Early Onset Cementia

Readers- As we previously warned, the jackhammering of our concrete foundation is making it impossible to do a fresh post for today. Seriously, there's so much destruction around here that we're amazed there Chris Christie and Obama aren't hugging for news crews in our front yard. But fear not, Hope n' Change will return as soon as possible (almost certainly on Monday)!

If we understand correctly, we're supposed to 

shove money down this pipe until Bernie Sanders 

declares an end to income inequality.

 

Not Taking DeBate

 

In a shocking development which no one could have possibly predicted unless cold sober, the Hope n' Change office tower was attacked yesterday by hordes of foundation repair workers brandishing their really loud and annoying weapons of mass distraction.

Much as is the case with our once-great nation, Hope n' Change found that the very firmament under our feet needed shoring up - and we're taking highly kinetic (and darned expensive) action to get the job done. This involves at least a dozen huge holes around the periphery of our building, and another dozen holes being jackhammered through our interior concrete foundation - a difficult task made even dicier by the necessity of our hinting to the workmen that "over there might be better" without raising their suspicions that we've got bodies buried in some spots.

The entire process is expected to take up to 4 days, during which time we may be unable to post much if anything at all. After all, pneumatic jackhammers can be very hard on spinning hard drives  - a factoid that we're guessing Hillary Clinton wishes she'd known back when she was trying to nuke her emails.

The timing of all this work is, of course, frustratingly inconvenient. We've been looking forward to the first Democratic debate like kids waiting for Christmas morning, eagerly awaiting the chance to unwrap and savor each boneheaded gaffe delivered by the gibbering poltroons on the Left.

Rest assured, however, that we'll be watching the debate, taking whiskey-stained notes, and will post something if and when we can. But if not, don't worry - the Dems will still be supplying us with plenty of fresh, idiotic blather when we get back up to speed!

BONUS: DEBATE UPDATE

Okay, we actually did watch some of the Democratic debate - albeit not much. Astoundingly, even though the debate was already only two hours (instead of the three hours imposed on the GOP candidates in hopes of having their bladders burst on camera), not a single question was asked in the first 30 minutes.

Instead, the CNN hosts took turns introducing themselves and sucking up to the audience, after which the candidates wandered onto the stage, waved, and milled around until Sheryl "Just One Square of Toilet Tissue" Crow came onstage to sing the national anthem. A short time later, each candidate was allowed to make a meandering opening statement attacking the GOP, heterosexuals, billionaires and, we're pretty sure, the Illuminati.

Finally, Anderson Cooper actually started asking questions - and we'll give him credit for not making them total softballs. In fact, after each candidate had answered only that first question (regarding their electability despite being inconsistent on issues, a socialist, a party-changer, a total unknown, or a demonstrable failure in previous office), we felt pretty good about hitting the "off" button (albeit recording the rest for later) because none of them are remotely worthy of holding high office.

As much as we can't believe we're saying it, Joe Biden would have seemed like a superstar on that stage. Not that he's that good, but the rest of them are absolutely that bad. Frankly, if Biden doesn't announce his candidacy and go straight to the top of the polls this week, we'll be shocked.

We'd say more, but melting ice is watering down our much-needed debate night medicine. 

BARACK to the FUTURE

Actually, since 2008 we haven't seen anything ELSE.

GREAT SCOTT! It dawns on us that many readers are still unaware of the powerful temporal displacement engine inside Hope n' Change (the way we see it, if you're going to build a time machine into a blog, you might as well do it with some style).

To begin your time-traveling adventure, look for this search box in the left sidebar which is not powered by a flux capacitor, but rather by a capacitor that sounds a lot like "flux."

Enter a keyword ("Benghazi," "Hillary," "Terror," "Golf," "Abortion"), hit "search," and get ready to leave blazing tire tracks. You'll get back an entire history of our cartoons and commentaries about your chosen subject.

This is a great way to get long range perspective on a lot of issues, and remind yourself just how we got into the messes we're in today (and how long ago we predicted them). Plus, it's also a wonderful way to find material with which to beat liberals over the head.

For instance, when Lefties claim that Barry is some sort of super-duper job creating machine rather than just the beneficiary of one of the slowest economic recoveries in history, a quick search of the words "jobs" or "unemployment" will provide you with interesting tidbits like these:

• In 2010, after wasting over $800 billion on shovel-ready jobs, the president admitted "there's no such thing as a shovel-ready project."

• In 2010, Nancy Pelosi declared that joblessness was actually a boon to Americans who could use their free time to "be creative and be a musician or whatever."

• In 2011, a final bookkeeping revealed that Obama's stimulus plan translated to $278,000 for every person who actually got a job (no matter how crappy) and the plan actually discouraged hiring.

• In 2012, the president announced his plan to create one million jobs by making it easier for foreigners to enter our country to go to Disneyworld. We swear we're not making that one up.

• In 2013, Obama disbanded his advisory Jobs Council in 2013 after not bothering to meet with them for over a year.

And on and on. Enter the name of a politician, an issue, or anything else and get ready for a Hope n' Change retrospective likely to amuse, educate, and quite possibly infuriate you.

Just make sure that while you're playing with our time machine that you don't forget to watch for Libyan terrorists. Just look what happened to Doc Brown and Hillary Clinton.