Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Groundhog Daze

2016, cartoon, caucus, clinton, conservative, cruz, groundhog day, hope and change, hope n' change, humor, iowa, obama, obama jokes, political, primaries, rubio, sanders, stilton jarlsberg, Trump,
We can't believe it either.
Yesterday was Groundhog Day, a celebration of the remarkable fact that even dumpy, grumpy, squint-eyed rodents have a better chance of predicting the climate's future than government-funded global warming researchers and experts. Which is odd, considering how many of those descriptive criteria also describe Al Gore.

Punxsutawney Phil took a look at the world and then predicted an early Spring for the filthy rich, but bitter cold and continuing Winter for the 99% - with women and minorities expected to suffer the greatest number of chilblains. No, wait - that was Bernie Sanders' prediction. We apologize for the understandable mixup.

Unfortunately for Phil, he was dragged from his slumber just in time to see the results of the Iowa caucuses. Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders essentially tied, although Hillary finally managed to eke out a technical win by dint of six coin tosses to assign delegates. Bernie supporters, who lost all six tosses by (ahem) remarkable coincidence, complained that the process was unfair owing to the fact that none of them actually had any coins of their own to flip.

Hilariously, Bernie supporters are now calling for election monitors at future primaries to prevent voter fraud from Hillary supporters and the DNC. Which is funny, since we thought there was neither jot nor tittle of evidence that there is ever any voter fraud from Democrats. We stand corrected.

Meanwhile, alleged Democratic candidate Martin O'Malley received no delegates, got less than 1% of the votes, and dropped out of the race after damning the men and women of Iowa to endless, blistering hell and swearing that he would never eat corn again. Okay, he probably didn't do that, but it would have been the most interesting 10 seconds of his campaign.

On the GOP side, Donald "No one remembers who came in second" Trump came in second, Ted Cruz finished on top, Marco Rubio racked up a surprisingly strong third place finish, and Dr. Ben Carson came in fourth because, as even Punxsutawney Phil could tell you, politics isn't brain surgery.



23 comments:

REM1875 said...

Got the feeling 6 more weeks of napping phil ain't going to change a thing.

REM1875 said...

Marmots are woodchucks rich european socialist cousins. They may be endangered depending on what the imam say about them being halal.
Course if the were as dumb as their poor American cousins the alternative name of whistle pig or ground hog would end that argument proto dande.

DavidD said...

"Hilariously, Bernie supporters are now calling for election monitors at future primaries to prevent voter fraud from Hillary supporters and the DNC."

Gee, maybe they'll even start calling for voter ID.

Bobo the Hobo said...

Hilariously, Bernie supporters are now calling for election monitors at future primaries to prevent voter fraud from Hillary supporters and the DNC. This from the generation that believes we should all vote via computer ... yeah, not chance of fraud there!

Geoff King said...

Yesterday I shoveled out from the additional 1 foot of snow we recieved on top of the previous 3 feet from last week. Today I awoke to a balmy minus 7 degrees.
If global warming is happening, I wish it would hurry up and arrive.

Gang of One said...

@Geoff King -- All that Global Warmening® heat is trapped at the bottom of the ocean, keeping things like the wreck of the Titanic nice and warm for future scuba diving visitors. Or did you not get the memo?

Rod said...

Hmmm. SCUBA-diving rich activist liberal Democrats attempting to dive that deep is a thought. Maybe there will be a movie to encourage it. Thanks for the image.

Fred Ciampi said...

Wow! Talk about luck. The hildabeast winning six (6, count 'em, 6) coin tosses in a row. The odds of that happening are approximately 3,141,592,653,597 to one .. approximately. I just can't believe that any chicanery took place, do you? Perhaps as el presidente she'll be able to rely on pure luck. Every decision will be decided by the toss of the coin. We're saved! Yay!.

Judi King said...

Too bad algore couldn't have been coaxed back to sleep in HIS lair.

The Clintons seem to have their own brand of amazing luck. Go figure.

SoCal Hawking said...

#BSisBS

And Hillbilly is a lying crook who has put national security and people's lives (the NOC list) in deep jeopardy. Where the hell is the Special Prosecutor?!?!?

And Bernie isn't intelligent enough to wipe my ass. Hey I read that he is worth about $600K. How does a socialist get that kind of money. Oh wait, they steal it huh? That is what socialism is after all.

John the Econ said...

As the left and MSM make great hay about the extremism, chaos and insanity going on over at the GOP which is undeniably fighting for a soul, they seem strangely complacent with the extremism, chaos and insanity going on with the DNC. The race is now down to left & lefter; a transparent racketeer and a socialist. The supposedly "mainstream" or "moderate" Democrat got less than 1% of the vote and went home yesterday.

And yet they'll call Cruz "extreme".

So I see this morning that Hillary is now going after the youth vote. Makes sense. In order for the Democrats to win, she needs to re-assemble the same coalition that elected Obama, twice. Not gonna be easy. But remember that it's been a generation since the insanity of the Clinton era, so there's a lot of people under 50 who don't remember the Clinton modus operandi first hand. Beyond having to have their parents explain to them that oral sex really is sex, they don't remember much. They'll have to be educated.

As for older Americans who still seem enthusiastic for her, I think they must be putting this stuff in the water supply: Tryphorgetin.

Judi King said...

Good one. I'll never phorget this video.

Stan da Man said...

Do you suppose Hillary had six different tossers pulling for her?

CenTexTim said...

hillary had the same guy flipping those coins who tossed the coin to start overtime in the Packers-Cardinals playoff game.

Rod said...

In news today: YEAH! Vote for Bernie. Free college for everyone, Dudes & Dudettes. Maybe we can get degrees in "Bustin a Move" or the lessons to be learned about communications from "Fifty Shades of Grey" <- Actually THAT'S not a joke; it's one of the courses being taught by suspended-but-still-on-the-payroll Asst. Professor Melissa Click of University of Missouri at Columbia. Such bullshit.

JustaJeepGuy said...

Here's an interesting turn of events: Hillary's e-mails (which could get her indicted, to Bernie's gain--except he threw that away) show she loosed "source" intelligence, putting CIA assets and agents in danger via that home-brew server. And yet, VALERIE PLAME is stumping for her. You remember Ms. Plame, the woman whose cover was blown by the evil Dick Cheney (or was it Scooter Libby, or the deceased news guy?). She's now promoting someone who did just what she accused the Dubya admin of doing. Well, I guess you can't expect anything like consistency from a Demo_Rat, can you?

JustaJeepGuy said...

Oh, and as for that "tryphorgetin" stuff, did anyone ever see the old ad on SCTV for "Milk of Amnesia"? Catherine O'Hara was hilarious in that!

Popular Front said...

'Do you suppose Hillary had six different tossers pulling for her?'

A typical Democrat circlejerk then! Stan if you were Australian like I am, you'd find that statement above hysterically funny.

Stan da Man said...

Popular Front - The word choice was deliberate, I assure you. I'm glad the humor is trans-continental!
Saying BITD in the dorms "sounds about as much fun as being the pivot man in a circle jerk" - haven't thought of that in AGES...

I Still can't believe she got 1/2 the vote - who ARE these people?

Colby Muenster said...

I normally don't like to participate in cutting down politician for their looks, but if you dressed Billary in a fur coat, she'd look just like Phil.

Stan da Man,
1/2 the votes? No problem for Billary! I mean, that's a piddling amount compared to the 100% of coin tosses she "won." It STILL absolutely, positively boggles my brain that a person who put national security secrets on their personal computer, and who is under investigation by the FBI and the US Senate, is not sitting in a jail cell awaiting a court date. Nope.... she's freely running around the country like a snake oil salesman, spending million of dollars of somebody else's money. Just try to imagine Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio in the same hot water as her. They'd already be busting rocks at Leavenworth.

John the Econ said...

A little more on "left & lefter":

Clinton, Sanders spar over ‘progressive’ label

"The two Democratic presidential hopefuls sparred Wednesday over whether Hillary Clinton is enough of a “progressive,” while she and Bernie Sanders both sought to manage expectations in a race that has now shifted to very different terrain."

This is just another example of how far we've dived down the rabbit hole. 8 years ago, Barack Obama and his handlers had to go to great lengths to mask just how "progressive" he was. (It was only when Obama went off-teleprompter that we heard his real voice, as when he said that "I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody.") Today, to the Democrats that no longer seems to be a problem; Clinton and Sanders are openly battling over who's more to the left, and who should get to proudly wear the "Progressive" label.

It's always amazed and amused me as to how many people who consider themselves "socialists" really know so little about it. Few have read honest socialist literature or critique. The Progressive establishment (through their near monopoly on education and media) have now sold several generations on what I call "hippie socialism"; a happy, fluffy libertine variety that promises to provide for all personal needs while requiring little in the way of personal responsibility or economic heavy lifting. They overlay images of care-free blue-eyed blonde Swedes from 1970s frolicking in a mountain chalet utopia. To paraphrase Nancy Pelosi, why shouldn't we all be able to quit our jobs and become artists without worrying over who's going to pay for our health care?

Don't get me wrong, it's a nice dream. But it begs what should be the obvious question of "If we're all going to be artists, who's going to be left to provide the free health care?"

...continued...

John the Econ said...

...continued...

It's also relevant to review the history of the title, "Progressive". Sounds nice. After all, who wants to be against "progress"? But it's really just marketing.

After the fall of the Czar in Russia and the eventual triumph of communism, communists in America assumed that the same was inevitable here. From their point of view, it was simply logical that American workers would see what just happened in Russia and simply do the same here. It was an incredibly myopic view, as the vast majority of Americans, even those who might have considered themselves "oppressed" wanted nothing to do with communism, and the movement largely died.

Part of the problem for that was that originally, the communists were largely honest and transparent about what they believed, wanted, and required of the average citizen. After all to be the lest bit viable, all forms of socialism require near complete fealty from the citizen to the state and fellow citizens. (As Strelnikov said in "Dr. Zhivago, "The private life is dead") To contemporary Americans who by their very genetics were very individualistic, this landed with a thud. Being serve by, much less being served to fellow citizens by fiat was antithetic to them.

So fast forward to the '50s and '60s. Having figured out the lesson from the teens-and-'20s, communism is repackaged as "progressivism" to be kinder and gentler. Purged from the narrative is most of the "sacrifice" aspects, and added are aspects of "freedom", especially in the sexual realm. It's largely embraced by a cynical youth culture raised during and burnt out by the first half of the cold war. (Selling sexual libertinism to immature adolescents isn't a particularly hard to do) Millions embrace an ideology that an ocean and continent away millions are dodging bullets to escape from.

So a generation later, this is how far it's all come. We have what only 8 years ago was unimaginable; an open socialist running for President from a major political party, and a candidate from that same party arguing that the socialist isn't leftist enough. But they're still not completely honest about it, in that they're still selling the "soft", responsibility-free form of socialism that isn't viable even in the faculty lounge. So they'll just keep selling the "free" health care, college, and birth control paid for by someone else until it's too late.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John the Econ- What a great history lesson. I just hope our nation doesn't have to re-learn it all the hard way.