Friday, November 7, 2014
Election Day is over, the 57 states have spoken, and Barack Hussein Obama won by a landslide. At least, that's what the voices in his head are telling him when they're not saying things like "that dog looks tasty" or "let's go golf."
Speaking at a press conference to give his unique, and quite possibly psychotic, perspective on the Republican electoral blowout on Tuesday, Obama said "To everyone who voted, I want you to know that I hear you. To the TWO THIRDS of voters who chose not to participate in the process yesterday, I hear you too."
But what, other than the fact that the Secret Service should start carrying butterfly nets, did he mean with that statement?
Translation: "If you voted, you lost - because you're in the tiny minority. If you didn't vote, you win - because you're in the great big majority. And I hear your message loud and clear: you hate Republicans but you refused to vote for those heretical Democrat candidates who denied that I am the way, the truth, and the life!"
Put another way, Obama is claiming support not only from everyone who voted Democrat, but from everyone who didn't vote at all. Including the countless pixies, elves, and unicorns that dance in his noggin.
Still, he offered a few conciliatory words to the Republicans, saying "I'll work with them when I can," i.e. when Hell freezes over. And he also says that if the Republicans don't want him to issue a raft of Executive Orders, he'll be perfectly happy not to use them...if the GOP just gives him everything he wants.
But despite these bold bipartisan efforts to reach across the aisle, the president is also willing to go it alone on critically important matters like granting amnesty to the millions of people (including criminals, rapists, and scabies-infested gang members) who have flooded across our southern border. In Obama's words, "to those who chose not to participate in the process of legal immigration, I hear you."
Okay, he didn't actually say those words. But we're pretty sure that at least one of the shrieking voices in his head did.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
IT'S OFFICIAL - THE GOP HAS WON CONTROL OF THE SENATE!
Hope n' Change congratulates the GOP on their election victory, and looks forward to seeing what will happen in the coming months when the Senate actually starts considering (and voting on) legislation for the first time in years instead of existing only as Harry Reid's inanimate human shield to protect Barack Obama's political ass.
But just why did the Democrats lose? We think a significant part of the answer can be found in the two cartoons below, which we posted on social media on Election Day 2014.
Among the worst offenders, Michelle Obama said in a televised interview that black Americans should vote a straight Democratic ticket because...uh...because they're black! Yeah! Don't actually think about what the candidates have said or done, good or bad - just go vote Democratic and then reward yourself with some good fried chicken!
Sweet mother of pearl! Why didn't she throw in watermelon, tap-dancing, and a medley of Stephen Foster songs about the joys of picking cotton now that her husband is "Massa?!"
The monitors were also tasked with making sure that every polling place had taken sufficient steps to assure that people who can't speak a single freaking syllable of English would be able to vote easily and, perhaps, often.
But clearly, Americans have tired of the Left's divisive rhetoric of racism and hatred, especially in a time of multiple crises both domestic and foreign. Crises which have been exacerbated - and not infrequently created - by years of Democrat malfeasance.
Yesterday's election is not going to solve all of America's problems. But it was a big win, giving our nation more cause for real hope and change than we've seen in a very long time.
Monday, November 3, 2014
|Depressing thought of the day: your vote equals exactly half of their votes.|
Democrats, terrified by predictions that they'll receive a bitch-slapping of Biblical proportion have spent their final hours on the campaign trail screaming endlessly about racism because...um...oh yeah! Because Barack Obama is black! Not that any Democrats admit to actually knowing him.
But while Hope n' Change is optimistic about the election results and keenly interested in seeing the innovative new methods of voter fraud, we're truthfully not all that excited about where the world will be even if the Democrats get the hot, steaming crap kicked out of them.
According to the final report (we hope) of the United Nations panel on Climate Change, facts be damned - there really is climate change, it's almost entirely the fault of human beings, and the only hope of saving mankind is to eliminate ALL greenhouse gas emissions and build underground caves where UN Climate Change panel members can repopulate the Earth by breeding with women (at a ratio of 10 women for each man) "selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature."
Nor will the elections stop the spread of ISIS, keep Iran from getting the nuclear weapons, restore our healthcare system, or prevent the president from giving American citizenship to, oh, everyone in the freaking world in return for showing up here with really interesting and potentially untreatable diseases.
Speaking of which, it has just been reported that nurse Kaci Hickox met with reporters and told them in no uncertain terms that she refuses to change her clocks for Daylight Saving Time.
Still, with all that being said, Hope n' Change is looking forward to the election if only for the possibility of seeing Harry Reid dethroned and eventually sent back to Nevada to manage a whorehouse.
God knows there's no man in America with more experience for the job.
BONUS: "Say Cheese!"
And One More Thing...