitch"
Or a bitchy asshole

"An 11 year old girl who "identifies" as a grown woman shouldn't be able to be a consensual sex partner for a pederast."
They're working in it, although they're more interested in in the 11 year old boys

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Geoff King- In complete seriousness, I think much of this "transgenderism" is mental illness which should be treated. But instead of being cured, mental disorders are now being celebrated. Crazy is the new sane.

@Colby Muenster- Ironically, if the biological girls say or do anything to make their classmate uncomfortable, they're the ones who will be punished. But if they're just supposed to "not look at it" (the genitalia) and not complain, then why shouldn't that also be the policy when they encounter a flasher?

@Fred Ciampi- I could never self-identify as Hef; I'm just not comfortable wearing pajamas in the daytime.

Regarding Johnny O, that's pretty much how I feel about things, too.

@Anonymous- In fairness, Obama is probably drawing from his own experience.

@Ed G. Mann- When it comes to DNA, I'm tempted to make a joke about a double helix, but "he licks" might strike some sensitive souls as provocative.

@Anonymous- Thank you! I actually do make an effort to bang the words together artistically when time allows.

@Mike- Hey, not having a disability is totally a handicap today!

@Bruce Bleu- The problem with self-identifying as a tampon is you don't know if the girls really care for you, or they're just stringing you along.

@Sandy Link- I, too, worry about what this country and culture are coming to when it comes to our kids and grandkids.

@Anonymous- That would certainly work for me.

@John the Econ- Yeah, I'm pretty honked off by the media's sudden interest in "vetting" candidates. They didn't even bother to read Barry's freaking autobiographies to hear his own admissions of disliking white people, learning to hide his feelings, seeking out radicals to associate with, or his promise to stand with Islam when the going got tough. The bastards.

Regarding the transgender issue (and every other liberal issue), "reasonable" really isn't a useful term anymore. The Left hasn't been interested in "reasonable" solutions and compromises for a very long time.

@Sortahwitte- Waitaminnit. You put Jack in hot tea?! Maybe I've had a sheltered life, but that just seems wrong. Not that I wouldn't drink it. Okay, it's actually starting to sound good to me...

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Amy H- Sadly, your postal carrier self-identifies as Clyde Barrow and has stolen the money from your mailbox. Sorry about that.

@CenTexTim- You're exactly right. Under this precedent, ALL school showers should be unisex. If the idea is not to discriminate on the basis of sex, then why should there be any separation in the showers, locker rooms, or bathrooms?

@Judi King- If that's the case, I'm guessing that there will be a noticeable indicator of sexual orientation along with that first co-ed shower...

@John the Econ- I'm bumfuzzled and pissed (albeit not surprised) by the final Keystone XL decision. Notably, Obama didn't reject it because there was anything wrong with it (as numerous State Department and EPA studies showed) but because it "won't create permanent jobs" (nor do roads, bridges, and buildings), it "won't lower the price of gasoline" (perhaps because of the influence of federal taxes at the pump), and "won't improve our nation's energy independence" (because - uh - hey wait! Yes it would!)

The pipeline ALSO won't cure cancer, which is every bit as valid an observation as what Barry was babbling. The pipeline would do no environmental harm and do a fair amount of good. But Barry deep-sixed it to show the world how much he hates fossil fuels. Meanwhile, those same fossil fuels will now go to China - which will do a much worse job of processing them in an environmentally sound way.

@Pete (Detroit)- Perhaps unisex bathrooms, lockers, and showers could work IF they're designed to give individual privacy to those that want it. Why in the world should the rights and sensibilities of someone who desires privacy be of less importance than the rights and sensibilities of those who want to violate the privacy of others?!

Oops- there I go using logic again...

@Rod- I like your suggestion, but hate the idea that if the girls actually acted on that suggestion they'd be hauled up on charges of violating someone's civil rights.

@Joseph ET- If the biological girls did the things you suggest, they would at a minimum be thrown off their soccer team and quite likely be expelled from school. They might also face criminal charges and mandatory re-education.

@Anonymous- Theoretically, a biological girl who is a lesbian would not be excluded from the showers. So why should a biological boy who isn't transgendered and is attracted to nekkid girls be denied access to their shower?

@Michael Beaty- Sadly, I believe you're right.

David in SoCal said...

With the stroke of his pen,(or while he was stroking Reggie's pen),Barry Hussein Soetoro today put 40,000 of my fellow Construction Workers/Americans out of a job they were hoping for. According to Oamericahater, the Keystone Pipeline project will do NOTHING to improve anything in America. You just can't get stupid like this overnight, it needs to be practiced over and over again. But hey folks; at least Ocrapweasel is concerned and focused on something: Transgender boys having access to girls showers/locker rooms in school. Now there's a REAL problem in America that needs fixin' first! Here we go again, bowing down to the less than .5%.
Do ya think if I claim tranny status I can join an all woman's fitness club?

Popular Front said...

I don't know, this thing can be handled quite sensitively; let him shower with the girls but under strict supervision. The first time he gets a boner he gets beaten up and flung out. It shouldn't lake too long.

As for myself, I always wished to identified as a tablecloth. Why? Because I'll get laid three times a day and pulled off after every meal. Bliss.

@Fred Ciampi: You want to identify as Hefner? FFS why? You really want to walk around all day in a dressing gown, surrounded by airheaded blondes with fake boobs that you can't really touch anyway because you haven't got it up in the past 25 years? What do those bimbos actually DO anyway? Polish your walker? Change your catheter bag?

John the Econ said...

"But instead of being cured, mental disorders are now being celebrated. Crazy is the new sane."

It's worse than that. They now claim that we're the crazy ones.

@Colby Muenster, if any straight-white girl (or boy) dares say or do anything, it's now considered a "hate crime", which is worse than murder.

@Stilton: Yeah, the whole "won't create permanent jobs" thing is a head-scratcher, since, as you say, "infrastructure" jobs don't last forever either. At least they're not supposed to. Except when run by government, they do tend to...

Rod said...

OK; still thinking about this since I can't seem to get high schooler in the girls' locker room and showers out of my mind. Could this have worked 50+ years ago?

But is this ruling really enforceable unless the school ALSO has a female who identifies herself as a make showering with the boys? It seems these things absolutely must be fair and balanced.

Steve L said...

The first time in the showers with the girls and he pops a b*ner, the jig is up!