Wednesday, February 15, 2012

A Big Teaming Load

As mother-of-the-year Hillary Clinton once reminded us, "It Takes a Village" to raise a child. Or for that matter, to satisfy a horndog husband who never met a knothole he didn't consider buying a drink for.

But raising a child is one thing...and raising Barack Obama's disastrous approval ratings is quite another. Which is why it's not going to take a village, but a bun
ch of village idiots - two million of them, in fact!

That's the number of people that the Obama Reelection Campaign is pressing into service to serve on the newly-announced "Truth Teams," which will be dispatched to politically vulnerable areas to "get in the faces" of people who don't believe that the president walks on water and need a stern talking to if they want to avoid getting beaten by Black Panther poll-watchers on election day.

The "Truth Team" is focusing on three major areas: will defend against false attacks and wild rumors like "Obama just submitted a budget so out-of-whack that every family in America now owes $70,000 more to the government than they did when he was elected."

The "Truth Team's" branch will make sure that voters know the real facts about GOP candidates' records, including the exact number of wheelchair-bound Medicare recipients who have been pushed over cliffs by laughing Republicans. They're also pretty sure that Rick Santorum burns witches.

The third "Truth Team" group is, which will make sure everyone knows that Obama has lived up to all of his campaign promises, including balancing the budget, restoring the economy and job market, creating the greatest sense of bipartisanship in political history, completely ending racism, and raising "transparency" to new heights by sharing all of the inner workings of major operations like "Fast & Furious" (as well as all of his college, medical, and travel records).

Of course, the "Truth Teams" won't be the ONLY way for voters to get the 100% pure, unvarnished truth about important political matters. For instance, they can get the straight poop from - a completely nonpartisan organization (so nonpartisan that they even h
ave tax-exempt status, unlike you) which analyses the news for bias, then sets the record straight. Of course, it's recently been discovered that Media Matters is working directly (and until now, secretly) with the Whitehouse, created a plan to destroy Fox News through well-funded attacks, and essentially makes up crap which they hand off to NBC, MSNBC, and many liberal newspapers which report their BS as fact.

But how could the Whitehouse or the people who trusted Media Matters know that they were fakers and liars? After all, even well-respected liberal websites like Obama Myth Busters have been accused of being decoys planted by devious conservatives.

It all gets so confusing thank goodness we now have two million members of the "Truth Team" to pound on our doors, call our phones, and otherwise try to distract us from paying attention to what is really going on as Barack Obama tries to destroy our families, our economy, our future, and our nation.

And that, team, is the real truth.

Hint: To get on the Truth Team, any of the answers is right except "A."


FlyBoy said...

One man's "truth team" is another man's useful idiots. I'd like to get hold of whatever it is that Barry's smoking, cause it sure ain't tobacco!

Coon Tasty said...

" including the exact number of wheelchair-bound Medicare recipients who have been pushed over cliffs by laughing Republicans. They're also pretty sure that Rick Santorum burns witches."

Baha! Yet, surprisingly, no details on the number of taxpayer funded murders, sorry, "abortions" have been committed over the last 30 years.

Pete(Detroit) said...

One buzzword I've gotten tired of over recent years is "sustainable." Sustainable Agriculture, manufacturing, energy, etc. What's NOT sustainable is current spending levels, and sooner or later it will come crashing down. We can make huge painful cuts NOW, or huge painful amputations in a few years.
See also Greece.

It's the Effing SPENDING, stupid, and that's ALL the "truth" you need.


Colby said...

Is it the Thought Police?

Call me naive, but I think this grand plan is going to backfire like an old Model T. Poor widdle BO is failing to account for the fact (for now anyway) that ANYBODY, even including Conservatives, can use the internet. And if I receive a phone call from some idiot telling me my opinions are wrong, am I going to patiently listen and miracuously change my mind about Barry O? Nope. I'm going to yell obscenities at said idiot and hang up.

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

If any of those Obama-sucking half-wits confronts me I will ask them if they know what SCOAMF stands for. I will then tell them loudly and clearly exactly what it stands for and ask them if they can relate to that truth and suggest they pass it along.

Anonymous said...

Holy molly this one is an instant classic. With a post like that you better watch out for the black helicopters over your house. :)

Earl said...

Yesterday's news was pretty depressing with the mainstream media helping Obama misinform the village idiots. Particularly distressing is Obama's new found religion "Christianity" and how he will now pose as Christ and pretend that his attempt to redistribute wealth is exactly what Jesus preached, when in fact it's thievery to buy votes. So, Stilton, cheer us up. What's the final tally on how many VD greetings got sent to Obama yesterday.

John the Econ said...

This is what Caller ID was invented for.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Flyboy- I think the word "truth" is about to get beaten like Stephen Hawking in a barfight. For instance, at, the second "truthful" story posted is "Mitt Romney Things Gutting Medicare and Social Security is Common Sense." Yeah, that sounds accurate and nonpartisan...

@Coon Tasty- Taxpayer funded abortions? Sounds like an ugly and untruthful rumor. Better check it out with

@Pete(Detroit)- Although my anger is seemingly endless, it is not sustainable. I think I need relief by November or I'm going to have an aneurysm. And as you say, unless Washington finally applies the "sustainable" label to spending, all else will be moot.

@Colby- While the Internet makes information available, it only ends up going to the truth-seekers...and there's not enough of them. The Internet is great at reinforcing political beliefs and/or prejudices, but not so great for changing minds or giving new insights, because people rarely seek out views contrary to the ones they already have. That's why the MSM, for all of it's hulking outdatedness, is still such a potent force. LOTS of people don't go out of their way to expose themselves to news at the MSM just relentlessly taints the water we all swim in, happy to let liberalism soak in over time.

And if I get a phonecall from one of Obummer's Truth Teams, I'll do my best to make life miserable for the person on the other end of the call.

@Angry Hoosier Dad- I hope that they get a LOT of people telling them what SCOAMF stands for. I'll certainly be one of them!

@Anonymous- I like to think that the Black Helicopter guys will be on our side when the going gets rough. (Gulp...)

@Earl- Glad you asked! "Obama's VD" was a great success, with a full 700 copies of "Obama Sutra" being downloaded in a single day, and the book reaching #1 in political humor and #19 in humor overall. Unfortunately, while I know the number of downloads, I have no way of knowing how many went to people in the Whitehouse. But I have my hopes...

@John the Econ- Maybe this is what Caller ID was invented for, but this is also why serial annoyers like these groups can pay an extra fee to be shown as "Anonymous Caller." Either way, I'm not touching my phone unless I'm in a mood to yell at someone.

A Nonny Mouse said...

There's something to be said for playing about with words; given the Wan's extended family's background, it seems unnervingly fitting that within his announced goal, "redistribution," is found "retribution," which seems to fit the agenda being fulfilled. I wonder how the ToothfairyTeams will defend against what is now a litany of what are far more than political failings. I'm thinking most useful idiots are going to be stuck on "racist!" mode.

John the Econ said...

@Stilton, "Anonymous Callers" are the at the top of the "ignore" list. If you're going to invade my privacy, the least you can do is honestly present yourself.

But I would enjoy a short conversation with these Obama drones, just to ask a single question: What does it feel like to be a slave on the Democratic plantation?

Does anyone remember back in the '80s when the ACLU actually sued to stop the deployment of "Caller ID" by the telcos? They argued that it supposedly invaded the privacy of those who wished to invade your privacy anonymously. Such is the confused logic that is prevalent of the left.

Mike Porter said...

Stilton: One of the first signs that a corporation is spiraling into the toilette is when you begin to notice banners hung about touting it as 'the greatest place to work', and 'our people are what make us great'. These usually appear following mandatory overtime, frozen pay increases and 'right sizing' events. Something about 'truth teams' in this context leaves me with the same sinking feeling.

Anonymous: The truth squad has classified the term 'black helicopters' as racist... now, 'milado helicopters' might just slide under the radar.

John the Econ: I once came down with a case of 'caustic relationship rash' - one of the first symptoms was an unreasonable fear of answering the telephone. This led to an absurd conundrum; fifty rings was solid proof that my avoidance was warranted, less than ten meant I probably missed a legitimate call from someone I wouldn't mind conversing with. Trust me when I say, caller ID would have been a Godsend during that little learning experience.

John the Econ: My policy as concerns telemarketers and such is to posit the argument that I'm paying for my phone service for my own purposes. If they wish to subsequently capitalize upon my investment, then they had better be prepared to pony up an appropriate portion of my phone bill. It never ceases to amaze (and amuse) me just how many think I'm being funny.

Jim Hlavac said...

I can think of no politician who has told much truth whatsoever in the past 20 or 30 years; maybe I'm jaded -- Read my lips, ahem. It seems they all lie of late. They lie to get elected, then lie to stay in office; they lie about their opponents and they lie about their accomplishments; and they hire liars to lie for them too. When questioned on the lies, they say their opponents twisted the truth, while proclaiming themselves pure as snow. We are living in Orwellian times, and it's not getting better. Pete(Detroit) brought up "sustainable" -- well, it seems to me the only thing that is "sustainable" are the lies of politician -- they haven't changed in decades and show no future prospects of drifting to the truth. And if they are not "lies" in the sense of "uttering known falsehoods" then our political class is delusional and certifiably psychologically insane, for they confuse "truth" with "lie" and "reality" with "fantasy." Actually, I think sometimes our political class has drifted into the insanity of George III. Even the Brits had to get him out of office, after we had our little revolution against him. When reality and truth will return to our political scene is anybody's guess. I hazard none.

Colby said...

I hear ya on being grossly outnumbered by the enemy. We have Hope'n'Change Cartoons & Fox News, and they have everything else.

I would suggest the following dialog for those unwanted phone calls. After the paid 99 percenter finishes reading his script, you ask, "Was it painful?" When they ask, "Was WHAT painful?", you say, "Was it painful when Obama bored that hole in your head and sucked out half your brains?"

Or, maybe use Mark Levin's famous, "What are you wearing?"

Or.... "Holler upstairs and tell your mom to turn the TV down; I can barely hear you."

I've got a million of 'em, but would love to hear more suggestions. I'm going to keep a list by the phone.

Emmentaler said...

And, speaking of those choppers that aesthetically go well with everything, Google, a great collaborator with all governments and, notably, host of, ahem,, has modified their privacy policy to ensure you, well... have none.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

Arrrgggghhhh! I HATE this comment system. Anyway, to continue where a misplaced striking of the Enter key had me leave off...

It is scary indeed, the width and speed at which this administration has assaulted all of our constitutional rights. I mean, all administrations since, perhaps, Lincoln have taken a swipe at them now and again, but it is breathtaking to see how many Gestapo-like tactics have been employed, and how many Stalin-like actions the current Bozo (no offense to the actual Bozo) and his minions have made. And how complacent such leftist-run enterprises - like Google - have been in complying; in redefining their policies to better enable their ability to sell their clientele out. Not even China has raided Google for as much information as has the US, and NO country enjoys a higher % compliance against those requests than does the US. And now, with their new and improved "privacy" policy, all of your Google services are tied together - I guess to save the Google staff from having to answer individual requests for data regarding you from each of their services. And that Google services are so pervasive now - that scares the shit out of me.

@Stilton: congrats on your Amazon stats! I've put your OS on my new iPad - which, frankly, I've found to be an incredibly overpriced, fairly useless piece of "equipment". Watch for it to appear on eBay soon...

Anonymous said...

"truth Teams" will be working out of the ministry of truth.

stalin would be so proud.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@A Nonny Mouse- I doubt that the Truth Teams will be troubled at all by the lack of actual "truth" to bolster their arguments. And I'm assuming that they'll all be taught to play the race card when everything else fails.

@Mike Porter- Yeah, it's funny that "Truth Teams" wouldn't be needed if the truth about Obama was actually helpful to his reelection chances.

@Jim Hlavac- It's the drumbeat of lies, from BOTH sides, that is wearing me down. It's getting to the point where "truth" has neither meaning nor moral value (except to a few holdouts who are, by definition, abnormal in these dreadful days).

@Colby- It might be fun for us to concoct a list of possible responses for these calls. One idea that strikes me: I've got some prerecorded "on hold" muzak which is occasionally interrupted with "Please hold - your call is important to us!". Seems like a good thing to keep on my computer or iPod so if I get a call from an Obamunist, I can say "Great! Hey, I want to give you guys some money - hang on while I get something to write with!" then turn the music on and walk away.

@Emmentaler- Google's consolidation of personal data is worrisome; I'm not sure if on a certain calendar date all of my accounts will merge, and curtains will part to reveal all of our secrets.

Speaking of Lefty Internet fun, it was surprising to me how many "good deal" sites took down postings about my free book yesterday, or failed to run them at all. I'm told that Google's search results tend to tilt Left, too.

And if you're planning to sell that iPad, you might want to do it soon: rumors are that the iPad 3 will be hitting the shelves the first week of March, which will cut into the value of the older models.

Of course, that's when I'll be hitting eBay to bargain hunt (grin).

pryorguy said...

Stilt, and everyone else...great posts, but like you, I think I have already hit the wall with the daily obamanations! I feel as though we are entering another dimension...a dimension of sight and sound, and these are getting way too distressing to be believed.

Ya know, and I know you all do, this cat just plows straight ahead no matter what...dont let the Constitution, the law, public opinion, or common sense get in the way of your socialist agenda for this nation! God give us some relief!

Stan da Man said...

maybe on "Pirate Night" Moosh will hook his ears under the bandanna and he'll not make it back.
"anything but Big Molly" (reference to an extremely crude jr high joke about an improbable execution method)

dunce said...

We just learned that about 2 million dead people are registered to vote, could those be the people that obama found jobs for like asking for an absentee ballot placing marks next to all the names marked with a D and mailing it in.

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

@ Pryorguy:
Turdboy forges ahead because nobody dares try to stop the "Magic Negro" for fear of the "racist" label. They are all hunkering down, hoping against hope that they are still around after November. Then they will be off and running, by golly...but to do what?

Colby said...

Stilton, I love your "muzak" suggestion. This would be a great one for telemarketers and debt collectors as well.

Sigh.... I remember the day when I never GOT calls from debt collectors. Another fine example of our "improving" economy.

I would like to report what might be a small bright light in the gloom. I live in NC, and heard a poll that Turdboy is losing to a generic Republican 47%-42%.

This is pretty amazing considering the little socialist actually won NC in 2008. Also, the Republicans gained control of our congress in 2010; the first time since 1898! Now there a Demorats all over the state saying they are not running for re-election. There was even one in the paper whining about how they couldn't get their own way on anything any more like the last 100 years. Boo-effing-hoo!

I am hopeful that this trend is countrywide.

Coon Tasty said...

I'll tell you what, guys: Tom Clancy's latest book is reeeeeallly interesting, viz-a-viz the worldview of liberals (suicidal) vs. the worldview of conservatives (logical).

It is evident that Mr. Clancy (a favourite author of mine) is FAR from enamoured of the liberal establishment.

SJ, do you read his books?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@drozz- Remember when the Ministry of Truth was only fiction? I guess we can now call that "the good old days."

@Pryorguy- It is exhausting trying to cope with the unending crap coming out of this Whitehouse. And astonishing that the president is still being allowed to "just plow straight ahead" with his mandates and clearly anti-Constitutional policies. I genuinely don't understand why it's still "business as usual" in Washington with no one taking him to task. And by "taking him to task," I mean freakin' impeachment.

@Stan da Man- Annoyingly, Google won't tell me why "anything but Big Molly" is a condemned man's wish.

@dunce- Two million dead voters, two million people on the "truth teams" - I think you're on to something!

@Angry Hoosier Dad- I'm really afraid you're right. Our elected representatives in Washington would rather let Obama get away with real crimes than defend themselves against false charges of racism.

@Colby- Looking at the polls as they rise and fall only makes me seasick. And we haven't seen the Bamster uncork his billion-dollar attack machine yet, so I think any polls are too premature to be meaningful. Even, unfortunately, the optimistic ones.

@Coon Tasty- I've fallen way behind on reading for pleasure (I read the news, and believe me it's no pleasure). I just read a thumbnail description of Clancy's latest, though, and it sounds fun!

Stan da Man said...

Stilt, to sum up - VERY large woman (Big Molly)is tightly bound up, and hand / arm inserted into into orifice. Bindings released, resultant vacuum pulls the poor bastard in "and that's how he dies."

As noted, 8th grade humor doesn't always translate.

Colby said...

Stan da Man,

4 more years of BO...
Big Molly...
4 more years of BO...
Big Molly....

I think the choice is clear.