Monday, June 20, 2011

Automation Nation

Although America's jobless numbers are in the toilet, noted economist and deep-thinker Barack Obama has come forward to explain that it's really a "good news, bad news" situation.

good news is that fewer people are needed for jobs because America's businesses have become so goshdarn efficient, and are able to accomplish more using fewer employees. The bad news is that many jobs have been taken over by demonic ATM machines, computer kiosks, and other infernal devices that are bent on subjugating all of mankind to their evil robotic plans.

The president, who unfortunately was
not on drugs when offering this bizarre opinion, is said to have already created a short list of names from the Amish community from which he will choose the "De-Industrialization Czar" who will return our country to full, if not exactly efficient, employment.

Presumably, barn raisings will become as popular as
tax raising in Washington DC, the teleprompter will be replaced by a homeless guy who already knows how to hold a sign filled with unintelligible nonsense, and the vast fleet of politicians' limousines will be replaced by teams of green-friendly, biofueled horses.

Frankly, with the amount of manure
already being produced by this administration, we can't imagine anyone will notice a little more.

Come the Industrial Derevolution, we'll be seeing a lot of this.


niteowl said...

A hundred years ago, only the very wealthy had checking accounts. That was because, every single transaction had to be recorded by hand, in sizable ledgers. So, what happened with the advent of computers? Did banks simply eliminate that small army of bookkeepers?

In fact, what banks did was extend checking privileges to everyone... which meant that people had to be hired to produce the paper, and special ink, for those billions of checks. Someone had to print them, someone had to deliver them, someone had to guard them, someone had to create the film to photograph them (because a record is kept of every check cashed). In short, extending checking privileges to everyone meant hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of new jobs.

Yet, for some reason, the myth of the "brilliant orator" lives on...

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

I take issue with your suggestion that Obama's de-industrialization czar will come from the Amish community. I live near and work around many in the Amish community here in northern Indiana and I assure you they are a practical, God-fearing people with generally good judgment. They would see Obama for the false prophet and evil-hearted fiend he is and steer clear of his administration, with or without a horse and buggy. I contend that his czar would come from the even-smaller community of Luddites who are not burdened by biblical principles. You will find them hiding in a commune in northern California. Just follow your nose.

Earl said...

Can we eliminate Obama now that the White House has installed an automatic presidential signature machine?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Niteowl- Excellent point; replacing the old way of doing things with new ways also tends to create new opportunities, new markets, and (ta-dah!) new jobs. None of which is apparently intelligible to the president or his economic advisors. They're playing checkers in a world of chess.

@Angry Hoosier Dad- Believe me, I intended no offense to the Amish, and would be the first to support the appointment of an actual Amish "Work Ethic Czar" to tell people to get off their lazy duffs and work up a sweat.

@Earl- That will only work if we can also teach the machine to golf.

robert said...

First off, one of my best friends is an ATM Tech. So is he now going to be out of work?
Secondly, it is the Conservatives who are anti-science and anti-technology, no? At least that's what I keep hearing from Al Goerrbles.
But the sad fact is that all of king husseins automatons will believe anything he says. Expect a rise in anti-ATM violence. (At least it will create more work for my buddy)

Doktor Paulie said...

At airport waiting to get on airplane for parachute jump. Just had brilliant idea: drop ATM out of airplane instead of myself. Less scary. Will ask jump master about it.

Doktor Paulie said...

Jump master says shut up and get on airplane. Apparently this is not negotiable. ATMs not allowed to skydive yet. Mommy! Whose idea was this!?

Bobo said...

But, Chicken Boy,those Reality Shows create lots of jobs and give the vast unemployed Americans something to watch while they sit on their butts at home instead of being out looking for work.

Chuck said...

I'd vote for an ATM as president over Obama. The ATM would correctly run on the platform that it is the LEFT that are bent on subjugating all of mankind to their evil socialist plans.

And an ATM won't give out money it doesn't have or knowingly give your money to someone else.

Colby said...

BO needs to stop going to Joe Biden to get ammo for his ridiculous speeches. "Hey, Joe. I need a good zinger to shut up all those stupid commoners who are whining about unemployment."

Geez, it's like asking Homer Simpson to explain the second law of thermodynamics.

I know that our beloved prez. probably has never in his life flown commercial, but correct me if I'm wrong. After you get done at the kiosk, a real, live human being still has to look at your I.D. and tag your bags, and put them on the belt. And when you make transactions at an ATM, a real live human being still processes them.

Whooeee! Yep, this little socialist has a REALLY high I.Q!

I will remind you, Stilton that the HopeNChange clock is obviously broken and is running way too slowly. Please, please fix it.

Doktor Paulie said...

Back on ground after jump. WHEEEE! Let's see an ATM do THAT!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Robert- Of course, Obama isn't actually anti-technology, nor wanting to turn back the clock on automation. Rather, he wants to blame someone or something for his own failures.

@Doktor Paulie- Since the rest of our economic system is plunging, I don't know why ATMs can't get in on the fun. (By the way, let us know when you've reached the ground in one piece!)

@Bobo- At least Chicken Boy is still greeting folks at Walmart. Machines still have too much dignity.

@Chuck- Come to think of it, I'd vote for an ATM machine over Obama too!

Dave said...

Just another instance of someone on the left speaking out of their a$$. I mean it has to be the evil ATM's and airport kiosks that are fueling unemployment....because there is no way it could be this administrations anti-business, anti-wealth, and anti-job policies.

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

Doktor Paulie:
What kind of jump did you make...tandem, static line or AFF? I have just over 400 skydives and I hope to get back into it after a few years away.
Adrenalin: Best drug on the planet...and it's free!

Emmentaler Limburger said...

Unemployment without Gummint Fiscal Responsibilty is a self feeding catastrophe. The more on the dole, the worse the economy; The worse the economy, the more on the dole... So Obama is correct in it not being his fault. It is Congress's fault for enacting his assinine policies...

(Welcome back to earth, Dok. I'd like to eventually greet all the liberals that way, too. Did you see them up there floating in the clouds?)

... just another Dave said...

Full US employment will only be attained when the vast fleet of politicians' limousines and all cabs in DC are replaced by human-powered rickshaws an pedicabs. As a quote from this article elucidates, what Democrat could refuse all the ecological and human benefits:

"Unlike many transport initiatives that aim only at improving the environment, ITDP's Indian Cycle Rickshaw Modernization project also cleaned the air and increased employment and income among the poor."

pryorguy said...

Off the subject t'day ...

Illegal immigrants are boycotting Arizona by the thousands,
showing their outrage with Arizona 's controversial new SB-1070 law by
moving elsewhere.

In the small town of Guadalupe , AZ , south of Phoenix ,
Manuel Renaldo is one of those who is punishing Arizona by leaving. As
he loaded his stolen car with his stolen belongings and family of ten,
Renaldo told this reporter through an interpreter "It's a matter of
principle; I refuse to be supported by a state that treats me like a

The effects of the exodus are being felt by Arizona retailers,
who are reporting dwindling sales of beer, spray paint, and ammunition
Also hit hard are the state's hospitals, which have reported a dramatic
decline in births and emergency room visits. Tattoo parlors are in a
state of panic.

Renaldo told a reporter through an interpreter "He and his
family are moving to California , which is a state that will support him
and his family with dignity!"

Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it!

Earl said...

Pryorguy - That news made my day! I thought I read somewhere recently that the same thing is happening in another state. Was it South Carolina? Don't remember.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Colby- Didn't mean to skip you before; I think we posted at the same time. You're right that we still need to interact with plenty of humans at the airport - not that Obama would have any idea of that. In fact, we now have to interact with scads of people who check our ID, check our ID again, check our ID while going through a scanner and, frequently, give us a wanding (so to speak).

@Dave- In fairness, the joblessness has been caused by Obama's Chicago-style political machine.

@Angry Hoosier Dad- Adrenalin may be great, but any drug you have to jump out of an airplane to get sure as heck ain't free! (gulp!)

@Emmentaler- Go over to Paul Krugman's house and grab his Nobel Prize for economic theory. You "get it" and he doesn't.

@Just Another Dave- Why not rickshaws in our crowded urban areas? And litter-bearers! And piggyback rides! Let's see, that would be labor-intensive (LOTS of jobs), alternative energy, "green" friendly, and right in keeping with Michelle Obama's "Let's Move" fitness campaign.

@Pryorguy- I still think we should line up busses at the Mexican border so (ahem) "undocumented immigrants" can be ferried to California's "sanctuary cities" in air-conditioned comfort.

@Earl- The story of Manuel Renaldo has been drifting about the Web since at least last January, and methinks that it's intended to be tongue in cheek. Still, I have read recently of "undocumented immigrants" pulling up stakes and moving to more receptive communities rather than having to put up with laws and other such annoyances.

drozz said...

know what the real rub about all this is? obama is willing to double down investments on new green technology that doesn't work, but thinks actual inventions that work and facilitate lifestyles hinder the workforce.

Doktor Paulie said...

@SJ: Safe on ground, safe at home, completely exhausted. Apparently used up entire two week's supply of adrenalin that I had stored. We definitely need to start dropping ATMs and a few, quite a few, politicians I can think of.

@AH Dad: my third tandem jump from 14000 feet, opening at 6000. It rained on us under the canopy! Wish I could get some of that on my lawn. Terrific fun. The video they made is one of the funniest short films I have ever seen, other than every attempt by Weiner to justify himself.

Friends! Try it! It'll scare you silly and it will take several days for the grin to fade from your face. A wonderful antidote for Obama.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@drozz- By Obama's logic, we should only be investing in technology that doesn't work!

@Doktor Paulie- 8000 feet of free fall?! With my shaky hand, I drink a toast in your honor. Also, howzabout posting that video to YouTube and sharing with us?

Doktor Paulie said...

@SJ: Thank you, but it was nothing, really, nothing. I just started shouting for my Mommy and next thing I knew, poof! I was on the ground in a fetal position.

I shall indeed investigate the process of posting to YouTube, or rather I shall request that She Who Is Mistress of All Things Digital do so. Then, if all goes well, the entire World can share my joy! My little bit in fighting the continual malaise of the obamanation.

hellferbreakfast said...

Obviously, a statement from someone who is too lazy to think for himself.

JustaJeepGuy said...

Say what?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@JustaJeepGuy- I assume that hellferbreakfast was referring to the president's statement. Right...?

JustaJeepguy said...

Well, I can hope that's what he meant.