Monday, November 7, 2016

Here It Comes

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, election day, 2016, asteroid day, dinosaurs, wikileaks
...or maybe not.
Tomorrow is Election Day 2016, and there's a mounting crescendo of nuttiness occurring on the campaign trail - especially among those on the Left.

Barack Hussein Soetoro Obama took to the airwaves to assure illegal aliens that if they vote, no effort will be made to track them down or hold them accountable. Not exactly stunning news, except for the part where he's openly admitting this on television.

Meanwhile, the soon-to-be-former communications director for Hillary's campaign tweeted to potential voters that "if you see a whopper of a Wikileaks in the next two days - it's probably a fake."  Wait - "probably?!" As in, even Hillary's campaign is conceding that such apparent whoppers might be the real deal?!

But wait - there's more! Some folks on the Right are hyperventilating after a Wikileaks document turned up in which John Podesta's brother, Tony, invited him to attend a "spirit cooking" event which smacked of Satanism.  But has come riding to a less-than-impressive rescue by declaring the story FALSE because "spirit cooking" doesn't necessarily refer to a satanic ritual, but simply recipes "containing bodily fluids such as semen and breast milk."  Wow - that's a relief!

And the latest lunacy (at least at the time of this writing) is that FBI Director James "Weasel of the Year" Comey has now announced (no doubt while under interesting duress) that his office has miraculously managed to sort through all of the emails on Anthony Weiner's laptop and gosh, there's nothing there which would make Comey change the conclusions he came to in July. Mind you, those conclusions were that Hillary was as guilty as sin, but that "no reasonable prosecutor" would bring her to trial for fear of ending up in a shallow grave.

Much like the dinosaur in today's cartoon, Hope n' Change is genuinely looking forward to the election being over. But nothing is "going back to normal"'s simply a question of what the changes are going to be, and how we're going to cope with them.

Spoiler alert: liquor will be involved.




Jim Irre said...

It's gonna suck, no matter what. You get those last two guys from some dark hollow in West Virginia?

TrickyRicky said...

@Jim Irre- No, I'm pretty sure those two are Hillary's IT team.

She’s A Beauty said...

Those two Pittsburgh natives are our hope for change.

Judi King said...

If the "dic" had sons, they'd look like them.

Geoff King said...

Awww. Janet Reno died. Hopefully the rest of the former Clinton administration will soon follow her example.

Fred Ciampi said...

First thing tomorrow me and a couple of Marine buddies are going to vote. Then we're going to go hide in a really deep cave with a moonshine still. Nothing better then 'shine that's been aged for at least 16 hours. If we don't hear any massive gunfire or nuclear flashes after a few days we'll come out........

Judi King said...

@ Geoff: The rest will survive ONLY if they're not a threat to the hag.

Unknown said...

Janet Reno died...

Upon reading this this morning, my lovely wife says "I guess we'll be going to Florida, so you can piss on her grave". Joking about a past incidence with a deceased infamous politician. Without hesitation I replied "Honey, you know how I hate to stand in line".

This is why we leave the comedy to Stilton

Doc said...

To quote that great philosopher, Gomer Pyle...SU-PRAHZ...SU-PRAHZ!!! Dem/progressive/socialist philosophy: Don't confuse me with mind's made up.

Doc said...

Should've signed in as SANE conservative whose birth certificate has only ONE layer, not NINE and a legit SSN from the correct state...hmmmmm

Bruce Bleu said...

Stilton, a very loose bowel movement could be considered "bodily fluids" too. Considering the whole "shrillary" campaign, I think I'm on to something!

John the Econ said...

Another reason to be grateful that I've never been invited to a DC Democrat dinner. Ewwww.

Nothing to see here, move along: And what did I tell you two weeks ago?

"I wouldn't be surprised that come Monday November 7th, the FBI will come out and say 'Sorry, nothing indictable here. Never mind.'"

There are few certainties in life beyond death and taxes, but you can reliable add this one to the list: A Clinton will always weasel out of legal prosecution and the GOP will always get rolled by hopes that this time things will be different. And of course, this morning...

"...Hillary's sycophants get to continue their delusional meme of backing the 'Most vetted candidate in history'".

Congratulations, GOP. You've been rolled again.

Barry in Britain said...

Well. I'm truly sorry America - you are either screwed or totally screwed.
People often ask how Hitler or Mao or Stalin got to be in charge? Look no farther than the 1st family of crime and the willing voters that want them.

Is there a space on the ballot form for V Putin??

Stinking Bishop said...

Janet Reno died...will that mean she'll be voting multiple times?

james daily said...

Comey is invoking the Sargent Schultz defense again. I guess it will never end so, I am going to be reincarnated as an ostrich so I too can be in government. Meanwhile, we have lost a country. What these nitwits that have sold us down the river do not seem to understand, as we sink into the dustbin of history, some else will rise and take our place and probably not be as benevolent as was this country. Hopefully, Canada will invade and we will become warm Canadians.

Colby Muenster said...

Bond (Comey)... "Do you expect me to talk?"
Goldfinger (Shrillary)... "No Mister Bond, I expect you to LIE!"

They say bad things happen in threes. So, last week, my 13 year old car that I depend on to get me to work craps out. Yesterday, my favorite football team gets trounced.

I'm praying something bad happens today... not Tuesday!"

But, being a realist, I'm preparing myself for about 2 years of Constitution shredding and Congressional investigations, multiple lawsuits from Trump, culminating in a resignation, at which time she will be fully pardoned by president Kaine. Or something like that.

Geoff King said...

My question is: if it just took the FBI around 1 week to review the latest 650,000 questionable emails, why did it take them since last March to review the first 30,000+ leaked emails?

Pete (Detroit) said...

Quick thought - if you find yourself being exit polled, tell 'em Stein or Johnson, just to mess w/ their heads.
Unless you actually DID vote for one of them, in which case, carry on!

Geoff King said...

@Pete: I will be voting for Johnson. Not because I think he can win, not because I think his "Aleppo" moment was excusable, but rather because I believe this election has the chance of breaking the two (identical) party system, and all future elections may, hopefully, always include a choice other than "the lesser of the two evils".

Anonymous said...

Julian Assange will be interviewed by the Swedish authorities on November 14 at the Ecuadorian Embassy in order to decide if he will be extradited to Sweden to face trumped up rape charges or be extradited to the US were he will face Hillary's revenge - trial for espionage and even possible torture or death. I pray that this brave man will not be destroyed because he dared to publish the truth.

Popular Front said...


Julian Assange is NOT a 'brave man', he is a slimy little weasel who likes to steal other people's confidential data and post it online to score points and sexual favours from besotted idiot leftist girls.
There are no 'trumped up' charges in Sweden, he is charged with non-consensual unprotected sex which is why the chickenshit is hiding in the Ecuadorian Embassy. 'Trumped up'? Then come out and face your accusers and clear it all up. You won't? Yes we all know why, you're soiling yourself in fear that you'll be extradited to the USA where there are real charges waiting.

Anonymous said...

Dear Popular Front:
Would you risk being extradited to the USA considering the present political climate and the actors involved? I think not. That doesn't make him a 'weasel', that makes him a smart man. Thanks to WikiLeaks, we all know who the real 'weasels' are.

james daily said...

Approximately a month after Julian Assange, the founder of WikiLeaks, released a batch of incriminating Hillary Clinton emails, his reputable lawyer, John Jones, was found dead.
BeforeItsNews reports that Jones, 48, was killed on August 15, 2016, when he was run over a by a commuter train in Britain. Police arrived at the West Hampstead train station in North London at 7:07 AM and pronounced him dead at the scene.
Yea, this is a cut and dried case of assisted suicide. Now, almost three months later, no one remembers except Assange. He will never leave the embassy until his money runs out.

Anonymous said...

Dear James Daily:
And I sincerely hope that his money never runs out.

REM1875 said...

I will not be voting gary johnson (Lib- Moon) considering he most like won't be either (Pass the bong... ohh damn.... really?..... that was this Tuesday!?!) and his VP said he is voting for sHrillary.
Not that I think even at that he would be worse than what we have or sHrillary.

Joseph ET said...

Laura Ingraham has an interesting article titled “ My closing Argument for Trump

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Okay, it's now Tuesday November 8th, and it's going to be a long day. The suspense is palpable - like waiting for the doctor to call and tell you whether you have "good" Hodgkins or "bad" Hodgkins.

Yesterday, in my enthusiasm about the election process, I hit the liquor store for a considerable stockpile of Clan MacGregor Scotch (no, it's still not good, but cheaper than heck) and one bottle of Chivas Regal to help me through watching the returns come in tonight. I also visited Sam's Club and bought canned goods with a long shelf life in case the merriment of the next 4 years starts immediately.

No matter which way the election goes, I expect to see a radical explosion of executive orders and other mischief from Obama in the coming days. He can basically do whatever the hell he wants till year's end with no further fear of hurting Hillary's chances for election - and I can't imagine him wasting the opportunity.

Per some of the discussions above, I have very mixed feelings about Julian Assange and Wikileaks. As a rule, I feel like espionage is a bad thing. On the other hand, I feel like truth - when it reveals corruption - is a good thing. I can't honestly characterize Assange as a hero or villain at this point, but rather as a new fact of political life. This is now how the game will be played. And interestingly, Wikileaks has provided more - and more accurate - information during this election cycle than the (ahem) "news" services.

We'll have much to talk about tomorrow (and good luck to me coming up with Wednesday's cartoon after opening that bottle of Chivas). But for now, it's time for me to walk Penny, the Official Dog of Hope n' Change, and remind myself that everything I see out there in the world will likely still be there tomorrow.

Fred Ciampi said...

Stilt, glad to see you're stocking up. Here in the Apple-Chain Mountains we-uns been doing that for a while now. Of course, we do not have the danger of a gazillion neighbors coming after our stash. And I did take the precaution of stocking up on some nicely aged 'shine. It's over two weeks old, Mmmmm Mmmmm Mmm. Good luck and may God Bless America. Amen!

American Cowboy said...

First "news" I heard this morning on the only local over the air Always Been Clinton Channel that comes in had an info babe yapping about four Dixville Notch voters voting for Clinton and two casting ballots for Donald Trump, and gleefully predicting that the pantsuitliar was going to trounce Trump.

I felt like going all "Elvis" on my little TV.

Anonymous said...

Dear Stilton,
I guess I would advise you to go to the WikiLeaks Twitter page and read Julian Assange's statement about the 2016 election published this AM and then make up your own mind.

Colby Muenster said...

I don't know if it's meaningful, but I showed up at the NC polls when they first opened (6:30 AM) like I always do. in 2008, I was the only person there. 2012 I was second in line and there was nobody behind me. This year, I showed up around 6:35, the place was already packed, and there was a significant waiting line. I'm hearing the same stories from friends who vote in different precincts. Either people who normally don't vote are more engaged this year, or the usual voters are just hurrying to get it over with.

I'm trying my best to be a realist today and assume that the old Hag will "win" (i.e. be declared the winner by the media). I will be ecstatic if she loses, but assuming she wins, what happens if she is indicted before January 20? I know the chances are slim, and it would have to come from Congress, but what if? Would O'Liar pardon her? Would Lynch simply refuse to prosecute? No matter what, it's going to get ugly. Trump is going to sue everybody in sight. The Libtards will escalate their rhetoric to historic levels.

On the other hand, what if Trump pulls this off? Mass rioting I fear. The MSM and BLM and Clinton machine will not simply relent like they expect US to do if the Hag wins.

So, to honor Stilton's excellent judgment and preparatory skills, I'm picking up some hooch on the way home tonight.

Geoff King said...

I voted at 8:30 this morning (polls opened at 7), and the turnout was larger than normal. Our small precinct uses paper ballots only, so I assume my vote will be counted even if it doesn't count.
Aside from voting for Johnson, I voted against all incumbents, for recreational marijuana, and against raising the minimum wage.
My conscience is clear.

John the Econ said...

Ballot all filled out. Just need to run it down to the courthouse to be done with it all. Then it's back to the office to cram in some billable hours while it still makes sense to do so.

I've argued for about two years now that Hillary is going to win because at the end of the day, well over 51% of today's Americans are getting a check, subsidy, or political favor from the status quo. (Did you notice the stock market bump that happened immediately after Comey pulled another Hillary indictment off the table?) Quite frankly, the voter fraud machine that the Democrats openly own isn't even really necessary anymore.

Although voting for President was waste of time, I did feel it important to vote for the GOP for the House for at least a token barrier against Hillary's agenda. Locally, we have plenty of local measures that were of significant import. I did take every opportunity to stop the growth of government on the state and local level.

Speaking of working, Dilbert creator Scott Adams has had rather interesting things to say this election seasons. He initially supported Hillary "for his personal safety", but then switched to Trump in light of the open bullying being employed by the left. The other day, he basically said the same thing I've been saying about the future of middle-income people continuing to work should Hillary actually follow through on her promises:

"My current tax rate is about half of my income when you add up all of the various taxes. I don’t have many deductions. Clinton proposes an estate tax that would take about half of what is left. In effect, Clinton wants my tax rate to be around 75% for every dollar I earn today. That level of taxation would make me feel like a government employee. The vast majority of my time and energy would go toward making money that politicians would decide how to spend. That doesn’t feel like a rewarding life. If Clinton wins, I would think hard about retiring early and becoming a user of resources instead of a creator of resources. Because I don’t want a government job.

What he calls "a government job", I call "slavery". Actual government employees will fare far better than you, he, or I will under the ever-expanding state bureaucracy. We get to pay income taxes on most dollars we earn, whereas government employees are highly enumerated in untaxed "benefits". At what point to I get to consider myself a "slave" to the state? When my tax burden hits 50%? 70%? Oh, but my health care will be "free" they Progressives will say. So what? The slaves on southern plantations got free health care too. (Slaves were expensive assets, so it behooved a slave owner to keep them healthy)

Looking for the bright side today - Leo DiCaprio isn't happy with Hillary:

Leonardo DiCaprio supports Hillary Clinton, but the Democratic presidential candidate has disappointed him, according to CNN. The Oscar-winning actor says it’s incredibly disappointing that neither Clinton nor Donald Trump mentioned climate change during the debates.

“Not one question about climate change was asked during the presidential or vice presidential debates — not one.”

No s*** Sherlock! You have noticed where most of her millions have come from, right?

Rod said...

We're told here that absentee-early votes will not be counted until Monday. Amazing, yes? With so much of this voting this year one wonder if the election will even be decided tonight.

james daily said...

John: At 50% you are a sharecropper. You take all the risk and the landowner has all the benefits. Welcome aboard.

Joseph ET said...

The New York Times had no issue publishing the Pentagon Papers after winning a court battle for the right to do so. It seems that these documents were stolen by Daniel Ellsberg. “For his disclosure of the Pentagon Papers, Ellsberg was initially charged with conspiracy, espionage, and theft of government property, but the charges were later dropped after prosecutors investigating the Watergate Scandal soon discovered that the staff members in the Nixon White House had ordered the so-called White House Plumbers to engage in unlawful efforts to discredit Ellsberg.” This information helped end the Vietnam War. But the MSM were more than happy to report the content of that stolen material!

The Washington Post was happy to report on the Watergate Scandal. ”Chief among the Post's anonymous sources was an individual whom Woodward and Bernstein had nicknamed Deep Throat; 33 years later, in 2005, the informant was identified as William Mark Felt, Sr., deputy director of the FBI during that period of the 1970s, something Woodward later confirmed.” Watergate took down a sitting President.

Both of these stories came about from leaked information. Isn’t leaked information also stolen information?

Isn’t WikiLeaks doing the same thing as the major U.S. Newspapers did in the 1970s?

The democrats are trying to claim that WikiLeaks information is coming from Russia, but the truth is that they are most likely coming from inside the U.S.A. much like Watergate did. The fact is that when the Democrats try the explain the wording in these emails they are validating them. If they were doctored they could prove that by simply producing the originals.

Someone wrote; “If you received a tape from Russia showing your spouse cheating, would you get mad at Russia?”

To those that think that Hillary is a good example for their daughters, I would agree that yes, she is a GOOD EXAMPLE OF A VERY BAD EXAMPLE.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Fred Ciampi- My rations are actually pretty pitiful. The liquor will hold out longer than the food will (good planning, huh?). And because I'm on a low-carb diet, I haven't even stocked the larder with goodies to eat while watching the returns tonight. If I'd been thinking, I should have bought pizza, chips, and's not like I'll be keeping any of it down. (wry grin)

@American Cowboy- Hillary has based her entire campaign on her "Dixville Notch." And that's all I'm going to say on the subject.

@Colby Muenster- All of the scenarios you describe sound entirely plausible. A LOT of Americans are going to be really unhappy tonight, and I'm not sure how that will play out.

@Geoff King- Considering everything else going on, I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to vote for medical marijuana for those of us suffering from Campaign Stress Disorder.

@John the Econ- Scott Adams words absolutely reflect where I'm at right now, and whatever happens in the next few hours is very much going to define how I will interact with the government in the immediate future. I will no longer work for them (ie, generate income for the purpose of being taxed). Perhaps I'll just start living off the dole and pursue my artistic side, as Nancy Pelosi has suggested I should (for the betterment of all, of course).

Seriously, tonight's results are going to very much mark a change in my attitude and behavior. Oh, I'll still obey the law better than Hillary does - but that's not exactly a hard bar to clear, is it?

@Rod- Technically, they can't count the early absentee votes until they know exactly how many of them need to be changed to "Hillary" to assure her win.

@James Daily- Thought question: would black people consider it slavery if they were only compelled to work against their will without pay for 6 months of the year? So why the hell isn't it slavery when applied to the rest of us (of every color)?

@Joseph ET- Personally, I think there's zero chance the Wikileaks have been coming from Russian hacks. I think that's a narrative that's been floated to A) distract us, and B) soften us up for draconian controls on elections and data.

I love the quote “If you received a tape from Russia showing your spouse cheating, would you get mad at Russia?” It beautifully summarizes where the real problem is.

American Cowboy said...

I thought it was "interesting" that at the local polling place in my county seat, population less than 5,000, that there were about forty people in line just after 8:00 A.M.

There were also twelve uniformed, well armed law enforcement people from state, county, and municipal levels standing around "just in case of any riots."

It sure made me feel all warm and cozy!

Boligat said...

@Stilty "No matter which way the election goes, I expect to see a radical explosion of executive orders and other mischief from Obama in the coming days. He can basically do whatever the hell he wants till year's end with no further fear of hurting Hillary's chances for election - and I can't imagine him wasting the opportunity."

It seems to me that in election years, the congressional session should be over on October 31 (yeah, yeah, I know very well the last day would fall on Halloween, but at least it's BEFORE the elections). By the same token, Prezzy should be prohibited from issuing any executive orders, pardons or other such nonsense. All that should be out in the open BEFORE elections. In case of emergency, the prez should be able to call in the house speaker and the senate majority leader to confer, and then, if needed and with the concurrence of all three, call a special session, but everything has to pass with a 2/3s majority.

John the Econ said...

@James Daily, the difference is that 150 years ago, the alternative to not working was pretty much starvation & death. Today, we actually have the option of not working, and the state will sustain you indefinitely, at least until the state devolves to a condition like Venezuela finds itself today.

@Joseph ET, when the dust starts to settle and people start to objectively do the port-mortem of the last 18 months, I believe that the biggest loser is going to be the mainstream media, which pretty much flushed what little credibility it had left when it set out to prop up Hillary while working to destroy Trump.

Like many here, I've never been a fan of @Assange. But I'll admit that he's been doing allot of work that the mainstream media has long since abandoned.

@Stilton, when Hillary makes college "free", I'm outta here. And perhaps I'll even then have the free time to do that blog everyone says I should be writing, assuming that non-conforming blogs are even tolerated anymore at that point. (I've been contemplating a Progressive counter-intelligence theme, like reasons I'll like being a Progressive that Progressives should find embarrassing)

I for one am not going to let myself get either excited or upset this evening. I will not stay up and watch the returns, because doing so will make no difference. I'll get up tomorrow and conduct my business as usual. Like I've always said about how I'll maintain a carbon footprint less than that of Al Gore & Leo DiCaprio, I'll always obey the law at least as well as Hillary does. Speaking of:

Clintons Did Not Obtain Permits to Renovate Their New Chappaqua Home, Records Show

"The permit process — which comes with fees, inspections and, potentially, elevated property assessments — can be cumbersome and is familiar to the millions of voters who own homes and have made upgrades. Some may be sympathetic to the Clintons’ stumbling on the local regulations, while others could see them as feeling as though the rules do not apply to them."

Laws? They don't care about no stinkin laws. Laws will be what they use to control YOU. Welcome to the new normal.

@Boligat, I'm not certain about that. Obama letting loose with executive orders might only make Hillary's life harder and even less popular. Remember, although Hillary will have been elected President, the country, even those who actually voted for her are not in the mood for shenanigans. Her presidency will by shaky from day 1, and it will be up to all of us to make sure it stays that way.

Rod said...

In Obama's lame-duck time I'd like to see him be forced to select a few stinking, rusty shipping containers in the Port of Honolulu for his presidential library; then some of Trump's people could go ahead with the paperwork and have things ready to lock him in & ship them to Indonesia when he visit his "legacy".

John the Econ said...

Okay, against my advice, Mrs. Econ wanted to watch the returns. This is a lot closer than I expected.

George said...

John...perhaps some of those 51% who get handouts actually WANT to work and change their lives? It's very, very close now to: President-elect Donald J. Trump. I'm a proud Deplorable. Come on Michigan!!!! Trump...the House...and the Senate....