Friday, October 7, 2011

Viva La Revolting

Click cartoon for giant extra-readable size

Proving that he still has the ability to inspire the idealistic among us, Barack Obama's increasingly shrill anti-capitalist tirades have launched a grassroots movement (funded with George Soros' grassroots dollars) called "Occupy Wall Street," in which young, affluent, overwhelmingly white, unbelievably self-absorbed kids are marching in streets, sleeping in parks, putting on zombie makeup, weeping hysterically, and trying to get laid.

But why? Okay, the whole "get laid" thing is about hormones, and ugly people know they stand a better chance at rallies where people get intoxicated and the lighting is really bad.

But why politically are these spoiled kids suddenly chirping up about socialism, communism, the end of property rights, and joining forces with unions and And the answer is because they have demands that are even more stupid than the ones in the cartoon above. Here's what they really and truly want, with our comments interspersed

Demand one: Restoration of the living wage. This demand can only be met by ending "Freetrade" by re-imposing trade tariffs on all imported goods entering the American market to level the playing field for domestic family farming and domestic manufacturing as most nations that are dumping cheap products onto the American market have radical wage and environmental regulation advantages. Another policy that must be instituted is raise the minimum wage to twenty dollars an hr.

Translated: End free trade, start a trade war with China, send prices of all goods skyrocketing. To compensate, demand that all employers triple the wages of numbnuts doing entry level jobs (instead of actually making a profit)

Demand two: Institute a universal single payer healthcare system. To do this all private insurers must be banned from the healthcare market as their only effect on the health of patients is to take money away from doctors, nurses and hospitals preventing them from doing their jobs and hand that money to wall st. investors

Translated: Medicine should be run by the same people who've made the post office and department of motor vehicles such a perfect system. Private insurance should be eliminated, because the government will do a much better job...except with their own "long term care" insurance plan (part of Obamacare) that just quietly closed its doors because it was proved that the math showing its sustainability was from Mars.

Demand three: Guaranteed living wage income regardless of employment.

Translated: Why should a cardiac surgeon make more than a burger flipper? They're both in the heart attack business!

Demand four: Free college education.

Translated: Why should I have to be paying tuition for classes I skip anyway? That sucks!

Demand five: Begin a fast track process to bring the fossil fuel economy to an end while at the same bringing the alternative energy economy up to energy demand.

Translated: We want giant windmills everywhere, except places where there are birds or nice scenery and stuff. Also, we want the windmills to be free.

Demand six: One trillion dollars in infrastructure (Water, Sewer, Rail, Roads and Bridges and Electrical Grid) spending now.

Translated: Just because nothing happened last time doesn't mean nothing will happen this time. And by the way, find someone to cough up that trillion NOW, because we don't want to pay it when we grow up.

Demand seven: One trillion dollars in ecological restoration planting forests, reestablishing wetlands and the natural flow of river systems and decommissioning of all of America's nuclear power plants.

Translated: Okay, take "nuclear" and "hydropower" out of that list of alternative energy sources. That still leaves sun, wind, and unicorns. And we like saying "trillion" because it's a round number.

Demand eight: Racial and gender equal rights amendment.

Translated: We have no idea what's already in the Constitution and its amendments because we've never read it.

Demand nine: Open borders migration. anyone can travel anywhere to work and live.

Translated: WE sure as hell don't want to do menial labor, but we're not opposed to Mexicans doing it for us...even if it does mean that Al Qaeda can ALSO "travel anywhere to work."

Demand ten: Bring American elections up to international standards of a paper ballot precinct counted and recounted in front of an independent and party observers system.

Translated: we're still having trouble rigging the electronic ballot boxes

Demand eleven: Immediate across the board debt forgiveness for all. Debt forgiveness of sovereign debt, commercial loans, home mortgages, home equity loans, credit card debt, student loans and personal loans now! All debt must be stricken from the "Books." World Bank Loans to all Nations, Bank to Bank Debt and all Bonds and Margin Call Debt in the stock market including all Derivatives or Credit Default Swaps, all 65 trillion dollars of them must also be stricken from the "Books." And I don't mean debt that is in default, I mean all debt on the entire planet period.

We don't want anyone to lend money to anyone else ever again. We want to go to a "cash only" economy, which will work just fine because all the good stuff will be free.

Demand twelve: Outlaw all credit reporting agencies.

Translated: Okay, so I don't know how to balance a checkbook. That's not, like, a CRIME - right?!

Demand thirteen: Allow all workers to sign a ballot at any time during a union organizing campaign or at any time that represents their yeah or nay to having a union represent them in collective bargaining or to form a union.

Translated: Thinking is waaaaaaay too hard for drones. That's something that, like, the foreman should do. Besides, that way we won't get beaten up if we vote the wrong way.

CONCLUSION: These demands will create so many jobs it will be completely impossible to fill them without an open borders policy.

Translated: We'll need more Mexicans to harvest the dollar bills off the money trees, which is the only way our Brave New Socialist World of Hope And Change will work.

Maybe we'll let you run the economy AFTER you've
figured out that things are backwards in a mirror.



Angry Hoosier Dad said...

I get a headache just trying to imagine being as stupid privately as these people are publicly. All of their points touch something emotionally in them while reason lives on another planet. Did just one of them think out the end result of their demands? Did they think it through to it's inevitable conclusion? Not possible. To seriously consider even one of their juvenile rants is equivalent to leaving toddlers in command of a nuclear missile silo. God, save us from the terminally stupid.

Randy S said...

In regards to demand # 13: It's spelled "yea" (pronounced "Yay"), not "yeah" (as in "Yeah, man, that's the most moronic drivel I've read since I checked out the lyrics to any randomly selected Gangsta Rap 'song'"). Now go take a shower, you patchouli-drenched bum!

Greg said...

Does #9 ACTUALLY say "bring American elections up to international standards"? That sounds kind of basackwards, doesn't it?

FlyBoy said...

God.....Please take me now. If I have to depend on these morons to pay into the social (in)security system when I retire, I'm royally screwed.

Dinger said...

After seeing the demands it appears that these smart, intelligent, spoiled idiots have decided to rocket past Socialism and go directly to Communism and we all know how well that worked out for Russia. I wonder how many of them are on some sort of government subsidy or retirement payment that depends on those evil banks and corporations that make money so they can get a check. I heard one of them being interviewed yesterday on a local talk radio show by Sean Hannity and he asked if it was a good thing that someone like Steve Jobs, an evil BILLIONARE CEO by their own definition, was gone. (Not bad mouthing Mr. Jobs as it’s a tragedy that anyone passes due to cancer but just what I heard on the radio) The gal being interview didn’t want to respond but finally the response was more or less that he didn’t count as he was different. I guess it was because they liked his toys.

BTW I saw this morning that the One and his right hand man, I mean gal, San Fran Nan the Botox Bimbo has embraced these wonderful protesters and all they stand for so I guess he’s also giving up on Socialism and figures that what the hell lets go all the way and go Communist then I can be dictator for life.

Suzy said...

When I saw your comic was a "Top Ten" I was thinking...wait....this can't be any more of a joke than the REAL demands...because if I didn't know the REAL demands were a joke, I definitely would have thought they were. Well, I kinda still do, actually.... but did a good job on the fake Top Ten. haha. Maybe you should start a protest, too!

Jim Hlavac said...

You know, I have a whole branch of my family that live in the Czech Republic, and during the communist period we brought over many for a vacation. They always wanted to go to Wall Street, and even buy a share of stock. They marveled at kitchen gadget displays at the local supermarket; they nearly cried at the produce counter; they were struck dumb at plain things like freeways and electric windows in cars that could 80 mph with ease, and phones that worked impressed them. And I've been there, to stay with them in communist housing blocks, after first registering with the police. And these idiots down on Wall Street and in the White House want to replicate old time Czechoslovakia? My relatives would simply shake their heads in amazement and say "vse hloupy" -- totally stupid. And I would agree. My cousin keeps an American flag hanging in front of his bar in Prague; I think he's more USA patriotic than these idiots.

(PS, all we want to do is smooch in peace, and when we had a million folks together in June in NYC not a person was arrested for anything -- the contrast is so enormous, eh? Meanwhile, at the "values summit" this weekend, we're declared the big threat to the nation. Egad.)

My Dog Brewski said...

Perhaps you can make the leap from "opposition to redefining marriage" to declaring you a "big threat to the nation", but that's a chasm I don't want to jump. I doubt those folks even harbor secret thoughts about dragging you out of your home and publicly stoning you. Your fears are not only groundless, they're silly. On the other hand we now see what happens when the military decides it's the place for gay-lifestyle social experimentation. Now they are getting demands to allow open transgenders in their ranks. Looks like the slippery slope we were told wasn't there.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Seems like I'm seeing some new names here in the comments section! Glad to have you aboard!

@Angry Hoosier Dad- Most of these protestors are pampered kids who don't have a clue about how the world works (and certainly our educational system didn't try to tell them). So it's extremely telling that time after time, Obama seeks out audiences of college students to make speeches which are just as poorly thought out as the list of "demands" above.

@Randy S- When the Occupy Wall Street crowd takes over, voice votes will be either "Yeah" or "No way." And rather than voting "present," as Barack Obama loved to do, they'll vote "What-ever." Which means the same thing.

@Greg- Apparently there's something wrong with the American standards for elections. They worked okay in 2008, but somehow got screwed up in 2010. Moreover, the kids not only want to be able to dip their voting fingers in purple ink, they want it to be grape-flavored.

@Flyboy- You bring up a good point. These protestors want a LOT of services from the government - so are they willing to personally pay for the services that the government has already promised their elders?

@Dinger- That was the whole point of yesterday's cartoon; it's easy for Obama to demonize millionaires and billionaires in the abstract, but harder when you attach a name and a career like that of Steve Jobs. People start thinking "but he was actually a pretty cool guy" and "life would kinda suck without the stuff he made."

Your second point is even bigger. Yesterday, Obama praised the "Occupy Wall Street" movement for 10 minutes, and all of the democrats and unions are lining up to support this "organic" American movement. Apparently, Obama's campaign for re-election will boil down to attacking Wall Street...just like the dimwitted Children's Army he's raised.

And how long will it be until these stupid kids start figuring out how to make bombs (no doubt with the help of instructions written by Bill Ayers)?

But according to Obama, Pelosi, Napolitano, and the mainstream media, it's the Tea Party that is dangerous and radical, with its rather simple platform of "fiscal responsibility and return to Constitutional principles."

@Suzy- It gets harder and harder to do parody these days because "reality" is so ludicrous.

@Jim Hlavac- I wish there was a way to drop these protestors in the Czech Republic for awhile to let them absorb what you already know. Although it wouldn't be doing any favor to the Czech Republic.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@My Dog Brewski- Transgendered soldiers, huh? So we're living in a world in which it's no longer private when privates change their privates. The older I get, the more confused I am...

FlyBoy said...

Brewski- The military did NOT decide to embrace openly gay people-it was crammed down their throats by our lame-duck congress a year ago.

John the Econ said...

This was a fun one @Stilton! Hey, at least we now know what they want, which up until now has been a complete mystery.

#1, Living Wage & Tariffs: Only $20/hr? I don’t know how anyone can survive in a major city for less than $100k/yr. So let’s make it that. Of course, the price of your Grand-Slam Breakfast will now be $189.99, but the up-side is that all of a sudden even families only making minimum wage will now qualify for both the Alternative Minimum Tax and Obama’s “Millionaire’s Tax”.

I’m all for #2, “single payer” health care. After my mortgage, health insurance is my biggest monthly expense. Once that is gone and I get my mortgage paid off, my biggest monthly expenses are gone and I’ll be able to retire! (And young, like they do in Greece) In fact, retiring will make more economic sense that remaining employed, since the income taxes that will be required to pay for all of this silliness will make working for a living completely pointless, and also unnecessary because of demand #3, a “Guaranteed living wage income regardless of employment”. Looks like my hobbies just become my new jobs!

In #4, college educations probably should be free. If the reasoning ability of these supposedly overeducated and unemployed protestors is any indication to go by, the end product of our colleges these days isn’t worth all that much anyway.

For #5, considering that we’ve been on the “fast track” to ending the “fossil fuel economy” for about 35 years now, I suggest that some of these people spend a year living with native Afghanis to learn what a fossil fuel & nuclear free life is really like.

#6 & 7, Trillions in Infrastructure & forests: (Wait, didn’t we just do this?) I suggest that someone go down to the local ACE Hardware, buy a few hundred shovels, and hand them out. Tell them to get to it. They’re unemployed anyway, and they clearly have nothing better to do. And it should make them happy that their work with hand tools will not involve the use of those awful “fossil fuels”.

For #8, I have no idea what a “Racial and gender equal rights amendment” might be. I guess they haven’t read the Constitution, which isn’t a surprise.

In #9, the borders are already pretty much open, so I don’t know fully understand their gripe there. Either way, I’d be for “open borders” if it worked both ways and meant I could go live for free in some other advanced country, which not surprisingly, I can’t.

And like @Stilton pointed out, (and I'm still laughing at his response) #4, #6, #7, & #9 also reinforces the elitist idea that they’re pretty much against menial labor, but aren’t apposed to Mexicans doing it for them.


John the Econ said...


In #10, I’m all for bringing “American elections up to international standards”. There’d be a lot fewer dead people voting, fewer voting twice, and a lot fewer Democrats in office. I love the “finger in ink” idea that prevents people from voting more than once that even 3rd world countries use successfully.

If we get #11, “Immediate across the board debt forgiveness for all”, my mortgage will be gone and I’ll be retiring even sooner than I thought above. I’d also be going on quite a credit card binge the day before this went into effect, if it would be possible to actually buy anything anymore. (Of course, if all debt is “stricken from the books”, what will be left in my Social Security “lock box”?)

Of course, if they get demand #11, demand #12 for the “Outlaw all credit reporting agencies” will be completely pointless. With no debt, there is no credit. And with no credit, there will be no need for a “credit reporting agency”. Clearly, including this shows they either don’t get it or haven’t thought it out very well.

Of course, in any political document, you need to go to the end to find out what the real agenda is and/or who paid for it. In #13, I really don’t see the need for a law to “Allow all workers to sign a ballot at any time…” for collective bargaining. After all, in #1 and #3, everyone is guaranteed a “living wage” and income “regardless of employment”. If we’re all making guaranteed (or mandated) wages, why do we need “collective bargaining” or even unions?

This agenda will create jobs, but in other countries as Americans who can will flee with their capital and set up elsewhere.

Meanwhile back here, I have to wonder who will still be working. There will be no point in me continuing to work. These clowns clearly won’t be. I’m sure they’re all planning on collecting their “living wages” as they further their careers as useless “community organizers”.

John the Econ said...

@Jim Hlavac, I was quite fortunate to be in school at a time before the "iron curtain" fell, and embraced many foreign exchange students from the eastern block as friends. It was an eye-opening experience on both sides. Things we took for granted were luxuries to them, and we learned how awful life really was in these supposedly "advanced" and "just" countries.

These protesters haven't got a clue. Yeah, I'm sure a lot of them have done the Eurotrip thing through the party capitals. I bet they've even seen poverty in other places. But few of them have actually seen or know of the oppressed economic state that most people really live in day-to-day, and have little hope of ever escaping.

If they think their lives suck now, they honestly do not have a clue.

Andrew said...

Not too worried about the 'Gen What-Ever' faux protesters turning violent, and it's amusing to see Obama and the Soros media try to fan that possibility as a concern to reposition the protests as less ridiculous.

Making bombs? Following numbered directions and working with your hands is HARD.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

Again, these simps are a product of the system that produced them: Everyone plays, regardless of ability. Every gets a trophy. No-one is to feel bad, or be madeto feel bad. No failing grades because they diminish self esteem.

Did anyone expect any other end-game from that lifelog programming? Get real...

My Dog Brewski said...

I should have chosen my words better because I did not mean to aver that the military went there willingly. Our military is still run by civilians, many of whom wouldn't know their rifle from their gun. But you must admit that a lot of general officers turn into politicians once they get that star on their shoulders and seem to support some of congress's more mind-numbingly stupid ideas.

JustaJeepGuy said...

According to the comments posted after the list on the link @Stilton gave, that list is fake. Good for a laugh, but fake. Apparently, a "more real" list is here:

Christopher D Ross said...

On Point #5 (Alternative Energies)
It has been known (and conveniently almost universally ignored) wind turbines can cause adverse psychological and physiological effects to the people who live near them.
On top of that, they chop up thousands of birds each year, destroy landscapes, and are fairly terrible on their energy output, efficiency and reliability that it hardly makes them worth the land usage, the materials, and health factors to use them.

Emmentaler Limbuger said...

@Christopher: they are industrial curiosities and little more. The Canadians and Europeans love 'em. Notably, the European's chickens have come home to roost. Canada's economy is still humping along - because of the oil sands and shale oil they're still willing to go after in their largely unpopulated country, but all those wind turbines popping up across Ontario and elsewhere will assuredly bite them in the ass in due time... I find them beautiful and fascinating. And impractical. On my frequent, long drives through Ontario, I rarely see more than 10% of them actually turning....

Pete(Detroit) said...

Ok, to go backwards - wind turbines - piss poor design - there are much more efficient ways to build them (I think - am working on the maths)

Emmanteler - (funny - spell check came up w/ "Letterman" as a suggestion) yep - stupid is as stupid does...

Andrew - quite right - they're afraid of guns, and the news is FULL of "Palestinian Work Accidents" (Premature Detonation)

John, one of my friends grew up in Moscow, RU bitd. She was there for the Pizza Hut Box "wall" around the embassy. She remembers the wall coming down. Nice lady (married now, 2 kids) - but grew up not in a different city, different country, but on a freaking different freaking PLANET...
Great to give her a coupla beers, get her talking..

Brewski - "I doubt those folks even harbor secret thoughts about dragging you out of your home and publicly stoning you."
Ummm, I think I've read about that happening.
Matt someone or other, "X-ified" and tortured / stoned to death, or some bull shit? Granted, not AS bad here as in some Muslim countries, but still... let's not kid our selves - self righteous a-holes make BIG bucks (tax free) on beating up on the "sissy smoochers"... eff that! Homosexuality has been observed in over 450 species, homoPhobia in precisely one - you tell me which is unnatural (and no, have not read the scripture yet, but have it noted...)

Flyboy - correct, you (as well of the rest of us) are well and truly screwed

Greg - I'm all for the purple finger. Also valid, state issued photo ID.
F*ck the cheats - on BOTH sides...

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@JustaJeepGuy- The list of demands I cited wasn't a "fake" but was also not "official" - because at the time I was doing the cartoon, this ragtag bunch of muttonheads couldn't produce anything official. So I knowingly used an authentic, but "unofficial" list as a snapshot into the mindset of one of these morons.

@Christopher D. Ross & Emmentaler- If you search Google Images for "Burning Wind Turbines" you'll find lots of spectacular pictures of turbines in flames. It seems that the energy-producing friction they produce is more than a match for the lubricants currently in use...which is why they spontaneously burst into flame from time to time. Wind power is unlikely to ever be more than a curiosity because the numbers just don't crunch.

@Pete(Detroit)- You should give your friend those beers and then have her record videos for YouTube. Make it easy for the Occupy Wall Street crowd to hear firsthand what it is they're really protesting for.

JustaJeepGuy said...

@Stilt, the site I cited was who called the demands "fake". I shouldn't have quoted a group of "people" like that, I s'pose. It tends to give them a feeling of legitimacy. Of course, "feeling" is what they're all about. Don't bother to think, just FEEL!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@JustaJeepGuy- I think the group was embarrassed that such jackassery (even though it was legitimately associated with their group) was getting so much attention. Unfortunately, the "new" list that you cited is just about as lamebrained. Have Congress "overturn" Supreme Court decisions? Force "equal time" for all candidates and points of view on talk radio? Build a wall between the military and the weapons industry? Yeah...good luck with all of that. Morons.

CaptainWhitebread said...

@JustaJeep Guy - thanks for the link. Demand #6:


I'm sure these children (that's what they are mentally, no matter their physical age) don't know that there are already rules in place for radio and television concerning political campaigns. I've worked in radio for 26 years. Our political ad rate is required, by federal law, to be the lowest we've offered over the 12 months previous to the campaign season. Where I work, that's a 70 percent discount off our regular rate. One of my co-workers, who did quite a few years in television, says the same apply to local TV affliates. If we had to give free and equal advertising to every one who was running for office, we wouldn't have room to air ads for our paying clients.

Reaganite Independent said...


Reaganite's Sunday Funnies

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Captain Whitebread- You're right. By giving away "free" airtime, the political activists would essentially put the broadcast stations out of business...which would hardly help anyone get their message out. (By the way, I'm an old radio man myself and remember juggling those political spots at heavily discounted rates.)

@Reaganite Republican- As always, thanks for including my cartoons in your weekly summary. It's appreciated!

JustaJeepGuy said...

The sad part of this whole "(Astroturf) Occupy Wall Street" thing is, there is an actual need to reform some practices there. Unfortunately, the "people" protesting are asking for so much socialism that they're not going to help anything get fixed. Who do they think is going to revolt in order to increase the socialism? There are more people who want to completely eliminate the socialism we've had crammed down our throats than the reverse.
Maybe a rumor needs to be started that this whole protest was designed to kill the socialism movement by showing it to be so moronic. Perhaps that will shut these "people" up.

badlarry said...

Spoiled children. That's all I hear whenever I've seen these protesters, a bunch of spoiled children saying "Gimme gimme gimme." Without any thought of who has to pay for it.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Badlarry - what part of socialism did you not understand?
yes, these goofball d-bags are particularly obvious, in their own inimitable obnoxious way..