Friday, January 8, 2016

The Right to Bear News

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, stock market, north korea, hydrogen bomb, middle east, antibiotic, alcohol, state of the union
Well THAT didn't take long.
As much as we'd like to say TGIF, at the time of this writing we don't know what fresh horrors will unfold on Friday to top off the first wretched week of 2016.

The stock market has had its worst opening week in history, wiping out so much wealth that the often mathematically-challenged Bernie Sanders is concerned that there will no longer be a top 1% in our country to rape and pillage. In the Middle East, all of the nations and sects are eagerly choosing sides between Saudi Arabia and Iran for the upcoming Armageddon Bowl, American military personnel are being killed in Afghanistan while the White House refuses to admit that they're even engaged in combat, and the roly-poly little lunatic leader of North Korea just exploded a hydrogen bomb.

Although reassuringly, Barack "I'm Pretty Much Lying About Everything" Obama has suggested that it might not have been an actual hydrogen bomb, but just a new and improved whopper of a standard atomic bomb. Wow, what a relief!

So Hope n' Change was already in a less-than-great mood this week, and then fate played a cruel joke on us...

We visited our back alley doctor (he's no longer covered under our Obamacare policy, so we have to pay cash) for a minor condition, and were prescribed an antibiotic which allows no alcohol  for the next two weeks. Not even rinse-and-spit mouthwash!

And according to our friendly back alley pharmacist (who is no long covered under our Obamacare policy), the consumption of any alcohol whatsoever means "you'll start vomiting really badly. And it won't stop."

Which means...

Which means... (sob)

Which means we'll have to watch Obama's State of the Union address next week cold sober! After which, alcohol or not, we still expect to start vomiting really badly. And it won't stop.

 2016, we hate you already.


16 comments:

TrickyRicky said...

Watch the SOTU sober??? My God man, what are you thinking? You live in Texas, at least get a hold of some Willie Weed. That should help some with the associated nausea as well.

For myself, being in oil and gas, I don't much like 2016 either. I see my shriveling 401k and my seemingly inevitable involuntary unemployment converging on the horizon in a classic vanishing point.

Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?

Fred Ciampi said...

Holy MooCow, no distilled spirits? I can't bear to watch dear leader on my TV because it's new and I can't afford another one. I just wait until the next H&C and read what it was about ... although I can guess ahead of time.

Now, to ease your pain; get a box of carpet tacks, empty the box equally into your shoes, put your shoes on and tie them real tight. See? You forgot all about not being to imbibe the spirits, POS POTUS on the tube, o'boner care, and all your other woes. Oops, I lied. It won't ease your pain but it does shift it to another dimension.

I think TrickyRicky's right about the Willy Weed. Never used it myself. That's because I have good old moonshine. Yay!!!!

Geoff King said...

So, North Korea may or may not have detonated a Hydrogen Bomb and they may or may not have the missile technology to launch one all the way to the West Coast of the U.S.
Considering the track record of that lying, narcissistic, two-bit communist dictator, I do not believe it.
Kim Jong-un is not very believable either.

Rod said...

Don't lose hope. NFL Playoffs and NCAA Championship game are in-season. It's all very understandable so let's talk football:
Democrats & Jughead are down to 11 months on the clock in the second half; their play has been so bad even their fans are leaving the stadium. Their score is in minus numbers. The short clock is not their friend. They need to be going out of bounds, faking injuries, and using time-outs when possible until their game plan works; and that will not happen. That's what they're doing with all this BS, lying & noise but it isn't going to be enough. The game will play out; we keep playing smart n' hard, calling their fouls, and summon more of our fans to the stadium.

Bruce Bleu said...

Reminds me of the statistical proposition, 1000 monkeys with 1000 typewriters, but in this case it's 1 monkey with 1000 pens and executive orders!

Colby Muenster said...

No need to watch the SOTU address, Stilton. I could probably type it up for you right now and post it. The economy's never been better, ISIS is defeated, everybody has free health care, gun violence will soon be eliminated, and to top it all off, Hillary is going to keep this wonderfulness going for another fantastic 8 years!

I'd also suggest you find another doctor, though.

@Geoff King,
Good one!

John Ortmann said...

I see by the news that O is coming to Omaha in my home state after the SOTU to take credit for Nebraska's low (official) unemployment rate. Not to be mentioned will be that the state has had Repub-majority governance for many years. Any economic success enjoyed in the last seven years has been in spite of, not because of the regime.

jw said...

alcohol can be given IV

John Denison said...

Yesterday I asked my neighbor (semi-retired cop) if he felt safer now that Obama is fixing the gun problem. He just stared at me and then said bad words. Then he told me that his daughter's Obamacare was canceled after one month and she had to go to a different company to get insurance that can't be used anywhere near where she lives and the old company sent her a bill anyway so she got two bills for two policies that are both useless. Oh, and I'm anxiously waiting for my $2500 insurance savings he promised.

Stilt, instead of the alcohol, I have a rubber mallet your wife can bop you on the head with when you become apoplectic. Concussions aren't so bad, I've had more than a few and it causes you to forget stuff and......

CenTexTim said...

"...no alcohol for the next two weeks"

Methinks the 'cure' is worse than the disease.

Omar al-Tikriti said...

Hey!

Omar here. Love this!

This is what phlegm looks like - those people there on Hollywood Blvd.

You go girl!

Rod said...

I'm wondering how much longer the rest of the world will want to come to USA for their edumacation. Oh wait; maybe that's not the REAL reason.

John the Econ said...

That's life in the Obama era. Instead of abortions, regular health care has been banished to the back alleys.

Hey, a few months ago the idiots who put out those brainless talking-point memes were listing the stock market as an Obama achievement. (Ironically, which mainly benefited the supposedly hated 1%-ers) Have all the useful idiots who reposted those pulled them down yet?

John Denison, it's a hell of a lot more than $2,500 you were promised. Pre-ObamaCare, the insurance bill for my family was about $400/month. By last year it was around $1,500. That difference plus the $2,500 Obama promised is about $6,500 A YEAR! Oh, and the insurance I have now isn't as good as what I had for $400-a-month. I'm not holding my breath about that $2,500.

Don't worry @Stilton. I have a feeling that I'll make up the difference for your drinking deficit.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@TrickyRicky- This is definitely not a great time to be in the oil business (the only exception being snake oil, which the politicians are still selling). Of course, every time the price of a barrel of oil goes down, it makes all the "green" energy alternatives that much more expensive by comparison. I'm not against those alteratives, but I think it's useful for people to see what a bargain oil is when it comes to energy production.

@Fred Ciampi- I don't have access to Willy Weed, nor experience using it, but I do have an amusing anecdote: my Mom (now deceased) needed some medicinal marijuana and by odd circumstances ended up getting some, concealed in a microwave popcorn box, from a major television personality whom I won't name. Mom didn't care for it and, unfortunately, did not leave her "stash" to me in the Will.

@Geoff King- Well played, sir!

@Rod- Unfortunately, while we're paying attention to the game on the field, the Dems actual plan is to blow up the fully-packed stadium. Metaphorically, or course.

@Bruce Bleu- In theory, all of those monkeys and typewriters would occasionally get SOMEthing right by random chance. There's no such chance with this president.

@Colby Muenster- Oh, the SOTU will be insufferable torture, no doubt. Wall to wall arrogance and lecturing. But in my dreams, I picture every GOP member shouting "You lie!" in thunderous unison and then walking out mid-speech. It'll never happen, but it damn well should.

@John Ortmann- You absolutely nail it when you say that anything good that's happened under Obama has been in spite of rather than because of his administration. The SOB is taking credit for unemployment apparently (it's an illusion) reaching realistic levels...but it's been the worst and slowest recovery on record, and the better numbers are a direct result of fudging by the feds.

@jw- A tempting thought, but I think the effects would be the same. Similarly, jello shooter suppositories are on my "don't do" list.

@John Denison- In what may or may not become my next installment of Obamacare Hell, my daughter's insurance was suddenly canceled by Healthcare.gov with no reason given and the insurer unable to tell us. She was enrolled, application approved, paid up, and had her insurance card for 2016 - and the government shut off her coverage like flipping a light switch. This should terrify anyone who is sane. When I got a threatening call from Healthcare.gov about raising my earnings estimate (so they'd no longer be remotely accurate) I wasn't sure they could kill someone's insurance if it was already established. Now I know that they can and will - with no warning and no appeal.

Hand me that rubber mallet...

@CenTexTim- I think the cure IS worse than the disease at present. But I guess that the idea was to keep the condition (diverticulitis) from getting worse.

@Omar al-Tikriti- Oh, sweet mother of pearl. That was funny in a way that makes me weep openly for our future.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Rod- I'll guarantee you that foreigners aren't coming to our centers of alleged higher education to get liberal arts degrees, or majors in Twittering, comic books, women's studies, or reading auras. Nope, THEY come to learn things like nuclear physics and biomedicine (you can't make weaponized anthrax just following youtube videos). So they'll keep coming...

@John the Econ- As my retirement investments were being brutally kicked in the groin this week, I wondered if Bernie Sanders or any other Dems felt pity for those being hurt worst: not women and minorities, but rather people who have worked a lifetime and put their money into stocks because banks don't pay diddly anymore because of the government's insane monetary policies. Does anyone remember "the miracle of compound interest" which would make your savings swell safely and passively?

Regarding insurance, as I mentioned above I'm in the midst of trying to unscramble the government's unilateral, unexplained decision to terminate my daughter's fully paid insurance. She needs medical care right now, today, that she can't get. I'm furious and frustrated. And as long as I'm being alliterative, fearful. The government has never before had such a convenient, all-encompassing tool to screw up individual lives by whim, ineptitude, or malicious intent.

Rod said...

I'm kind of wondering it they ARE targeting you. (?) Maybe we don't know each other anymore. (grin)

More seriously: REALLY sorry you're having such difficulties; but we appreciate you're telling us some things about it. This is exactly what's needed: Push this wide-spread, real-world truth out into the open and rub their snouts in it before the next election.