Monday, September 26, 2016

Collision Coarse

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, trump, hillary, first debate, debate, train wreck, scandal

Frankly, we don't know what's going to happen tonight at the initial Trump vs Clinton debate, but we expect it to be as cataclysmic as the incident pictured above, albeit with potentially fewer survivors (politically, at least).

Hillary Clinton's campaign has cleverly been planting so many stories about her ill health in the media that it's likely many viewers will pay no attention whatsoever to her strident yammering, and will instead spend their time watching for her to cough up blood, drop like a bag of hammers from her elevated podium, have a seizure of some kind, or have one runaway eyeball bouncing around her eye socket like a billiard ball while the other gives her standard death glare directly at the camera.

Trump, of course, is a complete wild card. Despite certain opinions to the contrary, Hope n' Change believes that Trump came in dead last in every single Republican primary debate - but nobody cared because they liked hearing him shout that his opponents were liars, JFK assassination conspirators, or had tiny dicks.  None of which is easy to do when you're flapping your arms and speaking through duck lips.

That being said, Trump has been somewhat more circumspect on the campaign trail lately, and he's surely being advised to present this more dignified persona during the debate. And since Hope n' Change is supporting Trump as the most "not Hillary" candidate still in the race, we think that's a good idea.

But... our heart of hearts, we're really hoping he'll go "full Donald" on Hillary for the entire 90 minutes. We want to see that wretched woman transfixed with horror as he reels off her long, long litany of sins, scandals, failures and felonies. Benghazi! Vince Foster! Character assassination and intimidation of Bill's "bimbos!" Influence peddling! Calling Americans "irredeemable" and "deplorables!"

Let's hear about her suspicious investing in cattle futures! The firing of the White House travel office staff! The Hillarycare debacle! Imaginary Bosnian sniper fire! The blue (or was it blew?) dress and the "vast Right Wing conspiracy!" Clinton Family Foundation tax fraud! Donations from murderous foreign powers! Convenient brain damage when under oath! Trafficking in watered down AIDS drugs for Africans! High-dollar secret speeches for bankers! Revealing classified information through gross and deliberate negligence! A record of 100% failure as Secretary of State! Lying to the FBI, the DOJ, Congress, and everyone else she's ever met!

We do not, however, think The Donald should lower himself by making ugly references to Hillary's bizarre clothing, wicked witch cackle, or the possibility that Chelsea is Webb Hubbell's love child.

That job belongs to those of us in journalism.


And her belief that no one should be allowed to work without union membership is pretty friggin' annoying, too. (Full disclosure: we added the silent movie music to underscore the melodrama)


oldgraymary said...

Trump built his wealth stiffing small businesses and contractors? But this is how the Clintons are building theirs:

I'm hoping that Gennifer Flowers will indeed be sitting next to Mark Cuban at the debate if for no other reason to see what you do with it!

Dr. Strangelove said...

As I've said before, Kim Jong Hillary has a voice like nails on a chalkboard, minus the pleasant qualities.

James Daily said...

Being hard of hearing, I use the CC so her annoying screeching will not bother me. My real problem is not her standing for 90 minutes but our standing her for ninety minutes. Then, the favorite train wreck at Crush, Tx (,_Texas) where one can only say, "What in the heil were they thinking?"

TrickyRicky said...

I suppose I will have to watch. I just have to make sure that I am tied down a la Alex in the reprogramming scene of A Clockwork Orange. Just so I don't throw something through the TV screen.

Fred Ciampi said...

I'm going to pick up a bottle of brandy, maybe peach, for tonight's debate. Moonshine's too strong for tonight's epic performance. And I'm going to record it just in case I want to watch it another 11,486 more times.

Sortahwitte said...

If I could stifle my retch reflex, I would click on the above video of buffarilla. As for tonight, I will watch my dvd of Blazing Saddles with all deleted scenes and language.
Good night Chesty, wherever you are.

Jon said...

The most corrupt,despicable woman in American history. I wonder how many drugs she will have to ingest in order to make it through 90 commercial-free minutes tonight - - or how many beers I'll have to drink in order to tolerate her.....

Geoff King said...

If Gennifer Flowers does indeed sit in the front row tonight, I wonder where Slick Willy is going to sit.

Graylady said...

I have eliminated all hard objects, except furniture too heavy to lift, from the livingroom and doubled the number of throw pillows. I'm debate ready. Now, if only I could be temporarily deaf.

American Cowboy said...

I think in preparation for the dee-bate I will get blind roaring drunk, then stab an ice pick in both ears so I won't have to listen to that hag.
Or maybe I will just ignore the whole farce and read the low points in tomorrow"s "news".

P. Sterling said...

I hate to believe that these two candidates reflect the morals, ethics and integrity of the Amaerican People. Otherwise, why would they be our candidates? I dislike each of them and we should be ashamed of ourselves. I know I am.

Ron said...

Agree 110%.

Pete (Detroit) said...

P. Sterling - Full agreed. Hopefully she has an episode tonight, and the Statutory Rape allegation against him (shockingly believable) will cause the R's to yank the rug out from under him...

John the Econ said...

Setting up low expectations: My guess is that it will be a generation or so until we find out the exact cocktail of drugs used to sedate Hillary enough to both stop her hacking and to suppress her urge to throw things as she looks across to see a number of her husband's former dalliances sitting across from her in the front row, and yet render her coherent enough to be able to keep all her lies straight. I'd expect a pretty heavy dosage, especially when one expects Trump to be pushing her buttons.

Which Trump will show up tonight: Will it be flame-throwing Trump, or the "presidential" sounding Trump we've been seeing more of lately. Will it be a discussion of policy or just endless hits on "crooked Hillary"?

If Trump goes "presidential", thus ruining Hillary's "temperament" argument, will Hillary dare to "go character" on Trump, knowing that Trump is loaded both-barrels with @Stilton's list above, just for starters?

World's Most Annoying Voice: Boy, was that video a mistake or what? Of course Democrats are against "right to work", and we've got a workforce participation rate to prove it. With today's Democrats, the only thing you've got a right to choose anymore is your gender or race, and what you'd like to rub your genitals up against.

"Why aren't I 50 points ahead?" This should remind anybody over 40 of when Saturday Night Live was still funny:

"I can't believe I'm losing to this guy"

Colby Muenster said...

I am simultaneously excited to watch the circus tonight, but am also filled with dread at the distinct possibility of another Trump, dumb-assed disaster. He really only needs to (as we used to say in Wyoming) give her enough rope to hang herself, but I doubt he has the self control to do so.

A hacking, coughing, eye rolling, head bobbling, full pass out event would be priceless to watch, but we all know who would take the blame. Us deplorables, that's who.

I'm pretty curious to see how Lester Holt handles himself. He strikes me as a guy who will actually attempt to stay in the middle of the road, but he DOES work for the Nothing But Clinton network.

Alfonso Bedoya said...

I plan to gobble a double dose of blood pressure meds just before the action starts, and ready a triple Jack Daniels on the rocks as a backup. All sharp objects have been removed from the kitchen and bathroom for safety in case I have a sudden urge to slit my wrists after having to listen to Shrillary's lies.....again. Since today is my birthday, I may decide to just relax while I watch an old Hopalong Cassidy movie and save the BP meds and JD for the actual election results.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@oldgraymary- I simply cannot listen to Hillary impugn anyone else's integrity. It's just too ridiculous.

And I've heard Gennifer Flowers won't be there, although I'd love it if she turned up. For that matter, if I was Trump I'd have hired Monica Lewinsky to sit up front and eat a corn dog.

@Dr. Strangelove- At this point I don't know if it's just the shrill harshness of her voice, or the fact that I know it's Hillary that makes the sound so punishing.

@James Daily- I, too, am hard of hearing...but not enough so that I can entirely escape the sonic torture.

And I'll admit that I had the Crush, TX crash in mind when I made the graphic for today's post. For any who don't know, two trains were crashed head on for the entertainment of 40,000 viewers. There were several deaths and multiple injuries among the spectators.

@TrickyRicky- Just don't have Beethoven playing in the background or you'll never be able to listen to him again.

@Fred Ciampi- A sad admission: I'll be watching the debate cold sober. I've been teetotal for two weeks as part of a weight loss effort. Although if things go south tonight, I might fall off the wagon harder than Hillary falls off curbs.

@Sortahwitte- Blazing Saddles seems like an appropriate substitute for the debate. Especially if you imagine Hillary to be a horse, and Trump to be Mongo.

@Jon- I'd love to see a tox screen on whatever will be in her blood tonight. Besides the usual puree of aborted fetuses.

@Geoff King- Considering that he'll probably be wearing a shock collar, he'll sit wherever Hillary wants him to.

@Graylady- I think too much attention has been paid to the candidates' debate preparation, and not enough coverage has been given to wise preparation such as yours.

@P. Sterling- I'm not ashamed of myself in the least, but I'd like to take a whiffle bat to the noggins of most of the electorate.

@Ron- I like "110%." It's not as hyperbolic as "1000%."

@Pete (Detroit)- I don't think the Dems will push the possible rape story because it involves Jeffrey Epstein of "Pedophile Island" fame - where Bill Clinton was a frequent visitor.

@John the Econ- I'm thinking Hillary will be sporting a mix of uppers, downers, and anti-seizure drugs. Plus a little Meth just for fun.

And I really have NO idea what we'll see from Trump tonight, which is why the suspense is killing me. Sorry, but I think he's a complete lout...albeit MY lout for the purpose of this wretched election.

And Hillary's anti-Right To Work blast really chafes me. Texas is a right to work state, which is one of the reasons that so many jobs are created here. (On a side note, I think we can all agree that the government can't create real jobs: they can only encourage job growth by getting the heck out of the way.)

@Colby Muenster- I'll admit that I'd love to see Hillary have a full blown medical episode on live TV. Not because I wish illness or suffering on anyone, but because it would be the undoing of another huge lie.

And I'm really curious about Lester Holt, too. He's under a lot of pressure to "fact check" Trump (and only Trump) which would be destructive to the whole spirit of the debate. Not because Trump's facts are necessarily in question, but because it would become a "2 against 1" scenario.

@Alfonso Bedoya- Hey, Happy Birthday! I envy that Jack Daniels you mentioned, and think spending the evening with Hopalong sounds pleasant.

Pete (Detroit) said...

Doc, I've used that precise response to others on FeceBook...

I wonder if there'll be a balloon drop, like at the convention - she looked to be tripping BALLS at that!

John the Econ said...

So, has anyone settled on which drinking game they'll be following tonight?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Oh, sweet mother of pearl... I just finished watching the debate and now have a splitting headache. It was a contest between a master criminal and a mental patient. Trump couldn't articulate any ideas and filled every sentence with so many digressions that I usually didn't know WHAT the hell he was talking about when he sputtered to a spot. Meanwhile, Hillary lied so smoothly that only the intelligent and the well informed will know it was all bullshit (and we know how few voters fall into those categories).

And for the record, I didn't have anything to drink. That's probably why I have this friggin' headache (wry grin).

John the Econ said...

You got that right, @Stilton. Ugh, I'm only a half hour into it (procrastinated by watching Monday Night Football first) and I can't take it anymore. What a disappointment.

Again considering the possibility that Trump was a Clinton scheme all along. Really wish it was Ted Cruz decimating Hillary instead of this. Trump was not cleaver at all. And Hillary's meds were right on.

Get ready for Hillary for at least the next 4 years.

REM1875 said...

I hear the media is claiming sHrillary got 50% and Lesser Dolt got the other 50% as they were both debating Trump.
A reminder to Lesser Dolt- your were only there because brian williams was busy sneaking up on syrian commandos with a knife between his teeth leading a regiment of seals.

Judi King said...

Fortunately I fell asleep and missed the whole earth shaking event. Darn!

John the Econ said...

@REM1875, I heard they had to call out a search party for Lester. He didn't even try to "moderate".

Colby Muenster said...

Lester Holt actually gave Trump a yuuuge opening, and Trump fumbled it like a running back with no hands. Holt asked the candidates to discuss "...what they would do about cyber security." A golden opportunity for Trump to bring up "the" server, but he blew it. Trump even had time to think about his answer while Shrillary blathered on about how vastly important cyber security is to her, even further setting up the opportunity for Trump. What a maroon...

That being said, I still think Trump may come out of this smelling like a rose. He actually, for the most part, took the high road while Shrillary acted like a holier than thou bitch through most of it.

Boligat said...

As I posted at American Thinker and Never Yet Melted:

Trump lost. Period.

But, the only way he could have won was to deliver a beat down so bad that Hillary suffered a collapse on stage.

In the future Trump will have to win big, no… yuuuuuge. He will have to verbally slice and dice Hillary until she melts on the stage, throws up her hands and says, “No más;” until the big black dude throws in his epi-pen; until her body double runs screaming from back stage screaming, “I’m not taking THAT fall!”

Ain’t gonna happen. It ain’t gonna happen for one of two reasons. Either Trump can’t deliver, or he won’t deliver. If it is the later, my guess is that it is because Trump has been a plant all along. The dems have Akin’ed the repubs big time.

Hillary will be our next president. The only thing that could possibly prevent that would be that she dies before the election. Though she might win anyway; the dead would love to vote for one of their own. In any case, even if she dies shortly after winning the office, she will be on the fast track for beatification. The pope will make her a saint in a New York minute; faster than you can say “glass ceiling”.

When she wins, the MSM, everyone at the FBI, DoJ, IRS and State will breathe a sigh of relief and then the bureaucrats will get back to looting the “deplorables,” because, after all, they deserve it for voting for that nasty old “Trump.”

James Daily said...

I tried to watch, even videoed it, but I could only take about 2-3 minutes at a time.
I, too would have had a splitting headache, with nothing to relieve it. TG it's over and we can again start reading about the criminals in government, especially in the Justice Department and government housing on Pennsylvania Avenue.

REM1875 said...

John the Econ
Good news they found Lesser Dolt, the bad news is his soul is still missing.

REM1875 said...

Well Trump played it safe after what happened to sHrillarys opponent in her first senate debate when the media went on for two weeks about him violating her space.
And despite the age difference if Donald went after a poor Grandma the media would have him being hung, drawn and quartered with farm tractors this morning.
He actually came out with our fair, unbiased, radical,foaming at the mouth, pro-sHrillary, left wing media attacking him about his issues rather than his actions last night so I think it was a smart move on his part not to attack her - just yet!

Wahoo said...

Of course the third and final debate (to be hosted by Fox News and moderated by Chris Wallace, unless I'm mistaken) will likely be the one that counts the most, as the first debate and Lester Holt will be long forgotten by then. And it will be Trump's golden opportunity to wipe that smug face off of Hillary and give her a permanent case of the Hillary Shimmy...unless he screws up and totally blows it.