Friday, March 18, 2016
After much diplomatic hemming and hawing, Secretary of State John Kerry finally admitted that when ISIS beheads, burns, drowns, crushes, stones, and blows up people singled out solely because of their religion...it just might kinda sorta be genocide-ish.
What he did not say, owing to the fact that he isn't suicidal, is that Hillary Clinton's totally failed tenure as Secretary of State pretty much laid waste to the Middle East and softened up the region for the nightmarish growth of ISIS.
Rather than blame his predecessor, Kerry made a point of saying that while the determination of genocide is very serious, it won't have immediate policy repercussions because (brace yourself) it's going to be so difficult to bring the genocidal throat-slashing maniacs to court to be tried - no doubt with American taxpayers paying their legal defense bills.
Frankly, Hope n' Change is thinking that the proper response to genocide should involve a bit less habeas corpus and a lot more hellfire missiles.
And we've got a pretty good idea about who might agree with us...
BONUS 1: FORMER MASTER DEBATER
Monday's GOP debate - which promised to be a fascinating event with so few people onstage - has been cancelled after Donald Trump claimed to have a very important previous engagement (which, it turns out, he had plenty of wiggle room to reschedule).
Trump will be speaking to AIPAC (the American Israel Public Affairs Committee) to explain for the umpteenth time that his love of Israel is unparalleled and incontestible because he once led the Israeli Day Parade in New York. No, really - that's the first thing out of his mouth at every debate!
He also says the fact that he gives buckets of money to Israel proves he loves them, which would be a lot more impressive if he didn't also give buckets of money to virtually every major Democratic candidate and cause, then blow it off by saying that it doesn't mean anything because "I'm a businessman - I give to everybody. It doesn't mean I like them." Oh.
Perhaps The Donald has tired of doing debates because, even if Eskimos have 32 different words for "snow," there are only so many ways of just repeating "I'm going to make such wonderful deals" before it starts sounding like a snow job.
Hope n' Change regrets not getting to hear another substantive debate. But then again, maybe we wouldn't have been able to hear it over the sound of protesters anyway. Which is why we might need...
BONUS 2: GRATER EXPECTATIONS
Okay, before anyone panics, THIS IS A JOKE, OKAY?! We are not proposing that those blocking the streets in the upcoming "biggest demonstrations of the century" get ground into pulp, Fargo-style, and sprayed into the air. Oh sure, it would make for hilarious TV but, in the words of Richard Nixon, "it would be wrong - that's for sure."
This is also not a slam on Donald Trump, who is NOT advocating riots if the GOP attempts some funny business to take candidate selection out of the hands of the voters.
Rather, this is just a playful little fantasy about how we feel when considering all of the fake pay-to-play protesters who may soon be clogging our streets, breaking windows, setting fires, looting, and committing acts of violence against civilians and the police.
"Democracy Spring," a consortium of George Soros-funded troublemakers and other miscreants, essentially wants to shut the country down rather than let anyone hear what Donald Trump has to say. But why?
Unions are expected to take part in the demonstrations. But their motivation is unclear - Trump intends to bring manufacturing jobs back to America and staunch the flow of illegals who threaten the wages and employment of union members.
Black Lives Matter will be well represented - apparently protesting because Trump has voiced interest in reforming the education system for the benefit of black kids and familes, quite likely with the help of Ben Carson. And if black kids can get ahead, well, there goes the powerbase of those who are eternally racially aggrieved.
Occupy Wall Street wants to oppose Trump despite his stated intention of getting the influence of big money out of government - just like Hillary and Bernie claim to want.
MoveOn.Org plans to protest because they don't want to move on from the nightmarish policies of the last administration. Moreover, for anyone too young to know, "MoveOn" is actually short for "Move On from Bill Clinton Lying Under Oath" and "Move On from Bill Clinton Sexually Abusing Women." The organization's sole reason for existence has always been to support the political aspirations of Bill and Hillary, and it contains more Clinton DNA than Chelsea does.
College Students will be protesting Trump because he's threatening to energize the economy to such a degree that recent graduates will no longer have excuses for not getting full-time jobs...and seriously, how much of a buzzkill is a 40-hour week and a dress code?!
And finally, Code Pink will be disrupting as many activities as possible because, well, let's just say they need to raise hell with SOMEone every 28 days or so for reasons we'd rather not go into.
It's going to be a long, weird summer.