Friday, June 21, 2013

Doucheland über Alles

obama, obama jokes, berlin, speech, nuclear, climate change, conservative, stilton jarlsberg, hope n' change, hope and change, tea party

Having done enough damage in Ireland (he encouraged youths in Northern Ireland to stay peaceful, despite sharing his opinion that it is the Catholics' fault that tensions still exist), B. Hussein moved on to Germany in hopes of finding the huge crowds that appeared during his "apologizing for America" tour, as well as the expensive Greek columns which he accidentally left behind last time.

Sadly, he found neither. The crowd which assembled to hear Der Fükher was only 5,000 people (all that the president's team could hire on short notice) rather than the 200,000 Nazi descendants who gathered last time to hear Barry apologize for our nation's interference in World War II.

Still, the president pushed ahead with his speech, asserting that Climate Change is "the global threat of our time," and one which requires immediate action. This despite recent studies showing conclusively that A) the Earth hasn't gotten any hotter for the past 16 years, and B) a new study shows that manmade CO2 has virtually no effect on global warming.

All of which should affect policy IF the Earth's climate was really the issue. But actually, Barry just wants to shut down our nation's productivity and methods of alternative energy production (ie, fracking, oil shale, and nuclear) in order to speed our decline into third world status. Something which Europe, Russia, and the Muslim Brotherhood aren't exactly averse to.

The president also took the opportunity to repeat his desire to rid the United States of its troublesome and hugely embarrassing nuclear weapons, in hopes that every other nutjob country in the world would lay down its own arms and join the president for a beer summit, a chorus of Kumbaya, and perhaps a relaxing massage with a "happy ending" at Man's Country in Chicago.

All of which shows, in no uncertain terms, that this president is a freaking moron...and that Hope n' Change shouldn't write these commentaries when we've been drinking.


George in Houtx said...

Stilt, drinking or not, ye done good! pretty much everyone who is not a raving lib or environut will agree that ANY governmental plan to control the weather is really about CONTROL. as for the difference in crowd sizes ..... 1)Obama has had over 4 years to show people what he is REALLY about. 2)last time there was free beer and a local band for entertainment 3)by now, Obama is acting too much like another politician from Germany's past.

CenTexTim said...

Au contraire, mon ami. I think it was Hemingway who said one must write drunk and edit sober.

Sounds like good advice to me...

TrickyRicky said...

Oh, thanks for that Stilton. What a way to start a Friday, ROFLMAO. Doucheland uber alles.....Ich bin ein Beginner. That there is frickin' funny. Somewhere JFK is having a hearty guffaw, then a good cry. Reality does come creeping back in doesn't it.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

@Tricky: from what I hear, JFK is patiently awaiting Wild Bill's arrival so that they can compare notes...

@Stilt, Stilt, Stilt! Draw some bikini tops on those women! This is, after all, a family site. Not National Geographic! While you're at it, put Hope 'n Change O's on each cup, and pin a DNC button on each strap. Oh, and can you draw a bag over the Big Ø's face, too? Children shouldn't see that, either. Thanks.

(Some of these Captchas take real imagination to decipher. Google needs to be told that they are intended to make robot posting impossible; not human posting...)

Dick said...

Good one! Thanks.
Douchebag in Doucheland. How appropriate.

JP said...

wow. 0bama stood with the UK on something?!
Must have been quite the dilemma deciding who to stab in the back more ... the Protestant UK (most often seen as the Imperialist invaders ... especially by Prez ReturnWinstonsBust) or those Evil Catholics, who are the majority of the population on the rest of the Isle.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@George in Houtx- You're entirely right that we can't control the weather (let alone the climate) and so Barry's actual goal is controlling people for purposes which are decidedly non-meteorological.

And I can't imagine why any Germans would want to see Barry these days, other than sort of a freakshow attraction. More than most countries, Germany is well aware of the consequences of Barry's fiscal and geopolitical policies...and they don't like them.

@CenTexTim- I thought there was a pretty good chance I would finally sober up last November, but the voters declared that my bender would continue at least another four years.

@TrickyRicky- Frankly, reality has never been creepier.

@Emmentaler- I was afraid that if I covered the proud breastular areas of the African women that I would be guilty of projecting my Western male ethnocentric values on them, which I absolutely will not do. Neither will I joke that those women could play ping pong with their lower lips, and that it would probably make for a pretty good pay-per-view event.

@Dick- "Doucheland" is not a joke which I would use when cold sober. On the other hand, TGIF!

@JP- I think Barry wanted to blame the Catholics because he hates the ones over here so much.

Anonymous said...

Condensed - and rich!
- BarbaCat

Grafton Cheddar said...

Stilton, you've outdone yourself! Thanks, man (can I still say that?), I needed a good laugh today.

Paladin said...

I was watching a video where an individual was interviewing some people in Europe. I was simply amazed how many expressed that America is "too prosperous", "too free" and needs to be "knocked down a peg or two" and "be more like the rest of the world."

The raw envy of our freedoms and prosperity was something to behold. It says something about a person believing if they don't have access to something, no one else should be able to have it either.

Unfortunately our elected "leaders" seem to share these same views.

George in Houtx said...

paladin, I am of the opinion that , if someone doesn't like our freedoms, they can feel free to come talk to me about it (bring firepower) or do what they can to acquire the same freedoms.

Sparky said...

Another classic Stilt! But, it's so depressing with this freaking moron, now I need a drink. Reading the news sober is, uh, too sobering.
I wish the coal fire plants owners would tell the Evil People A*holes to stuff it, then proceed to stuff them into a smoke stack and ignore their "orders". Oh, yeah. I'd pay to see that!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@BarbaCat- It's also great for making creamy homemade fudge!

@Grafton Cheddar- You can say whatever you want here, as long as you don't mind our pals in Washington reading over your shoulder!

@Paladin- Excellent point; whether in Europe or the United States, envious people just want to close the gap between the successful and the unsuccessful - and sadly, the easiest way for them to do it is to bring down the achievers rather than putting in the effort to raise up the bottom tiers.

@George in HouTx- I agree; if you don't like what someone else has, you pretty much have two options: earn your way to the other person's level, or STFU. When if comes to freedoms, if people don't like what their country has to offer, by all means fight to improve the system - don't just bitch about America.

@Sparky- I'd hardly call today's offering a classic, though it does have a stimulating "what the hell" quality that makes it sort of fun.

And to be perfectly honest, MOST of the time when I'm writing commentaries I'm cold sober. But on this one, I think I could have been pulled over for Cartooning Under the Influence.

Colby said...

Outstanding post Dr. Jarlsberg! What's scary is a fairly large chunk of the You're-a-peein' population love this douchebag. That's probably why the lying jackass is there right now; to get his poor widdle ego stoked. His image has taken on a slight patina here in his adopted country, so he needed a fix. I am hopeful htat he will move there soon and run for Supreme Commander and Potentate of the EU; they can have his sorry ass.

Golf Eggs? Shades of Jed Clampett.

Velcro said...

Not to worry, Stilt. Alcohol has a way of clarifying communication that Bill O'Reilly's No Spin Zone does not. I agree with others, that were you sober, you'd have hit the nail on the head!

PRY said...

"Douchebag in Doucheland"...priceless!

(groooaann)...the current state of affairs is sooo tiresome. Obama is sooooo tiresome. Holder is get the idea. When I saw him in Germany the other day, I thought of that JFK line, but I didn't think of that! What a gift you have, sir...I appreciate that!
But, I do not appreciate this...this...GUY...parading around like a world leader! Such a dangerous embarrassment he is! But the Americans who put him back in there for another term got just what they, wait, they don't know WHAT they want. Unless it's an Obama phone to sell for drugs! They DO know how to do that!
Thanks a lot, dumb-asses!

JP said...

@ Stilt,
Yeah He must really because we know he really hates the Brits and there was a nice low hanging fruit of "occupation" for him to beat on and he went the other way with it ... especially as Oh So Socialist the IRA and its supporters can be.

Bruce Bausch said...

I vonder if lamont spoke in “Austrian” vile he vas dere, YOU know… did he “Sprechen sie Douche”?

PRY said...

I see the crowds for the Anointed One were hugely smaller at this time of his appearing than when he was campaigning there (did Germans get to vote in our election???). Anyway, noting that, maybe another title for today's masterpiece could have been ""Ich Bin Ein Has-Beener"!