But we're not without fodder today, thanks in part to the "Trump Tape" from way back in 2005 when The Donald was caught on tape talking about using Tic Tacs before stealing kisses from women and, in singularly inartful parlance, "grabbing them by the pussy."
This was the inspiration for the cartoons below - none of which is actually a defense of Trump. He is a clod and a lout, and his attitude towards women is shameful...albeit not as shameful as raping them, leaving them bleeding in a motel room, then having his wife destroy their credibility and shaming them as bimbos and stalkers.
And so, here's our salute to idiocy and hypocrisy...
|His nickname is "U.S. Minty"|
|Talk about a "War on Women"...|
|No Justice, No Queef.|
The cartoon above makes reference to the new Wikileaks release of emails related to Hillary Clinton, which reveal some of the things she said in her previously secret high-dollar speeches to Wall Street powerbrokers.
For instance, when in the cozy (and assumed to be confidential) embrace of her high dollar donors, Hillary says she wants open borders. In this way, Hillary can assure that every American - no matter race, creed, color, economic class, or sexual orientation - will be guaranteed the right to be stabbed by a jihadist in a shopping mall.
She also admitted that for the sake of political expediency, she has "public" and "private" positions on matters of policy. The difference being that public positions are lies she tells voters, and private positions are lies she tells donors.
Neither Trump nor Hillary will make a good president or even a good human being. But so far, Hillary is the only one who has proved herself both anti-American and unable to handle high office.
As a case in point, one of her big "accomplishments" as Secretary of State was the so-called "reset" of relations with Russia. Since that time, Russia has run hog wild on the international stage, pretty much doing whatever the hell it wants - always testing to see just how far the United States can be pushed, and always delighted to find that there's seemingly no limit.
Which is why, thanks to numerous Clinton/Obama policy failures and weakness, Russia is now threatening to shoot down our aircraft over Syria, and has just moved nuclear missiles into closer striking distance of European targets.
Put simply, Vladimir Putin has grabbed America by the pussy - and its name is Barack Obama.
That strikes us as a lot more offensive, and unimaginably more dangerous, than anything Trump may have babbled a decade ago.
BONUS: FIRST THOUGHTS ON SECOND DEBATE
Okay, now we've seen the debate - and we're pleased to say that in our opinion, Trump did much better than his previous time at bat and may even be reasonably considered the winner. Granted, the man still can't give policy specifics to save his life and speaks with a 5th grade vocabulary, but we weren't looking for miracles.
Unlike the first debate, the gloves were off - and both candidates were slugging with everything they've got. Hillary was clearly coached to put on a big "well, there you go again" grin every time Trump started hitting her on something substantive...but he eventually wiped that Cheshire Cat grin off her puss (so to speak) and whacked away at her like a piñata.
The moderators were both annoying, but we're going to say the contest was about as fair as we could have hoped for. Tough questions were thrown at both candidates, though Hillary was challenged less often with follow-up questions after completely dodging troublesome topics.
All in all, riveting political theater with no major gaffes on either side, but also no major reasons for optimism about the next 4 years.