Wednesday, January 4, 2017

2016 - The Year in Rebuke (Part Two)


JULY

With the political world holding its breath in anticipation, Hope n' Change finally endorses a Presidential candidate...


While lacking the enthusiasm evinced by many Trump supporters, Hope n' Change opines that "Donald Trump is potentially a yuuuuge disrupter at a time when our political system needs huge disruption. Our nation would be far more likely to survive his possible policy failures than even a single term of Hillary Clinton's toxic policy successes."

This belief is immediately confirmed when yet another federal agency is revealed to have been corrupted by proximity to the Clinton Machine...


After laundry-listing the many, many ways that Hillary had lied, evaded, and thoroughly compromised national security with her secret email server, FBI Director James Comey decides that no charges should be pressed because:

A) He is apparently a complete political whore
B) His family was being held at gunpoint
C) He believes that women (bless their hearts) are just too darn stupid to understand computers, national security, and laws
D) Hillary made a pact with Satan which involves fellating lepers in Hell for all eternity
E) All of the above. Which, frankly, we're pretty sure is the right answer.

Energized by this undeserved "Get Out of Jail Free" card, Hillary immediately seizes on new ways to make voters hate her...


Following a black sniper's assassination of five Dallas police officers who were providing security for a "Black Lives Matter" protest, Hillary bravely declares that the actual problem is that white people need to do a better job of listening and, bizarrely, that Wall Street needs greater transparency. Based on her strong statement, an increasing number of voters begin to suspect she's using narcotics.

Meanwhile,  GOP heads explode when Senator Ted Cruz appears at the Republican National Convention and speaks passionately about the need to defend freedom and the Constitution, but fails to endorse Trump by name for reasons no one can explain...


But July isn't done with us yet. Following a series of scandals revealing sabotage against the Bernie Sanders campaign, the DNC meets to celebrate democracy by anointing a candidate selected by unelected "superdelegates"...


AUGUST

With the wind at her back, which is helpful in keeping her upright, Hillary starts fleshing out what revolutionary policies she hopes to bring to the presidency other than the ability to pee while sitting down...

But concerns grow about the candidate's health as she is increasingly seen struggling with simple tasks like speaking without coughing up a lung, getting both eyes to point in the same direction, or telling the truth...


But undaunted and pumped full of amphetamines and opioids,  Hillary throws herself into intense preparation for the upcoming Presidential debates...


And speaking of sex escapades (which is pretty much synonymous with speaking about the Clintons) another one rears its...uh...head when Anthony Weiner, the oft-disgraced husband of Hillary's right hand woman Huma Abedin, is discovered to be emailing bonergrams to an under-aged girl...


Saying "enough is enough," Huma gives up on Weiner (not that there's anything wrong with that) and prepares to face new challenges in...

SEPTEMBER

When asked to answer yet more questions about her totally illegal scheme to evade the Freedom of Information Act and, as an unexpected bonus, give away all of our nation's secrets, Hillary is struck - apparently forcefully - with a brilliant idea...


Yes, the woman who wants to be President of the United States claims to have such substantial brain damage that she can't remember anything which happened while she was engaged in criminal activity.  Which is to say her entire adult life.

Shortly thereafter, Clinton speaks to an adoring throng of hired enthusiasts at an LGBT fundraiser and makes a statement which convinces even hardened skeptics that she has gangrenous grey matter...


"To be grossly generalistic," she grossly cackled, "you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables. The racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamaphobic— you name it!"

Surprisingly, at least to Democrats, it turns out that many Americans don't appreciate being mocked, disparaged, and slandered by corrupt elites. Which is why it's (ahem) fortunate for Clinton that the public is soon distracted by a terrorist bomb blast...


29 people are hurt (and thankfully none killed) when a bomb is detonated in the Chelsea neighborhood of New York. Chelsea Clinton swears "it's just a coincidence" and "I'm working on an alibi."

Hoping to get her media narrative back on track, Hillary Clinton puts avuncular socialist Bernie Sanders on the campaign trail to say that he no longer despises everything Hillary stands for, and that he's come to the life-changing (and possibly life-saving) realization that she is the most honest, refreshing, and ethical politician ever born...


In fairness to Bernie, maybe he was just trying on his "shameless whore" costume to make ready for...

OCTOBER

Suddenly, the campaign is rocked by a series of well-coordinated (if loosely fact-checked) attacks on Donald Trump's finances...


The NY Times goes "front page crazy" with a story screaming that over the past few years, Donald Trump may have paid all the federal income tax he legally owed - which possibly, and only possibly, equaled "none." Not only is "Man Pays Correct Amount of Taxes" not a scandal, it's not even interesting.

What is interesting is that the story was written based on illegally obtained information which was leaked to the public. Democratic spokespeople offer high praise for the publication of illegally leaked documents, then report a weird feeling "like a crow just stepped on my grave."


In a shocking revelation that even offends serial rapist Bill Clinton, an old audiotape reveals that Donald Trump once used the word "pussy" in a conversation which did not involve cats. Even worse, a (very small) parade of women come forward, dabbing tears, to share tortured memories of being "kissed without permission" by Donald Trump, who used only Tic Tacs for breath control.

Unfortunately for Hillary, none of this is as interesting as Wikileaks' release of thousands of documents detailing the corruption of the Clinton Foundation, Hillary's "pay for play" use of the State Department to solicit bribes, and the overall sleaziness of everyone in the Democratic party.

Suddenly finding illegally obtained information which was leaked to the public abhorrent, the media and the White House blame Russian hackers because it sounds better than "our own idiocy." Joe Biden warns of draconian counter measures...


In the midst of all this, early voting begins, with record numbers of voters flooding to the polls to decide which of the two least popular candidates in American history will win...


But wait! With Halloween in the air, James Comey doesn't need to dress up as a ghost to scare the sheet out of Hillary - he simply reopens her "thing that wouldn't die" email espionage case only days before the election.

Hilariously, it turns out that in the course of investigating Anthony Weiner's underage sexting activities, the FBI has discovered thousands of Hillary's State Department emails on his personal laptop...as well as on his laptop computer.


And so the stage is set for...

NOVEMBER

Following a hostage video in which James Comey, bruised and bound, says that nothing suspicious other than Top Secret documents was found on Weiner's "spank bank" computer, Election Day arrives at last.

Left-leaning media political pundits sport Cheshire Cat grins, and Hillary Clinton's team pops champagne corks as the poll results start to come in.

Soon after which the grins fade, the champagne goes flat, and (according to trustworthy sources on the Left) Armageddon arrives...


Trump wins to the shock and disbelieving horror of liberals everywhere...


Apparently unaware of how the American voting system works, those on the Left are further devastated by the realization that while Hillary won the popular vote, it's only the critical electoral college vote that decides the Presidency...


While many anti-Americans take the news of Trump's victory badly,  perhaps the most convincing display of grief comes from Fidel Castro who actually goes to the trouble of dropping dead...


Which at long last brings us to...

DECEMBER

In the weeks following the election, it becomes clear that American voters were sick of being denigrated, disrespected, and lied to by their own government. Tired of seeing their health insurance costs skyrocket while their benefits plummeted. And unwilling to accept a stagnant economy which seemingly offered jobs only to hedge fund managers and fry cooks.

Granted, not everyone saw the election results in the same way...


When his analysis is roundly laughed at, Barack Obama goes back to his default position of claiming that the election was somehow "hacked" by evil Russians who, inexplicably, liked the idea of Donald Trump having a nuclear arsenal.

The soon-to-be ex-president declares the alleged hacking to be a grave and immediate existential threat to our nation, then takes swift action by boarding Air Force One for another extended, multi-million dollar vacation in Hawaii...


Back on the mainland, the electoral college finally meets to officially cast their votes. And once again, a dazed and broken Hillary has to settle for second place...


With only days left in the year, Americans finally breathe a sigh of relief - confident that they can enjoy the holidays without any vacationing presidents suddenly launching a vicious sneak attack on one of our closest allies. They are, of course, wrong...


With assistance (and likely direction) from the Obama administration, the U.N. passes a resolution condemning Israel, eroding that nation's legitimacy and chances for eventual peace.  It is a transparently petty and vindictive act from a petty and vindictive president bent on burning the world down if he can't be in charge.

In the final days of his wretched administration, he also admits floods of refugees and illegals into the country, grants early release to a record number of felons, and puts thousands of new regulations in place to hamper the American economy under Donald Trump.

Which is why the stroke of midnight on December 31st has never been sweeter...


Happy New Year from Stilton Jarlsberg and Hope n' Change Cartoons...which, after 8 long years, finally has actual hope for change.


30 comments:

REM1875 said...

I told my wife I was so proud to be part of an award winning blog site

Best Illustrated Satire

http://directorblue.blogspot.ca/2017/01/here-they-are-2016-fabulous-50-blog.html#more

She mentioned you might have something to do with it too, Doc.
Wives.....

drjim said...

Been a rough 8 years, Stilton, but we survived.

Happy New Year!

Granny said...

As an observer from 'down under'it is my fervent hope that 'murica can draw back from the brink of disaster and once again be the shining beacon of hope that she has always been.

Rod said...

Good job; but that campaign still has stink on it. I'm glad it's over.

Ed G. Mann said...

Out of curiosity, where is the destination of Hope n' Change now. We're going to get change and certainly we now have hope of a better type.

Buck said...

Great review of a most crappy year... I'm ready for 2017, and am excited to see Hope n' Change I can believe in while Making America Great again!

Semper Fidelis, Buck

Judi King said...

"Happy get the hell out of our White House New Year"...says it all.
Happy 2017 to everyone. At last we might have some real "HOPE".

Geoff King said...

I have never used emoticons, but there's always a first:
Øbama leaving = 😂
Trump taking over = 😒
HnC coming to an end = 😢

Barbar Cat said...

These are absolutely the BEST!!!

Fred Ciampi said...

Stilt, please do continue with H&C as someone (You & Muir) has to keep things straight in the administration. And, it's a wonderful way to start my daze.

John the Econ said...

Proof positive that these are quality cartoons: They elicit the same responses the 2nd time around.

Although I was never a Trump supporter, I have to admit that 2017 is looking up if for no other reason that America will be spared being run by "the smart people":

John Podesta’s password was 'password'

That's right. Hillary's braintrust was run by a guy who used "password" as his password, which one-ups the stupidity of the DNC staffers who after realizing that they too had been hacked, actually emailed their new passwords to everyone. Sure made it hard on those supposed "Russian hackers", didn't they?

All Trump has to do to be more successful than this lot is to not be as stupid, which really shouldn't be all that much of a challenge.

Tots said...

The "Jewish Holiday" line is the funniest one in my arrogant opinion.

Mazel Tov, Stilton my friend. Mazel Tov.

CenTexTim said...

Stilt, thanks for making the past eight years a little less wretched. Hopefully you'll continue to brighten our days for the next eight. Say what you will about Trump, he at least promises to be a humorist's dream.

Any thoughts about a name change to reflect the change in administrations?

"Trumped?"

"Hell Toupée?"

"Basket of Deplorables?"

Cookie said...

Best Illustrated Satire. Way to go Mr. J! That is an honor well, well deserved.
Thanks for the giggles and kicks over the past deplorable 8 years. I certainly hope you will continue to hold President Elect Trump's feet to the fire as we see if real hope and real change come to pass.
And here's wishing a wonderful 2017 to everyone who loves this blog!

Colby Muenster said...

Seems almost every thing the libtards have tried lately to stop Trump and the new wave of pissed voters, backfired on them spectacularly, much to my profound joy. I still get the giggles thinking about all those elite peckerheads who laughed so hard when Shrillary spewed her "deplorables" statement. I guess they found out the hard way that A) people don't LIKE being called deplorables, and B) The "deplorables" actually (gasp!) voted for TRUMP! Who-da thunk it!? Insulting them was supposed to make them realize the error of their ways, and send them running to vote for the hag.

Only time will tell how things go in the Trump administration, but I'll echo some other's comments that it will surely beat the hell out of the known damage that Shrillary would have caused, no matter what he does.

So now.... in 16 days, the WPE (worst president ever) finally moves his little Socialist butt out of our White House, and takes his USA hating wife with him. Good friggin' riddance, and don't come back! And here's hoping Trump tears up every last executive order the afternoon of January 20, and flushes BO's "legacy" down the very toilet BO used to crap in.

My fantasy first week:
Day 1: Cancel all Obama executive orders and illegal regulations.
Day 2: Withdraw from the UN and give them 1 week to vacate the premises.
Day 3: Appoint a Scalia like replacement for Scalia; push for immediate Senate confirmation.
Day 4: Go to Congress and give them 10 days to come up with a replacement for Obamacare.
Day 5: Go to Congress and give them 10 days to drop the corporate tax rate to 15%
Day 6: Eliminate the Departments of Education, Energy, and fire 3/4 of the idiots at the EPA.
Day 7: Finally move into the White House after the previous six days of fumigating, scrubbing and painting.

George said...

Most entertaining site on the www. Doc, you have such a wonderful gift, and we're all better because of that gift. Thank you.

TMay said...

Thank you. I couldn't stop giggling.
Counting till we get to Jan 21, and Jan 20 is fait accompli.
Please keep up your work.
Maybe for history's sake you should send your satire to the Library of Congress so the history of the US can contain an alternate view of history for historians. Have you thought of publishing, or self-publishing?

Shelly said...

Another celebrity PSA popped up today demanding that Congress obstruct our new president, claiming to be speaking for the majority. They still haven't given up on that popular vote non thingy. Someone needs to give them the sad news that Republicans hold all the levers of power in Washington. This desperation is beginning to reek like three day old fish on a sidewalk in Texas in August.

TMay said...

Obama and Soros and Schumer and the Dems have no plans to be quiet for 4-8 years. It would be nice to keep the feet of McConnell to the fire.

Anonymous said...

I usually read this section not write in it but as 2017 comes to a close, I find myself asking the same question as many of the other readers, "What will the brilliant Stilton Jarlsberg do now that the big Obummer is leaving the white house?" (regardless of whether or not he wants to)

I stumbled across this blog a couple years ago. It's been my source of news as I've given up watching the MSM (they reek to high heaven of liberal bias that I have to either leave the room or gouge my eyes out.) Anyways, a big THANK YOU goes out to Mr. Jarlsberg, his assistants Lefty Lucy and Busty Ross, and all those who comment on this blog.

Here's to 2017 and hopefully TRUE Hope n Change!

Geoff King said...

We all know the Proglodites will continue their assault on the Constitution, the American Way, and anything that does not conform with their demented view of life. However, we now may have found a foothold on the higher ground, and all their rehetoric may become unsubstantial and irrelevant. Here's hoping for a little more intelligent sanity in the world.

Geoff King said...

BTW, I never saw the term "Proglodite" before, so unless informed otherwise, I will take credit for coining it.

TrickyRicky said...

@Stilton- even better than Monday's first six months of 2016 review, of course the material just kept getting better and better as the year rolled on, no? I second all of the kudos already sent your way, and hope that you will stay involved in some way as we transition into what I sincerely hope will be a repudiation of the insane overreach of the hard left in our nation.

Pete (Detroit) said...

Few things have been SO entertaining as watching the returns, and seeing Hillary's victory party go from pumped, to quiet excitement, to deflated, to aghast. I only wish it had occurred to me to turn to MSNBSleeze and watch the utter meltdown over there. Ah, well, hindsight, and all.
Personally, I certainly hope some one picks up on Hell Toupee - that's just too good.

Geoff, I applaud "Proglodite", and I hope you get the same thrill seeing someone use it in context as I did reading 'reprehensitive' (aka 'Congress critter') - I really thought that was about to catch on...

2017 - It's GOTTA be better (and hey, no body famous, that *I* care about, has died yet, that I'm aware of...)

James Daily said...

Outstanding work on the cartoons. LMAO. I mentioned this some time ago but am I the only one that caught it? Clinton cancelled the election night fireworks before the election: "... was called off Monday ahead of the election. A reason for the cancellation wasn't given."
Anyways, as you noted, lying to we the unwashed took place all year long and hopefully it will change after the 20th. Now, PE Trump has dumped the MSM and goes directly to we the unwashed, that's funny. I suppose these MSM liars will want press passes to the WH but President Trump will not use it much as it will be under renovation, which begs the question, why wasn't this done these last eight years since the First Family was gone most of the time. I digress.

Dan said...

Hey -- I heard this morning that Hillary was considering running for mayor of New York City.

Haven't they suffered enough?

Oh -- and I thought of something else...Joe Biden still really, really, really wants to be president. Maybe if Obama resigns, Joe can have the last two weeks of his term. That could make Joe happy, and the rest of us can feel relieved.

Finally, I hope you can continue HnC. I'm sure there will be plenty of material. Plus, it'll be a bummer to lose one more source of entertainment after Castle, Person of Interest, and (in the near future) Bones.

Happy new year to all.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@REM1875- I was totally riding your coat tails.

@drjim- Hard to believe, isn't it?

@Granny- I'm hoping the same thing!

@Rod- When I look back, "the campaign" was the unending (and always stinking) story of the year. I, too, am glad it's over.

@Ed G. Mann- In Friday's edition of Hope n' Change, I'll discuss the blog's future.

@Buck- Any efforts towards "making America great again" will be gravy, in my opinion. I just wanted the damage from the Left to be slowed down!

@Judi King- Hope actually feels pretty good, doesn't it?

@Geoff King- Perhaps because of my archaic computer set up, I couldn't read those emoticons as anything other than numeric code. But I assume there were appropriate and heartfelt! (grin) <-(oldschool emoticon)

@Barbar Cat- Even I find it fun to see a lot of the cartoons joined in an ongoing narrative. Pity it takes me a whole year to assemble the pieces!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Fred Ciampi- Muir (whose work I admire greatly) has an interesting business model: financial crowd support, and the ability to draw stunning nude women. Fortunes have been built on less!

@John the Econ- I swear I was going to make a joke about Podesta's password being "password" weeks ago, but I thought it was just too stupid to even be funny. I guess the joke's on me.

And even with the "new" info from the intelligence agencies, I have yet to hear proof that Russia "hacked" our election in any form. I look at Podesta's (and Hillary's) cyber-carelessness to be similar to Anthony Weiner getting nailed for posting the wrong pics on Twitter. The fault is their own.

@Tots- The "Jewish Holiday" joke wasn't even mine (as I acknowledge on the strip), but this is one of the very rare instances where something was SO good that I used it in one of my cartoons. And hey, Mazel Tov right back atcha!

@CenTexTim- Those are all good titles, and I'll be amazed if SOMEone doesn't use them in the near future.

@Cookie- It was a nice, unexpected honor to win that prize. Made me feel a little less delusional for spending so much time working on this site!

@Colby Muenster- Wow, I really like your "fantasy first week" for Trump. I'm hoping that his initial days will be the stuff of shock & awe.

@George- I appreciate your nice words! Thanks!

@TMay- Actually, my first book ("Who Cut The Cheese?") is listed in the Library of Congress, so that's kind of a fun thing. As far as self-publishing goes, I'll almost undoubtedly be doing more. I've been meaning to do a Johnny Optimism collection forever, and might also try compiling some sort of a "best of" Hope n' Change. Not to mention other odd book ideas.

@Shelly- I don't think the Democrats in Congress need celebrities to tell them to be obstructionists - it's in their DNA. And frankly, I'm still enjoying the agony on the Left. It never gets old.

@Anonymous- I'm glad you've been aboard all this time! I take some pride in being able to go back (a long way now!) and see that my cartoons and commentaries stand up in terms of accuracy. I always tried to base everything here on reputable reporting, with links to non-idiotic sites to give additional information. Considering the nuttiness I indulge in here on a regular basis, it may seem odd that "credibility" was of such importance to me, but it always has been. Plus, I don't want Busty and Lucy yelling at me if I get something wrong.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Geoff King- The Left's rhetoric will only really fail in the face of tangible successes from Trump's policies. Whether or not that will happen is the trillion dollar question. (And yes, I love the term "Proglodite!")

@TrickyRicky- I was blessed with plenty of material all year, which is to say that I was stressed as hell all year (just like everyone else here)!

@Pete (Detroit)- When the wind started blowing Trump's way on Election Day, I jumped to MSNBC to savor their first twinges of doubt, their growing concern, their horror, and ultimately their bitter sadness. I wish now that I'd taped it to enjoy again and again.

@James Daily- Calling off Hillary's fireworks seemed odd at the time and still does. It seemed to signal doubt, which is something a candidate really shouldn't do on Election Day.

Regarding Trump and his Twitter account, I'm not keen on him sending tweets - but I DO like him screwing with the MSM. They have functioned as enemies of the truth, and should be treated as such until they can demonstrate greater integrity.

@Dan- I'm sure we haven't seen the last of either Hillary or Joe. Although I don't think we'll see either make a real run for the White House again.

And sorry about you losing some of your favorite shows. Maybe you should watch Dr. Who; I'm not that familiar with it, but at least I know that the main character keeps regenerating in new and interesting forms.

John the Econ said...

@Shelly: How sad. Even after America ignored all those celebrities and voted for Trump anyway, they still think they're relevant.

@Geoff King: Formally adding "Proglodite" to my vocabulary.

@Dan: The Clintons are the herpes of politics. Just when you think the infection is over and gone, they re-emerge.