Friday, December 19, 2014

Barry Mitsvah

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, hanukkah, kwanzaa, cuba, jewish, soul

In yet the latest surprising revelation about America's first half-black Irish Native-American Indo-Hawaiian Islamo-Christian president, Barack Obama has announced that he is also Jewish.

At the annual White House Hanukkah reception, the schlemiel-in-chief was greeting guests with a festive "Torah, Torah, Torah!" when he was approached by a reveler who quoted a friend as saying, "I didn't know the president was Jewish!"

After a short, gagging pause to wash down a mouthful of Matzoh with a nice not-too-expensive Mogen David wine, Obama replied "I am, in my soul."

The president then addressed the party attendees, carefully avoiding stereotypes by praising lox and latkes ("Not as good as your mom’s," he whined with a Borscht-belt accent, "but they're good") before saying, "I can’t think of a better way to mark this holiday, with its message that freedom is possible, than with the historic changes that I announced today in our Cuba policy."

Because what says Hanukkah more than embracing an oppressive regime, right? Not that Hope n' Change isn't anxious to see how the Castro brothers look sporting the new yarmulkes Mr. Obama gifted them with.

The nation's first Jewish president then concluded his holiday remarks by asking everyone to raise their glasses to join him for a traditional Yiddish toast.

"Molotov!" he said, then made a wish and blew out the candles on the Menorah.

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, hanukkah, kwanzaa, islam
...And to all a good night.


Geoff King said...

I believe His 'Øliness truly does have a Jewish soul. Just look at the great deal he made when he sold it to the devil. Oy vey!

Anonymous said...

Also, this happened.

Mike aka Proof said...

So, president Selfie is the new Not-so-Shylock?

Anonymous said...

I have been reading your page for a couple of years now and love it. This is my very first comment here and I would like to thank you for all your hard work on this site and the BS you will put up with for doing it.

Just wanted to add that if you have never read it is worth it for the different point of views they offer through inside sources on current events, like your posting this morning.
They have the position that this is a pre-emptive move by TPTB to prevent putin from doing in cuba what we are doing in the ukraine by offering castro II a deal so sweet he will not turn it down. I think raul will play both sides against each other in order to get more rich.

REM1875 said...

You pegged this schmuck and I do believe you actually were there to do this good of a job.
Tora! tora! tora! was his greeting the japanese ambassador with a "hey sorry ment to send this to you dec 7th" whispered into ear.
Barry's as jewish as john kerry ahh wait a minute kerry really is a Czech Jew. Hmmmm
Well things could have been worse, if reggie was there I am sure he would have deep throated each candle out.

Earl Allison said...

And as in so many other things, ask yourself how this story would have been treated had GW Bush claimed so many ethnic and religious identities with so many blatant lies ...

Thank you, Stilton, for all you do.

I'm getting to the point where all I want for Christmas is to live long enough to see karmic justice visited on King Putt and his entire Administration -- to see every drop of what they owe wrung out of them like the dirty dishrags they so clearly are.

Gang of One said...

@Stilton: The nation's first Jewish president then concluded his holiday remarks by asking everyone to raise their glasses to join him for a traditional Yiddish toast.

"Molotov!" he said, then made a wish and blew out the candles on the Menorah.

Price. Less.

Colby Muenster said...

Oy vey! Who knew? Did he have Al Sharpton's permission to reveal this secret?

But hey, if Lizzie Warren can be Native American, why can't O'Liar be Jewish, eh? Or Japanese? Or Swedish?

To quote that great philosopher, "What a maroon..."

Fred Ciampi said...

Molotov, what a nice, um, cocktail to, er, toast to..... And I'll just leave it there.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Geoff King- It's like the old joke about the lawyer who wants to sell his soul to the devil in return for wealth and power. The devils says "In return, your wife and children will spend eternity burning in Hell."

The lawyer thinks a moment then asks suspiciously "What's the catch?"

@Anonymous- Yes, a short woman didn't recognize Michelle in a Target store two years ago and asked for help reaching a box of detergent from a high shelf. Michelle is now citing this as an example of the racism that, even now, pervades her life.

Like her fabled statement about not being proud of America, this is a very telling story about her arrogance, privilege, and lack of character.

@Proof- And there you have it, the first Shakespearean reference of the day!

@Anonymous- Glad to have you aboard! By the way, if you click the little Name/URL button when making a post, you can enter any name of your choosing.

Interesting to get that perspective on the possible reasoning behind the Cuba policy. I'd like to think there's some strategy behind it other than Barry just being Barry, but I just don't know anymore. Like you, I'm betting on Raul to come out on top.

@REM1875- I'm not going to Google it, but that's probably the first time anyone has written about deep-throating a Menorah. I think that's a good way to piss off the Golem (the Jewish avenger, not the little fish-eating ring fetishist).

@Earl Allison- Obama gets away with claiming to be all races, creeds, and colors because he's been accepted as a shapeshifter with no true form or substance.

Like you, I yearn to see Justice visited upon the whole Washington crew. I pray that time wounds all heels.

@Gang of One- Thank you, and don't forget to tip your waiters.

@Colby Muenster- I'm guessing Barry sought permission to call himself Jewish from the ghost of Sammy Davis Jr.

And you make a good point about Elizabeth Warren (or Ward Churchill, who also claimed to be Native American by choice): if people can now self-identify their gender, why can't they also self-identify their race or nationality?

Finally, I assume the great philosopher you refer to is Bugs Bunny. He was certainly in my thoughts when I added "schlemiel" to today's commentary.

@Fred Ciampi- I rewrote the Molotov paragraph multiple times trying to squeeze the word "cocktail" in there, but all it did was slow things down and make the punchline too cumbersome. So I'm glad you've gotten it into the comments!

rod said...

Thank you sir; this edition was a hoot. Hilarious. Gonna' print this one for the notebook.

Jim Hlavac said...

The president can cheapen everything -- why, he makes the Hope Diamond look like a piece of glass ...

Butterkäse said...

Hey! Com'n Doc!

His imaginary son is Jewish! Sheesh.

That was rich ..."Torah, Torah, Torah". Words that the Moron In Chief would never utter - this guy hates all things Jewish like any good "progressive" should. Didn't Saul Alinsky say so?

("Saul David Alinsky was born in Chicago, Illinois in 1909 to Russian Jewish immigrant parents.")

Anonymous said...

We will see if he truly is Jewish if he forgoes the pork the next time Reggie bends over on the Oahu sands.

Gang of One said...

@Stilton: This was printed out, in its full, glorious color, at 200 percent of the original size, and is now prominently displayed on my bulletin board in my office -- where faculty, students and administrators may share the mirth.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@rod- It's going in the notebook?! You don't work for the NSA do you...?

@Jim Hlavac- I would have said something worse than a piece of glass, but you're more of a gentleman than I am.

@Butterkäse- Excellent and funny link (read it, folks)!

I didn't want to clutter the commentary with anything too serious today, but the biggest irony is that Barry would claim to be Jewish while doing his best to alienate - and possibly exterminate - Israel.

@Japheaux- It always starts with looking for sea shells...

@Gang of One- I'm pretty sure that Freedom of Speech and Freedom of Religion have you covered if there are any complaints. The ACLU and JDL will be right behind you, too.

Bruce Bleu said...

Colby Muenster,
and to continue that philosopher... "...what a gulli-bull, what a nin-cow-poop..."

If lamont IS Jewish, considering he's mooselim FIRST, he's probably been suicidal most of his mooselim life! Y'know, having been born in Kenya, it is logical to think lamont isn't circumsized, and THAT being the case, let me be the first to suggest that he GET a Mohel to do his bris at the NECK.

Fred Ciampi,
When it comes to lamont, as far as a "cocktail" is concerned, "bathhouse barry" thinks of it as TWO words, (and pictures Reggie Love's gluteus maximus).

Of COURSE lamont has an imaginary son who can assume any reality for any occasion... lamont's entire LIFE is imaginary! (he even imagines he's an AMERICAN! It's an incredible stretch for him to BEHAVE as an American.) But you know one scenario you will NEVER hear him pose? That his "imaginary son" is a "white, patriotic student at a military academy". No way! The weatherman of HELL will report a glacial rush-hour traffic jam before that happens.

John the Econ said...

For decades now, I've been asking my Jewish friends how it's possible to be a Jew and yet support Democrats, because the Democratic core is pretty hostile to the notion of religion and Zionism in general. Much of it was a pseudo-socialist holdover from the '60s, when the idea liberal idea of communal living in kibbutzes was the rage. (Although very few actually tried it, they were in love with the idea, if not the reality; like most of socialism)

In academia, antisemitism has gone from thinly-veiled to transparently present. I still cannot decide if this is simply out of hypocritical bigotry or just plain ignorance when the liberal urge to cling to any supposed victimization group seems to cause a sort of mass hysteria of ignorance.

Interestingly, in recent years my more liberal Jewish friends have waken up out of their long stupor and have finally realized that the left's embrace of the death-cult of Islam means their death too.

So understanding the above, I have to wonder why Obama even bothers with this embarrassing charade of trying to suck up to them. He doesn't care about them. He certainly doesn't need them. The real Jews know he doesn't mean it. His far-left and antisemitic base knows he doesn't mean it. So what's the point?

As for Cuba, I can't seem to get too excited either way. I know my Cuban friends certainly aren't happy about it. But with all due respect to them, the reality is that the Castro brothers are soon to be discarded to the dungheap of history along with their idea of a communist paradise. Life for the average Cuban is between dismal and oppressed. Perhaps opening up the borders will improve their lot, as well as letting America's starry-eyed socialists in to see what reality is like.

Rod said...

MY notebook of appreciated (or is it depreciated?)humor. Didn't mean to alarm you. But "they" probably have a file on each of us anyway.

Colby Muenster said...

And perhaps the great-eared philosopher's quote that best fits O'Liar: "The way I run this thing you'd think I knew something about it."

Actually, Looney Tunes might be the best way to describe ALL of DC, not just HRH Barry the Nothingth.

Being an adopted person, I've always had the luxury of not having a clue what my nationality is, so I just make shit up as I go. If I'm at the local highland games, I'm Scottish. When we visit my brother in Sverige, I'm Svensk. Scary.... I have something in common with O'Liar!

Popular Front said...

Here's an Aussie joke for Bruce Bleu and all the other H&C folks
Q: How do we know that Obama is uncircumcised?
A: Because there's no end to the prick!

(substitute the name for the annoying person of your choice)

PRY said...

Are we quite sure that this Obama character really isn't just Andy Kaufman back from the dead pulling another good one on everybody?

Considering all the aspects these lonnnngggg six years of Obammy so far, it has all the characterstics of a tremendous hoax... and could be applauded as such, but alas, I fear it really is real. No shame, no ethics, no dignity...this will be his precious legacy!

badlarry said...

"After a short, gagging pause to wash down a mouthful of Matzoh with a nice not-too-expensive Mogen David wine"

If Matzoh makes him gag then gefilte fish will make him plotz.

David in SoCal said...

Fantastic posts today my friends, dern-near fudged my rompers witnessing the jocularity contained within.

Great googly-moogly; is there ANYTHING Oglommer is NOT???? Every time there is a spotlight on something in the news, Oputzmeister feels the need to butt in for a free ride. I'm seriously doubting this has ANYTHING to do with his Narcissistic Sociopath personality, as I will leave that up to the experts.(wink-wink)
As for his hard work to release and the admiration for Alan Gross;

Makes sense. Sounds alot like the same reason Traitor Bergdahl of Baghdad was unequally traded for 5 (other) high ranking terrorists.

Shalom aleichem, my friends.
(not so Mogen)David

Froaderick Barbarossa said...

@Popular Front -

Priceless! I will be reusing that joke unmercifully.

And Shalom Aleichem to all, including the prick who sleeps with Castro and wants Israel destroyed. Come to think of it, Shalom Aleichem-NOT! to that bastard.

Peace be to all HnCers.

commoncents said...

Why I still send Christmas cards — and why you should too

Joseph ET said...

It’s true that many people no longer send cards. We still send cards for Christmas and for Birthdays. We have many friends and former co-workers that we like to say “hi” to from time to time. We also like to send e-cards because we only have an e-mail address for some people. For our physical cards we use Hallmark Card Studio to make custom cards and we customize our e-cards as well. We use Jacquie Lawson animated e-cards. We are notified when our e-card is picked up which lets us know that the person is probably alive. Either way, we get many thank notes.☺☺☺

Butterkäse said...

The good doctor's post is celebratory (sort of) so I am to blame for injecting a bit of negativity but ...

Bill de Blasio is another commie, Castro corn-holer who should resign for having stirred up the hatred that led to the slaughter of two policeman. (The other one is on vacation.)

There I said it.

Whatever else I may feel about abuse of police power, de Blasio is stirring up hatreds in NYC that only a member of the CPUSA can do. He should just do us all a favor and go to hell.