Monday, April 15, 2013

A Very Taxing Day

Happy April 15th, everyone! The day we must all cough up our "fair share" (at virtual gunpoint) to support the lifestyles of both the ruling class and the fast-growing "entitlement" class! The day we send off our hard-earned cash so the Obama administration can pay loan interest to the Chinese government with which to fund their growing military, or pass along a few tens of millions to the Muslim Brotherhood to strengthen the eternal ties of friendship between our two cultures.

Thanks to your tax dollars, the government will be able to increase your healthcare costs while decreasing your access to actual medicine. Covert surveillance of your email, Internet use, bank records, and cellphone conversations? You've already paid for it! And who doesn't feel great about knowing that just a little bit of every dollar you earn will help go to slaughter the unborn or, perhaps, recently born?

Your tax dollars also help make the newest "undocumented Americans" feel right at home - in fact, it gives them homes, food, medical care, and walking around money!

And never let it be said that America takes a back seat to any nation when it comes to luxury vacations, perks, and retirement plans for our political royalty.

It's all thanks to you, Mr and Mrs Evil Rich American Taxpayer! So enjoy your big day - because tomorrow, Barack Obama will go back to calling for your destruction.


Steve Burri said...

Hows about we flush 2/3 of our taxes down the toilet and skip the middle men?

And... glad to see you busy cartooning again. I hope the personal issues (or whatever) of which you spoke have been settled well.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Steve Burri- I like that idea; we wouldn't get less value for our dollar and we could save a lot of energy by not causing bureaucrats to go to what we'll laughingly refer to as work.

On the personal front, you should just assume till further notice that things will continue to be sporadic about my cartoon output. The health issue we're working on here isn't the kind that can be entirely settled very quickly, though we have every hope it will be settled successfully as soon as possible.

TrickyRicky said...

Jeez Stilton, that picture of the Fluke skank ruined my day more thoroughly than sending my "fair share" check off to the Politburo. Talk about birth control, just put a poster of that above the urinals in every bar in the nation. Voila - Zero Population Growth.

Chuck said...

@Stilton - glad to hear hope lives.

As to tax day (give up all hope all ye who enter here), there is nothing I can say that you haven't said. I started my own work-from-home business in 2012 and had a loss for the year due to startup costs. Coupled with two kids in college (and the associated deductions from that) TurboTax says I have a better than even chance of being audited.

Question: Do IRS workers tell their families and friends that they are telemarketers so they will be less despised?

WindRider said...

I used to say "Well, just be glad you don't get as much government as you pay for".

These days, with the DHS army, drones, NSA surveillance, Czars, regulations, etc. I'm not sure that applies any more.

txGreg said...

@TrickyRicky - I'm with you on this one. Every time I see a pic of Sandra Fluke, I find myself wondering how it's possible she needs so much birth control... I guess everyone has different tastes.

John the Econ said...

Unfortunately @Stilton, for too many (if not most) Americans, April 15th has been turned into a kind of holiday where 80% of people who file a return get a refund. Most of these people think that this is wonderful!

Perhaps the most brilliant of Progressive achievements over the last century has been employer withholding of anticipated taxes, and the Earned Income Tax Credit, which effectively turns the income tax system into part of the welfare system, where citizens actually get back more money than they paid in.

Because of this, the filing of fraudulent tax returns via identity theft is rampant. With a cursory understanding of the tax code and what qualifies for "refundable credits" and copy of TurboTax, anyone with your Social Security number can quickly and easily file a false return under your name, and have thousands of dollars deposited directly into their checking accounts. The IRS obliges these obviously phony returns blithely. You'd think that a change of checking account, dependents, addresses or other parameters of a tax return would give the IRS pause, but nope. For lack of a couple of dozen lines of computer code just to check for a few inconsistencies, the IRS goes ahead and pays out over $18-billion-a-year in fraudulent refunds. It's up to the hapless citizen to clean up the mess when they file their real return, and the IRS rejects it because they think they've already processed it.

And these people will soon be providing your health care. Good luck.

The Doktor said...

A Very Taxing Day indeed! And, just think!! In only THREE more days, you will have earned enough money THIS YEAR to pay your 2013 taxes!!

Ya know, it just don't get any better than this. Makes me wanna turn Commie RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@TrickyRicky- Better still, put the picture in the urinals; you'd not only achieve birth control, but terrific beer sales just so guys could re-load.

@Chuck- Theoretically, if your business takes a loss, the IRS may declare that you're really only a hobbyist. I've never been sure why that doesn't apply to giant companies that finish millions of dollars in the red every year.

@WindRider- Government is no longer constrained by what we give them to spend. We're getting all the government that they can borrow to fund. Ouch.

The Doktor said...

Just had an epiphany (uh-oh!).

Have the WH parties INSIDE the DHS vehicles and then send the armored vehicles to Hollywood.

Place the condom OVER THE HEAD of the ObozoPhone person (not too sure of the gender) while shoving hundreds of ObozoPhones up Fluke's VaJayJay, giving her complete protection.

Have Obozo and Reggie play out their Gay Love at the Benghazi golf course.

Colby said...

A few years back, my awesome Representative, Virginia Foxx tried to get a bill introduced in Congress to end the witholding tax, and I can only imagine the dressing down she got over it. Heaven forbid we should get to use our OWN money during the year! And the Congress critters know damn well half the taxpayers would simply just not send in checks anymore. Imagine the IRS trying to take about 80 million people to court every year. Right now, they have us be the short hairs, though.

@TrickyRicky & txGreg,
I'm in complete agreement; The Fookin' Flook isn't completely hideous looking, but damn! Then again, one could consider her need of $thousands for birth control to be a sound investment. We are paying her to not reproduce, and I'm all for that.

Emmentaler "Fluked Again" Limburger said...

@John: We're caught up in this. Happened last year. We managed to convince the IRS we are who we say we are, and got it all cleared up. We thought. This year, we were not allowed to e-file because they cannot uniquely identify us in the e-file database. Does this mean it happened again, or does it mean that our tax dollars fund only the most slipshod programmers and retarded database administrators? I'm banking on both...

Pete (Detroit) said...

Colby, wrt The Mad Flucker, I find it VERY dependant on her hair style and the lighting - some times she appears to be handsome / cute, sometimes nearly a two bagger... but to your point, I would not mind mandating some sort of long term birth control (Norplan, etc) for ALL women getting federal assistance, and (reversible) sterilization for anyone (male OR female) convicted of doing crack. Some things, we just need to stop paying for.
But that's just me...

Queso Grande said...

Fellas, and ladies....I know I am in for it but......I think Fluke's kinda cute. True, I do have a likin' towards zaftig wimmen, and you do need to catch her when she ain't yapping and if you can imagine her smile is one of happiness about the way her roast looks in the oven, and how her man is gonna like it, instead of how she wants to eat puppies, I really think she's good looking. The only bag I'd need is the one to cover up the lobotomy scar.
@StiltonJarlsberg, continued good wishes sent your way. Family is all, do for them whatever you can. We are all here for you, and I know we are all willing to help out however we can.
In today's 3 panel-which I love- isn't that a pencil rendering of Czar Nicholas?
Anecdotally, my Father has always related to us(much like Lizzie Warren's kinfolk did) that we were descended from the carpet makers to the Czar, so I guess I have some responsibility to defend their honor......or sumthin'!
Buenas Dias, mi amigos y amigas!!!

REM1875 said...

2hr after the explosions in Boston and so far no one has blamed gun owning Christian, vets, conservative,right wing, pro-life, anti-obama, racist, republican, tea party members or Sarah Palin. I am surprised but it can't last. Pay attention to what you hear right now because it will change as the msm get the 'truth'out.
God bless those injured and the deceased and their families. Grant them a speedy and full recovery.

REM1875 said...

Never mind the media has already started insinuating someone on the right is responsible.

Sparky Hudson said...

@REM1875 ~ Too late! One of the main @$$hats with CNN, Wolf Blitzer, has blamed anti-tax people (i.e. TEA Party). I don't have the link but it might be on Yahoo! or Google News.

@Stilton ~ You are so correct in so many ways. Thank you for finding humor for us during these dark days. And please know we are all praying for you and your family. I'm glad you're putting them first. We can always wait for your gems. :)

Colby said...

I wish Wolf Blitzen would catch on fire so I could NOT piss on him.

And I'm a little puzzled by the tragedy in Boston. I thought we won the war on terror and all the rag heads (little sheet heads?) loved us now. I mean, half the Priuses and Subarus on the road have Coexist stickers on them! What more do they want? We let Dinnerjacket build his little bomb and gave money, tanks and planes to Morsi. Crimony... what the heck more do they want from us?! Shouldn't they love us by now? Wolf Blitzer must be right this time; it had to be some right wing nut job who was probably upset they took his AR15.

John the Econ said...

Just saw that piece of work Elizabeth Warren characterize the potential perpetrator(s) of yesterday's terrorist bombing at the Boston Marathon as a male. "We will bring him to justice".

Whoa! Rather judgmental and a bit of profiling, isn't that Liz?

No doubt, she's already concluded that the perpetrator is a white-male Tea Party activist.

But there is progress on the PC front: At least the media and politicians are having the guts to come out and actually say "terrorism" for a change. That hasn't happened in the last decade.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Rather neatly (though very sadly) tying together the topics of Tax Day and the Boston bombing, David Axelrod has said that Obama was initially reluctant to use the word "terror" because it has 9/11 associations (ie, suggests Al Qaeda or radical islam), while the president thought the massacre might be related to a tax protest.

Personally, I think Axelrod is just throwing that out there to take a dump on the Tea Party. Because when Obama said that we "must not jump to conclusions," that told me that there was probably an Al Qaeda connection. This president only suggests caution when he's defending actual Islamic terrorists like the Ft. Hood shooter, underwear bomber, and Times Square bomber. And I'm sick of it.

REM1875 said...

Let me help the prez
Boston bombing = Terrorism
Re-election of Ø = Man made natural disaster
alle ist klar herr commisar!
your welcome

John the Econ said...

Just heard Obama actually use the "T" word in a presser. He must be convinced it's a Tea Partier.

It's No Gouda said...

Stilton, et. al.:
Personally, I'm thinkin' the "let's not jump to conclusions" mantra could be, as stated above, the worry by the Administration that it was perpetrated by their friends from "The Religion of Peace", but there is also the possiblity that some of their "friends" from the Occutard movement may be responsible. Although most of them are pretty incompetent as bombers (see plots broken up last fall by FBI to bomb bridge in Cleveland and something in Chicago)as the saying goes: "Even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and then".
I do find it interesting that none of the media whores haven't mentioned the idea that it could have been an acoylyte of that ol' bomber Billy Ayres.