Monday, August 3, 2015

Stirruptitious Behavior

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, hillary, medical, financial, pap smear, email, server, dump
This has been a public cervix announcement
Much to the delight of news coprophiliacs nationwide, Hillary Clinton took a huge document dump on Friday. (Note: for those unfamiliar with journalistic parlance, a "dump" occurs when a politician pushes out a large quantity of unpalatable, undigestible material - usually on a Friday - in hopes that the stink will clear before anyone notices. In other words, it's exactly like the other kind of dump.)

In this case, Hillary dropped a deuce - which is to say, she simultaneously released documents on two subjects: her personal health and finances.

According to her doctor, Mrs. Clinton is in "excellent physical condition" (despite needing an orthopedic pantsuit) and presented as "normal" when displaying her qualification for the presidency during a gynecological exam. He also said that she has overcome the blood clot found in her head following a concussion in 2012 which occurred when she fainted owing to an (ahem) "stomach virus." A stomach virus which, some unverified sources have suggested, she was trying to knock out at the time with a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Financially, the Clintons are also in excellent condition - having "earned" (like most middle class families) $28 million in speaking fees in 2014 for talking about themselves, despite not being able to recall anything about their past when under oath. And generously, the Clintons gave $3 million to charity in 2014 - which would be a lot more heartwarming if the charity hadn't been the Clinton Family Foundation (which it was).

By wild coincidence and probably not indictable conspiracy, the State Department also took a massive Hillary dump on Friday, offering up more heavily-redacted documents which had been transmitted on the unsecured private email server which was installed in her mansion by young "Geek Squad" technicians with Russian accents.

According to a State Department spokesman, there was nothing classified in the latest round of emails and the many thick black redaction markouts were probably just scribbles left over from the period when post-blood clot Hillary was relearning how to use pens, eating utensils, and lies.

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, hillary, drunk, stomach virus, blood clot, benghazi


Mike aka Proof said...

If Hillary did indeed release her pap smear, it would be only the latest in a series of smears from Ms. Clinton.

drjim said...

I can't believe the audacity of her.

She's been telling lies for so long she believes them!

TrickyRicky said...

The Clinton Foundation is a charitable organization in the same way that Al Capone was a Franciscan monk.

Fred Ciampi said...

As much as The Hildabeast abuses her security detail I am surprised that they even show up for work every day. Just food for thought. When Reagan was president the Secret Service would trip over each other to take a bullet for him. I think that if ever there was a threat to Broom Shrillary, the Service would be running in nine directions.

Geoff King said...

All of her lies, fraud, subterfuge, and criminal acts won't amount to a Hillary of beans to the lofo voters come election time.

txGreg said...

@Geoff King,

The Unfortunate Truth - you nailed it. And, there are a lot more of them than of any other single voting block.

John the Econ said...

Once again, we see that unlike most more "typical" Americans, the Obama era has been very, very good to certain citizens. It seems that the more closely tied to the goings-on in Washington DC, the better off people seem to do. Also notice that for the most part, that $28 million made by the Clintons was for activities that contributed little to the economy. No new wealth was created by Bill or Hillary's activities. They are parasitic "rent seekers" who extract wealth from the economy for no better reason that just being who they are; well connected to the levers of power in our ever-centralizing government. Unfortunately, during the miraculous Obama recovery, these seem to be the "jobs" that have done the best. Meanwhile, the Democrats continue to distract America from this dismal fact by promoting ever-higher minimum wages for Americans who at least actually do do real work.

Does anyone remember a mere 4 years ago when the left despised "rich" people running for President? At least Mitt Romney had to produce results for his income. The Clintons just have to show up.

And once again, we see a very wealthy high-profile Democrat who actually gives less to charity than most American families of far lesser wealth. I don't consider donations to the Clinton Foundation much of a "charitable" donation, considering that roughly 90% of that money is spent for the direct benefit and comfort of the Clintons themselves. What a joke!

Either way, I don't see this latest "news" helping or hurting Hillary in any significant way. There's little here that we didn't really know. (they're very rich and their favorite charity is themselves)

What is hurting Hillary is Hillary. On the campaign trail, she's a total dud. Bill Clinton could sell ice cubes to Eskimos. Hillary couldn't sell a lifejacket to a drowning man. She rarely allows herself to be confronted by a real question, and when she is, she gives a totally nonsensical answer. Like with ObamaCare, Americans are supposed to elect her to President in order to find out what she really stands for.

She seems to be largely running on the supposed success of the previous Clinton era (which with the possible exception of the Monica episode, people have largely forgotten about) while simultaneously repudiating almost everything successful that Bill Clinton actually did while simply embracing more regulation and taxes.

How bad is Hillary doing? Bad enough that Joe Biden is again considering running". Crazy Joe. That bad.

One of the most fascinating aspects of the Obama era is how the Democratic Party has been transformed into what I call the Marie Antoinette Party. 23 years ago, Bill Clinton easily beat George Bush (41) because economic growth had slowed to less than 3%. Today, the left is celebrating 2% as a massive achievement we should be impressed by. They celebrate the asset bubble they've created in the stock market as the singular sign that everything is great, when the fact is that it's the wealthy they say that hate that have almost exclusively benefited from it. And their preferred candidate is a omni-millionaire with little practical skill beyond selling her husband's influence. They don't even say "Let them eat cake". Instead, we get to eat document dumps, and it stinks.

Anonymous said...

After leaving the White House, Hillary was forced to return an estimated $200,000 in White House furniture, china, and artwork that she had stolen.

What a swell party – ready for another four or eight year of this type low-life mess?

Now we are exposed to the destruction of possibly incriminating emails while Hillary was Secretary of State and the “pay to play” schemes of the Clinton Foundation – we have no idea what shoe will fall next. But to her loyal fans - “what difference does it make?”

Electing Hillary Clinton president would be like granting Satan absolution and giving him the keys to heaven!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Mike aka Proof- Speaking of pap smears (which is always a great phrase to use as an ice breaker at parties), since Hillary is such a big supporter of the "women's health services" at Planned Parenthood, I wonder why she didn't visit them for her annual tune up and lube?

@drjim- I genuinely think you're right; at a certain pathological level, extreme liars start believing whatever comes out of their mouths.

@TrickyRicky- When considering where my charity dollars will go, it's always a tough call to decide whether it's better to help African children get clean water, or help Chelsea Clinton afford a $10 million apartment.

@Fred Ciampi- I've read that Secret Service agents assigned to Hillary consider it a punishment detail. I've also wondered sometimes how much enthusiasm Obama's agents bring to the job of protecting him. At the very least, they should allow illegal immigrants to have unfettered access to him - since that's what he's arranged for everyone else.

@Geoff King- Sadly, you're right. They don't care and they won't care. Which is why Hillary isn't even pretending to run a real campaign in which she answers questions, addresses current events, or considers debating her Democrat rivals.

@txGreg- Isn't it a shame that there's only strength in numbers rather than intelligence?

@John the Econ- Great points throughout. I'm especially ticked off at the Clintons donating to their own charity and getting away with it. They give $3 million to the "Foundation," and save over $1 million in taxes (or, as the Left likes to say, is GIVEN $1 million from the taxpayers). Then, $2.7 million of that donation goes to their direct benefit. All in all, they don't lose a dime and make a nice profit. Wouldn't it be nice if the rest of us could take tax deductions for moving money from one pocket to another?

On a different subject, Hillary's lack of personal appeal is fascinating. She is old, tired, devious, imperious, and condescending. She claims that simply being a woman is one of the strong qualities she could bring to the presidency, but hasn't (to my knowledge) explained what that has to do with the job.

I'm not convinced that she's going to be the Democrat candidate in 2016; I think scandals may yet take her down.

@Anonymous- Hillary is blatantly, openly, and perhaps even proudly corrupt. It's astonishing to me that the Left cares so little. That being said, I don't actually think she would have been a worse president than Obama has been, but the idea of her sustaining his policy failures while instituting new ones of her own is nightmarish.

I'm on the fence about whether or not America can come back from the Obama years - but if there's even a prayer, it will depend on undoing his damage as soon as possible. In my mind, a win for Hillary is "game over."

Colby Muenster said...

Please never EVER upload a post again that contains "gynecological exam" and "Hillary Clinton" in the same paragraph. Please.... Thank you.

@Geoff King,
Yup, sad but true a good 46% to 47% of voters will check the "D" box no matter who's name is next to it. Then again, the hateful old bag does seem to be losing momentum, and Mr. Econ nailed it. She just plain sucks at politics. She is about as inspiring as a land fill. I think this is the reason Trump is doing so well in the polls; he's a loose cannon, but by God, he has pizzazz.

@John the Econ,
Makes me wonder who (warning - crazy talk alert) in the world the DNC would promote if (yup - crazy talk) Billery actually did get busted and had to withdraw. SloJoe? Sanders? (HARF!). O'Malley?!! They got no bench; O'Liar was their last "young, exciting" guy. Pretty poor planning, I say.

John the Econ said...

"When considering where my charity dollars will go, it's always a tough call to decide whether it's better to help African children get clean water, or help Chelsea Clinton afford a $10 million apartment."

Zing. I'll be borrowing that one. Of course, the beauty of "donating" to the Clinton Foundation is that you get to do both; Chelsea continues to get to not to care about money, and a few dozen Africans get a well. Win-win!

Oh, and the treasury is cheated out of a million bucks.

Yeah, it's quite a racket. Could you imagine the racket that would ensue if any GOP candidate gave to their own charity that spent anything more than 10% on "overhead"? I have a lot of Progressive friends who frequently like to expose fraudulent charities on social media. Typically, these are that spend anything more than 10% on "overhead". I've been harvesting their posts. They've been rather silent on the Clinton Foundation. I can't wait until their endorsements of Hillary start showing up. Will be fun.

If Hillary were to somehow win, I've told Mrs. Econ that I'll be retiring to found the "John the Econ" foundation. It will be dedicated to addressing the sad state of economic literacy in America. (My 501(c)3 application will list my mission as "Promoting Progressive Literacy" as so my approval will get processed in about 15 minutes) I'll only scrape about 50% for my private jet and 5-star vacation-er-"travel" expenses. And my dog will get a raise. As long as I pay myself less than Chelsea, I should remain moral.

The Clintons are the most transparently corrupt couple in history. Shame on Democrats for gleefully owning the gutter on this. Say what you will about the useless GOP, but at least they are held to some standard, as low as it might be.

John the Econ said...

@Colby Muenster, I'm still with Stilton in believing that Hillary is going to fizz out before the end of the year. She's as appealing as spoiled milk, and her refusal to take hard stands on anything is failing. At least Bill could sell BS; that was his chief skill that made him President. She totally lacks it. As for why we're supposed to want Clinton II, we're supposed to like Hillary Clinton based upon how wonderful the first Clinton era was, and yet she keeps saying that she'll continue to undo everything that Bill Clinton did in the '90s, from welfare reform, social issues to raising taxes. Her economic agenda is Obama's 3rd term on steroids. Nobody outside of the far-left of the Democratic base even buys it.

So, have you heard this about Bernie Sanders?

Bernie Sanders Speaks at US Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, Says 'Open Borders' Hurt US Youth

“What they are talking about is completely opening up the border,” he further explained. “That was the question, should we have a completely open border, so that anybody can come into the United States of America. If that were to happen, which I strongly disagree with, there is no question in my mind that that [would] substantially lower wages in this country.

“When you have 36 percent of Hispanic kids in this country who can’t find jobs, and you bring a lot of unskilled workers into this country, what do you think happens to that 36 percent of kids who are today unemployed? Fifty-one percent of African-American kids? I don’t think there’s any presidential candidate, none, who thinks we should open up the borders," he added.

Wow, and he tells this straight to a Latino group as though he's channeling Donald Trump.

Of course, he's right. Say what you will about Bernie, but unlike any other candidate on either side, he honestly believes his s#$*.

Speaking of Trump: The narrative from the GOP, Democrats and media is that Trump is a whack-job only trying to rev-up the racist white male GOP base. And yet, that's not the reality.

Once again, the GOP falls for the same trap; the irresistible urge to do what the Democrats do by focusing on chasing the favor of identity groups instead of Americans at large. So out of fear of being labeled "racist" and by tip-toeing around the illegal immigration issue, they believe they won't be alienating Hispanic voters when in reality, by taking a law-and-order stand they'd actually be appealing to older-generational and middle-class Hispanics who face the same problems with illegal immigration that non-Hispanics face.

I really don't want a Trump presidency any more than I want a Hillary one. But I sure would love to see that debate.

madmanmike1980 said...

Breaking news: Hillary Clinton lied. In other news, the sky is blue and the grass is green. Film at 11. :D LOL!

Joseph ET said...

Hillary Clinton, Lois Lerner, Eric Holder, Loretta Lynch and probably 50 others are expecting a nice presidential pardon from Obama as a parting gift from him. The gift could always come sooner if needed. That’s why they can be so openly corrupt and not be worried about it. If there were to be a conservative President next, there could be criminal indictments everywhere. But, then again I’m not going to hold my breath on that one either. There are too few Republicans with spine enough to nail these criminals.

Joseph ET said...

@John the Econ you are absolutely correct about the Hispanics. My former in laws are Hispanic and I had many Hispanic clients beck in the day when I had a business in San Jose California. They are mostly very conservative, church going people. They don’t like the illegals coming here taking their jobs and causing many other problems which places negative pressure on all Hispanics. My former wife’s parents had seven children and made sure that each one were fully proficient in English and the Spanish languages and had at least some College education. Instead of the GOP sucking up to one group or another they should focus on the economy, jobs and security. All groups want the same. Good economy, jobs and security !!

PRY said...

There is a logical way to handle the illegal immigrant problem, just as there are logical ways to deal with islamic terrorists, the terrorists of Planned Parenthood, the economy and the myriad other important issues that affect us all...but here's the rub...ya gotta WANT to solve the problems for the good of the people that sent you to Washington...and NO ONE, from the executive, the legislative and the judicial and on down has any desire to do that.

All those we used to depend on for common sense solutions for our country have turned inward and only want whatever it is that they desire to do. Selfishness is resulting in the evil that is destroying America.

Dave from The Cheese Head Nation. said...

How did 47% of the electorate become so dumb as to vote for immoral, corrupt , criminal candidates? I hear Alaric knocking at the gates, while the citizens sit in the coliseum cheering on their favorite sports team. Having voted in the politician who "promised" them the most "panem et circenses," (Bread and circuses in English), the Romans saw Rome sacked and burned by the Visigoths in 410 AD. At that time the Romans had about 100 holidays each year when no one worked, because it was more fun to party. I pray for my two grandsons, 4 years old, and 9 days old. What kind of country will they inherit?

Anonymous said...

Hillary floated through life. First, as the 'First Lady' of Arkansas which got her a great education of the stock market ($100k in chicken 'investments'); then as FLOTUS which slid her into the US senate seat; then her flameout in the '08 election got her the booby prize as SOS. (That allowed her to stack up the frequent flier miles and donations to the "foundation" and kept her 'relevant' to seek the presidency again.
The possibility of her becoming POTUS kept the 'donations' and speech invitations coming. I really don't believe she really cares if she is elected. I think her run is simply a way to keep the 'donations' and speech honoraria pouring in.
In other words, everything she does is about the Benjamins.

Anonymous said...

Can you imagine the horror of being married to this hag? No wonder Bill is always chasing fresh nookie. She must be one of the dullest, least interesting people on the face of the Earth. Would you want to have dinner with her? Work with her? Spend more than a few seconds in her presence? If she vanished with no explanation tomorrow would anyone notice? She is, in all ways, a total zero. To historians of the future how she and Bill ever mattered to anyone will be a total puzzle. Give em the hook and yank them off the public/political stage.

Em said...

Mr. Jarlsberg,
I'm 26 years old, I work with a lot of far left liberals, and it's nice to know that there are people out there who think the same way I do. Your blog is awesome!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John the Econ- I'll donate to the "John the Econ Foundation" if you donate to "Save the Jarlsbergs." That should throw off the auditors!

Regarding Hillary, I just don't expect her to go the distance. She's too unappealing and, while the masses don't care about her dishonesty, she may actually find herself facing criminal charges at some point.

On the topic of Bernie Sanders, I have friends who think that he hung the moon. I disagree, but I will say that more truth comes out of his mouth in a given speech than Hillary has uttered in the entirety of her career.

@Mike Bennett- It just isn't news when Hillary is caught lying. That's the amazing thing about the Clintons; they pretty much invented the concept of "scandal fatigue" in which they get away with murder just because people are bored with hearing about their latest escapade.

@Joseph ET- I'm expecting a lot of pardons to be issued by Barry on his way out. Not that any of those worthies you mention are guilty of anything, of course, but rather they'll be pardoned pre-emptively to prevent "over-zealous, politically motivated investigations and prosecutions in the future."

And I agree that there are many Hispanics who don't support the insane influx of illegals. But that's the funny thing about conservatives - unlike liberals, we don't assume that ethnicity monolithically determines personal values.

@PRY- I completely agree. It's not that these problems can't be solved, but rather that those in power don't want them solved. Nor do too many of the electorate.

@Dave from the Cheese Head Nation- First and foremost, congratulations on your new grandson! He may have been born into a challenging world, but he's got a definite advantage by having a good grandpa.

@Anonymous- Good career summary of Hillary. Though I'll take slight exception to your theory that she cares more about the money than actually getting the presidency. I think she actually wants power more than anything else. Anything else.

Case in point: if she becomes the candidate and things aren't looking good, I wouldn't want to be in Bill Clinton's shoes. If Hillary thought her best chance of winning would be as a brave widow, well...accidents happen. Especially in October of election years.

@Anonymous- I'd rather chew off any of my extremities rather than spend time with Hillary. But I do believe that for all of her apparent vapidity, she's actually smart and dangerous.

@Em- It's always a pleasure (and relief!) to hear from someone your age who is using your head. When I was your age, I was a liberal - but not in a thoughtful way. I was just living my life and thought (erroneously) that politics wasn't about my life. So it was easy to just ignore the news and vote for the "good guys" who wanted to help the people, and against the "bad guys" who wanted to wage wars and protect the evil millionaires. In other words, I was a complete idiot. Though as the former newt said in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, "I got better."

If I can give a tiny dab of paternal advice (I've got a daughter about your age), don't listen to the most strident voices on either side of the political spectrum, and pick your news sources carefully. Personally, I recommend the Wall Street Journal as essential reading - smartly conservative on the editorial pages, and genuinely balanced news in the rest of the paper. (Cheapskate hint: you can sometimes find crazy good subscription deals through vendors on eBay).

Bluebird Bob said...

I am not articulate as many of you posters.
I just enjoy this website SO gets me laughing so much I spill my Jim Beam out my nose....keep up the great work!!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Bluebird Bob- I'm glad you're enjoying the fun here - though as a general rule, I recommend that people NOT drink liquids of any sort while reading Hope n' Change. Probably a bad idea to have a mouthful of pudding, too.

John the Econ said...

"Regarding Hillary, I just don't expect her to go the distance. She's too unappealing and, while the masses don't care about her dishonesty, she may actually find herself facing criminal charges at some point."

Thanks for this morning's "Spew laugh".

I'll believe that she'll get charged with something when I see it. Those two have conducted plenty of indictable offenses over the last 30+ years, and it's never happened. (No doubt a deal with Satan was involved) Either way, if she doesn't "go the distance", it will be because she's repellent even to those who'd usually vote for a block of wood over a conservative. Even without the growing list of scandals, she'd have this problem.

Deal on the "foundation". I think the key is making the movement of money so confounding and complex that even if someone were motivated to figure it all out, there's no way they could possibly explain it to those who weren't. That scheme has worked well for the Clintons and many others for decades.

As for Bernie, I can see why he energizes his base. And quite frankly, as long as he's up against a hostile GOP Congress, the damage he could do would be relatively limited compared to what Obama has done. If he were only serious about immigration and border security, we could do worse. If we don't regain control of our borders, what kind of economic system the central planners in DC think we should be living under really won't make any difference.

Obama's latest Global Warming Initiative: I wish I had time to parse his speech yesterday, but I don't, and the word-to-BS ratio was way to high anyway.

Quite frankly, I think the nation's governors should declare their states "Energy Sanctuary States", and totally ignore the Obama Administration and EPA on carbon issues. After all, "sanctuary cities" have been openly flaunting Federal law for well over a decade now with no Federal repercussions. (The primary victims of those policies are their own citizens) So why should anyone respect Federal law? Let's make the Obama Administration actively prove to everyone that they've turned the US into a banana republic, where the plutocrats ignore written law in favor of using power for or against their interests as they see fit.

Colby Muenster said...

I'd eat my hat if Billary ever got, you know, actually indicted on much deserved criminal charges, but the path she is on could most certainly end up with her "withdrawing for 'health' reasons," and her crawling back under her rock.

Anonymous said she "floated through life." Yup! And she has done that for so long, her disconnect with us in the serfdom could very well be her undoing.

@John the Econ,
Here's hoping many. many states wake the hell up and start pushing back on O'Liar's bullcrap. The 10th amendment is there to justify every rebellious stand states might choose to take. What would The King do about it? Blather at the "press" about evil Republicans and Fox News, and then go golfing, that's what.