Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Smoke Gets In Your IQs

A new study has shown that teens who smoke marijuana can suffer permanent brain damage, including a lifelong legacy of lowered IQ, reduced memory, and a lack of motivation.

Fortunately, this doesn't happen after just a puff or two. Instead, the devastating damage seems limited to those who have had heavy and prolonged Barry "Choom Gang" Soetoro, who now calls himself Barack Hussein Obama because the name gives him the giggles when he tries to say it out loud.

Just how "heavy and prolonged" was young Barry's marijuana use? By his own admission, he used it (and other drugs) "enthusiastically." He and his friends had a VW van they called the "Choom wagon" in which they smoked their dope with the windows rolled up so none of the smoke could get away, and young Barry invented "Roof Hits" - a process of actually sucking the residual smoke off the van's ceiling.

Moreover, in his High School yearbook the future president chose not to give thanks to his own mother... but did give thanks to Ray, his drug dealer, for "all the good times."

Still, if Barack Obama had permanently damaged his brain, it would surely show up in his IQ tests, medical reports, and college grades. But we can't really go by those because the president has had them all sealed to So let's look at the other symptoms of a weed-wrecked brain.

Lowered IQ? Well, we know that he can't do even the simple math it would take to balance a checkbook (and there are reports that he can't even reliably do the "count on your fingers" math involved in keeping track of his strokes on the golf course - usually arriving at a lower figure than his opponents computed). Additionally, he can only speak eloquently when reading words that someone else has written...and even that won't work unless
the words are scrolling slowly in front of his eyes on a teleprompter. And finally, the Constitution of the United States is only 4 pages long but Obama still can't understand it.

Memory Impairment? The Choomer-in-Chief can't remember how many states there are (57 being his most recent guess), he can't remember who America's allies are, and he can't remember that Marxist redistribution of wealth has already been tried by other countries and that it fails spectacularly every time. And when the United States learned where Osama bin Laden was hiding, it apparently took the president months to remember where his testicles were.

Well then, how about Motivation? Surely the president of the United States must be motivated, right? Otherwise, he'd do something like promise to lower the deficit by half...but never get around to it. Or swear he'd close Guantanamo Bay but, you know, not today exactly, but sometime soon. Or maybe he'd dedicate himself to putting a "laser-like focus" on returning jobs to the economy, right after he plays a few dozen rounds of golf and maybe has some vacations in tropical getaways and then sucks a little pakalolo smoke off the ceiling of his rad new black bus. Dude, it's awesome!!!

Wait, what were we talking about? Oh yes, the pot-head president!

Frankly, when we weigh all the evidence we think permanent brain damage from enthusiastic drug use is not only the most likely explanation for Barack Obama's's by far the most charitable one.

"Mitt, Mitt, Mitt! Like a baseball glove, you know? Mitt? Bwah-ha-ha!"


Coon Tasty said...

He also can't seem to remember whether he's a Muslim or a Christian, whether or not he has any sons, and exactly who that Larry Sinclair guy is.

Anonymous said...

Also, research has shown that prolonged drug use can alter or reduce sex drive. I guess that's why we have the first gay president.

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

His drug use did not make Barry a marxist turd. He was raised to be a marxist turd. The drugs just helped.

Pete(Detroit) said...

uhuhuh.. Lava Lamps RAWK, Dude!!!!

Agreed, AHD, being a broke ass stoned out loser is required for buying into Marxist theory, but it sure helps!
("that your bag? c'mon, man, share the wealth! Hey, YOU didn't ROLL that!")

TrickyRicky said...

"Don't bogart that stimulus, my friend, pass it over to me" - UAW, NEA, etc. etc.

alan markus said...

A little off-topic - I saw your FaceBook post with the women dressed up in pink costumes. Didn't know if you caught this over at Althouse.

Photos From the Go Topless Protest at the White House

Go Topless at White House Photos

Not sure what it is with women lately wanting to "put it all out there", but this is more pleasing to the eyes than the pink costumes.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

And the coffee-spew award for the day goes to (drum roll) Stilton Jarlsberg for this gem: it apparently took the president months to remember where his testicles were.

Really, people - I tire of buying new white shirts every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday..

Ă˜bama. Drugs. Brrrain damage. See? Proves my premise: liberalism is a mental illness.

As Pete & Tricky Ricky indicate, all you have to do is some simple word substitution from the words of his youth to find his current platform. Besides the stimulus, you can derive this: "Hey all you rich dudes! Stop hot-boxin' all the money! Gotta pass that around!"

My Dog Brewski said...

@ alan markus:
I'd say a couple of those ladies were a walking testament to the motto "Better Living Through Chemistry".
You are a pervert, sir, and you have my gratitude and admiration.

Colby said...

Barry in history class....

What Jefferson was saying was, Hey! You know, we left this England place 'cause it was bogus; so if we don't get some cool rules ourselves - pronto - we'll just be bogus too! Get it?

Now we can stop wondering where the hell he got his views of the U.S. Constitution!

Emmentaler Limburger said...

@Alan Markus: Funny! Typical of such movements: several fat, several ugly, and one obvious hooker (I think I saw one cute, maybe two who didn't fit the above descriptions). Not to mention all the cross-dressers... These women would be more successful with a "All Men Should Drink Til We're Attractive" protest than trying to use their exposed golly-wobblers as bait...

(I guess I'm sexist.)

Pete (Detriot) said...

Alan - Wait a minute, WHEN did this protest take place? RECENTLY? Like when Barry wasn't even HOME?!?!? Bet he's sorry to have missed that - NOTHING goes better than Juggs and Drugs!

Seriously, all snarking aside, these women DO have a point - why do guys get to show off their taught (or flabby) bellies and chests, and women don't? If we saw naked boobs more often, would we see them more as a food source for infants, and less as a source of (ahem) titillation? Just sayin'...

Ok, not to derail the conversation about how much of the Current Occupant's obvious stupidity is natural talent, vs chemically induced...

Coon Tasty said...

@Alan Markus - You might have warned me that those pics prominently feature that most revolting of mutants - a ginger.

Irene Peduto said...

Barry Soetoro was a young marxist and a recreational drug user - while supposedly studying in college - he used this country to further his message of "shared prosperity" - his records are sealed to possibly hide his foreign student status else how can it be explained that he flew to Pakistan when no American was able to do so. .... his failings are the result of his background, drugs couldn't alter his progressive, marxist stance.

John the Econ said...

When I read of this study last week, first I was not particularly surprised; I know of relatively few drug users (outside of the "arts", anyway) who made all that much of themselves later in life.

The health sciences have only relatively recently come to quantify how adolescent's brains solidify, and how chemical influences can drastically alter the end product. If prescribed psychotropic medications can have detrimental permanent effects, why not unprescribed?

And second, I immediately thought of our "commander in chief", who can't speak coherently without the aid of a teleprompter and someone else's (who probably didn't smoke) words.

I meant to subtly drop this as a suggestion for a cartoon, but once again, that clearly wasn't necessary.

alan markus said...

Sorry guys - hope no one was offended. During yesterday's discussion at Althouse it was noted that the relatively good looking one seems to like the camera a little too much - might have been a stripper or hooker at one time.

Seeing Stilton's Facebook picture of the women in pink vagina costumes causes me to sense that there is some kind of trend afoot as far as subjecting America to a new level of "TMI" (Too Much Information) with a "We're Here, We're Queer" tint.

We have Sandra Fluke reminding us that single women need subsidized birth control, walking vaginas, and boobs that yearn to be free. Have to wonder if us conservatives are being taunted by all of this. What's next? Male Public sector employees with Erectile Dysfunction swinging their flaccid members to protest that Viagra isn't covered by their insurance, or if it is, that they have to make a copayment?

Mike Porter said...

Stilton: not that they'd even notice, but I believe that you have just insulted the holy hell out of stoners.

To be sure, liberal progressive brain damage is mostly self-inflicted, though it starts with a precursor seedling of ignorance (generally a predominate feature of youth), and if consistently fertilized with enough bullshit, grows into full-blown stupidity in adulthood. So here the difference between a stoner and a liberal progressive boils down to this: the stoner laughs with hilarity when the progressive claims that he "didn't inhale". Either way, America is the one who gets F'd up by it all.

Red said...

Dya' ever legislate? Ever legislate ON WEED? lol Buncha burner commie hacks...

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

@ Pete:
"Hey, YOU didn't ROLL that!"
Now that's funny...I don't care what you're smoking.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Coon Tasty- Those do seem like pretty big memory lapses.

@Anonymous- You may be right, though it's also possible that Michelle is the cause of those particular symptoms.

@Angry Hoosier Dad- The Marxism and drugs were a potent and complementary mix. Just listen to what Obama had to say about the glorious "class-free" nature of the druggies he hung with: "Nobody asked you whether your father was a fat-cat executive who cheated on his wife or some laid-off joe who slapped you around whenever he bothered to come home." Even then, Barry's real "high" came from hatred.

@Pete(Detroit)- Obama's vision for America does seem to be based on the idea that everyone should just be able to party - except for those "fat cat executives" who'll need to pay all the bills.

@TrickyRicky- You've given me visions of an "Easy Rider" being attached to the stimulus bill.

@alan markus- Oh for the love of...! I only took a glance (really!) at the first link, and it's a decidedly mixed bag. It's pretty hard to take such a preposterous topic seriously, but personally I don't think there should be criminal penalties for the exposing of breasts. However, I think these ladies are being duped (yet again) into thinking that this would give them more freedom, when all it would really accomplish is giving guys a free look.

@Emmentaler- Maybe it's time for me to roll out the "Hope n' Change coffee bib," huh?

And as you say, Obama does seem to have a stoner's view of how the world works.

@My Dog Brewski- Chemistry and metallurgy in a case or two.

@Colby- So Barry is the Bogus Potus?! Duuuuuuuuude!

@Emmentaler- In all seriousness, I think it's probably a good idea for women not to go topless everywhere because men, in all their testosterone-fueled idiocy, can sometimes exhibit poor impulse control (did I phrase that carefully enough to stay out of Akin territory?)

@Pete(Detroit)- The protesting women do have a point (or two, he said innocently). And wow, there's nothing like photos of a bunch of topless women to derail my carefully handcrafted topic of presidential drug abuse! (grin)

@Coon Tasty- Oh fine, return us to the days when gingers were facing police dogs and firehoses in Selma, Alabama!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Irene Peduto- I believe to the soles of my shoes that opening Barry's college records would expose poor grades, questionable class selection, and a radicalism that most Americans are still clueless about. I also think it's very likely that they would show that he claimed foreign student status to get money he didn't deserve. Obama's records aren't simply sealed - they're hidden, and I think the American public should find out why.

@John the Econ- Although I'm playing around with the report today, it's extremely serious. The young, developing brain is a delicate marvel. It has incredible adaptability, but that strength is also a weakness if the brain adapts - permanently - to the wrong things, whether it's drug use, sexual abuse, or other negative stimuli. These aren't just cognitive changes, they're physiological - actually changing the brain's wiring.

But currently, we don't have a president who can speak out against illegal drug use because he brags about being such a drug user, and the worst thing he can say about it is that he eventually tired of it.

@Alan Markus- I've said it before, but I think almost every entitlement policy of the Left can be boiled down to achieving their goal of rampant sex without consequences. To Dems, women really are just hosts for breasts and vaginas, who occasionally need a fetus scraped out in order to get back to the business of screwing.

I'm not a prude and I'm not anti-sex. But my wife and daughter are people, not just reproductive systems, and it angers me to see the Left devalue women in this way.

@Mike Porter- Well said.

@Red- The problem with legislating on weed is that you immediately need a trillion dollars worth of munchies.

@Angry Hoosier Dad- That is funny!

John the Econ said...

Just further proof that radical feminism has done more harm to women than misogynistic men ever could have.

Whenever I see an ad for "pole dancing" classes sold as "exercise", I know that it was not women who won the "battle of the sexes".

Colby said...


"To Dems, women really are just hosts for breasts and vaginas, who occasionally need a fetus scraped out in order to get back to the business of screwing."

Too true... And they say WE are the women suppressors!

And I really, really believe Spicoli would be a better president than the one we have. At least he would be mostly harmless (to steal from Douglas Adams).