Song and Dents Man

 

In what is likely a desperate and purely political attempt to make Hillary Clinton look like she wasn't the nation's worst-ever Secretary of State, John "You Rang?" Kerry has just come out with the least encouraging pronouncement imaginable about the throat-cutting, suicide-bombing, allegedly non-Islamic murderers of ISIS, ISIL, Daesh, or whatever the hell other name the administration thinks is likely to be unrecognized by Democratic voters.

Specifically, and in keeping with Barack Obama's strategy of only using "D" words when describing action against ISIS, Kerry further downgraded our nation's goal from destroying, degrading, or disrupting the maniacal killers to merely "denting" them.

Denting them. 

Not only is that the pantywaist equivalent of making an empty threat to give Hitler a noogie, but Kerry is saying that he only hopes we'll be able to make this dent (the first $500 of which goes to ISIS's deductible, after which the rest is paid by their CAIR insurance) by the end of the Obama administration.

Put another way (and surely the way ISIS and our former Middle Eastern allies are hearing it), this means that the president has no intention of seriously damaging ISIS - and perhaps his "legacy" - prior to his exit. Which means that the radical jihadists can pretty much look forward to another unfettered year of metastatic spread without significant U.S. intervention.

Still, we shouldn't underestimate the power of the dents. After all, it was they who voted Obama into office - twice.

We can only pray that ISIS didn't learn of anti-dent defense systems
from Hillary's hacked email server. Or an infomercial.

Skin Flicks

Lucy is also boycotting "13 Hours" because "who can sit in a theater that long without peeing?!"

Leftists are reeling in the aftermath of the Oscar nominations which tragically, and for the second year in a row, have failed to nominate anyone the color of Ben Carson for a top acting or directing award.

Spike Lee, who we believe is famous for having recorded a comic version of "Cocktails for Two" in the 1940's to entertain the troops, is calling for black people nationwide to boycott the Oscar telecast in order to punish the evil white Hollywood plantation owners. And truly, what else other than racism can explain the Academy's abysmal failure to give a "Best Picture" nod to the epic film "Straight Out of Compton" which told the Horatio Alger-like tale of the rap group "N****rs With Attitude" and their many hit songs like "F**k the Police."

Alleged filmmaker Michael Moore is also joining the boycott which, incidentally, frees up an entire row of seats at the Oscar ceremony in case anyone still wants tickets to the country's biggest and most glamorous piece of televised potential terrorist-bait.

Highlighting the gravity of the Oscar Academy's unwillingness to cast votes for anyone other than honkies, crackers, Aryans, and albinos, even the normally taciturn Al Sharpton broke his legendary silence to demand an Oscar boycott and, time allowing, the burning down of a random business or two.

Frankly, Hope n' Change has a difficult time finding much sympathy for actors, actresses, or directors who are paid millions of dollars per project but still whine that they're victims of racism if they don't also get a gold statuette. But out of an abundance of good will, we're willing to agree with Spike Lee that the liberal tastemakers in Hollywood probably are racists who look down on the accomplishments and potential of blacks.

After all, why should they be different from any other liberals?

AND ALSO BARELY IN THE NEWS...

 

It was revealed yesterday that Hillary Clinton's unprotected, unauthorized private email server not only contained documents which were classified, secret, and top secret, but it also contained documents so far above top secret that even their name was previously kept top secret!

The documents refer to "Special Access Programs" which contain information so secret and so important that a security breach pretty much guarantees to raise untold hell on our national interests and intelligence agencies. Which might explain why, on the international stage, things have been going to hell for our national interests and intelligence agencies since Hillary threw protective protocol out the window in hopes of concealing her own shenanigans.

Of note, the "Special Access Programs" are also called SAPs in recognition of the people who still think Hillary will be prosecuted for her growing list of crimes.

Dem Dry Bones

Last night's Democratic debate was an inspiring exchange of new ideas, fresh perspectives, good old-fashioned patriotism, and...and...oh, who are we trying to kid. We wouldn't watch these idiots with a gun (easily purchased on the Internet with no background check) held to our head.

The debate, like all previous Democratic debates, was again scheduled by the DNC to hide the candidates from as many potential voters as possible. "Give me a freaking break," a visibly angry Martin O'Malley was said to have exclaimed, "Not only is it a Sunday night, but everyone will be busy getting ready for their Martin Luther King Day parties!"

Speaking of which, and in all seriousness, we'd like to point out that in one year the long national nightmare of Barack Obama will finally be over, and the continued pursuit of Dr. King's dream - which we wholeheartedly share - will be able to pick up where it left off. Give or take 50 years.

BONUS: SECRETARIES OF LABOR

Well, this may shake things up on the campaign trail...