Wednesday, February 17, 2016
As a case in point, it has now been revealed that ISIS is using chemical weapons on our allies and has the capability of producing more. Chemical weapons, as you may recall, are generally considered to be in violation of Obama's "red line" - if you use them anywhere in the world, he will come sweeping down on you with his mighty sword of vengeance.
Just kidding! He actually won't do squat unless it's an actual chemical attack on the United States which renders every golf course unplayable.
And speaking of good reasons to carry a set of clubs...
At a recent speech, she started barking like a dog to prove that Republicans are liars. No, we don't get the connection, either - but then again, we haven't had as many concussions or drunken blackouts as Mrs. Clinton.
BONUS: SOCIALISM MEDIA
Thanks to Bernie Sanders and rampant national ignorance, socialism is enjoying newfound popularity amongst those who can never imagine themselves working hard enough to pay taxes. And according to Bernie and alleged-filmmaker Michael Moore, life in socialist countries is pure paradise!
But here's an interesting reality check from a (non-political) friend's Facebook post:
Actual conversation today...
Us: "So how do you like living in Brussels?
Her: Well, you know, it's a socialist country so they're always on strike. The last time we flew in we couldn't get home from the airport due to the transportation strike.
Us: Why are they striking?
Her: For higher wages; with the 40% tax it's hard for people to make a living. A US couple started a coffee shop to create jobs helping women out of the sex trafficking industry, but the government requires all businesses for the first year to hire people released from prison. Yeah, and they're just all very laid back. When we first moved there the movers tried 3 times to get my armoire up the stairs and then just said, 'You'll just have to find some other way, we can't do it.' Customer service is practically non-existent."
This is the same Brussels, by the way, which just busted another terror cell of radical Islamists several days ago. Apparently socialism makes it easy for people to live comfortably without actually working, leaving more time for hobbies like waging jihad.
And while we're on the topic of socialist enterprises with non-existent customer service...
BONUS 2: TURN YOUR HEAD AND KAFKA
As you may recall (assuming you drink less than we do), as of our last Obamacare update daughter Jarlsberg's insurance had been cancelled without explanation, leaving her without coverage for her critically important epilepsy medications and neurologist appointments. But at least her new policy was going into effect February 1st, so new bills would be taken care of while we tried to clear up the old mess.
And for the senior Jarlsbergs, Healthcare.gov was sending threatening letters about canceling our insurance unless we sent them further proof of income. Which we did. Multiple times.
So you can imagine our delight when daughter Jarlsberg called several days ago, trying to hold back tears, when she went to pick up this month's medications and found out that now her new, fully paid up policy, has also been cancelled without warning or reason by Blue Cross Blue Shield.
This precipitated a one hour phone call over the weekend in which we tried to get things straightened out, only to find out that only "level one" employees staff the phones on the weekend, and they aren't technically empowered to do any damn thing at all. In fact, we suspect that they're only on staff to be used as meat in case their superiors go cannibalistic during a national emergency.
So yesterday we called again, this time a 90-minute call. The first 45 minutes was a woman breathing heavily and mumbling to herself in confusion while looking at her computer screen. She then put us on a "brief hold" which stretched into a full half-hour. She eventually returned to say that the problem was all in our imagination, and daughter Jarlsberg has always been insured.
It was at this point that heated words were exchanged and it was decided (unilaterally) that the whole fustercluck needed to get expedited to someone with both authority and, just maybe, a triple digit IQ. "I'm turning it over to Finance," clucked the customer service person, as if this would fill us with ineffable joy. But we effed anyway - and demanded that "Finance" not only fix this problem but call us to explain everything in detail or we'd file a complaint with the Oklahoma Insurance Commission.
But...we were lying. We'd already filed the complaint online during that half-hour of nerve-shredding muzak on hold. And we're ready to go to war.
For now, the situation remains hopelessly unresolved - but we've floated daughter Jarlsberg over $1000 to make sure she can buy the medications that Blue Cross, Healthcare.gov, and B. Hussein want to deny her.
As far as the senior Jarlsberg's health insurance plan goes, well, Healthcare.gov just sent a forbidding collection agency-style "second notice" that our insurance will soon be terminated for failure to provide proof of income.
Speaking to a functionary who can only dream of someday becoming a "level one" employee, we were told that if we've submitted all of our documentation (which we have, four times), then "you should be fine."
"Then why are we still getting threatening letters?"
"Because they haven't looked at what you sent in."
"They got millions of files to look at. They way behind."
"So what's going to keep them from cancelling my insurance if they never look at my records?"
"If they do, you can call up again and say that you sent your records."
"And will anyone look at them then?!"
"Maybe. They got millions of files to look at."
Now, imagine these kinds of interactions for every aspect of your life - and you've got the Socialist utopia that Hillary, Bernie, and millions of brain-dead millenials are hoping to foist off on our nation. Your every hope, dream, and aspiration would depend on the approval of some anonymous, non-accountable dolt who would see you only as a file. Or would if you weren't eternally at the bottom of a metastasizing stack of "millions of files."