|Actually, a Senate fell on her too.|
There may well have never been an uglier and more contentious election. But now, in the great American tradition, it is time for healing. In complete seriousness, Hope n' Change believes the moment has come for outreach, empathy, unification, and making peace with those with whom we've had deep and vocal political disagreements.
We're only talking about people on the Right, of course. We need to unify with each other. As far as the Left goes, well, they can take a flying fornicatory fling at a rolling donut. Seriously, every time we see a weeping liberal on television, we can't stop our convulsive laughter. Their pain and grief is like a delicious, refreshing sorbet which we're enjoying from an exquisite silver dessert spoon.
Please, sir, may we have some more?
Mind you, our attitude would make us cruel and insensitive if those panicking on the Left were in real jeopardy - but they're not. The Trump Gestapo will not be beating down doors to grab Hispanics. Women will not be forced to leave the workplace or be required to submit to government pussy grabbing (except during TSA searches and elevator rides with Bill Clinton).
Neither will women lose their freedom to abort the next generation of women (and men) if it suits their whim. And the KKK won't receive government funds to raise hell and burn things down, unlike many "activist" liberal groups which enjoyed such taxpayer largesse during the soon-to-be-buried Obama years.
The reality is that the snowflakes on the Left aren't actually afraid of Donald Trump, the man (although they believe themselves to be) - they're terrified of the gigantic mythological monster which the media - their media - has created out of whole cloth. The greatest threat Donald Trump actually presents to millenials is that he may succeed in creating jobs for them. And work is a lot less fun than endlessly whining, marching in the streets, and burning American flags for no particular reason.
Of course, we'll concede that it is frightening to hear a presidential candidate call for the creation of a "National Civilian Security Force" to conduct (ahem) special policing within our borders. A new force as large and well-funded as the military. Fortunately, that isn't anything Trump called for - it was Barack Obama in 2008.
And how should LGBT Americans feel about a candidate who opposed Gay marriage rights and has close ties - personal and financial - to those who persecute and even murder homosexuals? That's definitely scary, and yet another reason that we're glad the candidate in question, Hillary Clinton, lost to a man who got a standing ovation at the GOP convention for proclaiming his unconditional support of LGBT rights.
In the interest of complete honesty, Hope n' Change concedes that we haven't been big fans of Trump in the past. But what he's accomplished is nothing short of a miracle, and he's now going to be heading a team which will presumably include some of the best minds in America for America. We honestly believe that he's going to try his best - however good that may prove to be - for people of every race, creed, color, religion, and sexual orientation in America.
For the first time in years, Hope n' Change really does have Hope. And we're pretty damn sure that we're about to see real Change.
|Don't use your wipers - pantsuits leave streaks.|
If you get the opportunity to say "thank you" in person, then do so. If not, then do it in your heart. Hope n' Change is grateful, now and always, to America's military veterans. We owe you a debt which can never be repaid.
BONUS: FIRST CAMPAIGN PROMISE FULFILLED...