Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Al & Quipper


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A nation still reeling from the recent death of Gary Coleman must now cope with a new tragedy: after 40 years of matrimony, Al & Tipper Gore are separating.

No reason has been cited, and Al Gore has asked that we respect his privacy.

Respect his privacy?

This from the man who has made untold millions by lecturing us on which cars to drive, where we should live and work, how many children to have, which lightbulbs to use, and how often we can exhale?!

Okay, okay. But we will note that when Al and Tipper have separate residences, they'll be doubling the carbon footprint of their family. Which doesn't make them bad people...it just makes them polar bear killers.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ya know...if Letterman's show was that funny, I might actually watch it.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't watch Letterman's show even if it were that funny. I have to hand it to you though, that list sounds completely authentic!

Tastemyhouse said...

" how often we can exhale"

No one has ever told anyone how often they can exhale

Anonymous said...

Funniest Hope n' Change I've ever read. I'm still laughing.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget Al invented the world wide net!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Tastemyhouse- No, Big Al hasn't specifically said how often we can exhale...but he was instrumental in declaring the carbon dioxide we exhale to be a world-ending greenhouse gas which requires taxpayers to fund "offset credits" which Al Gore's company just happens to broker.

Buzz Bannister said...

Dave Letterman and Al Gore, to big pains in the ass.

Cookie said...

Truly hilarious posting today. After learning that a dear friend passed away last night, I really needed this laugh. It's great! I agree with Buzz about Gore and Letterman.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Cookie- I'm very sorry about the loss of your friend, and honored (and touched) that the cartoon could give you a laugh at such a hard time. That means a lot to me.

Front Woodsman said...

This would have been better without the snidely crack about Gary Coleman. His life after TV was a string of mediocrity and tragedies, but at least he brought some joy and comedy to a world that always needs more of that. Gore grew up to look like some endangerd species of bloated warthog, and all he's done of importance has been to terrorize a whole generation of children with his Globble Gobble Warming hoax while getting rich off their fear. Coleman was a bigger man where it matters then gobble-de-gore, despite the disease that made him small of stature until it finally killed him. I'm bettng Tipper just finally had more of his pompous dumbassitude than she could stand. In her place, I'd have found a melting iceberg with a few hungry Polsr besrs snd dropped him off with a copy of "An Inconvenient Truth" for them to watch over dinner, 1/2 ton of Gore-S'mores

HeroHog said...

I personally despise "Tipper" almost as AL! I hope they BOTH lose BIG TIME in the divorce!

Buzz Bannister said...

Here's hoping for a tell-all book by Tipper and a guest appearance on Oprah.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Front Woodsman- The reference to Gary Coleman wasn't intended to put him down, but was rather a comment that his passing didn't strike many people as being hugely important...just as Al Gore's marital status isn't hugely important.

But to the extent that it seems like a slam, we apologize - Gary Coleman was quite funny on Penn & Teller's "Bullshit" program (which is one of the great "free speech" shows on the air), and also appeared in the unsuccessful but well-intended "American Carol" feature film which was extremely conservative (just not, unfortunately, extremely funny).

So we agree - Coleman was a bigger man than Gore in the most meaningful ways.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of global warming, remember Gore's ever present sweat stains on his "working man" blue shirts? And who can forget that l-o-n-g staged kiss at the Democratic convention. Yuck.

pryorguy said...

The Gores are splitting? I agree...who cares? Is it really news? Maybe for a day. If it goes on longer than that, its ridiculous.

Joe said...

Where have you been? The mid-stream media has already blamed this on Bush

Dr.D said...

To quote a beautiful poem on the matter from American Thinker by Roxanna Moser:

Consider the marriage of Gore,
the blond and the resounding bore.
Apparently they decided
their passion's subside,
and he's on his way out the door.

It seemed that their union was strong,
but something went terribly wrong.
But the thought that I find
going 'round in my mind
is whant on earth took her so long.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Seems like she put her carbon footprint right smack dab on his big ol' ass...

Anonymous said...

"Authentic" ? No, this top ten list is way better than Letterman's writers can come up with!