As thousands of angry journalists shook their shoes in the crowded streets of Washington DC, embattled Whitehouse Spokesman Robert Gibbs finally stepped down yesterday.
Questions immediately arose about who would fill the vaccuum left behind, with many speculating that the radical "Chicago Brotherhood" might use this opportunity to further solidify their power, and impose their barbaric form of "law" on the country at large.
Gibbs, who left the position in order to work full-time on Barack Obama's re-election campaign, is being replaced by Jay Carney, a reporter for TIME Magazine. The same TIME Magazine that thought the biggest and most important news story of the past year was "Facebook."
It is too soon to know whether the power shift from Gibbs to Carney will, in the end, be good for the embattled forces of democracy. But we can say definitively that this is, indeed, an historic incidence of transitional change...and that we're not taking any other questions at this time.
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Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak threw the world for a loop when he announced that, despite earlier speculation, he won't step down until after elections currently scheduled for September.
Besides turning the angry mobs in the streets of Cairo into angry, shoe-waving mobs, President Mubarak's declaration presented tough new challenges to Barack Obama who has labored mightily for the past 17 days to make authoritative statements without actually saying anything.
During the ongoing Egyptian crisis, Mr. Obama has alternately voiced strong support for Mubarak, the protestors, the Egyptian military and, deep in the fourth quarter, the Green Bay Packers. And believing that Mubarak was finally heading out the door, Obama had already declared that "we are witnessing history unfold," as well as adding the great insight that this time of change is "a moment of transformation."
Given the latest turn of events, Whitehouse spokesman Robert Gibbs says the president is adopting a new policy based on "the fierce urgency of waiting to see what happens," while his speechwriting staff looks up any additional synonyms for "time" and "transition" which will be sufficiently meaningless to cover events as they unfold.
Or don't.
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To make every single aspect of American life better and turn the economy around, Barack Obama is asking taxpayers for another 53 billion dollars to build really, really fast trains.
The plan was officially announced by Joe Biden, wearing an adorable engineer's cap, who explained that high speed rail is vital to our national interests because it will play a key role in "seizing the future."
And go "woo-woo!"
The proposed trains will be capable of carrying thousands of passengers, all of whom will need their junk checked...but any security delays will be more than made up for by the trains' ability to rocket along at speeds up to 240 mph in complete safety, as long as Al Qaeda doesn't think to put any pennies on the tracks.
Moreover, constructing this exciting and tremendously expensive new rail system is expected to give the economy a much-needed jolt by creating thousands jobs for high speed train builders, just as soon as they can get here from Japan.
Best of all, the president's high speed rail proposal has given him the chance to float another possible campaign slogan, after "Winning The Future" (WTF?) failed to take off:
"Obama 2012 - Going Nowhere Fast!"
Barack to the Future - Part Two-
